Following is our collection of funny Oil jokes. There are some oil refinery jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these oil sustain puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.
Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.
Your camera.
"...I never glisten!"
She screamed, **"LISTEN!!** You never **listen!!"**
Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..
but, because they wouldn't let their women spend it
Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly
She's an essential oil worker now.
Corona did what Trump promised
I'm ok though, my injuries were only super fish oil
*I'll see myself out*
Ancient grease
You can explore oil shortages reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean oil rig dad jokes. There are also oil puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I only received super fish oil injuries, but still...
Americans are so lucky that wherever they fight terrorism they manage to find oil.
Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.
I'm fine- I only suffered super fish oil injuries
Send crudes.
It's OK, it was just a super fish oil wound
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.
.... luckily, my wounds were only super fish oil.
Italian : Last night I massaged my wife with the finest olive oil, then we made love and I made her scream non stop 5 minutes.
French : Last night I massaged my wife with special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream 15 minutes.
American : Thats nothing! Last night I massaged my wife with cheese, then made love and made her scream for 2 hours.
Italian and French, astonished : 2 hours ! How !?
American : I wiped my hands on the curtains...
Olive oil.
Virgin coconut oil is no more a thing.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Poof! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
My wife stared at me in disbelief and cried, Why are you standing naked in the kitchen and also covered in⦠olive oil?!
I chuckled proudly, Well, you're always saying..."
"...I never glisten!"
She screamed, **"LISTEN!!** You never **listen!!"**
They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.
So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write this down.
Then they go to an oil-fired power station. They ask the oil, "What do you think of oil power?"
The oil says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists nod and write it down.
Then they go to a wind farm. They ask a wind turbine, "What do you think of wind power?"
The wind turbine just stands there and says, "I'm a huge fan."
They both come in olive oil.
A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
Extra virgin olive oil.
he says he can stop any time he wants to.
"Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe."
Really ugly olives.
It was ancient grease.
Mine doesn't reach the oil anymore..
...luckily my injuries where only super fish oil.
Luckily my wounds were only super fish oil.
so I can easily scrape it into the garbage.
I'm fine, I only got super fish oil injuries.
Its because im extra virgin. :(
I think it's BP
Mordor Oil
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.ο»Ώ
I run an oil drill rig.
"Whale oil beef hooked!"
They're all extra virgin.
Say, "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly.
Bonus: for Australian say, "Good eye might."
Johann Gottfried
Nah, it's oilright.
Say this phrase: Whale oil beef hooked.
I asked him Are you the friar?
He replied No, I'm the chip monk...
'Dear Dad,
Germany is fine and the college is great. But I feel embarrassed to drive my gold plated Lamborghini to college when most of the students and even professors arrive by train'
Few hours later, he gets an email from his dad.
'Dear son ,
I just transferred $200 million to your bank account. Stop embarassing our family and buy a train for yourself'.
I only suffered super fish oil injuries, but I'm lucky I wasn't krilled!
For one all the people there were very rude. They kept saying things like "You shouldn't be here," "Oh my," and "I CAN'T CATCH HIM HE'S COVERED IN BABY OIL"
Extra-Virgin
U.S Army just invaded my driveway.
It was unmiscible.
...because they stick it in Olive Oil.
It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
This joke nearly got me kicked out of the choir.
Extra ugly olives.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the oil petrol jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working oil grease piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.