office Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious office puns

Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

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We were having sex the other night and to my surprise my wife started punching me in the face.

I have no idea who let her into my office.

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I don't normally see eye to eye with most Trump supporters, but if there's one thing we do agree on...

It's that the president of Puerto Rico is the dumbest son of a bitch to ever hold public office.

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My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!"

I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

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I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something.

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My first day as a car salesman...

Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?

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A student visits the principal's office

The principal asks: "What is your name, son?"

The student replies: "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."

Then the principal asks: "Oh, do you have a stutter?"

Student answers: "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was an asshole."

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A student visits the principal's office one day and the principal says to him, What's your name, son? He replies: D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir. The principal looks up and asks him, Oh, do you have a stutter?

The student replies, No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.

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I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.

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Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office

Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office

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An officer was fired for smoking cannabis and masturbating on the job.

No name was given but he was a high wanking officer.

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A student goes to the principal

A student visits the principal's office. The principal asks:
"What is your name, son?"
The student replies:
"D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."
Then the principal asks:
"Oh, do you have a stutter?"
Student answers:
"No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was an asshole."

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An officer was fired for smoking weed and masturbating on the job...

No exact details were given to the public, but he was a high wanking officer

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My wife just called me.

She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."

I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."

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A student visits the principal's office one day.

The principal says to him, What's your name, son?
The student replies: D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.
The principal looks up and asks him, Oh, do you have a stutter?
The student replies, No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.

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To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you..

You have my Word.

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The doctor's office blocked my number after I kept calling about Pokemon.

I don't know what the hell they're taking about, but I really need someone to take a look at this bulbous sore I have.

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After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...

"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"

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A young lady from my office just sent me an email

saying "ithinktherearesomeproblemswithmykeyboardcanyoupleasegivemeanalternative"

Oh boy am I excited, but what does "ternative" mean?

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Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I'm coming after you...

You have my word

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A husband sends a text to his wife.

Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.

Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?

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IT guy

John is being shown around the office by his new boss. They enter the IT department and John sees a man using two keyboards at once. "That's incredible", says John. "Trust a geek to use two keyboards at once". "Hey!" replied his boss. "That's stereotyping. "

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Who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in trouble.

You have my Word.

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Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office.

Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.

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Officer: I'm sorry to say this sir, but it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a truck.

Man: Yeah but she's got a great personality

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I just walked in on my manager vigorously masturbating.

He told me to stop vigorously masturbating and get the hell out of his office.

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A student comes to a young professor's office hours...

She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens. "Anything??"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"

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An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident

where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.







"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.







"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.







"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"

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A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong

As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"

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A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office

Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become stupid."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."

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I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office.

It improved my outlook.

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My wife hates me for having sex with her sister

I got home the other day from work and my wife says "you fucking son of a bitch" and asked what I had done.

Wife: You had sex with my sister you asshole!

Me: Look honey I got into my office in work and there she was lying naked on the table, what should I have done?

Wife: The autopsy

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Officer, if you are what you eat...

Then I'm an innocent man.

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A student visits the principal's office one day...

The principal says to him, What's your name, son? The student replies: T-T-T-on-on-on-tony, sir. The principal looks up and asks him, Oh, do you have a stutter? The student replies, No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.

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Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office...

I don't know who you but I will find you, you have my word.

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What are the most funny Office jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Office? Well, here are the best Office dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Office pick up lines to share with friends.

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