Oddly Jokes

What are some Oddly jokes?

"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

A tour guide at Giza was explaining how the Pyramids were 10,002 years old.

Someone in the crowd asked, "That's oddly specific, are you sure of that date."

"Well, yes, quite sure, I was told they were 10,000 years old when I started working here 2 years ago."

A man, a dog and a pig are in a boat...

Lost at sea, they wreck the boat and swim to a deserted island. Stranded there for months with little to do, the man begins to get urges and becomes oddly attracted to the pig. The man tries to mount the pig one day and out of no where the dog runs up and bites the man. Two days later, the man tries again. Again, the dog bites the man. The dog is not letting this happen. This continues to happen and suddenly, the man hears a cry from the water and sees a woman struggling as her boat is also wrecked and sinking. He quickly swims out to save the woman and brings her ashore. As she collects herself, she says to the man, "Thank you so much for saving my life! If there is anything I can do for you, and I mean anything, it will be done!" The man replies, "Can you take that dog for a walk?"

How do you pronounce oddly spelt Welsh words?

Caerphilly

Putin recently won the Russian election with a 76.6% majority...

Oddly enough 23.4% of Russian citizens were found poisoned a few days afterwards

A Man and Woman are getting it on for the first time

She takes his socks off and notices his gnarly toes

"What happen to your toes?" she asks

he says " when i was a child i suffered from Toelio"

She says "you mean Polio?

He says "no it's like polio but of the toes"

She isn't willing to let this stop her. And she slides his pants down and notices his oddly colored weirdly shaped knees.

"What happened to your knees?" she asks

"in my teens i had the kneesles" he says

She said "you mean the measles?"

he says "no it's like the measles but of the knees"

Still this won't stop her. She slides his boxers down. She giggles and says "let me guess...smallcox"

Did you know that camels aren't indigenous to Australia? They were shipped there by the British.

Oddly enough, so were the Australians.

Archaeologists have recently found a mummy while excavating a tomb in Egypt

Oddly enough, the mummy was covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. They believe it to be the tomb of Pharaoh Rosher.

It was visitor's day at the insane asylum...

It was visitor's day at the insane asylum and all the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria."


They were singing it beautifully.


But oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil.


A visitor listened in wonder to the performance and then approached the conductor.


"I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard."


"Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor.


"You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they called?"


"Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor...


"They're the Moron Tapanapple Choir."

I like to call steel beams "cats."

People often look at me oddly, but then I explain it to them:

"CFe lines!"

I bought my wife a desalination device for her birthday

Oddly enough, she's been real salty about it ever since

What's the difference between your beard and your ex?

Your beard always comes back (inspired by an oddly satisfying post)

A research team asked a group of drug addicts who their favorite superhero was..

Oddly enough, almost all of them said Wonder Woman. The research team doesn't really know why, I guess they're just big fans of the heroine...

Oddly lacking in colour

Dave and Mal are on a road trip. They stop at a hotel to spend the night, and can only afford one shared room. Dave goes off to explore the hotel while Mal goes to settle in. Dave then returns and enters the room. It is very barren, and the little amount of furniture it has is very strange looking, and oddly lacking in colour. Dave goes to unpack and tries to open the chest of drawers to put his clothes in - it's locked.
"Open the odd grey drawers, Mal."
"I'm afraid I can't do that Dave."

"Saturday Night Live is in a new golden era"

I bought a dictionary the other day, the SNL edition. Oddly enough the page containing the word 'subtlety' was missing.

I read a story about a Florida man named Arti that was paid a buck to strangle 2 innocent people in a Safeway parking lot...

Oddly enough, the headline was "Artichokes 2 for $1 at Safeway"

I know a guy who can install trackers on people/dogs

Oddly enough his name is chip!

I got a good look at that new Don Bradman Cricket game

Oddly enough I couldn't find a single bug

The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physicist while he chugs the last of his beer...

The strange charm of a top down bottom's up

A drunk Irishman stumbles into a pub and sits at the bar and orders a drink...

...The bartender takes a look at him and says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't serve drunks here, you have to leave."

The drunken Irishman grumbles, gets up and leaves through the side-door. A couple minutes later he stumbles through the front door again and saddles up at the bar.

The bartender looks at him oddly and then says, "we don't serve drunks here, now get out!!"

The Irishman slides off his stole and staggers back outside through the side door again.

Several minutes later, the same drunk Irishman comes staggering back in through the front door again and sits down at the bar.

The bartender, now irritated angrily says: "Look, I've already told you twice already, we DO NOT serve drunks here, now get out!!!"

The drunken Irishman looks up at him confused, and says. "How many bars do you work at?!!"

Happy St. Paddy's everyone.

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