The Best 60 Oil Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Oil jokes. There are some oil refinery jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these oil sustain puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Oil Jokes and Puns

My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me.

It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.

The price of oil has dropped so far that...

Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.

From my dad: What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

My wife stared at me in disbelief and cried, You're shirtless and also covered in… oil?! I chuckled proudly, Well, you're always saying..."

"...I never glisten!"

She screamed, **"LISTEN!!** You never **listen!!"**

Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...

Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..


The reason why Saudi Arabia has so much money is not because of oil, .

but, because they wouldn't let their women spend it

I can make you speak Irish

Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly

Karen got hired to an offshore rig during the pandemic.

She's an essential oil worker now.

Cheap oil, no immigration and no school shootings.

Corona did what Trump promised

Someone threw some Omega 3 tablets at my head the other day

I'm ok though, my injuries were only super fish oil

*I'll see myself out*

What do you call an oil stain that lasted for 1000 years?

Ancient grease

You can explore oil shortages reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean oil rig dad jokes. There are also oil puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me!

I only received super fish oil injuries, but still...

Americans are so lucky

Americans are so lucky that wherever they fight terrorism they manage to find oil.

Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common?

Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.

Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me

I'm fine- I only suffered super fish oil injuries

What did the oil refinery plant say to the offshore drilling platform?

Send crudes.

Someone hit me in the head with a bottle of omega 3 tablets the other day.

It's OK, it was just a super fish oil wound

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:

"Doctor, I have an ear ache."

2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

Being a stripper is like working at McDonald's....

Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.


I was just struck in the head by a flying bottle of omega 3 pills!

.... luckily, my wounds were only super fish oil.

Massaging the wife

Italian : Last night I massaged my wife with the finest olive oil, then we made love and I made her scream non stop 5 minutes.

French : Last night I massaged my wife with special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream 15 minutes.

American : Thats nothing! Last night I massaged my wife with cheese, then made love and made her scream for 2 hours.

Italian and French, astonished : 2 hours ! How !?

American : I wiped my hands on the curtains...

What do Popeye's fingers smell like?

Olive oil.

An entire industry has just collapsed

Virgin coconut oil is no more a thing.

The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.

A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.

A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"

"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.

The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"

The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.

"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.

"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?

The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."

The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"

"Alright. easy enough."

The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"

The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"

Yet another genie in the lamp joke

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Poof! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

I *almost* got that...

My wife stared at me in disbelief and cried, Why are you standing naked in the kitchen and also covered in… olive oil?!

I chuckled proudly, Well, you're always saying..."

"...I never glisten!"

She screamed, **"LISTEN!!** You never **listen!!"**

Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.

They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.

So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write this down.

Then they go to an oil-fired power station. They ask the oil, "What do you think of oil power?"
The oil says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists nod and write it down.

Then they go to a wind farm. They ask a wind turbine, "What do you think of wind power?"
The wind turbine just stands there and says, "I'm a huge fan."

What do Popeye and sardines have in common?

They both come in olive oil.

A penguin has some car trouble...

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

What do incels use for lubrication?

Extra virgin olive oil.

my friend is addicted to brake oil

he says he can stop any time he wants to.

Dad there is something my boyfriend told me, that I didn't understand. He said that "I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

"Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe."

Where do you get 'Extra Virgin' olive oil?

Really ugly olives.

I saw an oil stain that was 1000 years old

It was ancient grease.

Does anyone know where I can get a longer dipstick from?

Mine doesn't reach the oil anymore..

Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me today...

...luckily my injuries where only super fish oil.

I got into a fight in the drug store and they threw a bottle of Omega 3 at me.

Luckily my wounds were only super fish oil.

I told my wife to make sure the coconut oil is mixed nicely with the kale

so I can easily scrape it into the garbage.

Someone just threw some Omega 3 tablets at me.

I'm fine, I only got super fish oil injuries.

In Italy, they call me Olive Oil

Its because im extra virgin. :(

A large oil company has announced it's going to start producing fuel from insect urine.

I think it's BP

What type of oil do orcs use in their machinery?

Mordor Oil

My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.

When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.ο»Ώ

I have the most boring job of all...

I run an oil drill rig.

How to curse like an Irishman

"Whale oil beef hooked!"

What's common between me, good quality olive oil, and probably you?

They're all extra virgin.

I'm going to teach you how to speak Irish in the spirit of diversity.

Say, "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly.

Bonus: for Australian say, "Good eye might."

Whom did the German philosopher quote when his friend dipped his hand in boiling oil?

Johann Gottfried

Is it crude to make oil jokes now?

Nah, it's oilright.

How to sound authentically Irish when bewildered, befuddled, confounded, or just generally in a tizzy.

Say this phrase: Whale oil beef hooked.

I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man cooking sliced potatoes in oil... I asked him

I asked him Are you the friar?

He replied No, I'm the chip monk...

[Classic Old Joke] The son of an Arab oil tycoon joined a university in Berlin, after a month he sent an email to his dad.

'Dear Dad,

Germany is fine and the college is great. But I feel embarrassed to drive my gold plated Lamborghini to college when most of the students and even professors arrive by train'

Few hours later, he gets an email from his dad.

'Dear son ,

I just transferred $200 million to your bank account. Stop embarassing our family and buy a train for yourself'.

Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me.

I only suffered super fish oil injuries, but I'm lucky I wasn't krilled!

I'd always dreamed of being in NASA but it wasn't what I'd imagined it would be

For one all the people there were very rude. They kept saying things like "You shouldn't be here," "Oh my," and "I CAN'T CATCH HIM HE'S COVERED IN BABY OIL"

I am like an oil....

Extra-Virgin

My car leaks so much oil that the

U.S Army just invaded my driveway.

Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end?

It was unmiscible.

They named a chicken joint Popeye's...

...because they stick it in Olive Oil.

What's the difference between Christ and an oil painting?

It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

This joke nearly got me kicked out of the choir.

How do you make extra virgin olive oil?

Extra ugly olives.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the oil petrol jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working oil grease piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes