Obvious Yes Jokes
35 obvious yes jokes and hilarious obvious yes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about obvious yes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Obvious Yes Short Jokes
Short obvious yes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The obvious yes humour may include short obvious jokes also.
- A wife dragged her husband to their marriage counselor appointment with his fishing net. "Do you see what I have to put up with," the wife says.
"Yes," said the counselor. "He's obviously in seine."
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Obvious Yes One Liners
Which obvious yes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with obvious yes? I can suggest the ones about obvious answer and obvious question.
- Any agoraphobes in the house tonight? (Obviously yes.)
Obvious Yes Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about obvious yes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stating the obvious jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make obvious yes pranks.
Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.
The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.
Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.
His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…
Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?
The other man says, You mean the rose?
His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!
He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?
Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.
The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.
Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.
His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…
Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?
The other man says, You mean the rose?
His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!
He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?
A Texan cowboy was walking down the road
When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"
"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied
"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.
"Yes ma'am I am."
"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired
"Yes ma'am I am"
Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"
The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."
Guy walks into bar
Wanting to know who owns the Great Dane t**... outside because his dog just killed said Great Dane.
A man at the bar stands up obviously perplexed and says what kind of dog do you have that it just killed my Great Dane?
Other man responds proudly he owns a Chiwawa.
You're saying your Chiwawa killed my Great Dane? Not really believing what he was hearing.
Yes other man responds my dog got lodged in your dogs t**...
An architect, a lawyer, and a hunter were sitting at a bar.
The three men were having a debate about whose job was the oldest.
"Obviously it's my job," bragged the hunter. "Cavemen got their food by hunting, which makes my job older than civilization."
"Yes," the architect replied, "but if you read the Bible, it says God created the universe out of darkness and chaos. This technically makes God the architect of the universe."
The lawyer simply smirked. "True, but who do you think invented darkness and chaos?"
My wife and I were walking out of a restaurant with a d**... bag, when we saw a young teen in shabby clothes sitting on the sidewalk
He asked if he could have our leftovers, so I gladly gave them to him.
I asked him if he was an orphan.
He said "Yes I am - what gave me away?"
I replied "Obviously, your parents."
Two nuns sare coming back from the market late at night
- "Sister Andrea, it's already dark and we are still quite fare from the covent"
- "Yes Sister Dulce and did you notice that a man is following us??"
- "Yes! and what do you think he wants ?"
- "logical, rapes us... what should we do??"
- "logical: we split way, you on the left me on the right"
The man starts following Sister Dulce. Sister Andrea arrives to the Covent, and is worried because Sister Dulce is not arrived yet. After 1 hour here she comes.
- "What happened??"
- "Well I started running and obviously as did the man"
- "and??"
- "Logical: he reached me.."
- "Oh dear god! And what did you do??"
- "Logical: I lifted my dress up"
- "And what did he do??"
- "Logical: He dropped his pants"
- "god.... and??"
- "Logical no? A nun with her dressed up runs faster than a man with his pants down"
ps: Sorry my english is not my first language :)
Getting Drunk
Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says, "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me."
His friend says, "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time, "You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, you're disgusting..."
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."
She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars."
"Ah, yes," says the man. "He peed in my trousers too!!!"
My wife and I were walking out of a nice restaurant, and there was a young teen in shabby clothes asking people for their doggy bags
We immediately gave him ours. I asked, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yes - what gave me away?"
I replied, "Obviously, your parents."
A young man goes to a formal ball in Boston.
He parks his car, goes up to the venue, and he has a great time. He meets a young woman there, and the two of them hit it off.
I came here on the bus, she says, Would you mind giving me a ride home?
So obviously he says yes, and the two of them leave the venue together. When they get to his car, the man goes up and presses his leg against the car door, and the car immediately opens up!
The girl asks, Wow, how did you do that?
What do you mean? the man says, These are my khakis.
A ragged looking teen is begging for food on the street
A guy comes along and buys him a sandwich. He asks the kid, are you an orphan?
The kid replies, yes I am. What gave me away?
The guy says, obviously, your parents
It's only natural
My wife was in labour when the nurse said it was time to push.
She gave it everything she had, until a f**..., that from sound and stench, had obviously followed through. She was mortified.
"Don't worry," i said, patting her head. "I've heard this kind of thing is perfectly natural during birth. Isn't that right nurse?"
"Yes," said the nurse gagging, "But it's usually the mother not the father!.."
The Sunday School teacher was explaining s**... and Gomorrah.
TEACHER: "And God told Lot to take his wife and flee out of the city, but not to look back. But Lot's wife looked back, and turned into a pillar of salt."
The children were obviously shocked. One tentatively raised his hand.
TEACHER: "Yes, Billy?"
BILLY: "But what happened to the flea?"
Shaggy dog story…
Rudolf, the high ranking communist and his wife are asleep in their dacha outside Moscow. A noise on roof wakes her up. Wife says 'there's something moving around on our roof. I heard a plop then a clink'.
Rudolf says 'don't worry dear, it's just the first large raindrops'. Wife mumbles unconvinced, but sure enough, a few minutes later the obvious sounds of a drenching hit the roof.
Wife says 'I'm sorry I doubted you my love. You were right'
He says 'Yes. Never forget: Rudolf the Red knows rain dear'.
A guy walked up to me and asks if I want to help save the earth
"So a guy walks up to me and asks if I want to help save the earth, I say yes. He hands me a pamphlet and tells me to have a nice day."
"So what did you do after you got home?" My friend asks
"I recycled it obviously,"
Inspiration.
A priest sees a young man walk into his church. He's downtrodden, shabby-looking, obviously in distress.
"My son, what's troubling you?"
"Oh, Father, I'm at my wit's end. I got fired, the bills are piling up, my credit cards are maxed out, I'm about to lose everything. I don't know what to do!"
"Take heart, my son" the priest says. "All shall be well in the fullness of time. Go to a nice, quiet park, where you can be at one with nature. Set your bible on a table, contemplate your trials and tribulations, and wait for the wind to flip the pages of your good book. Read what it says there, and you shall find your inspiration."
The man leaves, and the priest does not see him for several weeks. Then one day, the young man pulls up to the church driving a new Porsche, wearing an expensive Italian designer suit, obviously on top of the world.
"My goodness, son, you've certainly turned your life around!"
"Yes, Father, and I owe it all to you! I did what you said-when I looked at my bible, I knew I had found the answer!"
"That's wonderful, son. But if I may ask, what was it that you read?"
"Chapter 13."
Some members of a health club were having their first meeting.
The director of the group said, "Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine."
Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight members said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently."
"Hmm?" said the manager. "And are you sure you having nothing else to add?"
"Well, yes," said the member. "I lie extensively."
A professor gives his psychology class a pop quiz. . .
One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy may expand up to ten times under certain circumstances?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment: "Professor, I'd rather not answer that question." The professor says, "That's all right, Miss Callahan, you don't need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?" He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. "Mr. Hawkins!" Hawkins says, "Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that may expand to ten times." The professor says, "That is correct, Mr. Hawkins." Then he turns to Miss Callahan. He says, "Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven't studied this week's assignment; and Two, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you."
A man went swimming one day....
A man wanted to goswimming in the ocean. We walked down to the beach and he saw a fisherman. He asked the fisherman " are there any sharks in the water?" The fisherman said "well obviously, the ocean is huge! But in this particular area, no there are no sharks." The man asks again "you are absolutely certain that there are no sharks around here?". So the fisherman replies again "yes, I'm sure, there are no sharks in the water around here." So fairly convinced in his safety, the man takes of his shirt and runs into the water, I dives in and as soon as he surfaces the fisherman yells "there aren't any sharks because the gators got em all!"
Beer is Bad for You
Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer - hops contain Phytoestrogens - and that by drinking enough beer, men began to act like women. To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 large drafts of beer within a one (1) hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary!!
Beer contains female hormones
Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
(A) The theory is that Beer contains female hormones (hops contain Estrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
(B) To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 large drafts of beer within a one (1) hour period.
(C) It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects - yes, 100% of all these men:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.
Martians arrive on earth...
They're peaceful and happy and everyone loves them. Obviously humanity has tons of questions they'd like to ask them so the U.N. decides to arrange a conference. All the world leaders, public intellectuals and religious heads are in attendance to ask their most burning questions. Finally it is the pope's turn to ask a question...
"I was wondering...have you ever heard of our lord and savior Jesus Christ" the pope asks.
"Jesus? Yes of course! He stops by our planet every couple of years and we all have a big party" the aliens respond
The pope looks baffled and says "You must be mistaken...Jesus Christ was here about two thousand years ago but he left and we've been waiting for his return ever since...why would he visit you so often?"
"well..." they look at each other "...maybe your chocolate wasn't good" the aliens offer
"Pardon me?" the pope asks
"Well, when Jesus first showed up on our planet we gave him really great chocolate...what did you guys do?"
The Native Indian and the Lone Ranger.
One day the Native Indian and the Lone Ranger are out hunting. It's not long before the Native Indian decides to show the Lone Ranger how his people hunt and so puts his ear to the ground.
"Deer come" says the Native Indian, and not a second later a deer comes bounding through the grass past them. The Lone Ranger is obviously impressed and asks how he did it. The Native Indian taps the side of his nose.
Not long after the Native Indian puts his ear to the ground and says "Hare come", and not a second later a hare bounds out of the bushes past them. The Lone Ranger, once again impressed, asks how he does it. The Native Indian looks at him knowingly.
After a few minutes of walking the Native Indian once again puts his ear to the ground and says "buffalo come". But no buffalo appears. The Lone Rangers asks the Native Indian if he's sure. The Native Indian replies
"Yes. Ear is sticky".
Hopefully this translates well into English..
A man is sitting on a park bench reading a book called "Logic" and another man walking past sits down beside him and asks what logic means..
The man reading the book asks, "Well, do you have an aquarium at home?"
"Yes! I do!"
"So I'm guessing you have fish in your aquarium?"
"I do!"
"And if you have fish in your aquarium, I'm guessing you like animals..?"
"Yes, I like animals!"
"And if you like animals, I would say you like people as well?"
"Yes, I like I people.."
"And if you like people, I guess you like women too?"
"Oh yes, I LOVE women!"
"Well there you go, that's what logic is!"
The man contemplates the answer he received and is satisfied with it and is about to get up to leave, when he asks: "What would've happened if I said that I didn't have an aquarium at home?"
The man on the bench thinks to himself for a minute and answers, "Well, you would've obviously been gay then".
Cheating for "Good" Reasons
An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.
Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"
Never argue with a woman
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out herself.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read a book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish & Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that quite obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I am reading!'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up a ticket.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
It was visitor's day at the insane asylum...
It was visitor's day at the insane asylum and all the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria."
They were singing it beautifully.
But oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil.
A visitor listened in wonder to the performance and then approached the conductor.
"I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard."
"Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor.
"You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they called?"
"Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor...
"They're the m**... Tapanapple Choir."
manager told me this one at dinner last weekend
Working in the field of engineering, things can get pretty dull...so here it goes.
There once was a man, lets call him John, who applied for a position at Tyco to manufacture Tickle-me Elmos. He figured he would make the cut as he knew the hiring manager. John landed the job and was told he'd be needed right away.
John reports to duty the next day and is immediately greeted by a man storming out of the building who obviously just got fired. On his way out he tells the John "Watch out, sales are down...you might be next."
Once John reports to his manager(friend), he inquires about sales being down to which the manager responds, "Yes indeed, sales are down because quality has depreciated." John asks why and the manager says, "People aren't testing the Elmo dolls seriously, you need two test tickles not just one"
Charley is a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart,
just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly"policies.
One day the boss called him into the office fora talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-upjob when you finally get here; but your being late so often
is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.
Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder.
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment,
I know you're retired from the US NAVY. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.
He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,
"They usually saluted and said,
'Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'"
A middle aged woman walks into a grocery store…
She has been single for the past 5 years and is extremely lonely. She proceeds to collect a few things here and there from throughout the store. Lip balm, a gallon of milk, a few rolls of paper towels, chicken p**... pies, and laundry detergent.
When she finishes finding all of her items she proceeded to the checkout counter. Immediately after she got in line a man came up behind her and began to wait as well. He had a 12 pack with him and was obviously drunk. He was staring at her groceries then up at her, swaying back and forth trying to keep balance.
You must be single? he asked her.
Normally she would ignore a stranger talking to her, especially one this drunk, but she was for some reason slightly intrigued. She noticed he kept looking at her groceries and up at her. Maybe he thought she was single based off what she was purchasing. Maybe he could point out something that would help her find someone to love.
Yes, I am single , she said. But can you tell me something? How can you tell I'm single? she said as she looked down at the few things in her basket.
cause….. he struggled to stand up and looked her in the eye. cause you're ugly.
Ugly Woman in the Park
A young man was sitting on a park bench when a hideous middle aged woman walked by.
The poor crone had two children with her, a young boy and a baby girl.
The young man smiled at the lady, gestured to her children, and asked if they were hers.
The woman replied that yes, they were indeed her children and thank you for asking.
The young man remarked that they were beautiful children, and asked if the boy and girl were twins.
The ugly woman was a little taken aback, but thanked the man, and asked him why on earth he thought that they were twins, given their obvious age difference.
The young man replied,
"I just can't believe that you got laid twice!"
A rich Texan is visiting Japan....
A rich Texan businessman is visiting Japan, so he decides to hire a Japanese h**.... That night, as they're reaching the c**... of the night's activities, she begins yelling, "Nagasai! Nagasai!" He obviously doesn't speak the language, so he guesses she was yelling "Yes! Yes!".
The next day, the Texan goes to play golf with a group of fellow businessmen who are Japanese. On the green of one of the later holes, one of the businessmen sink a 35 foot, double breaking putt for an Eagle. Remembering the h**... from the night before, the Texan starts yelling "Nagasai! Nagasai!"
The group of businessmen turn to him with faces of confusion. The man who sank the putt then says "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"
(I heard this joke this morning on 1310 KTCK in DFW)