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Office Clerk Jokes

35 office clerk jokes and hilarious office clerk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about office clerk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Office Clerk Short Jokes

Short office clerk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The office clerk humour may include short office manager jokes also.

  1. I called the dentist office to set up an appointment for next Wednesday. The clerk asked, "2:30?"
    I replied, "Yes very much."
  2. A guy calls Newspaper office to print death news of his Grandpa. Clerk: $50 per word…
    Guy: Grandpa Dead
    Clerk: Sorry Sir, Minimum 5 words required…
    Guy: Grandpa Dead, Wheelchair for Sale
  3. Woman: Officer, I have been r**... by a clerk! Officer: How do you know it was a clerk?
    Woman: I had to do all the work.

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Office Clerk Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about office clerk you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean office workers jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make office clerk pranks.

Dog walks into a telegraph office...

Says he wants to send a message.
"Sure" says the clerk, "what's the message?"
"Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof."
Clerk says, "OK, but for the same price, there's enough room for one more 'woof'".
Dog wrinkles his brow and replies, "But that wouldn't make any sense.."

A dog walks into the unemployment office..

"I need a job." He said, in perfect English.
Surprised, the clerk says "I'm sure the circus would be very interested in you. Shall I contact them?"
"If you like." Replied the dog. "But why would the circus need an architect?"

Dog walks into a telegraph office...

Clerk says, "What's your message?"
Dog says, "Woof woof, woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof."
Clerk says, "You know, for the same price, you can fit one more 'woof' in."
Dog replies, "But that wouldn't make any sense."

A dog goes into a telegraph office

A dog goes into a telegraph office, takes a blank form, and writes: Woof Woof. Woof Woof. Woof Woof. Woof Woof, Woof.
The clerk examines the paper and politely tells the dog: There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price.
The dog looks confused and replies, But that would make no sense at all."

Yet another genie in the lamp joke

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' p**...! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' p**...! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Woof

A German Shepherd went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another "Woof" for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "That would make no sense at all."

p**... Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter

Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "p**... Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton p**...."
The clerk looked up p**... Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.
When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da p**..., Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"

My visit to the patent office

I went into a patent office and told the clerk how I had an idea for a folding bottle, it's called a fottle.
She said that it was ridiculous, so I told her about my idea for a folding carton, it's called a farton.
She said that too is a dumb idea. I said well then I am not even going to tell you about my idea for a folding bucket!

A dog walks in a telegram office

He takes a piece of paper and writes:
"Woof woof, woof. Woof woof woof, woof."
He then gives it to the clerk. The clerk looks at it and politely says to the dog, "You can write three extra woofs for the same price."
The dog looks confused and says,
"But that would make no sense at all!"

An office worker opened his pay envelope to find

his check was short $100. He called the accounting department to voice his complaint.
"You're right, we made a mistake," said the clerk, "but last week we overpaid you $100 and we didn't hear you complaining then."
"Look," said the man, "I can overlook one mistake. But two weeks in a row?"

8 Days' Worth

Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. What denomination? asks the postal clerk.
Mary thinks a second before 
replying, Give me six Orthodox, 
12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.

A dog goes into a post office to send a telegram...

The clerk gives him the relevant form and he goes to the desk to fill it in.
When he has finished he hands it back to the clerk with the fee and the clerk reads it through.
The message reads Woof woof, woof woof woof; woof woof, woof woof woof.
The clerk then tells the dog that, at no extra cost, he could have another 'woof' in the message.
The dog replies, Yes, I know, but then it wouldn't make any sense!

An old rabbi wants to leave the Soviet Union

So he goes to the emigration office. The clerk asks him why he wants to go.
Rabbi: There are two reasons. The first is that I'm afraid the Soviet Union will collapse someday. The people will then seek to blame someone for the crimes of Communism, and us Jews will become scapegoats once more.
Clerk: But this is nonsense, comrade. The Soviet Union can never fall.
Rabbi: Yeah, that would be the second reason.

An elderly Jewish sage walks into the post office and hands the clerk a thick envelope to mail.

The clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, buy this envelope is too heavy. You'll need to put another stamp on it."
"Vaht, and you think adding another stamp vill make it any lighter?"

Air Postal Service

A man sets down three pieces of luggage at a very famous **International Airlines** (*that shall not be named*) check-in counter and says, "I want the brown bag to go to London, the black one to go to Paris," he said. "And keep the third bag here till my return from Australia next week for pick up."
The check-in clerk blinked. A supervisor standing behind him overheard the request and came up. "I am sorry sir, but we are not the **post office**," he said, "we can't do that."
"Why not?" the irate passenger said, raising his voice, "That's what you did the last time!"

Today I went to the post office to mail 20 letters... so I bought 20 stamps...

and the clerk just handed them to me. So I said "Am I supposed to stick all these on myself?"...and she said "No. Stick them on the envelopes.."

Jewish Man calls Newspaper office to print death news of his Grandpa

Clerk: Rs.50 per word
Jewish Man: Grandpa Dead
Clerk: Sorry Sir, Minimum 5 words required ...
Jewish Man: "Grandpa Dead, Wheelchair for Sale!

The clerk walks into the boss's office and says..

"The auditors have just left, sir."
"Have they finished checking the books?", asks the boss.
"Very thoroughly," is the reply.
"Well, what did they say", says the boss.
"They want 15% to keep quiet."

A horse walks into a movie theater...

... he goes to the Box office and asks the clerk for a ticket.
the clerk looks at the horse and gasps, terrified. "you talk!!!!"
the Horse says "Don't worry, I will not talk once the movie starts"

Motel Deal

My wife and I were travelling cross country when we stopped in a tiny town for the night. There was only one motel.
I walked into the office and asked the clerk, "How much for one night?"
He answered, "Sixty dollars."
"Sixty dollars?" I shouted. "Don't you have anything cheaper?"
"Sure," he said. "You can get a room for half price if you don't mind making your own bed."
I agreed that this was fine.
So they put us in a room with a pile of lumber and a hammer and some nails...

A old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $3.

95 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service.
“There is no hurry,” she told the clerk, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.”
He glanced at her and said, “That will be $3.95, please.”

When the office printer color started to look a little off the manager called the local repair shop.


To the manager's surprise, the clerk said that it would cost $50 but that he might try reading the manual and doing it himself.
The manager replied in astonishment, does your boss know that you discourage business that way?
"Yes", replied the clerk.
It was his idea.
We make more on repairs than cleaning printers if the owner tries to do it himself first.

A construction worker.

A construction worker on his first day was tasked with picking up supplies from the lumberyard.
He walked into the office and said, "We need some 4x2s."
The clerk said, "You mean 2x4s, right?"
The worker said, "Let me go check,"
He went back to the truck, soon returned and said, "Yes, 2x4s."
"Alright, how long do you need them?" asked the clerk.
The man paused for a while and said, "Let me go check."
He returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're building a house."

A blonde saw a thermos at the department store

and asked the clerk what it was. The clerk said "Well, that's a thermos!" The blonde asked "What does it do?" The clerk replied "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!" so the blonde bought it.
The next day the blonde's boss, also blonde, walked by her office and saw the thermos on her desk. "What is that?" the boss asked. "Well, that's a thermos!" she replied. Her boss asked "What does it do??" The blonde said "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!"
"That's amazing!" said the boss. "What do you have in it?", to which the blonde replied "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle!"

A man goes along to the Patent Office...

A man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.
He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"
"A fottle, replies the inventor."
"A fottle? That's silly! Can't you think of something else?"
"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton", replies the inventor.
"That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!"
"In that case," says the inventor, "you're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."

Diesel Fitter

Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office together.
Asked for his occupation, Ole said "p**... Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton p**...." The cleark looked up p**... Sticher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter" he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week.
When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back into the unemployment office to find out why his friend and coworker was collecting double his unemployment pay. The clerk explained, "p**... Stichers are unskilled labor and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on the p**..., Sven puts them over his head and says, 'Yah, diesel fitter!"

A man walks into a CenterLink office

A man walked into his local CenterLink office (where unemployed Australians go to collect welfare payments and apply for work), and says to the clerk at the counter.....
"I am so sick of being on the dole! I need you to get me a job like NOW!!"
The clerk replies "You're timing is fantastic, we just had a new job vacancy arrive this morning!"
"Basically, a very rich man has a nymphomaniac daughter, he requires a bodyguard/chauffeur to e**... her everyday, everywhere she goes etc....
.... The starting pay rate is $250,000 per year, you will have an apartment next door to hers free of charge, the father will work out any additional requirements with you when you start the job."
The man is flabbergasted, he says "So, when can I start? I can't believe this! You must be kidding me!"
The clerk looks him straight in the eye and says, "Kidding? Well, you started it!"

This guy goes to the Patent Office with some...

...of his designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"
"A fottle."
"A fottle? That's a s**... name. Can you think of something else?"
"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk."
"A farton."
"That's ridiculous. Are you sure you want to call it that?"
"In that case," says the guy, "you're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."

Diesel Fitter

Ole and Lars who worked together were both laid off, so off they were to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, "p**... stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton p**...." The clerk looked up p**... stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a week unemployment pay.
Lars was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave him $600 a week.
When Ole finds out he is furious. He stormed back to find out why Lars, his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor." "What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on. He pulls on it and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"

A couple of r**... men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.

A couple of r**... men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blond men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

Welfare Check

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi.. You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.
The welfare clerk behind the counter said, Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to e**... the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her s**... urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong s**... drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!
The welfare clerk said, "Yeah, well ... You started it."

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.

One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."