Occupied Jokes
42 occupied jokes and hilarious occupied puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about occupied that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Occupied Short Jokes
Short occupied jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The occupied humour may include short occupation jokes also.
- Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle
- inspired by frontpage's TIL about the guy fawkes mask: how many occupy protesters does it take to change a lightbulb? none, occupy protesters can't change anything.
- You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means?
You Matter. - Tired of people complaining about Ukrainian body's of water that Russia is occupying Crimea river.
- What an age we live in... ... when a family of billionaires moves into government subsidized housing previously occupied by black people.
- At 14.6%, Nevada occupies the No.1 spot on the American Divorce Chart. It's a bad state of affairs.
- How do you keep a Trump supporter occupied? Give me $50 now and I'll tell you in just 4 weeks!
- My girlfriend left me because I'm too occupied with my work. "Well, you've been an excellent candidate," I said.
- A pilot and his co-pilot go on a blind date with the same stewardess. Let's just say more than one cockpit was being occupied that night.
- I like my women like I like my generators... In pairs, so if one stops working, I have another to keep myself occupied.
Share These Occupied Jokes With Friends
Occupied One Liners
Which occupied one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with occupied? I can suggest the ones about busy and owned.
- what do you call an occupied restroom in an airplane? a hypotenuse
- I hate Palestinian Bathrooms.. They're always occupied.
- called France today.... it was occupied.
- Yo momma so fat The U.N sends her a strongly worded letter for occupying too much space.
- Why can't you use a Palestinian toilet? It's occupied.
- Why did the soldier salute the occupied restroom? There was a loo tenant inside.
- What has mass and occupies space a fat Catholic
- What type of pies take up the most time? Occupies.
- What do you tell someone who occupies space and has mass? You matter.
- Did you know love doesn't matter? It doesn't have mass and doesn't occupy space.
- Are you a dirty jew? Because you're occupying my heart.
- The men's room was occupied I guess I feel a little feminine today
- What do you call the area occupied by Genghis Kahn and his children? His Khan-dom.
- What is the only financial institution an Occupier supports? A food bank.
- Why did the protester cross the road? To get to the Occupy!
Cheerful Occupied Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about occupied you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean owed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make occupied pranks.
«I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him busy in church for an hour after service for me?»
Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, Mike asks the minister all sorts of s**... questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses, "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, and he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a fatherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You should hurry home now. My wife died a year ago."
I went to a restaurant.
Every table was occupied with couples,
there was no seat vacant.
I took out my phone and said loudly
"Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."
9 girls left their seats for me.
Jack goes to his friend Mike
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?"
The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After mass, he starts talking to the pastor, asking him all sorts of s**... questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the pastor gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the pastor...
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says...
"You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago"
Recreational tampons...
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while in the joint. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and said that was going to paint anything he could. Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire..." The third convict was sitting quietly aside when the other two took notice of him and asked, "What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons, smiled. and said, "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "Why did you bring those things?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said;
"Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."
Last day for your taxes
A man walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy started choking, going blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back. The boy coughed up 2 of the nickels, but kept choking.
Looking at his son, the father panicked and shouted for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit was sitting at the coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looked up, put her coffee cup down, neatly folded the newspaper and placed it on the counter, got up from her seat and made her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully dropped his pants, took hold of the boy's t**... and started to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the last nickel, which the woman deftly caught in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman handed the nickel to the father and walked back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no ill effects, the father rushed over to the woman and started thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."
Czech guy caught a gold fish
Czech guy caught a gold fish and was given three wishes in return for its life.
-What do you want?, asked the little fish
-I want China to occupy Czechia and then to return home.
-OK and what is your second wish?
-I want China to occupy this country again and then return home.
-OK and your final wish?
-I want China to come again and occupy Czechia and then to return.
-OK, granted, but why do you want China to occupy your country?
-I don't really want that but I want them to run over Russia six times.
An Estonian visits russia
He departs from Tallinn, the journey goes as planned until, 2 hours and a half in, he realizes he needs petrol otherwise he won't get to russia, so he stops at a gas station near narva, and decides to get a snack and go to the bathroom. So before filling up his car he gets off, walks to the gas station's shop's counter and asks for a sandwich, he eats it, and then goes to the bathroom, seeing all the doors closed, he knocks.
"Occupied"
"Again?!"
A bookseller in German-occupied Copenhagen came up with a new idea to help sell books...
He displayed a book and poster in his shop window saying "English In 50 Hours, Learn English Before The Tommies Arrive."
He was immediately ordered by the n**... to remove it.
On the next day he put up a new book and poster in the same window that said "German In 50 Hours, Learn German Before Our Friends The Germans Depart."
How do you keep an idiot occupied without Net Neutrality laws?
Please insert credit card information for punchline. If you would like a funnier punchline, choose our premium package for only twice the price!
Last time I was working in Dallas, I had picked up these two girls on Uber.
They were talking about sight seeing and various landmarks when we pulled up next to a older brick building that had huge windows at a red light. I noticed the building was empty inside, like it had been cleared and renovated but not occupied. So I pointed it out and told the girls it was the Dallas Air and Space Museum.
