Offence Jokes
26 offence jokes and hilarious offence puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about offence that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Offence Short Jokes
Short offence jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The offence humour may include short offense jokes also.
- Stolen Gate The other day, I looked out my window to see two guys stealing my side gate!
I didn't say anything to them though.
I didn't want them to take offence. - I was walking down the street one day.. and I saw a man taking a gate. I was going to say something but I thought he might take offence.
- What happened when Pope John Paul II got shot? He became 'His Holeyness'
(No offence to Catholics/Pope/God) - I wonder how often the defensive line in football makes fun of the other team's quarterback Or maybe that's just too offencive
- General Mathis served in the marines for 44 years and John Dowd was a JAG for a few years # Jagass !!
*(No offence to the honest, decent JAGS and this is from a post I saw on fox forums)* - Why shouldn't you take 1,2-dihydroxybenzene to your workplace? Catecholling is considered a serious offence in most places.
- I found out my friend has been stealing garden gates recently. I don't want to confront him though incase he takes offence.
- What do you get if you make a joke about the leader of the free world on television in the country that is referred to as the leader of the free world. Fired and charged with a federal offence.
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Offence One Liners
Which offence one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with offence? I can suggest the ones about penalty and violation.
- People on the Internet are like People in Overwatch They always take offence
- My neighbour keeps walking into my garden... I took offence to it...
- Have you heard about the handicapped football league The offence and defence don't play
- I could make jokes about fences, but they are offencive.
- NF = Noah Fence No Offence to the Noah Fence's out there but no one uses this acronym.
- Why was Sofia sentenced to death in Bulgaria? She committed a capital offence.
- A nun was kidnapped No offence but she was asking for it. Nun taken.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Offence Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about offence you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean officer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make offence pranks.
So a college teacher is talking to his male students...
"Access to the women's dorms is strictly prohibited. If someone is caught there for the first time, they will suffer a fine of 100 dollars. The second offence will involve a 300 dollar fine. Getting caught there for the third time will cost you a hefty fine of 500 dollars."
Suddenly, a student in the back raises his hand and asks:
"How much for a semester pass?"
Q: What do you call a trucker wearing a suit and tie?
A: the defendant
Source: I'm a trucker. (reformed)
For the young and/or foreign:
Defendant - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defendant
In a criminal trial, a defendant is any person accused (charged) of committing an offence (a crime), an act defined as punishable under criminal law.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
UK police today arrested a man for shooting a starting p**... at someone.
They are treating the offence as race related.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How is Trump different from h**...?
Unlike h**... Trump wants to round up every Juan.
Edit : No offence to Trump supporters or anyone!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heard a dwarf-comedian tell this ( no offence t**... anybody) (quite long)
There is a bar that sponsors a soccer team for midgets, so after every game the team and their opposing team of that weak eat free at the second floor of that bar. So when the teams are eating a man comes in and starts drinking, big time. After a while the first team leaves and the man looks in surpise bus remains silent. After he's had another drink the second team leaves. The man then turns to the barkeeper and says dead serious: " I don't mean to alarm you but I think your foosball ( table football) table is leaving."
No offence to anyone. I just thought it was hilarious.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the similarity of pizza and your parents?
If they are black you will not eat tonight!
(Sorry if this racist joke caused any offence)
Driving Miss Daisy
A car full of old ladies cruising along Route 30 and they get pulled over by a police officer. "What is the matter officer". "You know its dangerous and an offence to drive too slow" responded the officer. "That is the road sign not the speed limit". Then he glances further into the car to see all the old ladies with their hair standing straight up on their head. "What is the matter with them he asks? "Oh we have just come off Route 189"
A police sergeant asks the new constable to see him in his office.
"Alright constable," said the sergeant. "Can you please explain to me why you have not booked any traffic offences in the two weeks since you have been here?"
"Well you see sir, every time I pull up a car, no matter the offence, I barely finish introducing myself before they take off."
"Alright constable, well let's act like you've just pulled me over and are going to write me a ticket"
"Ok Sarge. Good morning sir, I'm Constable Yoffrey Toogo."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I mean no offence to anyone in this post btw
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve The Englishman admires it and says, "Look at them, calm, reserved and proper, they were surely English."
The Frenchmen laughs and replies "They are n**... and beautiful, there is no doubt they would be French."
The Russian slowly shakes his head, "My friends, they are definitely Russian. No clothes, no house, no possessions, they have only an apple to eat and they are told this is paradise."
