Obsession Jokes
116 obsession jokes and hilarious obsession puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about obsession that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Obsession Short Jokes
Short obsession jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The obsession humour may include short obsessive jokes also.
- My wife and kids are leaving me because they say I'm obsessed with horse Racing. I'm looking out the window at them now........... and they're off.....
- A man goes on a date Friend: 'How did your date go?'
Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'
Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'
Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1' - I broke up with a guy years ago due to his obsession with counting... .... I wonder what he's up to these days.
- My dad is obsessed with The Beatles and is missing just one of their songs from his record collection. He needs Help.
- The moon landing was staged The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.
- As a child I was obsessed with the difference between cosine and sine As I got older I realized it was just a phase
- I just realized my wife left me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions. Oh well, hindsight is 1.
- My girlfriend left me because of my unhealthy obsession with USSR memorabilia... She said there were too many red flags!
- Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie? Like, i was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me: Hey! Watch It!
- I wish my girlfriend wasn't so obsessed about her breast size. Even a trip to the car dealership became embarrassing. She told the guy she wanted something that'll get her from A to B.
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Obsession One Liners
Which obsession one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with obsession? I can suggest the ones about obsessive compulsive and addiction.
- What might you catch an ABBA-obsessed assassin doing? Halving the time of your life.
- I'm obsessed with seatbelts They're fastenating.
- Got dumped because she said I was obsessed with boat puns Canoe believe that?
- My girlfriend hated my obsession with Japanese food Sushi left me.
- My therapist keeps telling me that I'm obsessed with vengeance… We'll see about that
- Why are vampires so obsessed with necks? Because they were raised by a neck romancer.
- I'm obsessed with my F1 key. I think I need help.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I? 9 3/4
- I am completely obsessed with collecting magazines. What can I say, I have issues.
- Pi Day confession: I have an obsession with pi. I know, I know... it's irrational.
- If my wife thinks I'm obsessed with programming, she's crazy. Endif
- My religious girlfriend is obsessed with cats. She's a Catholic catholic.
- What do you call a person obsessed with the powerhouse of the cell? Mitochondriac
- I'm currently obsessed with the Moon Although I think it's just a phase
- What does a person obsessed with IKEA suffer from? Stock-home Syndrome
Unhealthy Obsession Jokes
Here is a list of funny unhealthy obsession jokes and even better unhealthy obsession puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife says she's leaving me because of my unhealthy obsession with poker. I think she's bluffing.
- My girlfriend broke up with me, saying I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge. We'll see about that...
- Did you hear about the architect who had an unhealthy obsession with designing overly intricate shopping malls? He had a complex complex complex.
- My dad and I Have an unhealthy obsession with denim, I think it's in my jeans.
- My doctor told me I have an unhealthy obsession with iPads. So he gave me some tablets.
- What separates having a healthy interest in the English language from an unhealthy obsession is... addictionary.
- I used to have an unhealthy obsession with plumbing parts but, after years of therapy, I finally got it out my cistern.
Cheerful Fun Obsession Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about obsession you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean passion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make obsession pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
OCD
A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants
in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were
looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this
disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses
the day after the ad came out.
All from the same person.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
My girlfriend broke up with me for my obsession with touching pasta.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
In honor of 3/14... TIL the man who discovered Pi had his wife, Edith, leave him over his obsession with math.
Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my obsession
She said "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a transformer".
I said "But baby, I can change".
She said "There you go again!"
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are Obsessive Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependant, have someone press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5,6. If you are paranoid, we know which one you want.
My wife thinks my obsession with conspiracy theories is getting out of control.
I wonder how much money the government paid her to say that?
People used to say I would never get over my obsession with Phil Collins....
Well, take a look at me now!
Led Zeppelin obsession
My girlfriend came in with tears in her eyes, saying she prayed and prayed that I would end my obsession with Led Zeppelin.
I told her, "Crying won't help ya. Praying won't do you no good."
My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with 'Star Wars'.
I said: May divorce be with you.
I'm beginning to worry about my obsession with technology.
I told my doctor, "I think I'm addicted to Twitter."
He replied, "I don't follow you."
My wife has packed her things and left me...
My wife has packed her things and left me due to my obsession with glass objects.
Frankly, I'm shattered.
My wife said she's breaking up with me, because of my obsession with rhyming,
I nearly choked on my tea, what terrible timing!
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta....
I'm doing well, but I do get cannellonli.
My teenage son is obsessed with the difference between sine and cosine.
But I'm sure it's just a phase.
Voldemort is like a teenage girl.
He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.
My mom was always obsessed with dental hygiene...
...she would always take her electric toothbrush to bed and brush her teeth all night!
My friend is obsessed with Navy destroyers
He warships them
My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum today
She told me to choose between her and my obsession with pointing out doors to anyone in the room.
I responded, "Well, there's the door."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when young adults are so obsessed with their phones that they stop having s**...?
Appstinence
My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm obsessed with Linkin park
But in the end it doesn't even matter
Why was the gambler obsessed with getting to heaven?
He heard it was a pair of dice.
Courtesy of my 8 year old. I'm a bad parent.
My girlfriend broke up with me today. I asked her why, and she said, "Because you're obsessed with The Monkees."
At first I thought she was joking, but then I saw her face.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't quit my obsession with The Monkees. I thought she was joking.
Then I saw her face.
Many people can't fall asleep due to some obsessive thoughts.
Been thinking about this all night.
A man died due to his obsession of taking photos of himself next to a boiling kettle
He had serious selfie steam issues.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a h**... from a girl with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It was the best minute of my life...
Then the worst eleven minutes of my life.
Apple have officially rebranded with the name APPLE
Due to their obsession with capitalising.
My nurse is obsessed with power rangers
Each time she gives me pills she says "it's morphin' time"
Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?
I mean, where did it come from where did it go?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have this s**... obsession to check whether the oven is on and that the doors are locked.
I really hate my job at the crematorium.
I don't understand this recent trend where everyone seems to be obsessed with protein.
I'm way more into amateur teen.
I have this weird obsession with old memes...
Bottom Text
Whattaya call someone who seems to have an almost fetishistic obsession with stomping into a comments section, saying something absolutely horrible, and spending the rest of the day slapfighting with whole threads of people calling them an idiot?
A compulsive mass debater.
What do Donald Trump & the Kool-Aid Man have in common?
They are both loud, artifically colored, and obsessed with walls.
I knew a scientist who was obsessed with figuring out to clone a person. One day he figured it out. He was so excited.
He was beside himself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm sick and tired of your obsession with walkietalkies, this relationship is over!
This relationship is what? Over.
My girlfriend and I were arguing as usual. She said "It's either me or your obsession with pointing out doors?"
I said "Well if you don't like it; the door is there".
My GF said she's leaving me because of my obsession with TV Dramas. But will she really leave me?...
Find out next week!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think my girlfriend is obsessed with s**... doo.
She keeps telling me we should split up and search for other people.
My girlfriend is weirdly obsessed with the Soviet Union.
And for me, that's a major red flag.
My wife left me
My wife left me because of my obsession with CB radios. She told me that it's over, over.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Found out why Americans are obsessed with b**...!
All their cooking recipe are in cup sizes
My cousin is obsessed with football (soccer). So when I entered his room...
When I entered his room and saw that it was covered in posters of a famous Argentinian player, I thought to myself...
That's a Messi room.
My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis."
I replied, "That's 15 love."
I saw my therapist today, and said "You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren't you?" She said Yes.
I said "I knew it!!"
My dad had this strange obsession with collecting bottles!
Would be one way to say he's an alcoholic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to a psychiatrist for an evaluation
So the psychiatrist draws a horizontal line and asks him what that reminds him of. "A n**... woman" he replies. So he draws a vertical line. "And this?" he asks "A n**... woman." Doctor then draws an X and asks the same question. "Two people having s**...." comes the answer. "Hmmmmm" goes the doctor. "It seems you have obsession with s**...." he speculates.
"Me?" answers the shocked man. "Who drew all this filth?"
My dog is obsessed with chasing people on bikes.
I'm honestly just impressed he can ride a bike.
My Friend who was obsessed with the Monkees sadly passed away this week
So I sent his family Micky Dolenzes
My wife left me because of my obsession with cowboys
But that's ok cos this town ain't big enough for the both of us.
Did you hear about the man who was obsessed with magic mushrooms?
He was known as the fun guy … 🍄
When my wife threatened a divorce because of my obsession with the Shrek soundtrack, I thought she was joking.
But then I saw her face
To all of you who say I'm "obsessed with the metric system"
Don't judge me until you've walked 1609 metres in my shoes.
A girl is fed up with her boyfriend's unhealthy obsession with detective movies, and wants to break up with him.
"This is too much. We really should split up."
"Good idea, we can cover more ground that way."
Me and my friends from the obsessive compulsive support group are starting a rock cover band.
We're calling ourselves OC/DC.
My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with food.
I wasn't really listening, but she said something about not making enough thyme for her.
My girlfriend from college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.
I wonder what she's up to now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My therapist told me I am obsessed with revenge
But I'll show him!
