october Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious october puns

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

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A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...

When he meets this Native American Chief he notices he is older than most.
He asks the Chief many questions, and the Chief replies flawlessly to each one.

Then he thinks of a random date and asks the Chief, "What did you eat on October 18, 1987?" The Chief replies "Eggs".

He leaves the Chief and goes home. A year later he meets the Chief again. Feeling respectful he approaches the Chief, and says "How" and the Chief says, "Scrambled!"

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Overheard in line for a movie...

Theater employee: "That's an R-rated movie. When's your birthday?"

Teenage boy: "October 12th."

Employee: "What year?"

Boy: "Every year."

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An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage.

The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked:

Where were you on the night of October to April?

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october

So a nun was driving along a road one October evening when it noticed a hitch hiker. The nun decided to pick him up. After a while, the man (hitchhiker) says,"Sister, i know you would disapprove, but i find you very attractive and would like to have intercourse with you. Im not married, so i woud not be sinning as much." Reluctantly, the nun says," will have anal sex with you, so it is not fully a sin." So, they pull over and get freaky, and get back in the car. The man says,"Sister, i really enjoyed that, but i have a confession; im married, and have 4 children." Appalled, the nun replies,"i have a confession to. My names Bob, and im on my way to a costume party."

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How many seconds are there in one year?

12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

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What was Humpty Dumpty's favorite month?

October... He had a great fall.

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October 10th was such a great day

10/10

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What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common?

They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out after October.

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Is your birthday the 10th of October?

Because you look like a 10/10!

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That's my plan and I'm sticking to it.

This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

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An American couple adopt a German infant...

He is fine physically, and he is content. But he hasn't started speaking. At two, three, even four years old, he is mute.

Then, one October, at five years old, his parents give him a hot chocolate.

Zis is a bit tepid, he complains.

Gunther, you can speak! Why have you never spoken before?

Up to now, everything had been satisfactory.

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The US Navy

Transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.

Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."

Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."

Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."

Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."

Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."

Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

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Not sure what you have heard, but it actually only rains twice a year in Seattle.

October through May, then June through September.

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I can't believe people are letting fireworks off in October!

It's scared the dog so badly he's knocked the Christmas tree over.

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Me: I have cheated once

Wife: me too

Me: first april...

Wife: 8th october

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I found a ghost passed out on my stairs last night.

He must have been really into the boos!

Happy October!

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October is domestic abuse awareness month...

Time to make your significant other aware....

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An accidental time traveler falls in a wormhole

He emerges into a building in chaos, people running and screaming. Bodies crashing to the pavement outside

"OH FUCK!" He screams. It must be September 11 2001!!

A man screams in return "No you fool! It's October 24th,1929!"

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October tenth is a day that I rate...

10/10

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I can't trust my heart or my brain to tell me who the next President will be

But I can trust my Vegas bookie and will be talking to him in October

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A German Dad Joke

So, because St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow I asked my dad (who is German) if Germans have any day like St. Patrick's Day. His said, "Yes, it's called October."

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Somebody needs to wake up Green Day

It's October 1st

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October is finally here...

Can somebody finally wake Billie joe Armstrong up? Sick of being reminded.

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Canadian visits friend in the states

Canadian: "How is it 30 degrees here in October?"

Friend: "The real question is, how is it 30 degrees THERE in October?"

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Oh, Its October

Guess we should wake up that guy from green day then

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The tenth of October is the only day of the year that I would recommend

10/10

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With it being October, I thought I'd tell y'all about the time I had sex in a cornmaze

It was a-maizeing.

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October is Octover

November is Nowvember.
December is Desoonber.

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A soldier comes up and asks me what today's date is. I say "October fourth". He says

10-4

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I always forget that holiday that comes at the end of October. Then the doorbell rings...

Witch reminds me.

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I can prove global warming is real.

The Chicago Cubs are still playing its October already.

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Why couldn't the man get his wife pregnant on October 31st?

Because he had a hallow-weenie.

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Guys I guess October is...

Octover

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Apparently Burger King will be giving away free whoppers on October 13th to Special Olympians

I'd be downs for that

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October 10, International ClichΓ© Day!

Talk in clichΓ©s until the cows come home!

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The Hunt for Red October (1990) is an amazing movie. I especially liked the concept of the Nautilus' propulsion system.

Whoops, wrong sub.

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September: I had one of the worst hurricane months on record and Hugh Hefner died.

October: Hold my beer

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Back in October Donald Trump claims that Mike Pence wants to hang gay people...

I hope it's fake noose.

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Apparently somebody posted this joke to Twitter in October ....

And that makes me a piece of shit.

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What do you get when you combine an octopus and a bear?

You get a Frenchman pronouncing October

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What is a clinical trial done in October called?

a trick or treatment.

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What would you rate a joke told on October 10?

10/10

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I love October

I fall for it every year.

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What's orange and black and comes together in October to really terrify people?

Donald and Kanye

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October

You will know how much your niece's and nephew's will love you when you ask for candies from their bag and they pick the good one or the bad one.

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Every October I like to fuck a bunch of women and never call them again.

#ghosting

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I like to fuck a bunch of women in October and never call them again.

/#ghosting

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I like to fuck a bunch of women in October and never call then again.

\#ghosting

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October is Eczema Awareness Month

So I'm raising money by selling scratch cards.

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It happens earlier every year …

It's only October, and they're already putting up Christmas videos on PornHub.

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It is the 17th of October 2018. Marijuana was legalized in Canada.

A guy walks into a store and says to the clerk:
"I want a canadis"

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I like to fuck a bunch of women every October and never call them again.

\#ghosting

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October is domestic violence awareness month.

Time to go home and show her who's boss.

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Red Dead Redemption 2 releases on October 26

Experts predict that both unemployment and divorce rates will rise very soon.

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Bad news for dyslexics on the 28th October,

Your cocks go black

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Bad news for dyslexics on the 28th October

Your cocks go black

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What do burn victims celebrate on October 31st?

Aloe-ween

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Spooky memes at the first week of October where dead.

And now that that they're back, they are UNDEAD.

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I guess you could say October is...

Oct-over

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A classmate was making repetitive screeching noises in class on October 31

I asked her what she was doing, and she said it was her verbal Halloween costume for the blind.

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an upvote in october is an "updoot". whats for november?

an "upnoot" (go easy. first timer here)

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Me: You're today's date

She: What?
Me: You're a solid 11/11
She: What kind of a rating scale is out of 11?
Me: I... I had cold feet on 10th October

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Welp it's October 1st...

Someone better wake up Greenday.

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When is it possible to go to sleep in Poland and wake up in Germany?

October 6th 1939.

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What's worse than a hollow chocolate bunny on Easter?

A Halloweenie on October 31st.

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What's the best title for the future film documenting the press investigating Trump's ties to Russia?

The Hunt for Orange October

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Ivanka is pregnant again, her new baby boy is due in October.

She should call him Wally.

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Why aren't there 32 days in October?

Because Octover!

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October is both Cyber Security and Breast Cancer Awareness month!

Therefore I'm offering a two-for-one special.

Bring your laptop to me for virus removal and receive a free breast exam!

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Marshawn Lynch came back to play for the month of October.

Breast Mode

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Me and my crush are getting married

I am getting married on 31st august and she is on 31st october :(

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What's more popular than feminism on June 7th, 2015?

George W. Bush on October 3rd, 2008.

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In "the Hunt for Red October", A Russian captain runs into his own live torpedo...

oops... wrong sub

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Thoughts on "The Hunt for Red October"?

oops, wrong sub.

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So it's the first of October.

I wonder if anyone remembered to wake Green Day up?

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Can June july?

No, but September october.

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Why can't Sean Connery read November?

Because he hasn't Read October.

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What was the slutty nurse looking for in October?

A Hallowiener.

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Well... it's finally October.

Did someone remember to wake up Green Day?

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Why is October 4th a trucker's favorite day?

Because it's a big 10-4 good buddy.

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How do you delete important files on your computer permanently?

Update to the Windows 10 October Update

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Apparently I was supposed to wait until October 31st to dress up like a ghost.

Guess I spook too soon.

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What are the best October puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about October? Well, here are the best jokes about October to have fun with.

Joko Jokes