Ocean Jokes
145 ocean jokes and hilarious ocean puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ocean that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Jokes about the ocean provide endless fun and entertainment, especially for kids in kindergarten! From the Pacific to the Atlantic, take a deep dive into our collection of ocean jokes and seaside puns, sure to leave you laughing in saltwater tears.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Ocean Short Jokes
Short ocean jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ocean humour may include short aquarium jokes also.
- Donald Trump has announced that he plan to extend his wall across the oceans... This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.
- I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda. When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.
- What's the difference between a buoy and my ex girlfriend? A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.
- Earth is flat! I mean, when was the last time you came across naturally carbonated ocean water?
- It's not the size of the ship, nor the motion of the ocean... It's whether or not the captain stays in port long enough for all the passengers to get off.
- Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP shark, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
- Trump's wall will be useless since it doesn't extend into the oceans..... Everyone knows Jesus can walk on water.
- Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december? The specific ocean.
- A sole and a flounder are swimming in the ocean when they bump into each other. The sole says, "A flounder!" The flounder, to be polite, says nothing.
- One of my dad's favorites about flying "You know there are more planes at the bottom of the ocean than submarines in the sky. They have never left one up there."
Share These Ocean Jokes With Friends
Ocean One Liners
Which ocean one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ocean? I can suggest the ones about under the sea and underwater.
- Why is the ocean so salty? Because the land doesn't wave back.
- An LGBQT cruising ship sinks in the middle of the ocean. Who survives? The flambuoyants.
- I dropped my laptop in the middle of the ocean A dell must be rolling in the deep
- What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck.
- There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky
- What lives in the ocean and IS REALLY LOUD AND ANNOYING. A yellyfish.
- My gay friend fell into the ocean Good thing he's so flambuoyant.
- What do you call a group of accordions at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
- What's the ocean's favorite news segment? Current events.
- Why are oceans called "The High Seas"? Because of all the seaweed!
- Why couldn't the ocean wave? Its hands were tide.
- What do you call the Kardashian family taking a swim in the ocean? pollution
- Why is the ocean so powerful? Because it has lots of mussels.
- Vaginas are like the ocean. One day I would like to see the ocean...
- what kind of music sinks to the bottom of the ocean Heavy rock
Bottom Ocean Jokes
Here is a list of funny bottom ocean jokes and even better bottom ocean puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Fun WWI fact: There are more crashed planes down at the bottom of the ocean than- -crashed submarines in the sky.
- Why was the fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because he dropped out of school.
- What do you call a dog that's blasting out music at the bottom of the ocean? A subwoofer.
(You can credit/discredit my son for coming up with this) - What do you call a thousand Australian lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? The Great Barrister Reef.
- What sits at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A drowning epileptic.
- Why was the ocean embarrassed? Because all the fish could see his bottom.
- Why did the octopus blush? He saw the bottom of the ocean
- What is the similarity between Madeleine McCann and a submarine? Both are at the bottom of the ocean and full of sea-men
- What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
- Q: What do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean?
A: A great place to start.
Atlantic Ocean Jokes
Here is a list of funny atlantic ocean jokes and even better atlantic ocean puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- With all the turmoil in the world, the US benefits from its two greatest allies... The Atlantic and Pacific oceans.
- If your body was the size of the Atlantic ocean, your red blood cells would be the size of the Titanic Let that sink in
- If the rumors about Apple manufacturing a driverless car... Then I can't wait to drive into the middle of the Atlantic ocean!
- "It's not about the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean"... But it's hard to get cross the Atlantic with a rowboat
- What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean? You need to be more Pacific.
*cymbal clash*
- What do you get when you travel to the Atlantic Ocean on a ship? About half-way.
- I live near an ocean—not the Atlantic. Can you be more Pacific?
- I identify as the second largest oceanic division... I am a Trans-Atlantic.
- heard on The View this morning (courtesy of Fozzie Bear) What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?......Half-way.
- If beauty was a drop of water, then you would be the Atlantic Ocean.
Pacific Ocean Jokes
Here is a list of funny pacific ocean jokes and even better pacific ocean puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's big and blue and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? The Pacific Ocean.
- What's the biggest thing that separates Jaguars from Leopards? The Pacific Ocean.
- The Kardashians go for a swim in the pacific ocean The percentage of plastic in the ocean increases by 400%.
- My friend didn't understand my ocean puns I guess I should have been more pacific.
I'll sea myself out. - "What is the largest body of water in the world?" Quiz contestant: "The ocean?" Asker: "I'm sorry, you're going to have to be more Pacific."
- How big is the specific ocean? Sorry, could you be a little more pacific.
- -- A tsunami warning has just been issued for the entire coast of California -- In other news:
Your mom recently did a cannon ball into the Pacific Ocean. - (True Story) Just got off a plane through the pacific and realized something... There is no such thing as an emergency water landing. It's called crashing into the ocean.
- What did the Pacific ocean say to the Atlantic ocean? Wanna meet up for some Indian?
- The first warm-blooded fish was found in the Pacific Ocean... but we weren't told pacifically where.
Middle Of The Ocean Jokes
Here is a list of funny middle of the ocean jokes and even better middle of the ocean puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are together on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it sinks, who survives? America.
- If there is a plastic island the size of Australia in the middle of the ocean, Then we have nothing to worry about because Australia doesn't exist
- You're in the middle of the ocean and you see Trump and Hillary drowning but you only have room in your boat to save one. Who do you save? America. Keep right on going and don't stop.
- Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would get saved? A: America !
- What do you call a Punjabi fellow stuck in the middle of a shark-filled ocean? Amandeep trouble.
- My sister thought of this one during the twenty sixteen election. Hillary and Trump are stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean. Who wins? America.
- What do you call a town in the middle of the Arctic Ocean? An Iceburgh.
- What do you call a rock in the middle of the ocean, that no matter how much you push down on it it won't go down? An island
- What did the sign in the middle of the ocean say? Notice
- Why is there asphalt in the middle of the ocean? Oh wait, it's Road Island!
Bad Ocean Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad ocean jokes and even better bad ocean puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why can't the Kardashians swim at the beach? Because plastic is bad for the ocean.
- Why does the ocean smell bad? Because the seaweed
- Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
Hilarious Ocean Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about ocean you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean marine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ocean pranks.
So I dragged off this girl from the bar the other night...
She had this cool tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. Damnedest thing, though! When I put my ear to it, I could smell the ocean.
Two whales
Under the ocean there were these two whales. One whale walks up to another and says "OOOoooOOOOooooooOOOoooOooooooooooOOOOoOOoOOoooooohhhhh!"
And the other whale says Steve, dude, you are so drunk.
Science Joke
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the violent ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked out into the waves. He was pulled under and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked out to the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote in his journal, "Physicist and Biologist both soluble."
A Fishing Tale
On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'
A husband and a wife were searching for a hotel near the ocean...
The travel agency hooked them up with a four star hotel for a great price, and they decided to go with it. The agency described the hotel as 'a stone's throw from the beach'. "How will we know which one it is?" the wife asked. "Simple", the agency replied; "It's the one with all the broken windows."
A plane above the ocean is crashing
A woman in this plane knew she was going to die so she got up and shouted "Before I die I want someone to make me feel like a woman"
A couple rows down a man got up, took off his shirt and said "Here iron this"
Did anyone else witness that jet crashing into the ocean?
It was plane to sea.
more dad-jokes (the limb-less edition)
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your front door?
Matt.
The neighborhood kids came to Timmy's house and asked if he could come out to play. "Shame on you kids," says Timmy's mom. "Don't you know Timmy doesn't have any arms or legs? He can't play with you."
"But we're playing baseball and we need a home base."
Two whales are swimming in the ocean. One whale opens his mouth and says "BEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUGAA BOOOOOOUUUUAAAAAAAAEEEOOOOH"
The other whale turns to him and says "Dude you are so drunk."
What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing, it just waved.
Sea what I did there?
I'm shore you did.
Laugh, you son of a beach!
Somewhere off Gilligan's Island...
On a Christmas cruise on a luxury ocean liner in the Pacific,
a passenger sees seven straggly people on a small island
jumping up and down and waving their hands and shouting.
"Who are they?" the passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. But each year when we pass, they go nuts."
Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...
And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.
"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."
"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.
"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"
She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."
"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"
"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old ugly wife is looking in the mirror...
Listing all the things wrong with her old flabby hairy body while her husband lays on the bed watching an ocean documentary on TV.
"I'm disgusting, aren't I?"
He doesn't respond.
"Hey! Answer me! I look like a whale, don't I!?"
He responds, "No! Absolutely not, you don't look anything like a whale, my dear..."
Before she could get out an "aww thanks", he says "Have you *seen* how stunningly beautiful those creatures are!?!"
What did God say when Eve swim in the ocean for the first?
He said, "Oh great, now we'll never get that smell off the fish".
What did the two oceans say to each-other?
Nothing, they just waved.
What did one ocean say to the other?
I'm not completely shore, but it must have been pretty deep.
My dad called in and told this joke to win a corny joke contest in the 70's
What has two knees and swims in the ocean?
A Two-knee fish!.....
I want an ocean of orange soda
It's a Fanta sea of mine
A boat in the Atlantic ocean was starting to sink...
... The captain gathered everyone and said "OK everyone, it looks like we are going down, does anyone know how to pray?" One of the ships crew members sitting in the back raises his hand and Hays "yes captain I know how to pray." The captain responds "OK well you start praying and everyone else put a life jacket on, we're short one jacket."
Another joke from my 95 year old grandpa.
Why is the ocean blue?
You would be to if you were waving at hot beaches all day and none of them waved back.
What kind of bus can cross the ocean?
A Columbus.
A Life Guard is walking along a beach
A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.
The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.
A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist go to the beach...
The physicist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the fluid dynamics." The physicist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Then the biologist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the local marine life." The biologist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Lastly, the chemist looks out over the ocean and says "I have come to a conclusion, physicists and biologists are soluble in water!"
What do you call a sea that prefers the temperature outside to be between 31.2 °C and 33.1 °C?
The Specific Ocean.
German ocean rescue radio headquarter
*A call comes to the radio*
"German Ocean Rescue, what is your problem?"
"Help, we are sinking, we are sinking!"
"What are you sinking about?"
A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...
When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.
"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
A blonde gets a tattoo...
...On her inner thigh of a conch shell.
Friend: Why did you get a conch shell tattoo on your inner thigh?
Blonde: So that when you put your ear against it you can smell the ocean.
I'm in Ocean Beach and a homeless man just told me this joke.
Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?
He was too far out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had c**... on your bottom.
God Will Save Me
There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"
I looked at the ocean today, and thought it looked completely orange...
And so then I wondered if it was reality or a Fanta sea.
*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal...
...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.
Scott Pruitt has resigned to focus more on his true passion..
Throwing uncut plastic soda rings into the ocean.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber p**..., floated in the vicinity.
The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.
"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.
"It was a dictatorship."
You ever heard of the ocean located at 5.694647° S, 136.987557° W?
I like to call it the specific ocean.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.
The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.
"Dad, can you help me with my homework?"
"Sure son"
"What are 5 animals that live in the ocean?"
"3 whales and two dolphins"
"Thanks dad"
"Anytime"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two whales are swimming along in the ocean...
When one whale spots a fishing boat. So he says to the other whale "Hey, that is the boat that harpooned Frank, we should get back at them"
The other whale says "Oh yeah? What should we do?"
"I say we both go under their boat, and blow our blowholes as hard as we can, that will knock over their boat!" And so both whales went under the boat, and with a powerful blast they were able to capsize the boat and send all the sailors into the water.
The first whale then says "Now that they are all in the water, I say we eat them!"
And the second whale replies "Woah, woah, woah. I was all for the b**... but I won't s**... any s**...".
Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.
I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having s**... in the ocean.
Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited.
My 4 yo sister came to me and told this joke?
Why didn't the ocean dry up?
Because it didn't have a towel.
What do you call cheerleaders in the ocean?
Pepsi
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One of the most beautiful things in the world is a women's heart. It is fragile yet strong. Delicate yet resilient. It's a cradle of love, emotions and compassion. It like an ocean of secrets.
And of course its covered with b**....
A lady with a morbid fear of drowning is on a ship in the middle of an ocean. Nervously , she asks a crew member 'just how far away from land are we?' Calmly, he reassures her ' you have nothing to worry about ,we're only 5 kilometers from land.' Relieved, she inquires 'oh, in which direction?'
That would be straight down, Miss........
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Q: What do you call 500 neo-n**... at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
Q: What do you call 500 triathletes at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A bad start.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 men are standing on a cliff near the ocean.
Suddenly, a genie appears and says: "I can turn you into anything you want, if you jump off this cliff. Just say what you want to transform into after jumping, and I will work my magic."
The first man jumps, and shouts:
"Seagull!"
He then transforms into a seagull, and flies away.
The second man jumps, and shouts:
"Whale!"
He turns into a whale, and lands in the water.
The third man, tripped on a rock and shouted:
"s**...!"
Did you know that there are more airplanes in the ocean than there are submarines in the air?
I mean... it's plane to sea.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irishmen are stranded in the middle of the ocean
A bottle bobs up to their boat. One of the Irishmen opens the bottle and a genie comes out.
Thank you for freeing me! , says the Genie. In honour of your deed, I shall grant you one wish.
Before the first Irishman can get a word out, the second says Turn the whole ocean into Guinness!
The ocean turns a glistening black and the genie disappears. The first Irishman hits the second over the head and says,
Way to go, ya bleedin' idiot! Now we have to p**... in the boat!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hope the Kardashians don't go to the beach this year.
All we need is more plastic in the ocean.
my 5 year old daughter got me with this one!
How do you keep the ocean clean!?
With a mer-maid!
Why should oceanographers be the Ones that report the news?
They're always on top of current events!
Apparently it's no longer OK to urinate in the ocean.
I'm told it's not pee sea.
Mr.Rogers once was on a cruise ship, and fell overboard into the ocean
He was then carried safely to shore by a family of sharks.
It all makes sense now
Jack: Rose! There's enough room, you can save me!
Rose: There's one thing you should know about me Jack. I'm actually 26 years old!
Jack: …
Rose: Jack?
Jack: *drifts away into the dark depths of the ocean*
How do we really know the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
