Observe Jokes
47 observe jokes and hilarious observe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about observe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Observe Short Jokes
Short observe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The observe humour may include short observation jokes also.
- Three guys are drinking methanol. "Quickly, let's finish the bottle, it's getting dark already," one of them observes.
- A man takes his sick wife to a doctor.. The doctor after making initial observations, says - 'Sir, your wife doesn't look so good'. To which the man replies, 'Yea, but she gives great head'.
- Man's March (on Washington) Can be observed every day at 8am. Also known as going to work.
- Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail? It's pretty much a downward spiral.
- Something I've observed in my life. You never know how many people you dislike until ... you have to name your child
- „Honey, I feel so ugly and fat, I really need a compliment from you... „Babe, your observation skills are really good.
- Why can't a pulsar be observed by any computer controlled optical telescope? Video killed the radio star.
- A quantum object turns from wave to a particle... "It's just a prank bro! Look, there's the observer!!"
- I collected a lot of data trying to disprove observation bias. The results were exactly what I expected.
- People at my work are subject to quantum effects They behave differently if a superviser is observing.
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Observe One Liners
Which observe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with observe? I can suggest the ones about inspect and peek.
- A lot of comedy today is observational humor You guys ever noticed that?
- My doctor diagnosed me with severe lack of observation. That came out of nowhere.
- Observational humor isn't funny See?
- A non-observable electron... ...went into two bars...
- Do you know how much I hate observational comedy? This much.
- I like to observe people in lines. I'm in Wait Watchers.
- Where are doctors most observant of their patients in the hospital? In the ICU.
- As we observe the anniversary of 9/11 today, remember... All buildings matter.
- What's the most observant reptile? An investi-gator
- Why do innovators study marine biology? To observe their e-fish-in-see
- Q:"Are Schrodinger joke any good?" A: "I donno man. Depends on the observing public."
- What do you call people who observe owls reproducing? A hornithologist.
- I think my wife is overdoing her lent observance. She won't even toss my salad.
- For my birthday I got myself glasses. So my observational comedy's really improved .
- Yo momma's so fat! It's just an observation.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Observe Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about observe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean noticed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make observe pranks.
A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're n**... and they're eating fruit.
The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.
The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Soviet Russian
are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "They must be French, they're n**... and they're eating fruit."
The Englishman replies with, "Clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit."
The Russian then notes, "They are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."
Four gents are on the golf course...
... on the second tee box. As gent number one steps up to the tee, a f**... procession drives by. Seeing the procession, he stops what he is doing, folds his hand, and bows his head out of respect. After the procession finishes, the other gents observe that, although it was a nice gesture, it was a little excessive to stop play like that. Gent number one replies "It was the least i could do ... I was married to her for 45 years!"
In one Intensive care unit
people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
Two kids are walking down a dirt path...
a boy and a girl. Suddenly the boy stops and proclaims, "look at what I have!"
He pulls down his pants and allows the girl to observe.
"Do you have one?" he asks.
The girl is confused and upset that she does seem to be lacking what the boy has. Distraught she runs home to her mother who see her daughter crying.
"What's wrong?" asks the mother. The daughter tells her mother about the situation and when she is done her mother only smiles.
The next day the boy and girl are walking along the same path. The boy notices the girl is smiling even more than he is and demands to know why. The girl, turns to him, pulls up her skirt and says "my mom says as long as I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want!"
A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are relaxing on a hill
A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are relaxing on a hill overlooking an abandoned house. They watch two people enter the house through a broken window. Time passes. Later they observe three people leave the house.
The physicist says, "Our measurements weren't accurate."
The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."
The mathematician says, "If one more person goes inside, the house will be empty."
Yo moma is so s**.......
she could observe the particles in the double slit experiment and still get an interference pattern
A physicist, a biologist, a programmer, and a mathematician ....
are sitting at a café across from an empty building.
They observe two people enter and then, later, three leave.
The physicist says, "Apparently there was some error with our measurements."
The biologist says, "Obviously, they reproduced while in the building."
The mathematician opines, "If now one more were to enter the building, it would again be empty."
And then the programmer replies "they must've used a b**...".
The US postal service releases a stamp of Donald Trump
After sometime, reports start to come in that the stamp was not sticking. Infuriated that his own stamps were not working, Trump conducted a $1,300,000 investigation to find out what happened. After eliminating all of the possibilities, they observe the post office to see if the fault was on the consumers end. They soon found out that people were spitting on the wrong side.
I daily observe a group of ladies sitting in the park Talking and Laughing Loudly.
One day I observed all the ladies were silent. There must be some Serious issue or Incident that Happened. So I went to a Lady and asked, "Why everybody is Silent Today?"
The Lady replied, "All Are Present Today."
It took me a whole minute to understand this.
How many existentialists does it take to change a light-bulb?
Two, one to change the light-bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness.
This is courtesy of Spencer Reid.(CM)
I just came up with a really good Schroedinger joke.
But I won't know if it's funny or not until you observe it.
Women are like roller coasters.
##
I tend to observe them from a safe distance, and I'll never go on a big one.
How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
Juno and Jupiter Sitting in Space
jupiter's moons were named after the Roman god's mistresses and this week NASA sent a spacecraft named after his wife, Juno, to observe the planet. If they find evidence that Jupiter has been unfaithful, the next thing NASA will be sending is a Death Star.
On a scale of 1-10 how enthusiastically did Mitsubishi observe Pearl Harbor day?
Zero
Larry is a biologist who prefers to observe his deep-sea specimens up close in the field
He works well under pressure
Women are like rollercoasters.
I tend to observe them from a safe distance, and due to my height they don't work well with me anyway.
Three Greeks and Three Turks are riding a train.
The Turks each buy one ticket, but the Greeks only buy one ticket total. The Turks are confused.
"How can you ride with one ticket?"
"Watch and you shall see."
The Greeks get on the train and pile into the bathroom. The Turks sit near the bathroom and observe. The conductor knocks on the door and says "Ticket please." The Greeks slide the ticket through the door.
The Turks think this is ingenious! They decide to try it, so on the ride back they buy only one ticket. But the Greeks don't buy any.
"How will you ride without any tickets?"
"Watch and you shall see."
They get on the train. The Turks pile into one bathroom, the Greeks into another. One Greek gets out of the bathroom, walks over to the bathroom the Turks are hiding in, and says:
"Ticket please."
A Native American boy walks up to the the Chief of his tribe...
He says to the Chief "Great Chief, where do the people of our tribe get their names?" the chief replies, "Well, each infant is given a name by their father seconds before the mother gives birth. You see, what the father does is observe the nature around them and let its spirit inspire them." The boy says "I see, this makes some sense to me." and the Chief explains to the boy, "You're friend, Soaring-eagle, received his name when his father saw an eagle fly directly above the hut that his wife was giving birth in." The boy still looked slightly confused, so the Chief asked "Why exactly are you seeking this information. Did you want to know where you're name originated, Twodogsfucking?"
Handy money-saving tip: Avoid spending money on expensive binoculars...
...by simply standing closer to the objects you wish to observe.
Why did the blonde astronomer bring her steak into the bathroom?
She wanted to observe a meatier shower
Why did the physicist move across the street from the haunted graveyard?
To observe spooky action at a distance!
Thank you, I'll be here all week.
I was travelling in a train when I heard an announcement on PA.
The announcement was "If you observe anything or anyone looking suspicious or dangerous, please report to us at 555-5555."
At that time I looked over at the female passenger seating besides me. Then I remove my phone and dialed the number 555-5555. She started looking at me suspiciously.
As soon as the line connected, I said,"Hello, I want report a suspicious looking female who is seating next to me. She seems to be dangerous as well."
At that point, the suspicious and dangerous looking female snatched my phone and shouts ,"Stop doing that John. I am your wife!".
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th-grade class
a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms."Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded...
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
Three aliens
Three aliens, Bu; Chu and Fu, are sent to Earth to document local civilization. They land in America, and use advanced technology to make themselves look human. After they collected some data (including large percentage of English language), Bu said to the others: "Maybe we should change our names to fit in. Then we can observe much better." The other two agree. "I´ll be Buck" said Bu.
"I think I´ll be Chuck" said Chu. Fu decided to leave the rest of the mission to those two and returned to his home planet.