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Obsession Jokes

117 obsession jokes and hilarious obsession puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about obsession that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Obsession Short Jokes

Short obsession jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The obsession humour may include short obsessive jokes also.

  1. My wife and kids are leaving me because they say I'm obsessed with horse Racing. I'm looking out the window at them now........... and they're off.....
  2. A man goes on a date Friend: 'How did your date go?'
    Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'
    Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'
    Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1'
  3. I broke up with a guy years ago due to his obsession with counting... .... I wonder what he's up to these days.
  4. Broke up with an ex years ago because she had a weird obsession with counting… I wonder what she's up to nowadays
  5. My dad is obsessed with The Beatles and is missing just one of their songs from his record collection. He needs Help.
  6. My wife threatened to leave me due to my obsession with 'The Monkees'. I didn't think she was serious. And then I saw her face...
  7. The moon landing was staged The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.
  8. As a child I was obsessed with the difference between cosine and sine As I got older I realized it was just a phase
  9. I just realized my wife left me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions. Oh well, hindsight is 1.
  10. My girlfriend left me because of my unhealthy obsession with USSR memorabilia... She said there were too many red flags!

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Obsession One Liners

Which obsession one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with obsession? I can suggest the ones about obsessive compulsive and addiction.

  1. What might you catch an ABBA-obsessed assassin doing? Halving the time of your life.
  2. I'm obsessed with seatbelts They're fastenating.
  3. Got dumped because she said I was obsessed with boat puns Canoe believe that?
  4. My girlfriend hated my obsession with Japanese food Sushi left me.
  5. My therapist keeps telling me that I'm obsessed with vengeance… We'll see about that
  6. Why are vampires so obsessed with necks? Because they were raised by a neck romancer.
  7. I'm obsessed with my F1 key. I think I need help.
  8. On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I? 9 3/4
  9. My therapist said I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge. We'll see about that.
  10. I am completely obsessed with collecting magazines. What can I say, I have issues.
  11. My therapist says I have an obsession with revenge. We'll see about that.
  12. My therapist told me I am obsessed with revenge But I'll show him!
  13. Pi Day confession: I have an obsession with pi. I know, I know... it's irrational.
  14. If my wife thinks I'm obsessed with programming, she's crazy. Endif
  15. My religious girlfriend is obsessed with cats. She's a Catholic catholic.

Unhealthy Obsession Jokes

Here is a list of funny unhealthy obsession jokes and even better unhealthy obsession puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife says she's leaving me because of my unhealthy obsession with poker. I think she's bluffing.
  • My girlfriend broke up with me, saying I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge. We'll see about that...
  • Did you hear about the architect who had an unhealthy obsession with designing overly intricate shopping malls? He had a complex complex complex.
  • My dad and I Have an unhealthy obsession with denim, I think it's in my jeans.
  • My doctor told me I have an unhealthy obsession with iPads. So he gave me some tablets.
  • What separates having a healthy interest in the English language from an unhealthy obsession is... addictionary.
  • I used to have an unhealthy obsession with plumbing parts but, after years of therapy, I finally got it out my cistern.
Obsession joke, I used to have an unhealthy obsession with plumbing parts but,

Cheerful Fun Obsession Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about obsession you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean passion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make obsession pranks.

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

OCD

A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants
in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were
looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this
disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses
the day after the ad came out.
All from the same person.

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking...

and then I saw her face...

My girlfriend broke up with me for my obsession with touching pasta.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

In honor of 3/14... TIL the man who discovered Pi had his wife, Edith, leave him over his obsession with math.

Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my obsession

She said "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a transformer".
I said "But baby, I can change".
She said "There you go again!"

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday ..

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession.
She said, "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a Transformer. It's s**.... I've had enough and I'm leaving you."
I said, "But, Baby, I can change."
She said, "There you go again!"

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkeys. I thought she was kidding...

...and then I saw her face.

My wife thinks my obsession with conspiracy theories is getting out of control.

I wonder how much money the government paid her to say that?

Led Zeppelin obsession

My girlfriend came in with tears in her eyes, saying she prayed and prayed that I would end my obsession with Led Zeppelin.
I told her, "Crying won't help ya. Praying won't do you no good."

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with 'Star Wars'.

I said: May divorce be with you.

My wife told me she was going to leave me because of my obsession with The Monkees, at first I didn't believe her...

...But then I saw her face.

I'm beginning to worry about my obsession with technology.

I told my doctor, "I think I'm addicted to Twitter."
He replied, "I don't follow you."

My wife has packed her things and left me...

My wife has packed her things and left me due to my obsession with glass objects.
Frankly, I'm shattered.

Dad is obsessive compulsive about his vinyl and owns every single Beatles record except for one..

I think he needs Help.

My wife said she's breaking up with me, because of my obsession with rhyming,

I nearly choked on my tea, what terrible timing!

My girlfriend is getting bored of my obsession with pretending to be a detective, she's suggested we should split up.

It's a good idea, we'll cover more ground that way.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta....

I'm doing well, but I do get cannellonli.

My teenage son is obsessed with the difference between sine and cosine.

But I'm sure it's just a phase.

Voldemort is like a teenage girl.

He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.

My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum today

She told me to choose between her and my obsession with pointing out doors to anyone in the room.
I responded, "Well, there's the door."

My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm obsessed with Linkin park

But in the end it doesn't even matter

Why are Japanese people so obsessed with healthy diets?

It's because they never want to see another Fat Man in their lives.

Why was the gambler obsessed with getting to heaven?

He heard it was a pair of dice.
Courtesy of my 8 year old. I'm a bad parent.

My girlfriend broke up with me today. I asked her why, and she said, "Because you're obsessed with The Monkees."

At first I thought she was joking, but then I saw her face.

My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't quit my obsession with The Monkees. I thought she was joking.

Then I saw her face.

Many people can't fall asleep due to some obsessive thoughts.

Been thinking about this all night.

A man died due to his obsession of taking photos of himself next to a boiling kettle

He had serious selfie steam issues.

Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie?

Like, i was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me: Hey! Watch It!

I got a h**... from a girl with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It was the best minute of my life...

Then the worst eleven minutes of my life.

My wife and daughter are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing...

"And they're off!"

Apple have officially rebranded with the name APPLE

Due to their obsession with capitalising.

My girlfriend said she left me because of my obsession with The Monkees. At first I thought she was kidding..

..but then I saw her face.

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing

She's at the gate... and she's off

My nurse is obsessed with power rangers

Each time she gives me pills she says "it's morphin' time"

Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?

I mean, where did it come from where did it go?

I have this s**... obsession to check whether the oven is on and that the doors are locked.

I really hate my job at the crematorium.

What do Donald Trump & the Kool-Aid Man have in common?

They are both loud, artifically colored, and obsessed with walls.

Unfortunately my girlfriend left me recently because of my obsession with The Monkees. I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face...

I knew a scientist who was obsessed with figuring out to clone a person. One day he figured it out. He was so excited.

He was beside himself.

I'm sick and tired of your obsession with walkietalkies, this relationship is over!

This relationship is what? Over.

I left my ex-girlfriend because of her obsession with counting...

I wonder what she's up to now?

My friend is obsessed with taking selfies in the shower, but they always turn out blurry.

He has selfie steam issues.

My girlfriend and I were arguing as usual. She said "It's either me or your obsession with pointing out doors?"

I said "Well if you don't like it; the door is there".

My wife is thinking of leaving me because of my obsession with poker

But I think she's bluffing.

A psychiatrist was testing a patient's personality. He drew a circle on a paper.

And asked the patient, What does this remind you of?
The patient answered, s**....
The shrink drew a square and asked again, What does this remind you of?
s**..., the patient replied.
Then the doctor drew a triangle.
It reminds me of s**..., the patient stated.
You seem to be obsessed with s**..., the shrink told the patient.
*I'm* obsessed with s**...? *You're* the one who's drawing the dirty pictures!

I think my girlfriend is obsessed with s**... doo.

She keeps telling me we should split up and search for other people.

My girlfriend is weirdly obsessed with the Soviet Union.

And for me, that's a major red flag.

My wife left me

My wife left me because of my obsession with CB radios. She told me that it's over, over.

Found out why Americans are obsessed with b**...!

All their cooking recipe are in cup sizes

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis."

I replied, "That's 15 love."

I saw my therapist today, and said "You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren't you?" She said Yes.

I said "I knew it!!"

My wife hated my obsession with Asian cuisine...

Sushi left me.

A man goes to a psychiatrist for an evaluation

So the psychiatrist draws a horizontal line and asks him what that reminds him of. "A n**... woman" he replies. So he draws a vertical line. "And this?" he asks "A n**... woman." Doctor then draws an X and asks the same question. "Two people having s**...." comes the answer. "Hmmmmm" goes the doctor. "It seems you have obsession with s**...." he speculates.
"Me?" answers the shocked man. "Who drew all this filth?"

My dog is obsessed with chasing people on bikes.

I'm honestly just impressed he can ride a bike.

I wish my girlfriend wasn't so obsessed about her breast size. Even a trip to the car dealership became embarrassing.

She told the guy she wanted something that'll get her from A to B.

My wife left me because of my obsession with cowboys

But that's ok cos this town ain't big enough for the both of us.

Did you hear about the man who was obsessed with magic mushrooms?

He was known as the fun guy … 🍄

When my wife threatened a divorce because of my obsession with the Shrek soundtrack, I thought she was joking.

But then I saw her face

To all of you who say I'm "obsessed with the metric system"

Don't judge me until you've walked 1609 metres in my shoes.

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.

More on this after the break.

Obsession joke, My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.

jokes about obsession