The Best 60 Offic Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Offic jokes. There are some offic officer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these offic passport office puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Offic Jokes and Puns
Doctor's office
A man walk's into the doctor's office to get a check-up. The doctor tells the man he needs to quit masturbating. The man asks why . The doctor says, "So I can examine you".
Officer! That guy threw sodium chloride at me!
Police officer: That's a salt!
An officer pulls up at the scene of an accident
where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.
"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.
"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.
"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"
Office assistant is throwing darts at a picture of her boss.
Phone rings. It's the boss.
Boss: What are you doing right now?
Assistant: Missing you.
What is the official bird of love?
The Swallow.
What do you say to an officer responding to a domestic disturbance call?
"There's no way I hit her, sir! She isn't black and blue! She's white and gold!"
I'm officially putting my GPA up for adoption...
I just can't raise it myself
[joke credit to the girl I overheard say it in the library]
What is the official fruit of gays in Texas?
Canteloupe
officer answer the lady who came for swimming
Officer: "Madam, swimming is prohibited in this lake."
Lady: "Why didn't you tell me when I was removing my clothes?"
Officer: "Well, that's not prohibited."
An office worker opened his pay envelope to find
his check was short $100. He called the accounting department to voice his complaint.
"You're right, we made a mistake," said the clerk, "but last week we overpaid you $100 and we didn't hear you complaining then."
"Look," said the man, "I can overlook one mistake. But two weeks in a row?"
An officer was fired for smoking cannabis and masturbating on the job.
No name was given but he was a high wanking officer.
You can explore offic class reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean offic princeton dad jokes. There are also offic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
"Officer, what can you tell us about the break in at the bakery today?"
"Man I've seen all kinds of thieves in my career, but this one takes the cake"
office joke
It's amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, You look so gorgeous, I didn't recognize you.
An officer pulls over a car full of nuns...
A police officer saw a car full of nuns going much too slow for the highway they were on. He pulled them over and went up to the driver. "Why are you going so slow?"Β The nun that was driving then replied "That sign right there says 20."Β The police officer looked at the sign. "That's the highway number that you are on."Β "Oh, sorry officer." The police officer looked in the back seat to see three nuns that looked like they were terrified. "What's wrong with them?" the officer asked. The nun that was driving looked back at them. "We just got off of highway 190."
An officer was fired for smoking weed and masturbating on the job...
No exact details were given to the public, but he was a high wanking officer
It's official. The winner of the biggest upset in US presidential history is T-R-U-M-
A-N. 1948. HUGE upset.
Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true.
Officer, if you are what you eat...
Then I'm an innocent man.
Officer: How high are you?
Me: No officer it's hi how are you.ο»Ώ
An officer pulls over a speeding blonde and asks her for her license.
She angrily exclaims "Yesterday you took away my license and now you want to see it again?"
An officer asked me "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
So I replied, "What, have you already forgotten?"
Looking back it probably wasn't a good answer
"Sir, I'm gonna' let you off with a warning..."
"THANK YOU SO MUCH OFFIC----"
"April Fools....sign here."
An officer pulls over a speeding blonde woman
After she rolls down her window, he asks her to take out her license.
She angrily exclaims "Yesterday you guys took away my license and now you expect me to have it on me?"
You know there's no official training for garbage men?
They just pick it up as they go along.
I was at an office party last night.
They played the Twist and I twisted, they played Jump Around and I jumped around. Unfortunately, I was asked to leave when they played Come on Eileen
I'm still using Office 2010 ...
For lack of a better Word ...
An official guide on how to walk up stairs:
Step 1)
Step 2)
Step 3)
Step 4)
I'm officially the worst lover ever.
I was masturbating and my hand fell asleep.
EA is Officially Getting Rid of Micro-Transactions!!
And replacing them with macro-transactions.
At the Doctor's Office
Was at the doctor's office to get a check up this morning:
*doctor pulls out needle for shot*
Me: Oh boy, needles make me a little nervous. I'm not gonna look.
Doctor: That's okay. I won't either.
Then he gave me the shot before I had the chance to chuckle!
Look officer I'm not high and I don't have any drugs in my car.
Officer: You want to tell me why you approached my car just to tell me that?
It's official, when the clock strikes midnight
we can all legally have sex with kids from the 90s!
Officer: Soldier, I did not see you in camouflage class.
Soldier: Thank you sir.
Officer: I have an easy job for the laziest man here.
Officer: I have an easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.
Out of the 25 recruits, 24 raised their hands.
Officer: why didn't you raise your hand?
The One: Too much trouble raising the hand, Sir.
I think that we should officially change our currency to balloons.
You could much more easily control inflation.
It's official Trump's inauguration date is now a National Holiday.
At least I assume so because the government shutdown for it.
Officer at the shooting range: Get ready, aim, fire at will.
Soldier: Which one is Will?
Officer: I'm sorry to say this sir, but it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a truck.
Man: Yeah but she's got a great personality
Officer: Sir your wife fell out of your car about a mile back!
Man: Thankyou for telling me officer! I thought I had gone deaf!
Went to the office without a bra today.
Well, I got a lot of compliments.
- Wow, you look way more natural!
- They look even better without a bra!
- Its nice to see you are your normal self again, James!
Officer, I *wanted* to go straight through
but the sign said 'no u turn'.
I went to the Doctor's Office the other day
I had to get an x-ray and when the results came back the doctor said "This is exactly what I was scared of."
"What?" I replied.
"Skeletons"
How's a doctor's office similar to a US school?
Kids can get their shots there, if someone is ill.
The officer said You're staggering.
I said You're quite handsome yourself.
We both laughed and laughed.
I need bail money.
I was at the optometrist's office yesterday. I asked if we could pause the test because I really needed to go to the bathroom.
He asked, "Number one or number two?".
What's the official song of the Anti Vaxx movement?
Down With the Sickness
At the doctor's office
Dr: Sir I have unfortunate n...
Patient: IT'S MA'AM!!!
Dr: Ma'am you have testicular cancer.
What is an office ninja's most deadly weapon?
The element of supplies
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch...
Officer 1: This murder seems racially motivated.
Officer 2: Hate crime?
Officer 1: Of course I hate crime, idiot. That's why I became a cop.
Officer, how did the hacker escape?
I don't know...he just ransomware!
Where does everyone from The Office now work?
Post-Office
OFFICER: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an alter made of antlers.
Detective: dear god
Officer: most likely yes
At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak for my boss, and he said, I like it well done!
I said, Thanks. That means a lot.
I am officially a sex offender.
Every time I ask my wife for sex, she gets offended.
Officials have found a brain-eating Amoba in the water supply of Washington DC. Officials are worried
After all, there's a good chance the Amobas will starve to death
I went to the doctor's office. The phlebotomist appeared, holding a sketchbook and a pencil, and said...
"Hold still so I can draw your blood."
I been going to the same office since a little kid, so I feel obligated to keep goin, but lately the prostate exams are getting longer and more painful. Last time he even rubbed my shoulders during the exam...
I think I should look for a new dentist....
Officer, where did the hacker escape?
I dunno man, he just ransomware
"Officer, where did the hacker escape?"
"I'm not sure sir, he used the backdoor and ransomware"
Officer: The Victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers
Detective: Dear God!
Officer: Yes, I guess so!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the offic proton jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working offic police piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.