oddly Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious oddly stories

What are the best Oddly puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Oddly? Well here is a complete list of Oddly dad jokes:

"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

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A tour guide at Giza was explaining how the Pyramids were 10,002 years old.

Someone in the crowd asked, "That's oddly specific, are you sure of that date."

"Well, yes, quite sure, I was told they were 10,000 years old when I started working here 2 years ago."

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An oddly behaving soldier.

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: That's not it and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.

The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: That's it.

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A man, a dog and a pig are in a boat...

Lost at sea, they wreck the boat and swim to a deserted island. Stranded there for months with little to do, the man begins to get urges and becomes oddly attracted to the pig. The man tries to mount the pig one day and out of no where the dog runs up and bites the man. Two days later, the man tries again. Again, the dog bites the man. The dog is not letting this happen. This continues to happen and suddenly, the man hears a cry from the water and sees a woman struggling as her boat is also wrecked and sinking. He quickly swims out to save the woman and brings her ashore. As she collects herself, she says to the man, "Thank you so much for saving my life! If there is anything I can do for you, and I mean anything, it will be done!" The man replies, "Can you take that dog for a walk?"

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A friend of mine got stopped by the police the other day...

He was weaving the car a little oddly and they asked him to blow into the tube. He passed them a piece of paper which said "This man is asthmatic, please don't ask him to blow something" signed by doctor.

So the police said "Well, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a blood sample". He passed on another paper which said "This man is hemophiliac please don't take any blood out of him".

Just as the police said "Well in that case a urine sample" he gave them a final paper which said "This man is an English cricketer please don't take a piss out of him"

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It was visitor's day at the insane asylum...

It was visitor's day at the insane asylum and all the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria."


They were singing it beautifully.


But oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil.


A visitor listened in wonder to the performance and then approached the conductor.


"I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard."


"Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor.


"You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they called?"


"Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor...


"They're the Moron Tapanapple Choir."

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Oddly lacking in colour

Dave and Mal are on a road trip. They stop at a hotel to spend the night, and can only afford one shared room. Dave goes off to explore the hotel while Mal goes to settle in. Dave then returns and enters the room. It is very barren, and the little amount of furniture it has is very strange looking, and oddly lacking in colour. Dave goes to unpack and tries to open the chest of drawers to put his clothes in - it's locked.
"Open the odd grey drawers, Mal."
"I'm afraid I can't do that Dave."

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A drunk Irishman stumbles into a pub and sits at the bar and orders a drink...

...The bartender takes a look at him and says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't serve drunks here, you have to leave."

The drunken Irishman grumbles, gets up and leaves through the side-door. A couple minutes later he stumbles through the front door again and saddles up at the bar.

The bartender looks at him oddly and then says, "we don't serve drunks here, now get out!!"

The Irishman slides off his stole and staggers back outside through the side door again.

Several minutes later, the same drunk Irishman comes staggering back in through the front door again and sits down at the bar.

The bartender, now irritated angrily says: "Look, I've already told you twice already, we DO NOT serve drunks here, now get out!!!"

The drunken Irishman looks up at him confused, and says. "How many bars do you work at?!!"

Happy St. Paddy's everyone.

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The Jewish genie

A black guy is walking down the street kicking garbage out of his way, when he spotted something amid the trash that gleamed strangely. It turned out to be an oddly shaped bottle, and when he rubbed it, a Jewish genie appeared. "I'll give you two wishes" said the genie. "Far out" said the black guy. "First, I want to be white, uptight and outta sight. Second, I want to be surrounded by warm, sweet pussy." So the genie turned him into a tampon. The moral of the story: You can't get anything from a Jew without strings attached.

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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physicist while he chugs the last of his beer...

The strange charm of a top down bottom's up

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A business man, a boy scout, and a priest are on a plane...

The plane's engines start failing and the pilot comes back to see his oddly diverse crew.

"Sorry, guys, but the plane's going down and there are only three parachutes. I call one, cause it's my plane. Shut up, I can do that. You guys can decide what to do with the last two."

The priest immediately runs for the plane's door, grabbing one of the nearby parachutes. "Later, buttholes!" he shouts, jumping out.

The businessman turns to the boy scout. "Listen, kid, I've made a great living in the animatronic dildo industry, and you're just a kid. You take one of the remaining parachutes and I'll go down with the plane."

"No, we'll both live," said the Boy Scout. "Although it's going to be kinda tough, because the priest took my backpack."

But they'd been talking too long, and the plane crashed. No survivors. There's your joke, now go to bed.

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2 Girls 1 Nerd

A kind of nerdy, loner-type guy finally builds up the courage to talk to two hot women. As he's walking up he's trying to think of something funny and interesting to say when he gets to them he blurts out "97% of women masturbate in the shower!" The two women look at him oddly but are intrigued and respond "Can you repeat that?" He says "97% of women masturbate in the shower." One woman asks "What do the other 3% do?" He says "They sing". The women asks "What song do they sing?"

The nerd responds "I don't know, but clearly you masturbate"

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