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Octopus Jokes

126 octopus jokes and hilarious octopus puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about octopus that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Here you will find only humor about cephalopods and squids that will make every octopus laugh. These jokes will give you ten-tickles, so powerful, so inkredible, any dumbo or yellow octopus will be jealous.

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Funniest Octopus Short Jokes

Short octopus jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The octopus humour may include short tentacles jokes also.

  1. What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus? An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee
  2. What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus? A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.
  3. What do you get when you cross a cat and an octopus? A strong reprimand from the ethics committee and immediate recission of all funding.
  4. What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion? A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.
  5. What do you get when you cross a duck with an octopus? Fired and blacklisted from the genetics industry.
  6. Interviewer: So what makes you think you'd be a good waiter here? Octopus: I just really feel like I could bring a lot to the table.
  7. What did the octopus say when he found out his wife had 10 tentacles? You've got to be squidding me!
  8. What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus? A visit from the ethics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funding.
  9. How many times do you have to tickle an octopus to make it laugh? Ten tickles.

    Of course there are eight of them, the first two are test tickles.
  10. Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark? The octopus because it is well armed.

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Octopus One Liners

Which octopus one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with octopus? I can suggest the ones about squid and lobster.

  1. What do you call two octopuses that look exactly the same? Itenticle.
  2. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus ink Tentickles
  3. How did the octopus go to the war? Well armed...
  4. An octopus went off to war It's a good thing that he was well-armed.
  5. What do you call an octopus that fights sharks? An octobrave.
  6. What's the difference between an octopus and a squid? A squid has TEN-TICKLES!
  7. Why did the knight wear an octopus jacket? It was his coat of arms
  8. What does the boss octopus say before work? Let's get kraken.
  9. How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles
  10. Why did the octopus cross the reef? To get to the other tide.
  11. What happens when you try and breed a cow with an octopus? You lose your funding.
  12. What do you call octopus twins that look exactly alike? Itenticle
  13. what is an cannibal octopus' favorite salad octopus salad. kind of obvious.
  14. An octopus was killed in a shootout last week Police say he was heavily armed
  15. What does an octopus take with it when it goes fishing? Ten tackles

Octopus Up Jokes

Here is a list of funny octopus up jokes and even better octopus up puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Unexpected She: Why is your shirt smudged with ink blots?
    He: I refilled a printer cartridge at work today.
    Octopus under their bed: *whispers* Tell her about us, you chicken.
  • How many tickles does it take to make a octopus laugh? Ten-tickles
    I'll show my self out...
  • What's the difference between a man and an octopus? Octopus: eight tentacles, each its own neural structure that offloads work from the brain
    Human Male: one tentacle which controls brain
  • It's a good thing that squidward doesn't have two more tentacles... Because then it would be octward.
  • If an octopus is called an octopus because of its eight limbs, what would you call an octopus with only seven limbs? An amputee.
  • What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus? I don't know, but it sure can pick strawberries.
  • What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus? I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.
  • A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army The octopus says no thanks I'm army enough as it is.
  • What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.....
  • How many times do you have to tickle an octopus to make it laugh? Ten-tickles.
    Of course it only has 8 of those. So the first two were test-tickles!

Octopus Tentacle Jokes

Here is a list of funny octopus tentacle jokes and even better octopus tentacle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you know that the octopus is the only sea creature with tentacles? Just squidding!
  • What do you call an octopus with no tentacles? Bob
    Courtesy of my dad last night at dinner 😂
  • How did the octopus tickle a man ten times? With it's tentacles.
  • How may tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh? Tentacles!
  • What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle? Octopus Prime.
  • How do you make an octopus sing an octave higher? Kick him in the tentacles.
  • What do you call an octopus without any legs An octopus cause they have tentacles not legs
  • Why does an octopus have 8 tentacles instead of 6? Because even god thinks "Sextapus" sounds ridiculous.
  • What did the cheerful octopus say when he lost three of his tentacles in a terrible accident? High five!
  • How many times should you tickle an octopus? Tentacles.
Octopus joke, How many times should you tickle an octopus?

Octopus Laugh Jokes

Here is a list of funny octopus laugh jokes and even better octopus laugh puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you make a octopus laugh? You give it ten tickels
  • Octopus How many times do you have to tickle an octopus to make it laugh?
    Ten-tickles
    But they only got eight of those, so the first two was test-tickles
  • How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ... ten tickles.
  • How much tickling does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles!
  • How much tickles do it take for an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles.....
    I'll go back to studying now
  • How do you make an octopus laugh? Ten-Tickles
  • How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten tickles!
    But did you know that only Male octopus laugh?
    It was a short study but scientists figured it out. .
    With test tickles
  • Everyone knows it takes ten tickles to make an Octopus laugh, but what do you call it when you're just trying out tickling? Test tickles
  • Why couldn't the camping Octopus stop laughing? Tent tickles.
  • How did Paul, the octopus, originally die? Torres went and asked Paul proudly, "How many goals will I end up with after thia this World Cup?"
    Paul died laughing.

Octopus Love Jokes

Here is a list of funny octopus love jokes and even better octopus love puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How many tickles do you need to make an octopus love? Ten tickles
Octopus joke, How many tickles do you need to make an octopus love?

Share Hilarious Octopus Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about octopus you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean centipede jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make octopus pranks.

Why is it so easy to fool an octopus?

They're all suckers.

Talented Octopus

A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"

What's the plural of compass?

This one's best if you say it out loud.
What's the plural of octopus?
Octopi.
What's the plural of compass?
Cumpie.

What do you call an area where an Octopus is sitting?

Octopied

Did you hear about what happened when the anime studio tried to make a s**...-ed video?

Kids kept getting confused about why the octopus was showing up.

A man walks out of a bar...

He realizes he must be drunk after having seen an Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman drinking together, A horse, 2 chemists (one dead), a piano player, a dog, a monkey, an octopus, 007, an ostrich as well as a befuddled bartender tending to countless men walking into the bar...

A Mexican went into a Japanese restaurant and ordered but only to be disappointed when he was served with a live Octopus slammed in his plate.

He asked for a taco.

What do you call the offspring of a black man and an octopus?

I don't know but it sure can pick a lot of cotton.

Know what's the hardest thing about having s**... with a Japanese girl?

Trying to find an octopus at 11PM.

A new class of octopus has been discovered that cooks it's food.

It's the only Chefalopod found so far.

Why are you baking octopus?

So I can get octopi.

Why are octopuses so dangerous?

They're heavily armed.

What do you get when you mix a Mexican, and a octopus?

I don't know either but could you imagine that thing picking apples?!

How does an octopus go into battle?

Well-**armed**.
^^Not ^^sorry

What do you call a group of 8 cats?

Octopus

Son: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?


Me: I don't know; how many?
Son: Ten tickles.
Me: Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.
Son: Huh?
Me: Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tell if an octopus is a male octopus?
Son: No; how?
Me: Test tickles.
Son: ...
Son: ...that's inappropriate.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and an octopus?

A visit from the ehtics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funds.

What do you call 8 men who refuse to do a single dare?

An octopus

What do you get when you cross a baby with an octopus?

An angry letter from the ethics committee and immediate cessation of all funding.

A lion and a tiger make a liger, a whale and dolphin a wolphin, a squid and octopus a scquoctopus. What would a five-year old and a horse be?

Definitely i**....

What has four legs but can't walk?

7yo daughter response: half an octopus?

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

Because he was well armed

what do you get if you cross an octopus with a scorpion?

A freeze on your funding, and an immediate visit from the ethics committee.

I heard on the news that the police were looking for a runaway octopus

They said he was armed and dangerous

Why does an octopus make a great drill sergeant?

Because it's arm-y.

So all the animals gathered and having a party,

Everybody is drinking and talking and having a good time,
suddenly a chameleon get to the middle of the room, say "check this out" and start changing color of his skin for a minute straight.
Once he done he say "Lets see any of you do the same".
Suddenly octopus appear from the crowd and says:
hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer.

Ordering octopus at a restaurant

A man goes into a restaurant and he orders octopus from the seafood menu. The waiter says that's all right, but he has to warn the guest, it takes four hours to prepare.
"Why does it take so long to prepare octopus? Is it hard to cook?"
"Not really, but the octopuses keep turning down the gas."

Why didn't the octopus fight the shark?

Because he was spineless

Did you hear about the electrician who hired an Octopus?

Because many hands make lights work

What would Sir Paul McCartney sing to an octopus?

I wanna hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.

Octopus: "Don't move or I'll shoot!"

Cat: *squinting* "You're one short, pal."

Octopus dinner

I recently went to a sea food restaurant and I had a look at the menu , I said to the Waiter
excuse me can I have the octopus please
No problem sir he replied
But there is an issue he said
And what's that then ??
He said
you can have it but it takes 4 hours to cook
4 hours ??? Why on earth does it take that long ??
Simples ,Because we cook them when they are still alive , but they keep turning the gas off

What do you call an octopus which is missing 4 and 6/7 legs?

An octo-pi

How much does an unwell octopus cost?

Sick Squid.

At a party chameleon says

"Hey, guys, look what I can do", and changes his color to match the walls of the room. Everyone goes "Wow!" Then octopus comes up to him and says "Hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer."

What do you get when you cross a lion with an octopus?

A stern rebuke from the scientific community and a immediate withdrawal of funding

What is the plural of octopus?

Octoplus

What does an octopus wear in winter?

A coat of arms

Dad and son octopus crossing the road, dad said to his son:

gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand. (Courtesy of my 1st grader).

Octopus joke, What does an octopus take with it when it goes fishing?

jokes about octopus