Oil Lamp Jokes
16 oil lamp jokes and hilarious oil lamp puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about oil lamp that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Oil Lamp Short Jokes
Short oil lamp jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The oil lamp humour may include short magic lamp jokes also.
- Is it possible to wish for a nice car if you find an oil lamp? Depends whether it's a Lamborghini.
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Oil Lamp One Liners
Which oil lamp one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with oil lamp? I can suggest the ones about lantern and light bulb.
- What are American bugs attracted to? Oil lamps
Oil Lamp Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about oil lamp you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean motor oil jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make oil lamp pranks.
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yet another genie in the lamp joke
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' p**...! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' p**...! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... finds an antique oil lamp. He rubs it, a genie pops out and grants him one wish.
"Only one wish, you scrooge? Go back to your lamp and light it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jo, a farmer is one day working in his field.
He is hoeing the ground when suddenly he comes upon a ancient oil lamp. He picks it up and a Genie comes out. The Genie says: "You may wish 3 wishes, but whatever you wish, your worst enemie gets it double."
Jo is happy as can be and wishes for a million dollars. He gets it, but his enemie gets 2 million dollars. Then, he wishes for 2 square miles of the best corn in the world. He gets it, but his enemie gets 4 square miles.
Then, Jo begins to think about what he wants next, because he just gave his enemie alot of good stuff. After a while the Genie asks for the last wish. Jo says: "Just beat me half to death."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A PhD student, a post-doc, and their professor are walking through a city park.
They find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one.
Me first! Me first! says the PhD student.
I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman.
p**...! He's gone.
Me next! Me next! says the post-doc. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.
p**...! He's gone.
You're next, the Genie says to the professor.
The professor says, I want those guys back in the lab after lunch.
A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.
Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.
When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared.
He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.
The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.
Shazam!
Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.
The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger.
Shazam!
Instantly he turned 93 years old.
Dave stumbles upon an oil lamp
Dave then picks up the lamp and begins to rub some of the dust off of it. Then out of nowhere a genie comes flying out of it. Dave is ecstatic and cannot believe his luck. The genie then begins to talk to him:
Genie: Dave, you have released me from my lamp, I shall now grant you three wishes.
Dave: I wish to find the woman of my dreams.
Genie: You wish has been granted.
A woman then appeared next to Dave.
Genie: You have two more wishes.
Dave: I want to be rich.
Genie: Your wish has been granted.
Rich: Actually, I would like to have a lot of money.
A man enters a variety show
With his miniature companion, a small foot tall man and a miniature piano, not more than 20 inches across.
The mini man sits at his mini stool and plays the piano perfectly-- a classic Motzart concerto.
He wins the $5,000 top prize and the emcee asks, "So how did you come across a miniature man that plays the piano so well!?"
"Well, I found an old oil lamp and freed a Genie inside, so he granted me one wish-- unfortunately he was hard of hearing."
"How's that?" The emcee asked.
"You Think I wished for a 12 inch PIANIST?!"
Old joke, still funny
A genius senior in high school takes a chemistry test. He gets his score back and is shocked he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have? In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2.
Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach and is lost in thought when he trips on a metal object in the sand. Picking it up, he finds it to be a bronze oil lamp, and as his fingers brush the surface of the lamp, a genie suddenly appears. The genie thunders, I can grant you any one wish, but you must answer now. What do you desire? The student eyes light up and immediately replies, I wish I had gotten that question right, and the universe explodes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park...
A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes t**...." p**...! He's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." p**...! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the professor.
The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."
A genius high school chemistry student takes a test
A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have? In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2.
Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach and is lost in thought when he trips on a metal object in the sand. Picking it up, he finds it to be a brass oil lamp, and as his fingers brush the surface a genie suddenly appears. The genie thunders, I can grant you any one wish, but you must answer now. What do you desire? The student immediately replies, I wish I had gotten that question right, and the universe explodes.
The Worst Ex-wife Ever
A woman is walking along a beach when she finds an old oil lamp.
She picks it up and rubs it, and out comes a genie.
The genie says to the woman, "Thank you for freeing me from the oil lamp.
I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish for, your horrible ex-husband will get twice as much. What is your first wish?"
The woman says, "I'd like a million dollars in my bank account, please!"
The genie says, "You now have a million dollars in your bank account,
and your ex-husband now has two million dollars. What is your second wish?"
The woman says, "I've always wanted a nice car. I'd like a brand new
Rolls-Royce, please!"
The genie says, "You now have a new Rolls-Royce in your garage
at home, and your ex-husband now has two new Rolls-Royces.
What is your third wish?"
The woman thought for a while and then said, "I'd like you to remove one
of my kidneys, please!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one."
"Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Tom Cruise."
p**...! She's gone.
"Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other."
p**...! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner.
The partner says: "I want those two back in the office after lunch."