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Obligate Jokes

99 obligate jokes and hilarious obligate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about obligate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Obligate Short Jokes

Short obligate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The obligate humour may include short jokes also.

  1. The new Russian AI application ChatKGB - it's asking all the questions, and you are obligated to answer them
  2. Have you walked 500 miles? Have you walked 500 miles?
    Have you been asked to walk 500 more?
    You may be entitled to compensation!!!
    For your free no obligation quote call the Pro-Claimers now!!
  3. If The Safety Dance comes on, are we obligated to dance? I mean, I know we can dance if we want to
  4. Girl, are you a Collateralized Debt Obligation? Because a lot of rich people are trading you around and a few insiders have told me you're completely toxic.
  5. I hear Hillary really resented Sanders's hastag #FeelTheBern She was worried how obligated Bill would feel when #FeelTheClinton caught on.
  6. If you buy cabbage from Coles you are legally obliged to buy carrots and mayo as well It's called Coleslaw
  7. I'm the kind of guy who would feel morally obligated to eat what I kill... So please don't try to rob my house...
  8. I'm clicking on this post now. I think it's mildly humorous how this joke is written in the first person, so I'll leave an upvote because I feel obliged to do so.
  9. My nieces are darlings... My nieces are darlings said Sid.
    I'm obliged to do whatever they bid.
    As I tucked them in bed,
    I asked "What's to be read?"
    "Uncle Remus!" they cried, so I did.
  10. TIL that if you thank or reward someone for something before they do it, they feel obliged to do it thanks for the gold, stranger!

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Obligate One Liners

Which obligate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with obligate? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. If you crack a Joseph Stalin joke.. I am obliged to give full Marx for effort.
  2. How about a month filled with stress and obligation? - Pitch for December
  3. Who's the most helpful female rapper? Mary J Obliging

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about obligate can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of obligate puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Obligate Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about obligate you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make obligate prank.

Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a s**.

.. problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."
"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
So, the worried fellow returned with his wife the following pad.
The doctor greeted the coupled and then said, "Please remove your clothes, Mrs. Thomas."
The woman obliged and removed her clothing.
"Okay, now turn all the way around... Now, lie down please... Uh-huh, I see. Alright, you can put your clothes back on."
While the woman was busy dressing herself again, the doctor took the husband aside.
"You're in perfect health," he said to the man. "Your wife didn't give me an e**... either."

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store.


He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him.
But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help.
She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”
“Dear God! Did you try to stop him?”
“No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.
"Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.
Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Peculiar Contest

A frenchman, an american, and an arab [NOTE: this isn't racist, you can just paste any nationality whatsoever. However, the joke works best with these three] walk into a bar and come up with a contest to see who's better.
The contest rules: you must kill a bear and have s**... with an old lady in the shortest possible time.
The frenchman walks in, and he's very good with women because he's french and all, takes 2hr to bang the grandma. But, he s**... at hunting because he's never seen a bear before and needs 6hrs to kill the bear. 8hrs.
The american is the opposite, because he's all christian and has moral obligation, while he's really good at hunting because there are lots of bears in his country. 8hrs also.
The arab walks in where the bear is, and stays in there for 7hrs. We hear grunts and loud noises. Finally, he emerges all bruised up and scarred, and proudly says: "So, where is that old lady I have to kill?"

Stop Sign

A man gets pulled over by a police officer for running a stop sign. The officer says "you didn't stop at that stop sign." The man replies "oh come on, I slowed down to almost a stop." The officer looks at the man and says "please step out of the vehicle sir." The man obliges, and at this point the police officer starts to beat him with a baton and says "now do you want me to stop, or do you want me to slow down?"

An elderly couple goes into a doctors office

and the man asks the doctor, "There's nothing specifically wrong with us, but we were wondering if you would be so kind as to watch us have s**..., to make sure there's nothing wrong."
The doctor obliges, and the couple make love in the small room, while he looks on. After they finish, he tells them that he sees nothing wrong with them, that they are very healthy, and to feel free to come by any time if they need anymore help.
A week later, the couple show up again and go through the same process. The doctor again tells them that they are fine, and they leave. This happens over and over again, over the course of several months, and finally the doctors says, "Look, there's obviously nothing wrong with ether of you or your s**... life. Why do you keep coming here?"
The old man says, "Well, my wife's at home, her grand kids are at her house, a hotel costs upwards of $70 a night, and this place is covered by my HMO."

A plane crashes and everyone dies

And they all go to heaven. But almost everyone on this plane was either fat as can be or ugly as sin and they all had been bullied their entire lives due to this.
So god lines everyone up and says "You've all been good people but were treated terribly during life, so I will grant you one wish before you enter heaven."
The first guy thinks for a second and says "I wish I could spend eternity as a good looking man." and so god changes him into a good looking man and the guy happily goes through the pearly gates.
The second guy sees this and says "I wish to spend eternity as a good looking man!" and god obliges, but he starts to hear a faint giggle at the end of the line.
Each person in line wishes for the same thing: to be good looking. And after each wish the laughter gets louder and louder. So finally god gets to the end of the line to the laughing man and says "And what exactly is so funny?" and the guy says "I wish they were all ugly again!"

A woman takes her dead parrot into a vet's office...

And lays it upon the examination table. The vet takes one look at the deceased bird and says, 'Sorry Ma'am, but your parrot is dead.' The woman isn't satisfied, and asks for a second opinion. The vet obliges and pokes his head into the next room and calls in a second doctor. A cat saunters in, jumps up onto the table, looks up to the vet with sorrow in his eyes and says, 'Meow.' 'Sorry,' the vet says, 'my colleague says your parrot is dead. The woman still isn't satisfied and wants yet another opinion. The vet, as before, pokes his head into the next room, but this time a dog bounds in, puts its paws on the table, sniffs the bird and barks. 'Sorry Ma'am, but that's three doctor's opinions. Your bird is certainly dead.' 'Alright,' the woman says, 'you win, here's the $50 for the appointment.' '$50?' The vet exclaims, 'You owe me $150 for the extra cat scan and the lab report.'

A violinist goes to Israel to play a concert...

The violinist goes along with his concert and plays to the best of his ability. When he was finished, he rose up and gave a bow. The crowd roared in applause, but from the back of the crowd a man yelled,
"Play it again!"
Honored by this request, the violinist obliged, and played his piece again.
When he finished, the crowd again roared with applause. The man in the back of the audience proclaimed once more,
"Play it again!"
Knowing he was pressed for time, the Violinist replied,
"I am honored by your request sir, but I have another concert to perform in Turkey and I have to catch my flight.
Finally, the man said,
"You are going to sit down and play it again until you get it right!"

So three mice get into Heaven...

And they are greeted by St. Peter. Peter says to them "Because you lived good lives, each of you gets one wish." They say to Peter "We spent our entire lives running from predators, and our legs got very tired. Can you give us skateboards to get around?" Peter obliges, and they get three skateboards.
About a week later, Peter is checking in on everybody in Heaven. He runs into the cat that died about a month earlier, and he asks how he is doing. The cat says "Heaven is fabulous! I especially love the meals on wheels you sent me a few days ago!"

The Lone Ranger

Once, in the Wild, Wild West, the lone ranger was captured by an Indian tribe. The Chief of the tribe says, "I have heard of you, Lone Ranger. If you can impress me enough within three days, I will let you go free."
So, the Lone Ranger thinks hard for a few minutes and says, "May I have a minute alone with my horse?"
The Chief obliges him, and not 30 seconds later, the horse gallops out of the tent and runs away. The Chief is puzzled, but the Lone Ranger seems satisfied nonetheless. A few hours pass, but then the Lone Ranger's horse returns with an absolutely beautiful blonde girl, with whom the Lone Ranger spends the night.
The Chief is absolutely amazed, but not enough so to let the Lone Ranger go. So, the Lone Ranger asks to, again, hold council with his horse. And again, the horse gallops away, returning later with a redhead even more beautiful than the previous lady.
The next day, the Chief tells the Lone Ranger, although he is impressed, he is not going to let him go. So, the Lone Ranger asks to be left alone with his horse. After the tribe vacated the room, he whispers into the horse's ear very succinctly,
"Bring. Posse."

Einstein dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates...

Einstein dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, where he is greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter tells him, "Oh, Einstein, we've not quite finished preparing your living quarters, so we'll have to ask you to temporarily room with a few other men for the time being." Einstein obliges, and St. Peter takes him to his temporary room, where he meets his 3 roommates. St. Peter, introducing Einstein to the first man, says "Einstein, this is Mark. He has an IQ of 130." Einstein says "Oh, wonderful, we'll be able to discuss physics together." St. Peter introduces him to the second man, "Einstein, this is James. He has an IQ of 150." Einstein says, "Marvelous, we'll be able to discuss mathematics and literature together." St. Peter introduces him to the third man, "Einstein, this is Will. he has an IQ of 80." Einstein turns to Will and says, "Oh, nice to meet you Will! So where do you think interest rates are headed?"

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a j**... lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a j**... lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.

A man finds his friend drunk at a bar

His drunk friend is staring intensely at his soup.
"Hey buddy, what's up? You ok?"
"Nah man -slurs his friend drunkenly-, this soup man, it won't let me eat it"
"What do you mean?"
"It just won't let me eat it! It's impossible to eat!"
"I'm sure you can eat it if you try"
"IT JUST WON'T OK? You try and see for your self"
The guy, amused, obliges, and tries his friend's soup, while the drunk friend stares in disbelief.
"That's amazing! I've tried to eat it three times, and it just comes back into the bowl!"

There were two elderly people living in a nursing home...

Let's call them Fred and Ethel. Now both Fred and Ethel were widowers and got quite lonely. They would just go about their day, seemingly down all the time because their companion was no longer with them. Both of them would just stare vacantly at the tv watching reruns of older shows. One day, Fred walks up to Ethel and says, "Would you like to watch tv together?" Ethel looks up with a smile and says, "Yes."
While they are watching tv, Fred asks Ethel if she would put her hand on his lap. He says that by doing this they can both feel that long lost connection of another human being. Ethel obliges but states that in no way would it lead to s**... or anything of that sort. Fred seems fine with the arrangement. A week goes by and they watch tv together that way when one day Ethel succumbs to pneumonia. She is taken to the hospital and given antibiotics. She returns a week later to find Fred watching tv with another woman, Ruth.
Devastated, she walks up to Fred and exclaims, "I can't believe this is happening. I thought we had something special Fred." Fred stammers out an apology. Ethel asks, "What is it that she has that I don't, Fred?" to which he replies, "Parkinson's."

There was a bear and a rabbit.

There was a bear and a rabbit walking through the woods, right, and they found a magic lamp. Since it was dirty they decided to clean it. So when they were done with that a magic genie came out of the lamp. So the genie was like "I shall grant you both three wishes since you both found me." So the bear went first and said "I wish I was the sexiest bear in the forest", so the genie obliged. Next the rabbit went and he said "I wish I had a motorbike." Then for the bear's next wish he said "I wish all the female bears had the hots for me." So now all the girls loved this guy. Next the rabbit went and he said "I wish I had motorbike gear." And so now he had motorbike gear. The bear went next and he said "I wish all the other male bears were gone", and so he became the only male bear in the forest. The rabbit got on his motorbike and started to ride off. "What of your last wish, master.", and the rabbit said, for his third and final wish, "I wish the bear was gay".

Making Pizza

This is the first dirty joke I ever learned.

A young boy and girl are walking through the woods together when they spot two squirrels having s**.... The little girl asks "What are they doing?" and the boy, knowing what they are really doing, says "Oh, they're making pizza." They continue on and see two bears having s**.... The girl asks again what they're doing, and the boy responds again "Making pizza.". Finally her curiosity got the best of her, and the girl says to the boy "It looks like they're enjoying themselves. I think I want to make pizza too." The boy obliges and they start having s**... in the middle of the woods. A few minutes later the girl says to the boy "Ok, I think the pizza's done." and the boy replies "How are you sure?". The girl says "Because the cheese is running down my leg."

My all time favorite joke that my dad told me: The Unfaithful Husband and His Snails

This married couple decided to stay in one night instead of going out to eat, and so the wife looks at the husband and says, Sweetheart, I feel like escargo tonight. Can you go get some fresh snails?" So the husband agrees and takes a bucket over to the beach to find some snails. Just as he put the last snail in his bucket, he saw these gorgeous women looking in his direction, so he decided to go and say hello. After much flirting, they girls invited him back to their apartment, to which of course he obliged. They end up having the wildest craziest s**... imaginable, all three of them. But the husband looked up and realized he'd been gone for hours and it was almost dinner time and he hadn't even brought back the snails! So he grabbed his bucket of snails and ran back home, not stopping the entire way. Just as he made his way up the stairs to his house, he tripped on the last step and the snails went flying everywhere just as his wife opened the door. Before she could ask where he had been all day, the husband got down on his hands and knees and says to the snails, C'mon little guys, we're almost there! You can make it!"

A Texan man walks into a pub in Ireland.

He clears his t**... and announces to the people inside, "Right, I hear y'all's a bunch of heavy drinkers, so here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give a cheque for one hundred American dollars to anyone who can drink ten pints of your Guinness back to back".
No one speaks up. Gradually the conversations start back up and one man gets up, picks up his coat and walks out.
20 minutes later he stumbles back in the door, walks up to the Texan and says "Is your wager still good?" "It sure is p**...!" shouts the Texan, and the barman obligingly pulls ten pints of Guinness and lines them up on the bar. The pub falls silent as p**... starts.
One
Two
Three
Four
A few people start shouting "Go on p**...!"
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
By this point the whole pub is chanting his name. He slams the ninth glass down and drains the tenth, holding it up triumphantly. The pub erupts with cheers and the amazed Texan pulls out his chequebook and writes p**... his cheque. He hands it to him and says "Well I'll be d**..., it's true what they say about y'all! By the way, where did you go earlier?"
p**... replies, "To O'Malley's round the corner to see if I could do it!"

A man goes to the doctor to get the test results he'd been waiting on...

And he asked the doc, "So how'd the tests go?" The doctor says with a solemn look, "Not well. I'm afraid have bad news, and I have worse news. Which would you like first?" After pausing for a moment the patient says "Just give me the worst news first." The doctor obliges and tells him, "Well there's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it. You have AIDS." The patient is stunned and replies, "Wow.. I... Wow that's terrible. And you have even more bad news for me?" The doctor says "Unfortunately yes. The test results showed that you have Alzheimer's disease." The patient looks relieved and replies, "Well that's not that bad. At least I don't have AIDS!"

a penguin is driving through Texas when ...

... his car engine suddenly sputters and dies. close to a service station, he uses his momentum to roll up in front of the garage. he hops out and asks the mechanic to have a look. the mechanic obliges and says "give me 15 minutes". it being a hot day in Lubbock (naturally), the penguin gravitates to the baskin robbins across the street to get a vanilla ice cream. not having lips, the little guy enjoys his ice cream greatly but makes a bit of a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. after finishing, he walks back across the street to the service station. the mechanic says to him "looks like you blew a seal." the penguin replies, "oh no, that's just ice cream!"

My grandfather sent me this in an email this morning.

Frank is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Frank turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What?''
"s**...." he replies.
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old toot. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"
"I know," Frank says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Frank's thingie.
Then one night Frank didn't show up at their usual meeting place.
Alarmed, Mildred decided to find him and make sure he was O.K.
She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Frank's little pal!
Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing son-of-a-gun!! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Frank smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's"

A wife comes home with a new Coach bag...

Her husband asks, "Where did you get that?"
"I won it in a raffle." she replies.
The next day she comes home with a new diamond bracelet. He asks her again, "Where did you get the bracelet?"
"I won it in a raffle." she says again. Later that evening, she asks her husband to run a bath for her. He obliges and runs about a half inch to an inch of water in the tub. She comes in and asks him why he didn't fill the tub up.
He says, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."

The Lone Ranger..

and Tonto were riding when all of a sudden they were surrounded by Indians. That was when Tonto informed the Lone Ranger that he was tired of being his sidekick and sold him out. Once in captivity the Lone Ranger was given one last request from the Indian chief. He requested to speak to his horse, Silver. He whispered into the horses ear and it took off, later returning with a beautiful n**... woman, the Lone Ranger proceed to have s**... with her. The Indian chief was very impressed with the feat he had just witnessed but was still going to kill him. The Lone Ranger asked to speak to his horse one more time and the chief obliged. The horse walked over and the Lone Ranger went to his ear and said " POSSE, YOU IDIOT I SAID POSSE!!"

Checks and pants

A middle aged man and a hot young girl step into a jewelery store. The man asks the jeweler to show the girl his finest rings. The jeweler obliged does so and after some consideration the girl picks one of the most expensive ones. At the point the man proceeds to write off a check for the ring; the jeweler interjects "I'm sorry Sir! We do not take checks". The man then tells the jeweler, "I understand your concern. I'll tell you what, cash the check in and my sweet Maria will pass and pick up the ring tomorrow". The jeweler sees no problems with that and Maria seems to be exhilarated at the thought of getting such a ring. They both leave the jewelery store in a rather passionate way.
The next morning the jeweler calls the man: "Sir! There seems to be a problem with your check! Apparently the account lack the funds to cash it in". The man at that point replies, "Forget the ring. I already got into her pants!"

A man rushes into a bar...

The young barkeep asks him what he wants.
"A whiskey, as quick as you can!"
The barkeep brings it to him and the man downs it straight away.
"Another! make it a double"
The barkeep once again obliges and the man downs it again.
"Bring me another double, and a triple chaser"
The barkeep, a bit shocked, once again obliges and again the man downs both.
The barkeep, now getting curious, says to him.
"Excuse me sir, why are you drinking so much so quickly?"
He responds, "If you had what I had, you'd be doing the same!"
The barkeep asks him, "If you don't mind me asking, what have you got?"
The man responds...
"No money!"

The starship Enterprise encountered an alien race...

Kirk asks "What is your method of reproduction?"
A pair of aliens, happy to oblige, touched their antennae together, and soon a bud formed on the side of one. It slowly grew into a small replica of the alien, then fell off and started running around the room.
The aliens ask "How do you reproduce?", so Kirk grabs Uhura and proceeds to demonstrate.
"Where's the baby?" the aliens ask. Kirk replies, "Well, with any luck, it'll be along in about nine months or so."
"Nine months!" the alien exclaims. "If it takes nine months, why were you in such a hurry at the end?"

A cop pulls a guy over for having a bear in his passenger seat.

The cop says to the man, sir, I need you to take that bear to the zoo!
The man obliged and the officer sent him on his way.
A few hours later the cop sees the same man with the same bear except this time he is wearing a zoo tee-shirt.
The cop pulls him over and says
"Sir I thought I told you to take that bear to the zoo"
He replies
"I did officer, and he had so much fun I bought him this tee-shirt and we're on our way to the movies!"

Three guys walk into a bar, an air force pilot, a marine, and a police officer...

The pilot says "I'll have a pint of your finest lager." The bartender serves him some beer. The marine says, "Line up three shots of r**...." The bartender obliges. Finally the cop says "Give me a glass of cabernet." The bartender gives the cop his wine. The three men pay, have their drinks and leave.
The bartender looks bemused as though he expected something different. He sets out some tumblers, and starts pouring gingerale into each one. He follows with some orange juice. The old wino at the end of the bar asks him what's up. He says "After all this, I felt we needed a punch line."

An Irishman walks into a bar...

...and says to the bartender, "Give me three pints of Guinness, lad". The bartender obliges, and the Irishman lifts two of the three glasses to the air, as if toasting some invisible person. He then set them down, and finished all three glasses by sipping from one, then the next, and the next until it was empty. Bartender, naturally curious, asks what's up.
"Oh, me two brothers all live about. Since we can't meet and have a pint together, we do it from afar like this."
This continues for a few more months, until finally, one day, the Irishman only orders two pints of Guinness. Bartender notices this and says solemnly, "Only two today? I'm sorry. Did one of your brothers pass away?"
"No, no, nothing of the sort. I've quit drinking!"

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender: "Twenty shots of your finest tequila, please."
The bartender is surprised, but obliges. The man then goes down the line, taking shot after shot, back to back. The bartender is amazed!
"Wow! I've never seen anyone drink like that before!" says the bartender
The man says: "Yeah, well, when you have what I have, you'd drink like that too"
"Well, what do you have?"
"A dollar."

A man goes the doctor claiming to be constantly tired during the day.

The doctor says to him "Play the song "Losing my Religion" on repeat in your bedroom, while you sleep."
The man obviously thinks that it is a ridiculous treatment, but obliges the doctor nonetheless.
The next day the man bursts into his doctor's office and yells: "I feel fantastic!! How the did that actually work?!"
The doctor replies: "You weren't getting enough REM sleep."

Another vampire joke.

3 vampires walk into a blood bar.
The 1st vampire looks at the bartender and says "I'll have your finest cup of blood, type O negative please." The bartender happily obliges.
The 2nd vampire then places his order. "One mug of AB positive, with extra plasma please!" The bartender once again happily obliges.
The 3rd vampire asks for a cup of boiling water. The bartender, perplexed, asks what he'll be needing a cup of hot water for. The 3rd vampire then pulls out a used t**... and says "I'm making tea."

Two friends, Louis and Moe, walk down a street discussing about a girl.

Louis has been on a bit of a dry spell and is craving some tangy p. Recently, he has caught the attention of this girl, who he thinks is hot. She has made s**... advances. Louis has yet to respond accordingly due to bad timing but wants to oblige her. Moe has heard from her ex-boyfriend that she is easily moisted but may not be too healthy, in regards to this context. He disapproves of Louis going through with it because he had experienced getting s**... once before.
So Moe says to him, Don't do it dude, trust me.
Louis thinks intently about it and says I could see where you're coming from…
But I could also see where she is coming from.

A man walks into a bar

sits down and says to the barkeep "I need a shot and a beer before the fight." Barkeep obliges the man with a drink. The man says to the barkeep " I need another shot and a before the fight." Barkeep thinks to himself, this must be a bad fight, and gives the man another shot and beer. The man downs his shot and chases it with the beer and asks for another shot and beer before the fight. Now the barkeep is curious and asks "Sir, you must be in a bad situation. What is this fight all about?" The man replies "I haven't got any money on me"
Sorry if this has been posted before. Heard it several years ago and it's stuck with me since then.

Why is it that lawyers get sick?

It's because they are *contract*ually obligated to do so.

A woman hears a knock a her door...

She answers and a man is standing on her front porch.
"Hello" he says, "I'm your new neighbor. I'm obligated to inform you that I am a registered s**... offender."
"This is totally unacceptable," she proclaims, "I'm calling my congressman!" And she slams the door.
A few seconds later there is another knock at the door. She opens the door and the same man is standing there.
"Hello, I'm your congressman."

I needed to make a joke for this... Post any better ones in comments :D

A man and a woman are at a bar, chatting it up. The woman thinks she's going to get into this guy's pants, but he's playing hard to get. Eventually she gets him to come to her house. When they get there, she immediately asks him to take off his shirt. The man happily obliged, happy to show off his new abs. As he takes off his shirt, she notices hickies all over him.
"What happened to you?" She says.
"Nothing... Had a crazy night... You should've seen the other guy" says the man.
The woman mumbles and they have a platonic evening of Glee marathons.

A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down.

A fellow stops by to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my shoes please?"
The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says: "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me up here to make love to you!"
They stare at him and say, "That can't be!"
He replies, "OK, let's check!"
He shouts down the stairs to his friend, "Both of them?"
The reply comes back, "Yes, both of them!"

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar and sees h**.... He asks if he can sit with him and ask him some questions, h**... obliges. After a while the man works up the courage to ask more serious questions.
"How many people did you kill?" asks the man.
"Six million jews and one birthday clown" h**... answers.
The man's eyes widen.
"Why the clown?" the man asked, after a long period of silence.
h**... laughs. "I was only joking. See, nobody cares about the Jews!"

Two Scottish nuns

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replied, "But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one.
The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs'.

The mother superior was first to open hers, stared at it for a moment, then leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"

"Just a Head"

So there was once a child and he had a terrible, terrible birth defect where he was only a head. On his 21st Birthday, his father took him to bar to get his first drink and of course the bodiless kid was excited to get drunk for the first time. The father places his son on the bar and orders him a beer. The bartender obliges and the father feeds his son a beer. All of a sudden, A TORSO SPROUTS OUT OF HIS HEAD. The bartender, the father, and everyone in the bar is going crazy at this point. The bartender gives him another beer, ARMS sprout from the newly acquired torso! The bar is a mad house. One more beer and LEGS COME OUT OF THE TORSO! He's now dancing around using his new legs for the first time. Of course he's never used legs before, and he is a little tipsy so he accidentally stumbles outside and gets hit by a truck and dies.
The Bartender looks at the father and says, "He should have quit while he was a head."

Snails

A husband and wife have been at odds with each other over the husband's endless drinking and stopping out late. To get their marriage back on track, the wife decides to make a romantic french dinner with Snails to start so she sends her husband out saying 'right, please can you buy me these snails from town, be back home soon and, for god's sake, stay out of the pub!'.
The Husband obliges and after buying the snails, decides he's probably be okay just to stop by the pub only for a quick drink. Well, one leads to another, and another and another and before long it's well past dinner time. Looking at his watch he quickly realises he should have been back hours ago, panicking he dashes home and throws all the snails across the garden path. His wife greets him at the door looking furious saying 'Where on earth have you been!?' to which the husband responds 'Come on Lads! We're almost there!'.

So I was f**... this girl, she said put 2 in so I did.

She said put your whole hand in so I did, next she demanded the other hand so I obliged. Finally she said "now clap your hands" I said "I can't" to which she replied "Pretty tight huh?"

Guy walks into a bar and is in despair....

He sits down and asks for 6 top shelf whiskey shots all lined up....
The bartender pours them all out and the guy quickly shoots them one by one.
He asks for 6 more and the bartender obliged. As he's pouring the next 6 shots he gently asks the guy if he's ok.
The man replies with an awkward demeanor - " yah....I'm ok... But you would be nervous too if you had what I had."
The bartender asks the man curiously as he is finishing pouring the last round of shots....... "well... What do you have??"
the man quickly finishes drinking the last of the second round of shots and replies...
" fifty cents."

A woman calls her butler into the bedroom

A woman calls her butler into the bedroom and says:
"Jeeves, take off my gloves."
Jeeves replies: "Yes my lady."
The lady then continues by saying:
"Now Jeeves, I want you take off my dress and corset."
Jeeves replies: "Of course, my lady."
The lady then says:
"Jeeves, now I want you to take off my undergarments."
Jeeves obliges the request and says:
"As you wish. Will there be anything else my lady?"
The lady replies:
"Yes Jeeves, please don't ever wear my clothes again."

An American POW was being held in Germany...

Both of his arms were injured during the fighting and the n**... amputated one.
"Can you drop my arm over allied territory for my wife?" The soldier asked.
The doctors obliged.
A few days later the other arm became infected and they amputated that one.
"Can you drop it over allied territory for my wife?" He asked again.
The doctors met his second request.
A few weeks later, the soldier's leg got smashed in the work camp and had to be amputated.
"Can you drop my leg over allied territory for my wife?" He asked.
"Nein!" The doctors told him. "We cannot do this any more!"
"Why not?"
"We think you're trying to escape!"

A child tells the make a wish foundation.

So a child is ill and the make a wish foundation asks "what do you want more than anything" the child responds "to trade places with Donald trump!"
They interpret as he wants to know what it's like to be president for a day.
So they ask trump, he obliges.
Trump meets the child and says "so you want to know what it's like to be president?"
The child retorts "no I just wanted you to have cancer"

The preacher asked the small boy to show him the way to the post office and the boy courteously obliged

"Thank you", the preacher said. "You are a bright and polite young man. How would you like to listen to my sermon this evening so that I may show you the way to Heaven?"
"You're going to show me the way to Heaven?" the boy said in astonishment."But you don't even know the way to the post office!"

I took an AP Physics test today and finished early, so I wrote this joke in the test booklet out of boredom

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving along when they get pulled over.
The police officer asks them if they know how fast they were going.
Heisenberg says, "I'm uncertain."
The officer then asks for them to open the trunk, and they oblige.
"Did you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?" the officer asks incredulously.
"I do now!" Schrodinger replies.

A t**... walks into a pub and asks for a toothpick.

The barman sees no harm in this and so gives him a toothpick. The t**... then leaves the pub.
A couple of minutes later another t**... enters the bar and asks for a toothpick. The barman obliges and the t**... goes on his way.
The same thing happens three more times in the next 10 minutes. The barman is perplexed. another t**... walks in, this time asking for a straw.
The confused barman's curiosity gets the better of him so he asks "For the last quarter of an hour, tramps have been coming in asking me for toothpicks, then you come in asking for a straw. Why?"
The t**... replies "Well, someones been sick outside and all the best bits have gone."

Father O'Malley received a call from the IRS.

They asked for his assistance. He said he'd be happy to oblige.
Thank you, Father. Do you happen to know a Ted Houlihan?
I do.
Is he a member of your congregation?
He is.
Tell me, did Mr. Houlihan really donate $10,000 to the church?
He will.

90 year old farmer wants a loan.

He goes to the banker for the loan to buy land. The banker has some concerns due to the old codgers age.
"What happens if you die before the loan is paid off?" The banker asks.
"I'll send you a check from heavan, because God would want all my obligations taken care of," The old farmer answered.
"But what if you go the other direction?" the banker queried.
"Then I'll deliver it to you in person."

An old die-hard communist is on his deathbed

and he asks for a priest.
He wants to accept all the sacraments and become a full pledged Christian.
The priest is happy to oblige of course, but in the end can't help to say: "So, when things finally got serious, you suddenly came to your senses, huh?"
"Nah, but since I'm going to die, it's always better to have one less of you lot than us.

A woman walked into a pharmacy....

....and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide.
The pharmacist asks, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The woman then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'm legally obligated to report it. I'd lose my license, they'd throw you and I in jail. Just leave and forget you ever came in here before I call the police."
The woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

A blonde and a brunette are out shopping one day

And they happen to see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers. The brunette says, "Aww man. He's out buying me flowers again. Sigh, this s**...." The blonde replies, "What's the matter? I thought you liked flowers? Last time you said it was a nice, thoughtful, out-of-the-blue gesture?" "Oh no, that's not the problem. I just hate feeling obligated after to have my legs up in the air for a few days because of it." The blonde asks, "Don't you have a vase?"

A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar, dits down and orders a drink. The barkeep obliges and brings a drink for the pirate, and he notices there is a steering wheel in thenpirwtes pants.
The barkeep was too curious to not inquire what was going on. "Excuse me sir, can I ask why there is a steering wheel in your pants?"
The pirate responding, "Arrggg, I not be sure, but it's driving me nuts."

A Cowboy and a Native American

A Cowboy and a Native American walk into a saloon in the old west, the bartender looks at the Native American and says "We don't serve your kind here."
The Cowboy turns to the Native and says "I'll order our food, just go outside and run the back and forth up the road to keep yourself warm."
The Native American obliges. The Cowboy orders and is sitting there waiting for their food and having a drink when a man walks in and says "Whose horses are those outside?"
The cowboy replies "They're mine"
The man says "Well you left your i**... running."

The rich lady comes home after a day of shopping,

when she stumbles on one of her many servants in the hallway. She looks at him head to toe, and demands:
\- Come here.
The servant, heads down, obeys.
\- Take off my jacket.
Hands shaking, he obliges.
\- Now... Take off my dress.
Slowly, he does so.
\- Hm... Now take off my socks and my garter belt.
He does so, not saying a word.
\- Now... My bra and my p**...!
Looking down and shaking, he obeys.
\- Now, if I get you wearing my clothes ever again, I will fire you once and for all, do you understand?!

How did your interview go yesterday?

\- Well, I entered the office and found the interviewer sitting on a large black leather chair. He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to go outside with it and then come back and try to sell it. He thought himself as Leonardo DiCaprio from the Wolf of Wall Street.
\- So what did you do?
\- Well, obviously I obliged. I took the laptop and left the room.
\- Then what?
\- Nothing. 30 minutes later he called me up. Begging me to return it cause all his important documents were in it. So I asked him: will you buy it?

British pilot shot down over Germany...

...unfortunately he was badly injured when he was captured. They had to amputate his left leg so he asked if the Luftwaffe would drop it over his base in England, they obliged. A week later his right leg was amputated and again it was dropped over his base. Soon after his arm had to be amputated and when he asked for that to be dropped over his base the Germans said nein, zis ve cannot do anymore!
Why asked the pilot?
Because ve zink you're trying to escape.
(Sorry about the German accent, best I could do)

A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner.

'Much obliged', said he, pushing the plate aside, 'I am not accustomed to taking my wine in pills'.
Quote by Brillat-Savarin

I'm looking for a joke...

Hey jokers can y'all help me?
I used to tell this joke and I can't remember how it went. But it was something with 3 men, 3 women, and I believe 3 ducks.
Do any of you know it?
Much obliged.

A Scottish lass inquired to a man wearing a kilt "Is it true what that say about what's underneath a man's kilt?"

"Place your hand beneath and see for yourself' replied he. She obliged and cried out "Sir, that's gruesome!" He said "If you place your hand back again, you'll find it's gruesome more!"

A man walks into the tailors and asks to try on some of the suits

The salesman obliges and gives him some options. The customer, however, hates all the options and after an hour of trying them on, throws the suits down in disgust. These are all terrible! , he cries.
Exasperated, the salesman throws his hands in the air and says, Fine, suit yourself!

I had the time of my life in quarantine. I did what i wanted, when i wanted. Now that things are opening up where i live, i have to go back to work and feel obligated to hang out with friends.

I feel like my freedoms are being taken away!
Wake up!

A guy comes back after a vacation...

He's in the airport when the custom agents stopped him.
"Sir, open the bag" said the agents.
The man obliges and opens the bag, revealing clothes, hygiene products and a small bottle of transparent liquid.
"What is this, sir?" asks one of the agents.
"Lourdes Holy Water, sir." he answers.
The other agent doesn't believe him, he opens the bottle and sniffs it, before saying:
"Hey, this is v**...!"
The man throws himself on the ground, hands in the air shouting: "IT'S A MIRACLE! A MIRACLE!"

A man asks that he be buried with a suitcase of gold

An old man asks his family that, when he dies, they take all his savings, convert them into gold bars, put them into a suitcase, and bury the suitcase with him.
The family obliges and, upon his death, buries the suitcase with him.
The man arrives at the gates of heaven with his suitcase. The angel at the gates is curious and asks what he has there with him.
"See for yourself!" exclaims the man and opens up the suitcase for the angel to see.
The angel looks at the contents of the suitcase, and then back at the man, confused "Pavement?"

So a snail goes to a car dealership

and requests the fastest sports car the dealer has to offer. The car dealer points him to a brand new red race car, fastest in the market. The snail is ecstatic and buys it, telling the car dealer he'll be back tomorrow to pick it up.
"But before I do pick it up," says the snail, "I'd like a big 'S' painted on each side!"
The car dealer obliges, paints a big 'S' on each side of the car, and waits until the next day for the snail to return. Well, the snail returns, hops into his car, and speeds off through the wall into the oncoming traffic, driving off. The car dealer's boss runs up to the car dealer and exclaims,
"Wow! Look at that S car go!"

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these obligate jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.