Oklahoma Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, I'm so sorry

... but you can't count Missouri twice.

Why is Oklahoma so windy?

Because Kansas sucks, and Texas blows

Last month, I asked my dad if I could get a tattoo.

He told me to get it somewhere that didn't matter, so I got it done in Oklahoma.

Do you know why Oklahoma's state slogan is "Oklahoma is OK"?

Because they can't spell "mediocre".

Oklahoma asked California about all these earthquakes recently.

California said "It's not our fault."

Yee-haw





Emotional extremes

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," said she.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."



Two Men Go Hunting

A couple of Oklahoma hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."

... There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"

If you're from it, sorry...

Q. Why doesn't Texas float away into the gulf?

A. Oklahoma sucks

A man from Oklahoma takes his daughter to the gynecologist...

He tells the doctor that he'd like to put her on birth-control pills. The doctor asks him how old she is.

"She's thirteen." the man says.

The doctor is somewhat startled, "That's seems a bit young, is she sexually active?"

The man replies, "Naw... she jus' lays there like 'er mother."

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Where are you from?" the bartender asks.

"Oklahoma," the guy replies. "Oh yeah?" the bartender asks. "Which part?" "All of me I guess," the guy says.

What do a Texas tornado and an Oklahoma divorce have in common?

Either way someone's losing a trailer.

Did you hear about the Aggie that moved to Oklahoma?

Raised the I.Q. of both states.

Two Native Americans walk into a restaurant...

The concierge asks, "Do you have reservations?" One of the guys replies, "Yes; mine is in Oklahoma and his is in Arizona."

Why do all the trees in Kansas lean south?

Because Oklahoma sucks.

An Oklahoman Rep referred to pregnant women as "hosts." That's so wrong!

They're hostesses.

What do you call a handicap sticker in Oklahoma?

A high school diploma.

My daughter asked, "What was your favorite thing to do in your 20's in Oklahoma?"

"Leave."

Did you hear about the new law that passed? If you're living in Oklahoma, it is illegal to be buried in Texas...

But once you die, it's perfectly legal.

Family xmas problem solved

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

People keep asking what I thought of my Oklahoma trip

It was OK

Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Begging

These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.

Is the state of Oklahoma gay?

Not if you say no Oklahomo

What do you call a pall bearer in Oklahoma?

A karaoke!

Why is Texas not a part of Mexico?

Because Oklahoma sucks so much

I heard tornadoes were in the forecast.

But I'm sure Oklahoma will still be OK.

Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can water for flood victims in Oklahoma and Texas

They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light

Have you ever been to Oklahoma?

It might be worth going, the state is OK.

What do a hurricane in North Florida, a tornado in Oklahoma, and a divorce in East Texas have in common?

Someone's going to lose a mobile home

I couldn't remember the abbreviation for Oklahoma...

but it's OK.

How did the Oklahoma police officer explain the black man who had been shot 10 times?

The worst suicide case he had ever seen

Went to Oklahoma the other day

It was OK

2016 has done the impossible

It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.

"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."

What's the best thing to come out of Oklahoma?

Southbound 35.

I booked a trip to visit the Cherokee in Oklahoma this summer, but I'm having second thoughts...

I'm having a reservation reservation reservation.

I have two friends who are both from Oklahoma.

They're my Oklahomies.

This just in: A recent study has discovered that dolphins and humans are the only two species to have sex for fun.

In unrelated news: All Oklahoma residents are now banned from SeaWorld.

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and starts reading the news on his Iphone.

"Wow, 'Twister kills 15 in Oklahoma!" the guy says. "They take that game very seriously there," the bartender replies.

What do you call a pallbearer from Oklahoma?

A Karaoke

Why didn't Texas drift into the gulf coast?

Because Oklahoma sucks.

What do you think about Oklahoma?

It's OK.

Why is it so windy in Texas?

because New Mexico blows and Oklahoma sucks

My friend says Oklahoma is a terrible state.

I think they're OK.

Why doesn't Texas float away into the Gulf of Mexico?

Because Oklahoma sucks.

My friend said Oklahoma was a terrible state

I don't know about that, it seemed pretty OK.

So I was asked my opinion of the Oklahoma State abbreviation today...

And I said it was just OK

Oklahoma

It's a pretty OK state.

A friend asked how i like living in Oklahoma...

I told him it was OK.

What are the funniest oklahoma jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Oklahoma? Well, here are the best Oklahoma puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Oklahoma pick up lines to share with friends.

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