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Offender Jokes

97 offender jokes and hilarious offender puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about offender that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Offender Short Jokes

Short offender jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The offender humour may include short offending jokes also.

  1. A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. judge asks, "First offender?" She replied: "No, first a Gibson, and then a Fender."
  2. A woman is arrested for beating her husband up with his guitar collection. The judge asked "First offender?"
    The wife answered "No. First a Gibson. Then a Fender"
  3. Is it "Happy Impeachment" or "Merry Impeachment"? I don't want to offend anyone.

    Treason's Greetings and Impeach Navidad!
  4. I shouldn't make jokes at the expense of my anti-vax neighbours so much... They tend to get offended by those hurtful little jabs
  5. I told a girl she would look better with her hair back and she got really offended. Chemo patients are so sensitive.
  6. In the hospital, I asked the charge nurse for a phone charger - she was very offended. Don't even get me started on the reaction from the head nurse.
  7. I'm Mexican I'm not offended by taco jokes or fiesta jokes. But Immigration jokes?
    They cross the line.
  8. Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to children... Old girlfriends seem to get offended.
  9. A woman is accused of attacking her husband with several of his guitar The Judge asked "First time offender?"
    She replied, "No, first time a Gibson, then a Fender."
  10. My wife made me dinner the other day. She got offended when I put down my knife and fork and said, "This dinner is disgusting" then my wife said, "Well, boil your own toast next time then"

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Offender One Liners

Which offender one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with offender? I can suggest the ones about inmate and offense.

  1. How do you offend an American? Don't worry, they'll find something to be offended about.
  2. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
  3. Only true feminists will get this Offended
  4. Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor? Because it can't hit home
  5. Why did Paul Walker cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
  6. What are the magic words you say to get what you want? I'm offended
  7. Don't make fun of vegans... They only have the energy to be offended once or twice a day.
  8. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was in the 6 offenders registry.
  9. How do you offend an African-American and Chinese person? Make a joke about brack people.
  10. Why do blind people get so offended by every joke? It's all dark humour.
  11. What really offends amputees? Off-handed comments.
  12. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered six offender
  13. I like my women like my kernels
    about 6 years old and stable
  14. Im offended by physicists being all about black matter I think All Matter
  15. How do you offend a photon? You tell it that it doesn't matter.

Offender joke, How do you offend a photon?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about offender can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of offender puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Giggle-Inducing Offender Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about offender you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean felon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make offender prank.

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...


As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection.

The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"
The woman replies, "nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender."

Why are there no black people in "The Jetsons"

Because it's going to be a great future.

Offensive nfl joke. Trigger Warning: Terrorism/World Trade Centre/Religious, anybody who is offended do not open this link

I'm really worried about Tim Tebow taking over the QB position. The last time anybody that religious had control of the Jets 9/11 happened

Racial jokes (if you're offended by these, then just deal with it)

- Why did the Jews wonder in the desert for 40 years? Because somebody dropped a quarter.
- What do you call a black guy with a new bike? A thief.
- Why doesn't Mexico have an oplymics team? Because America already has all of their good runners, swimmers,and climbers.

I was at the dentist yesterday

As he was inspecting my teeth, he poked and prodded and scraped one of my back molars that was particularly sore. He leaned closer for a better look, and said to me, "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen! That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen!"
I was kind of offended. "Doc, I'm not s**... or deaf, you didn't have to repeat yourself."
"I wasn't repeating myself, that was the echo!"

An objective analysis of the correlation between genetics and obesity.

A doctor is telling an obese woman that she needs to start losing weight.
The woman, offended, replies defensively, "It's not my fault! Obesity runs in my family!"
The doctor looks her up and down, and finally says, "*Nobody* runs in your family."

Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?

Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?

OC, What do you call an anorexic lesbian?

A skeleton in the closet.
Sincere apologies to everyone I've just horribly offended!

Did you hear about the first time offender who was in to b**...?

He got off with nothing but a slap on the wrist.

Why is veganism like being a registered s**... offender?

You have to inform everyone when you first meet them.

English Weather

I just read something about weather in England:
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._
In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly s**...'ite.

What is the difference between a pimple and a Catholic Priest?

A pimple doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13.
This joke is all in good fun, sorry if anyone happens to be offended!

A woman hears a knock a her door...

She answers and a man is standing on her front porch.
"Hello" he says, "I'm your new neighbor. I'm obligated to inform you that I am a registered s**... offender."
"This is totally unacceptable," she proclaims, "I'm calling my congressman!" And she slams the door.
A few seconds later there is another knock at the door. She opens the door and the same man is standing there.
"Hello, I'm your congressman."

Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

LPT: If you are a minor, get rid of your bathroom mirror so you won't see yourself n**... and accidentally get arrested and registered as a s**... offender.

Spread the word.

I f**... in front of a Jewish friend

He got offended but i said " c'mon a little gas never killed anybody"

I s**... identify as Counter strike...

*And I'm globally offended*

Would you be offended if I said...

Would you be offended if I said that I'm not voting for that white, elitist, pompous, corrupt, egomaniac that's going to ruin our country?

...or would you even know which candidate I'm talking about?

2016 is going off the rails with all the people getting offended. There are even some people who've decided it's racist to say "black paint".

Instead you're supposed to say something like "Shawn, would you please paint that fence?"

How are genders like the twin towers?

There used to be two of them but now everyone gets offended if you talk about it.

The twin towers remind me of genders

There used to be two of them and people get offended when you talk about them

What do you call it if an i**... immigrant fights a s**... offender?

Alien vs. Predator

My sister said she won't let me see her kids because I'm a s**... offender!

Who would keep a father from their own kids?

I'm not sure if putting Christmas lights up would offend my Jewish neighbours.

So just to be sure, i'll hang a massive s**... in my window too.

Jesus may have been offended

Elderly couple in church during Easter mass. Wife turns to husband and says, "I have just done a silent f**..., what should I do?" Husband says, "put new batteries in your hearing aid!"

A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .

A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Zain.
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today. Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Zain?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny. Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised .
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?

One likes men and the other is disabled.
EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.

A Pakistani boy took...

.... admission in an American school ...
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Nadir
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today.
Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Nadir?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny.
Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school all bruised ...
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.

Two fat ladies walk into a bar

They order drinks, in a thick accent.
"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.
Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"
"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

I am registered as a s**... offender

...but where do I log in?

Why did the s**... offender represent himself at his trial?

Because he thought he could get himself off.

My friend got offended when I insulted his broken lamp...

Then again dark humour isn't his thing

For you guitarists out there...

After going through a brutal divorce, a woman decides to get revenge. She goes to get ex's house, and proceeds to destroy each and every one of his guitars. When she gets to court, the judge asks her;
"First offender?"
She replies; "No. First a Gibson, then a Fender."

An i**... immigrant and a s**... offender get into a fight

It was Alien vs. Predator

I can't believe that there is a s**... offender registry.

Who would buy gifts for these people?

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!
(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

A woman is in court..

A woman is in court charged with beating her husband to death with his guitars.
As she stands there, the judge is looking over her offences and asks;
First offender?
The woman replies 'No, first a Gibson then a Fender'.

A clown, a politian and a s**... offender walks into a bar.

He orders a drink.

So my coworkers and I were sent to "sensitivity training"

The lady running it said, "you have to use the right words to refer to people, because you don't want to offend them. Instead of 'policeman', say 'police officer'. Instead of 'fireman' say 'firefighter'. Don't say 'chairman', say 'chairperson'."
"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer to be called people with disabilities'."

A man was out on a fishing trip

When suddenly, he dropped one of his oars into the water, frustrated that he couldn't get the boat moving, he decided to seek help.
He saw someone with two beautiful women on his boat who also had a spare oar. "Excuse me, may I borrow one of your oars?" he yelled.
The man appeared offended, "thems ain't 'ores, thems me sisters!"

I'm not the smartest student ever so I tried something a little risky to get a better grade...

I got a D- on my recent English test and my dad wasn't very happy with my mark. I asked my teacher if I could do a s**... favour for her to get a B+. She got very offended. My classmates didn't think that was okay either, and they stopped talking to me for a few weeks.
If you guys want, I can tell more stories about my homeschooling

Why Americans don't need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.

He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."
Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."
The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."
The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."

I'm glad we have that s**... offender registry.

Without, It would be so much harder to find new, like-minded friends in the neighborhood.

Two lady l**..., both called Rachel, tried to buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. However, the baker refused to serve 'their kind'...

Not surprisingly, the two girls were hugely offended and asked him why he had a problem with gay nuptials.
The baker replied that he had no problems at all, however, he wasn't a supporter inter-Rachel marriage.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because the villian in 7 was played by Kevin Spacey, and we all know he is a six offender.

A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost
As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the b**... to insult us.
Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.
Turks: Let's get him outside.
Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.
*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*
Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.

I think it was totally disrespectful for Joe Biden to call the President of the United States a clown.

As a clown, I'm extremely offended

Why do s**... offenders never get speeding tickets?

Because they always drive slower in school zones

Did you guys hear about that s**... offender who had a f**... for bureaucracy?

He got off on a technicality...

We should have a TV show where i**... immigrants hunt down s**... offenders for a chance at citizenship

We can call it "Alien vs Predator"

The Special

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What's the special tonight?" he asks the bartender. "It's our blue cheese bacon burger," the bartender replies. "Do you want to try one?" "Nah. I hate blue cheese," the guy replies. "I mean it's literally just cheese full of bacteria." "Hey," the bartender says, clearly offended. "You need to stop discriminating against other cultures."

For extra cash consider robbing s**... offenders.

Their address is easy to find, and they can't own guns.
Only downside is politicians usually have good security.

A man buys a parrot and brings him home.

But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really n**..., so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him, and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"

Judge asked lady why she attacked husband with guitar. She replied he wouldn't stop buying them. Judge then asked, "First Offender ?"

She replied, "No, First a Gibson, Then a Fender."

As an American, I am deeply offended whenever I hear non-Americans call America a nation of fat idiots . . .

. . . then I remember that we had a national panic when they quit making Twinkies.

Jesus heard that...

there was going to be a stoning at the edge of town, so he headed that way.
"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
The crowd goes silent.
Suddenly, a rock comes flying from the back of the crowd and BOOM, knocks out the offender.
Jesus waves his arm to part the crowd, revealing the thrower:
"Mom! I asked you not to come to these things!"

Real or fake?

A guy walks into a bar decorated for the Christmas holidays and orders a beer. "That's a beautiful Christmas tree you have over there. I hope you're not offended, but I've always found that Christmas trees are a lot like b**...," he tells the bartender. "When you see really nice ones you just have to ask if they are real or fake."

Stealing guitars

Judge: It appears you were caught stealing guitars. Are you a first offender?
Defendant: No, it was a Gibson, then a fender.

Offender joke, Stealing guitars

jokes about offender

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these offender jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.