Offender Jokes

Following is our collection of gavel humor and delinquent one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Offender puns for adults, dirty registry jokes or clean offence gags for kids.

There is an abundance of perpetrator jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 65 funniest jokes on offender. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any misdemeanor witze you can hear about offender.

The Best jokes about Offender

A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection.

The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"

The woman replies, "nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender."

I can't believe that there is a sex offender registry.

Who would buy gifts for these people?

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, "First offender?"

She replied: "No, first a Gibson, and then a Fender."

Did you hear about the first time offender who was in to BDSM?

He got off with nothing but a slap on the wrist.


A woman is accused of attacking her husband with several of his guitars

The Judge asked "First time offender?"

She replied, "No, first time a Gibson, then a Fender."

LPT: If you are a minor, get rid of your bathroom mirror so you won't see yourself naked and accidentally get arrested and registered as a sex offender.

Spread the word.

A clown, a politian and a sex offender walks into a bar.

He orders a drink.

A woman hears a knock a her door...

She answers and a man is standing on her front porch.

"Hello" he says, "I'm your new neighbor. I'm obligated to inform you that I am a registered sex offender."

"This is totally unacceptable," she proclaims, "I'm calling my congressman!" And she slams the door.

A few seconds later there is another knock at the door. She opens the door and the same man is standing there.

"Hello, I'm your congressman."

I'm glad we have that sex offender registry.

Without, It would be so much harder to find new, like-minded friends in the neighborhood.

I am registered as a sex offender

...but where do I log in?


Why is veganism like being a registered sex offender?

You have to inform everyone when you first meet them.

My sister said she won't let me see her kids because I'm a sex offender!

Who would keep a father from their own kids?

What do you call it if an illegal immigrant fights a sex offender?

Alien vs. Predator

Why did the sex offender represent himself at his trial?

Because he thought he could get himself off.

An illegal immigrant and a sex offender get into a fight

It was Alien vs. Predator

A woman is in court..

A woman is in court charged with beating her husband to death with his guitars.
As she stands there, the judge is looking over her offences and asks;

First offender?

The woman replies 'No, first a Gibson then a Fender'.

For you guitarists out there...

After going through a brutal divorce, a woman decides to get revenge. She goes to get ex's house, and proceeds to destroy each and every one of his guitars. When she gets to court, the judge asks her;

"First offender?"

She replies; "No. First a Gibson, then a Fender."

How do you know which swimmer is the sex offender?

It's the breast stroker


Sex is like pizza

If you like it with pineapples, you're probably a sex offender.

A woman on trial

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

The judge asks the prosecutor:
"First offender?"

The prosecutor responds:

"No, a Gibson first, then a Fender"

What do you call a witch who uses illegal spells?

A hex offender.

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven is a registered six offender

What do you call a pirate sex offender?

Rrrrrr Kelly.

Some guy just came to my door to explain he registered as a sex offender

I was like wait, you can buy a permit for that?

A teacher finds his students have drawn penises on the whiteboard, so he rubs them all off.

He is now a registered sex offender.

Here's another godawful joke. Downvote away.

Why was the man banned from the jazz club?

Because he was a registered sax offender.

Wife is on trial for killing her husband...

She's accused of killing her husband with his guitar collection.

Judge: First offender?

Wife: No, first a Gibson, then a Fender.

A woman stood in court accused of attacking her musician husband with his own guitars.

The judge looked down from his elevated position and asked "First Offender?"

The accused replied "No your honour, first a Gibson then a Fender".

A women is in court for shoplifting a tin of peaches

The Judge says, you are a persistent offender, I've decided I'm going to make an example of you, I'm going to open a tin of peaches and for every peach I count, you will get a month in jail.

He counts 7 peaches, sentences her to 7 months inside and asks for her to be taken down.

As she walks past the gallery her husband, who is not happy with the sentence, shouts at the Judge "SHE HAD TWO TINS OF PEAS AS WELL"

I got a notice that a sex offender just moved in nearby and I'm worried for my children...

So I got them all pedometers.

TIFU by hiring a registered sex offender as a replacement teacher

Oops wrong sub.

A woman was accused of attacking her husband

A woman was accused of attacking her husband with several guitars. When she got in front of the judge he asked, "first offender?"
She replied, "No. First a Gibson, second a Fender."

What's another name for the child sex offender registry?

The pedo file.

My friend is a sex offender.

He never abused anybody, people are just offended at the thought of having sex with him.

What do you call a person who hurts instruments?

A sax offender

Why was 8 scared of 7?

Because 7 was a 6 offender.

A police officer stopped a man

"Sir, please stop sexually offending that man."

"Don't worry, I'm a registered sex offender."

"My mistake, sir, you may continue."

A child sex offender moves to my neighborhood.

Required by law to go door to door and state his case, he arrives on my doorstep to inform me.

Man: Although I am a man of God, I lost my way on two occasions. But you see, I asked God for forgiveness and I am assured that He will forgive me. I hope you can find it in your heart to do the same.

Me: Two occasions you say? So, are you saying God will forgive you for the same sin...twice?

Man: yes, I'm sure that at least your second strike will be forgiven if you ask forgiveness.

Me: We'll, I'm glad to hear that. Cause up until today, I only killed one child molester.

[NSFW] So our friend said her dance instructor warned the girls about a level 2 sex offender across the street from the studio

So I looked at her and asked what kind of loot he drops, and how much gold and XP he gives when killed.

Did you hear about the man that sexually assaulted a Wal-Mart cashier?

He is a register 6 offender.

Did you hear about the guy destroying snacks at the grocery store?

He's on the registered Chex offender list now.

A woman was charged with attacking her husband with guitairs...

The judge asked "first offender?"
She replied, "No, first I used a Gibson, then I hit him with a Fender"

What is cos(B)?

A convicted sex offender.

Why was the repeating offender upset with his lawyer?

He was on his case, again.

A Russian spy, a racketeer and a sex offender walk into a bar

The bartender says "Hello Mr. President, what would you like to drink?"

Just found out my dad is a registered sex offender.

I'm screwed.

A woman was arrested for killing her husband with a guitar.

When brought before the judge he asked her "first offender?" And she replied "no first was a Gibson THEN the Fender. "

Did you hear about the sex offender at the Hershey factory?

He stole a Kiss

Why did the T-Rex stay away from the triceratops?

Because the triceratops was a registered rex offender.

A woman is accused of beating her husband with his guitars.

During the arrest, the cop says, "first offender?"

The woman says "Nope, Gibson"

What's the difference between a cowardly sex offender and your job?

Your job will always suck

Gender reveal party for babies is innocent...

But when I reveal my gender at a party, I'm suddenly a sex offender

Interviewer: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Probably my honesty"

"I don't really think that's much of a weakness"

"Oh, well I'm also a registered sex offender"

The audible adverts are telling me to feel every word...

But that would make me a literal sex offender

Why was four afraid of five?

Because five was a six offender

A man is arrested for robbing a guitar store.

The policeman reports him as a 'first offender; thief'.

"No", says the man, "first I stole a Gibson, then a Fender."

I filmed an illegal fighting a registered sex offender

I named it Alien vs Predator

A man runs into a bar and says to the bartender: "I'm a sex offender, and I'm on the run..."

"I'm afraid I can't help you too much," replies the bartender, "although I can probably hide you in the basement."

"Thanks, I really appreciate this." The man responds.

As the bartender shows the man to the basement he asks "Is there anything I can get you while you're here?"

"A lager would be great" answers the man thirstily.

Shocked, the bartender stops and says,

"I didn't know Catholic priests could drink!"

What's long and full of gays?

The sex offender registry

What does a vegan and registered sex offender have in common?

They both have to tell you about it straight away.

Why are the saxophone afraid of the trombone?

Because the trombone is a sax offender.

2018

2016 - your favourite famous person is dead

2017 - your favourite famous person is a sex offender

- your favourite famous person is RUSSIAN.

A sex offender, creep and a billionaire walk into a Manhattan bar

The bartender says
Wow Mr Epstein what'll it be.

With all of the recent Hollywood sex scandals, it makes me think about Roman Polanski's place in all of this.

I mean, comparatively speaking, he's a minor offender.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes