Offspring Jokes
44 offspring jokes and hilarious offspring puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about offspring that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Read this collection of jokes about the offspring, siblings, grandchildren and recessive genes. Get ready to chuckle at the hilarious scenarios and unexpected outcomes of these jokes!
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Funniest Offspring Short Jokes
Short offspring jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The offspring humour may include short reproduction jokes also.
- A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!" A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
- A lion offspring asked his dad "What is a world series?" "I don't expect you to understand son, you are just a Cub"
- Some of my friends make The Offspring puns, some of them violently hate them I guess I gotta keep em separated
- As told by Brian Regan's offspring. Child- "Why don't dinosaurs talk?"
Brian- "I don't know, buddy. Why don't dinosaurs talk?"
Child- "Because they're all dead." - Where do the boats go when they're sick? The doc.
(I worked at a laser tag arena for 6 years and have been relayed dad jokes by offspring a many a times, this one was 4 years old) - They should name American Pharoah's first offspring "Regression to the Mean" Because, you know, statistics.
- Did you hear that anti-vaxxers will receive protection under the Endangered Species Act? Their offspring is threatened with extinction.
- Music rap artist Nelly has sent 2 kids to college every year for the past 10 years... It's the least he can do for his offspring.
- I asked the offspring how to make BBQ taste better Gotta keep em marinated.
...I'll just leave now.
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Offspring One Liners
Which offspring one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with offspring? I can suggest the ones about fertility and grandchildren.
- Why did the lizard never have any offspring ? Because it had an ereptile dysfunction.
- What did Offspring of Groot said to him I am Fruit!
- Balding grizzles pass their genes to their offspring or... Bare bears bear bare bears.
- When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make? Guac!
- What do you call the offspring of a tuna and a manatee? An oppor-tuna-tee!
- What do you call the offspring of a sheep and a gorilla? haRAMbe
- What's a child psychologists favorite song? The kids aren't alright - The Offspring
- What do Dave Mirra and The Offspring have in common? No Self Esteem!
- What do you call the offspring of Rick Ross and an Ostrich? RickRosstrich.
- What do you call the offspring of a hippo, elephant, and a rhino? Hellifino
- If a bulldog and a shitzu mated, their off-spring would be called a dog-zu
- How do The Offspring store mummies? "You gotta keep 'em desiccated"
- Why cant people from alabama have any viable offspring? They're all relatively s**....
- What would be the offspring of a v**... and a rooster? A foxy chick.
- Me: you better be glad your mother had my offspring Son: why Cause your gonna go far kid
Gather Around for Heartwarming Offspring Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about offspring you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean heir jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make offspring pranks.
Adam tells God he's really lonely on earth alone
God says "Adam I'm going to make you a woman."
Adam says "what's that?"
God says "It's another human that you will able to bond with. She'll love you, care for you, cook for you, worship you and tend to your every desire. She will be at your beckon call, give you offspring and you will never want for anything else in life again."
Adam says "that sounds wonderful Lord. What will it cost me?"
God says "it will cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam thinks for a second and says "what can I get for a rib?"
9 is enough.
Shortly after having her ninth baby, an Irish Catholic woman runs into her parish priest.
He congratulates her on the new offspring and says, "Nine children is certainly a full house."
"Well," she replies, "I don't know how I get pregnant so often. It must be something in the air."
"Yes," says the priest, "your legs."
Dexter Holland wasn't always lead singer of the Offspring
Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won't be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The attendant notices he only writes down one name, and asks why, to which Dexter replies:
"I'm just a shucker with no shellfish team"
My wife wanted me to get a Vasectomy
Since we were both on our late 30 and we were not planning on having more children
I told her: but what if 10-15 years from now something happens to you And I remarry with a much younger woman? She would want children wouldn't she ?
Now I don't need a Vasectomy, the kick was hard enough to prevent further offspring
A guy sees a sign that says, "Volunteers needed for medical experiment. $500 fee!"
So he goes in and they tell him they need humans to mate with gorillas. The guy thinks about it for a second, then says, "I'll do it under three conditions:
1) No one can find out that I did this.
2) If there are any offspring, they should be treated humanely.
3) I'm gonna need some time to come up with the $500."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call the offspring of a black man and an octopus?
I don't know but it sure can pick a lot of cotton.
A blonde and a brunette inherit their parent's ranch but they soon run into money trouble
The brunette says "I'll go to town to buy a bull to produce offspring then send you a telegram when I'm done."
So she gets the bull, goes to the telegram office but she only has enough money left for 1 word. She tells the man at the office to send the word "Comfortable" and he says she'll never know what that means.
So the brunette says "My sister's a blonde so she'll read the word very slowly: Com-for-tha-bull."
I wanted to open a place where people could drink and go dancing. A portion of all proceeds would be donated to a nature reserve where threatened species could breed and raise their offspring in peace. But I had to close it down.
I really thought Club Baby Seals was going to be a bigger hit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Confusious once said…
Man who lay g**... bed spring, this spring…
Will get offspring, next spring.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The meaning of life is the same for all living things, to have lots of s**... to produce offspring.
I'm failing big time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a fancy vacuum and a flaky offspring?
One's a Dyson, the other is a dry son.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle
He's thinking of his offspring. The Royal Bloodline will finally have some melanin.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Valve is like a deadbeat dad....
They both do well on creating, but s**... at taking care of the offspring.
