The Best 79 Octopus Jokes

Here you will find only humor about cephalopods and squids that will make every octopus laugh. These jokes will give you ten-tickles, so powerful, so inkredible, any dumbo or yellow octopus will be jealous.

Top 10 of the Funniest Octopus Jokes and Puns

What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick strawberries.

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.....

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus ink

Tentickles

Octopus joke, How many tickles does it take to make an octopus ink

It's a good thing that squidward doesn't have two more tentacles...

Because then it would be octward.

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.


Why is it so easy to fool an octopus?

They're all suckers.

Talented Octopus

A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"

Octopus joke, Talented Octopus

Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

The octopus because it is well armed.

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed...

What's the plural of compass?

This one's best if you say it out loud.

What's the plural of octopus?

Octopi.

What's the plural of compass?

Cumpie.

What do you call an area where an Octopus is sitting?

Octopied

You can explore octopus squid reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean octopus crossbreed dad jokes. There are also octopus puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you get when you cross a cat and an octopus?

A strong reprimand from the ethics committee and immediate recission of all funding.

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus?

A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

Did you hear about what happened when the anime studio tried to make a sex-ed video?

Kids kept getting confused about why the octopus was showing up.

A man walks out of a bar...

He realizes he must be drunk after having seen an Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman drinking together, A horse, 2 chemists (one dead), a piano player, a dog, a monkey, an octopus, 007, an ostrich as well as a befuddled bartender tending to countless men walking into the bar...

Octopus joke, A man walks out of a bar...

What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?

An octobrave.

A Mexican went into a Japanese restaurant and ordered but only to be disappointed when he was served with a live Octopus slammed in his plate.

He asked for a taco.

What do you call the offspring of a black man and an octopus?

I don't know but it sure can pick a lot of cotton.


What do you get when you cross a duck with an octopus?

Fired and blacklisted from the genetics industry.

Why did the octopus blush?

He saw the bottom of the ocean

What's the difference between a man and an octopus?

Octopus: eight tentacles, each its own neural structure that offloads work from the brain

Human Male: one tentacle which controls brain

Know what's the hardest thing about having sex with a Japanese girl?

Trying to find an octopus at 11PM.

A new class of octopus has been discovered that cooks it's food.

It's the only Chefalopod found so far.

What do you call an octopus with no tentacles?

Bob

Courtesy of my dad last night at dinner πŸ˜‚

Why are you baking octopus?

So I can get octopi.

Why are octopuses so dangerous?

They're heavily armed.

An octopus went off to war

It's a good thing that he was well-armed.

What do you get when you mix a Mexican, and a octopus?

I don't know either but could you imagine that thing picking apples?!

Why did the octopus cross the reef?

To get to the other tide.

How does an octopus go into battle?

Well-**armed**.

^^Not ^^sorry

What did the octopus say when he found out his wife had 10 tentacles?

You've got to be squidding me!

An octopus was killed in a shootout last week

Police say he was heavily armed

Interviewer: So what makes you think you'd be a good waiter here?

Octopus: I just really feel like I could bring a lot to the table.

What do you call a creature with the head of a seahorse, body of a lobster, the hind legs of an octopus, the front legs of a penguin, and claws?

A crabomination

What do you call a group of 8 cats?

Octopus

What do you get when you cross a cow, an octopus, and a man?

a reprimand from the ethics commissioner.

Son: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?



Me: I don't know; how many?

Son: Ten tickles.

Me: Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.

Son: Huh?

Me: Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tell if an octopus is a male octopus?

Son: No; how?

Me: Test tickles.

Son: ...

Son: ...that's inappropriate.

Did you know that the octopus is the only sea creature with tentacles?

Just squidding!

What do you get when you cross an elephant and an octopus?

A visit from the ehtics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funds.

What do you call 8 men who refuse to do a single dare?

An octopus

What do you get when you cross a baby with an octopus?

An angry letter from the ethics committee and immediate cessation of all funding.

A lion and a tiger make a liger, a whale and dolphin a wolphin, a squid and octopus a scquoctopus. What would a five-year old and a horse be?

Definitely illegal.

What has four legs but can't walk?

7yo daughter response: half an octopus?

How many tickles do you need to make an octopus love?

Ten tickles

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

Because he was well armed

What do you call octopus twins that look exactly alike?

Itenticle

what do you get if you cross an octopus with a scorpion?

A freeze on your funding, and an immediate visit from the ethics committee.

I heard on the news that the police were looking for a runaway octopus

They said he was armed and dangerous

Why does an octopus make a great drill sergeant?

Because it's arm-y.

So all the animals gathered and having a party,

Everybody is drinking and talking and having a good time,
suddenly a chameleon get to the middle of the room, say "check this out" and start changing color of his skin for a minute straight.
Once he done he say "Lets see any of you do the same".
Suddenly octopus appear from the crowd and says:
hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer.

A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army

The octopus says no thanks I'm army enough as it is.

Ordering octopus at a restaurant

A man goes into a restaurant and he orders octopus from the seafood menu. The waiter says that's all right, but he has to warn the guest, it takes four hours to prepare.

"Why does it take so long to prepare octopus? Is it hard to cook?"
"Not really, but the octopuses keep turning down the gas."

Unexpected

She: Why is your shirt smudged with ink blots?

He: I refilled a printer cartridge at work today.

Octopus under their bed: *whispers* Tell her about us, you chicken.

What's the difference between an octopus and a squid?

A squid has TEN-TICKLES!

Why didn't the octopus fight the shark?

Because he was spineless

Did you hear about the electrician who hired an Octopus?

Because many hands make lights work

What would Sir Paul McCartney sing to an octopus?

I wanna hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.

What does the boss octopus say before work?

Let's get kraken.

How much tickling does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten-tickles!

Octopus: "Don't move or I'll shoot!"

Cat: *squinting* "You're one short, pal."

How many times do you have to tickle an octopus to make it laugh?

Ten tickles.



Of course there are eight of them, the first two are test tickles.

How do you make a octopus laugh?

You give it ten tickels

Octopus

How many times do you have to tickle an octopus to make it laugh?

Ten-tickles

But they only got eight of those, so the first two was test-tickles

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee

what is an cannibal octopus' favorite salad

octopus salad. kind of obvious.

Octopus dinner

I recently went to a sea food restaurant and I had a look at the menu , I said to the Waiter
excuse me can I have the octopus please

No problem sir he replied

But there is an issue he said

And what's that then ??

He said
you can have it but it takes 4 hours to cook

4 hours ??? Why on earth does it take that long ??

Simples ,Because we cook them when they are still alive , but they keep turning the gas off

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

...

...

...

...

... ten tickles.

What do you call an octopus which is missing 4 and 6/7 legs?

An octo-pi

How much does an unwell octopus cost?

Sick Squid.

At a party chameleon says

"Hey, guys, look what I can do", and changes his color to match the walls of the room. Everyone goes "Wow!" Then octopus comes up to him and says "Hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer."

What do you get when you cross a lion with an octopus?

A stern rebuke from the scientific community and a immediate withdrawal of funding

How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

Ten tickles

How many tickles does it take to make a octopus laugh?

Ten-tickles

I'll show my self out...

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

A visit from the ethics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

What is the plural of octopus?

Octoplus

If an octopus is called an octopus because of its eight limbs, what would you call an octopus with only seven limbs?

An amputee.

What does an octopus wear in winter?

A coat of arms

What happens when you try and breed a cow with an octopus?

You lose your funding.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the octopus bagpipes jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working octopus hendrix piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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