Office Jokes
169 office jokes and hilarious office puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about office that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make work more fun with these office jokes! Offering a mix of office appropriate humor, friendly jokes, practical jokes, and April Fools' pranks, this article is perfect for adding a touch of humor to your office meeting, patient, administrative duties and even your boss! Learn the best office jokes to lighten up the mood inside the office.
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Funniest Office Short Jokes
Short office jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The office humour may include short desk jokes also.
- What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired
- My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.
- My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it post office
- A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen. Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
It was a brief case. - Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he's looking for two child molesters. Catholic priests looking at each other: We'll do it!
- Putin visits Estonia Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".
"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".
"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting". - I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper. I think he must be plotting something.
- I got arrested for killing a black man. They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
- Elon Musk lands on mars and steps out of his spaceship ### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
- I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.
Share These Office Jokes With Friends
Office One Liners
Which office one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with office? I can suggest the ones about department and studio.
- What do you call a cockpit when the pilots are female? The box office.
- Who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in trouble. You have my Word.
- Officer, if you are what you eat... Then I'm an innocent man.
- A penguin walks into an airport... A TSA officer stops him and says "Penguins can't fly."
- Cop asks a guy..how high are you? Guy: no officer, it's hi, how are you.
- What language does the post office at Hogwarts speak? Parceltongue
- A guy asked an officer why is a dog called a K9? Because if its K10, it'll be a cat
- Officer! That guy threw sodium chloride at me! Police officer: That's a salt!
- what do you call a police officer with an IQ of 160? Fired.
- Why is the oval office oval shaped? Because the government cuts corners.
- Did you know if you rearrange all the letters in Post Office They get really annoyed
- Why do they bury police officers 6ft under. Because deep down they are good people.
- I'm still using Office 2010 ... For lack of a better Word ...
- Customer: I want cargo space Me: Car no do that. Car no fly
Manager: See me in my office - What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed? An under cover cop.
Doctor Office Jokes
Here is a list of funny doctor office jokes and even better doctor office puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man runs into a doctors office screaming: "You've gotta help me doc! I'm shrinking!" The doctor says: "I'm sorry sir I'm very busy today. You'll have to be a little patient."
- *burst into doctor's office* ME: I'm no longer canstopetid
DOCTOR: You mean constipated
ME: No I've had a vowel movement
DOCTOR: Get out - Amazing joke i came up with Sadness walked into the doctors office.
the doctor asked: Whats your appointment?
Sadness anwsered: Dis apoointment. - Republicans want small government So small that it fits in your doctors office and your bedroom
- A cat walks into a doctor's office A cat walks into a doctor's office. The doctor asks, "What's wrong?"
The cat says, "Me-ow."
The doctor replies, "I know, but where?" - Two old ladies sitting in a doctor's office in Florida... The one says to the other, "I can't see, I can't hear anything and I can barely walk. Thank God I can still drive."
- A lawyer walks into a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face.
Why didn't you come sooner? asks the doctor.
To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house, the tumor says. - A guy walks into a doctors office wearing nothing but clear plastic wrap... Doctor: "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
- My Son's #1 Concern When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor's office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it?
- I have a joke about the doctor's office... But you're gonna have to wait a little longer.
Office Work Jokes
Here is a list of funny office work jokes and even better office work puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The most ironic part about working at the unemployment office is... If you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
- One of the girls in the office where I work is going to be having a baby. I just haven't decided which one yet.
- I've open 6 birthday cards and I'm up to $150 already. I love working for the post office!
- Me: "It's not about how many times you fall. What matters is how many times you get back up." Officer: "That isn't how field sobriety tests work."
- My wife tried to apply at the post office, but they would not letter. They said only mails work here.
- I work at a store that was burglarized. An investigating officer asked me where I was between 5 and 6.
He didn't seem pleased when I answered:
"Kindergarten." - Why is Christmas just like another day in the office? Because you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
- I used to work at the unemployment office. I hated it because when they fired me, I had to show up at work anyway.
- What are the two biggest lies when working for a large corporation? "Hello. I'm from the head office and I'm here to help you"
"Welcome. We're glad to have you" - I'm always hard at work. But Human Resources keeps telling me that it's extremely inappropriate to have erections at the office.
Friendly Office Jokes
Here is a list of funny friendly office jokes and even better friendly office puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do police officers wear blue? Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
- My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
- It wasn't easy for a group of hobbits to see their dead friend at the coroner's office. Because one does not simply walk in the morgue door.
- Went to the optometrist office today and bumped into an old friend! I also bumped into the optometrist, the receptionist and I knocked over their sunglasses display.
- I was going to dress up as a police officer for Halloween this year But my friends protested.
- My friend promised to give me one of his old Microsoft Office licenses. He gave me his Word.
- I'm rubber and you're glue. She's tape. He's a stapler. Those guys are paper clips. All my friends are office supplies.
- Stretchy shrink-wrap can be loads of fun. You can get it at most office supply stores. Completely wrap a friend's car, bike, or motorcycle. Extra credit: leave a large pink bow on top.
- I had a friend named Paula who ran for office. I guess you could say she's a Paulatician.
- My best friend was made fun of when he visited the doctor's office yesterday It was a disappointment
Gather Around for Fun Office Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about office you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean official jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make office pranks.
A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'
As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"
Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We were having s**... the other night and to my surprise my wife started punching me in the face.
I have no idea who let her into my office.
I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office.
It improved my outlook.
Every day, I take the elevator to get to my office.
My office is on the 12th floor, so I always take the elevator up to the 11th floor. I would take the elevator straight to the 12th floor, but that's another story.
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
Georgia joke
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."
A businessman is at the office.
He was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off? " he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings. "
A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap.
The psychiatrist says "Well, I can clearly see youre nuts"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My boss noticed I s**... before coming in to the office today
then he told me if i wanted to keep my job I would have to start keeping my pants on
An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident
where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.
"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.
"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.
"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"
Over smart.
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...
...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.
He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."
Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.
Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"
IT guy
John is being shown around the office by his new boss. They enter the IT department and John sees a man using two keyboards at once. "That's incredible", says John. "Trust a geek to use two keyboards at once". "Hey!" replied his boss. "That's stereotyping. "
This was my grandma's favourite joke
Jenny walks into the doctor's office for a checkup, and the doctor needs to check her heartbeat.
"Pull your sweater up real quick, and I'll use the stethoscope.
There we go, thank you. Big breaths, Jenny."
"Yeth, I know, and I'm only thixthteen!"
Telegraph
A dog walks into a telegraph office, puts $1 on the counter and says:
"Woof woof woof, woof woof, woof woof woof woof"
The operator says to the dog "Its $1 for 10 words, shall I put another woof on there?"
The dog then says "But then that wouldn't make any sense!"
A husband sends a text to his wife.
Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I'm coming after you...
You have my word
The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said "I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?"
No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... dies and God calls him
After h**... dies, God calls him in His office. When he gets there, God asks "if I gave you the possibility to live another life, what would you do?"
h**... answers "I'd kill all the Jews and twelve Eskimos".
God promptly asks "Why the Eskimos?".
"See, not even you care about Jews!"
A guy walked into a dentist's office...
A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."
The guys replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist says, "Well then what are you doing here?"
And the guy says, "Your light was on."
Husband send a text to his wife
Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?
Two FBI agents search an office and find a hard drive with "KGB" on it...
One of the agents asks the other, "Why didn't they just write '1 TB' instead?"
Why I won't carpool.
I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.
A student comes to a young professor's office hours...
She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apple, the FBI, and John McAfee are sitting in an office...
Only two were invited, but the third one got in through the b**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was at the doctors office the other day...
So I was at the doctor's office and he decided to prescribe a drug for an illness. But when he reached into his pocket to grab a pen so he could write the prescription, he instead pulled out a thermometer. He looked at it, then turned to me and said "Great, some a**...'s got my pen."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An officer was fired for smoking cannabis and m**... on the job.
No name was given but he was a high w**... officer.
So I got a phone call from the post office today...
...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".
A Soviet and an American are talking
The American says, "I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don't like how you're running this country." The Russian scoffs and says, "I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to the general secretary's office and say. Mr Gorbachev, I don't like how Reagan is running his country."
Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......
She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.
Monica says "That's not a clock".
To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you..
You have my Word.
Two clowns are running for public office...
It's funny for me though because I live in Canada.
Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office.
Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.
An old Jewish man dies.
His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.
He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".
I misplaced something at the office. A nice man in a turban helped me locate it. I guess it's true what they say.
Sikh and you shall find.
(
My professor called me into his office.
"Your essays are good", he said. "But you need to come up with more reliable sources for the quotes you use."
"But sir," I started, "a man once said 'It is not the speaker that defines the merits of the words, but the words themselves.'"
He sighed. "Who did? Who said that?"
"Dave69 on Pornhub."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Obama looks rough after the last 8 years in office.
Still better than JFK after 2.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel.
They were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories when the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off.
''Because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''
I think my optometrist is in love with me.
Every time I leave his office he hands me a bottle of contact solution and says "Eye care for you"
A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."
The guy replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist asks, "Well, then what are you doing here?"
The guy says, "Your light was on."
Trump calls Angela Merkel's office...
Trump calls Angela Merkel's office. Secretary answers.
Trump: What's the time difference between Washington and Berlin ?
Secretary: Just a second, Mr. President…
Trump: Thanks
A man with no carnal desires walks into a Freudian psychoanalyst's office
The psychoanalyst stops him and says, "hey, buddy, I'm gonna need to see some id."
A man walks into a psychologist's office
The psychologist says, "Tell me about yourself?"
The man replies, "It is my deeply held belief that I am in fact a moth."
The psychologist is a little surprised, but being a professional, he thinks for a moment and says, "Well, I am sure I can help you overcome that."
Indignant, the man shoots back, "No way! I love being a moth, thank-you very much!"
"So why on Earth did you come in here?"
"Oh, well I was just passing by and I saw your light on..."
I walked into the doctor's office one day.
"It appears that you are severely depressed, so I reccomend you take some medication for this..." the doctor told me, writing something down.
I asked, "How much longer do I have to live?"
Confused, the doctor replied "Sir, besides depression, you're actually very healthy."
I asked again "I know, but how much longer do I *have* to live?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or j**...."
Jill replies, "You'll have to j**... then, 'cause I've got a headache."
After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...
"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"
Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"
"Your next spelling word is: beheaded."
Can you use it in a sentence please?
"Sure, Kathy Griffin beheaded to the unemployment office."
called the UPS office in Germany to ask if they were sending out my Oculus Rift
they said VR ready
Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office
Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."
Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise
I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists
My first day as a car salesman...
Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?
I walked into my boss's office and handed him a pear...
"What's this for? he asked.
I replied, "A raise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To the person who stole my Microsoft Office Account...
I will find you. You have my word.
My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!"
I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."
Officer: I'm sorry to say this sir, but it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a truck.
Man: Yeah but she's got a great personality
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.
He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." p**...! He's back in his government office.
Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office
Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office
Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office...
I don't know who you but I will find you, you have my word.
Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building.
It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office
Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become s**...."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."
That's a lot of zeros
An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:
"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."
Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying oh my god over and over.
Then he composes himself and says:
Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
Abortion bill
Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President
Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"
I used to open so many cards on Valentines Day.
Eventually the post office fired me for it.
A man rushes into the doctors' office and screams, "Doctor, Doctor! I swallowed one of those 'do not eat' packets in a bag of pepperoni! Am I going to die?" The doctor tries to relax him by saying, "Well, everyone is going to die eventually."
The man shrieks and responds, "Everyone?! Oh lord, what have I done?"
A guy just finishes his lasik surgery and his surgeon leads him in his office to discuss the surgery...
The surgeon asks if he wants the good news or bad news first.
The man excitedly ~~replys~~ replies, "I'll take the good news first."
The surgeon tells him, "well you're about to get a new dog."
A patient walks into an optometrist's office.
The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing looks like it used to. It's as if everything I see is shrouded in darkness."
The optometrist sits back from the patient, confused.
"That's interesting," he said, "because from what I can tell, you see 20/20."
A woman went to the doctor's office and seen by one of the new young doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
