Offshore Jokes
10 offshore jokes and hilarious offshore puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about offshore that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Uproarious Offshore Jokes to Share with Friends
What is a good offshore joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having s**... in the ocean.
Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited.
Karen got hired to an offshore rig during the pandemic.
She's an essential oil worker now.
If you have s**... on a boat...
...is that off-shore drilling?
What did the oil refinery plant say to the offshore drilling platform?
Send crudes.
Three prisoners of communist regime
Three prisoners are in one cell and they talk about why they are here.
First guy: "My watch was always 10 minutes late, so I was always late for work and they locked me up for betrayal."
Second guy: "My watch was always 10 minutes early, so I was always 10 minutes early to work and they locked me up for being a spy."
Third guy: "My watch was always on time, so I was always in time to work and they locked me up for having an offshore watch."
Mr Bestetti, we have carried a lot of prostitutes here, but I don't remember ever seeing such an old, ugly and spiteful one
It's 10 pm and a rich businessman, Mr. Bestetti, is working at his home office when his wife enters the room shouting: "I have talked with our priest, he told me everything! You cheat on me by going to the s**...! I am going to go to the lawyer and get a divorce, and you'll give me half of everything, even of our offshore secret bank account!"
To this the husband replies: "No, darling. I actually only go to the club when I have worked for long hours with a foreign businessman. At the end of the day he is tired, doesn't know what to do, so I accompany him and leave him there."
The wife doesn't seem convinced, so she asks to go to the s**... with her husband and check. The husband reluctantly agrees.
At the entrance, the bouncer greets them: "Good evening Mr. Bestetti!" The husband quickly explains to his wife: "This bouncer is actually the brother of one of my employees, I found him this job, that's why he knows me and greets me so kindly."
In the hall, a waitress also greets them and says: "I will give you your favourite table, Mr Bestetti, right in front of the stage." The wife starts shouting, but Mr Bestetti silences her: "I am a very important businessman. The waitress is just showing me respect and giving me a special table."
Inside, another waitress approaches them, brings a cigar to Mr Bestetti and says: "Here's your favourite cigar, Mr Bestetti." The wife is getting quite angry, but he immediately clarifies: "She also works at the tobacconist near my office during the day, that's why she knows which cigars I prefer."
Meanwhile, a group of girls is dancing and on the stage. At the end, the nicest girl remains on her own on the stage and starts removing all of her clothes. At the end she gets her underwear off, holds it up and asks the audience: "To whom shall I gif them?" To which the audience responds in a chorus: "To Mr Bestetti!"
The wife gets mad and starts shouting to her husband. "Cheater! b**...! You were lying to me all along!" she says, before storming out of the building and jumping in a taxi.
Mr Bestetti follows her quickly and manages to enter the same taxi, but she keeps screaming and also repeatedly hitting him with her purse.
After a while, the taxi driver turns back and says: "Mr Bestetti, we have carried a lot of prostitutes here, but I don't remember ever seeing such an old, ugly and spiteful one!
Why do hippies like to swim way offshore?
Cause it's far out, man
A shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.
Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.
My marriage is based on trust.
And according to my wife's lawyers, that trust is based offshore.
Why doesn't Hermione keep her money at Gringotts?
Offshore investment gains a better return.
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