Object Jokes
141 object jokes and hilarious object puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about object that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your friends chuckle with these hilariously clever object jokes. Whether you're looking for jokes about inanimate objects, their genders, how they move, or even their reputations, you'll be sure to find the perfect punchline. So take the time to thunk up a few and let the laughter begin!
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Funniest Object Short Jokes
Short object jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The object humour may include short subject jokes also.
- If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's Doctor Whom.
^* - If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who. If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.
- If I was being subjective, I'd say the greatest science fiction show of all time was Doctor Who, but if I was being objective... I'd say it was Doctor Whom.
- I OBJECT! the defendant screams in court. The judge gives her a very emotional hug and says, No…you human.
- If I was being subjective, I would have to say that the greatest sci-fi show of all time is Dr. Who. If I was being objective, I would say it's Dr. Whom.
- My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet... The black objects absorb more.
- Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition And was promptly left in embarrassment when he realized that he'd severely misunderstood the objective.
- Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective...
- I have an amazing ability, I find objects just before people lose them. The police however call it theft.
- My friends and I just started a business where we weigh tiny objects. It's a small scale operation.
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Object One Liners
Which object one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with object? I can suggest the ones about matter and instance.
- As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass. Just wanted to make that clear.
- My girlfriend says I treat her like an object. I don't know why it keeps saying that.
- I used to think women were objects. But then it hit me.
- Never treat a woman like an object... It hates that.
- What is the objective of jewish football? To get the quarter back.
- Are there a lot of first-person singular objective pronouns… …or is it just me?
- Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy? Inheritance
- myWoman = new Woman("Jenn", 32); "What, am I just some sort of object to you now!?"
- Have you heard of the object without mass? It doesn't matter
- Can throwing a round heavy object as far as you can be classed as a sport?? Discus
- What's the Objective of Jewish Football? To get the quarter back.
- I don't understand the purpose of smooth objects. I mean, there's no point.
- Why are three-dimensional objects so good at cutting down trees? They have three axes.
- You shouldn't personify inanimate objects. They hate it when you do that.
- I object to all of the sex on the TV, these days... I mean, I keep falling off!
Inanimate Object Jokes
Here is a list of funny inanimate object jokes and even better inanimate object puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Stop saying no to drugs You talking to inanimate objects is the reason why your doctor prescribed them to you in the first place.
- Why cant you suprise a snow man? Because its an inanimate object.
- Never anthropomorphize inanimate objects. They hate it when you do that.
- My wife said she would leave me if I kept pointing at inanimate objects... I said there's the door
- what did the math book say to the pencil? nothing. they are inanimate objects they can't speak
- What do calenders eat? Nothing. Calenders are inanimate objects that are used to keep
track of the date and important events. - I have a buddy that likes to have s**... with inanimate objects. We don't hang out much. He's always got stuff to do.
- I have a friend who is s**... attracted to inanimate objects. I don't see him much though. He always has stuff to do.
- My wife just told there was a brothel opening up featuring only s**... dolls. I told her if I wanted to have s**... with an inanimate object I would resume having s**... with her.
- My friend, who likes to have s**... with inanimate objects, hasn't been around in a while... I heard he's finally settled down with that one nightstand
Object Oriented Jokes
Here is a list of funny object oriented jokes and even better object oriented puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hey girl, are you an object-oriented programming language? Because you've got class.
- What do you call a programming language designed for women? An object oriented programming language.
- Why are programmers so consumeristic? Because they're object oriented.
- I don't understand why women programmers are mad when male programmers objectify their body.... After all, it is object oriented programming.
- My approach to women is the same as my approach to code Object Oriented
- Why don't Object Oriented Programming experts beat their wives? They are classier than that.
- Why Marxists are not good at object-oriented programming? They don't get the concept of classes!
- Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself. - What is the s**... part of Object Oriented Programming? Reading the abbreviation backwards.
Comical Object Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about object you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean target jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make object pranks.
Why shouldn't you smoke w**... during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only a r**... would think the violation of a light socket by a foreign object is a matter to make jokes about.
So we landed a car-sized object on Mars...
...but we have no plans to bring it back. As a matter of fact there's at least 3 of 'em up there. Does this make us the r**... of the Galaxy; leaving our broken down rovers all over our Solar System?
Blonde vs. Space
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were taking a tour inside of NASA space center. The tour-guide asked them "What planet or other object in our universe would you go to?"
The red head said. "I'd go to Saturn!"
The brunette said, "I'd go to the Moon!"
The blonde said "I'd go to the Sun!"
The tour-guide looked at the blonde. "But if you go the Sun, you'll burn up and die."
The blonde rolled her eyes and replied calmly. "What, do you think I'm s**...? I'd go at night!"
What am I?
I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole in the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in and out of a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind and I return to my original position. Cleaning is normally done after I have finished. What am I? Why, I am your very own toothbrush!
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
My wife is a s**... object.
Every time I want s**..., she objects.
So two physicists are talking...
So two physicists are disusing what they think would happen if an unstoppable force met an unmovable object. After being unable to reach agreement, the first physicist declared that the only way they could know was to design an experiment, but has no idea how to accomplish such a feat. The second physicist says "Simple. Just give me five minutes alone with your mother."
An objective analysis of the correlation between genetics and obesity.
A doctor is telling an obese woman that she needs to start losing weight.
The woman, offended, replies defensively, "It's not my fault! Obesity runs in my family!"
The doctor looks her up and down, and finally says, "*Nobody* runs in your family."
Are you a v**...?
Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a v**...?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"
Guess who i am
I am a long object. You put me in your mouth and shake me. Then you either s**... or spit out white liquid . Yes, it is me your toothbrush
My essay question is: "The best Track and Field event is the one where they throw the circular object as far as they can."
"Discus."
I don't know why people object to CIA t**... methods.
Who doesn't like to go water boarding?
Two Italian men are deep sea fishing in the middle of the Mediterranean...
Vinny and Paulo were deep sea fishing on a bright sunny day when a World War II mine came floating along. Upon noticing this round spiky object coming nearer and nearer to the boat, Vinny shouted, "Paulo! It's a mine, it's a mine!!!"
Paulo replied, "Okay Vinny, you can-a have it!"
Gameshow idea
11 gay men and 1 straight man are locked in a house. The object for the gay men is to find out who isn't gay. Once a week someone gets outvoted, until 2 are left or the straight man is out. If the g**... manage to outvote him, they win 1 million dollars. If the straight man is among the last 2 people in the house in the end, he wins 1 million dollars.
Now here's the twist: None of the men are actually gay, they just think they are the one straight man.
What did the spaceman see in his frying pan?
An unidentified frying object.
I see your childhood joke and raise you mine: What object crashes the most?
A kaleidoscope!
What do you call an object used as seating that can fly?
A rocket lawn-chair.
Do you think the t**......
Do you think the t**... that goes missing would object to their picture being on a carton of half and half?
Sexist UFO
A strange disk appeared in the sky. It would hover over groups of women and whistle. Whenever a man would approach it would fly away and hover over another group of women and whistle. The headline in a feminist paper read: Object Defying Women.
What is the only man made object visible from space?
Holland.
Can a ninja throw any pointy object with lethal accuracy ?
Shuriken
Round metal object they throw at the olympics
Discuss.
What's the difference between a heroine and h**...?
One's an object that's easily abused, the other's a drug.
A man has an option to turn into any object in the universe, he chose a butter knife.
He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer...
My wife says I think of her as a s**... object...
I can't disagree though because everytime I ask for s**...... She objects.
Had an idea for a Scrabble like game where you can only use racial slurs as words.
The object is to see who can out trump who.
I commonly known for arguing over what gives an object weight
Some people say I'm a mass debater
What do fish call a submarine?
Unidentified Floating Object
I saw some things at the auction labeled Art Objects"
Considering what they looked like, I'd object, too
Help, I lost my object permanence
and now it doesn't exist anymore.
My wife is a s**... object
I ask for s**..., she objects
Round, heavy object they throw at the olympics.
Discuss.
A paranoid man stays at a hotel,
As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal object & throws it out the window.
The next morning the hotel manager knocks on his door & asks him,
"Good morning sir, did you have any problems last night?"
"Not at all" the man answered, "why do you ask?"
"Well, it's very strange" said the manager, "but in the room directly below yours, the chandelier suddenly fell down in the middle of the night".
A cow with no voice is thrown into a black hole
An immoovable object meets an unstoppable force.
My girl friend is a s**... object.
When I ask for s**..., she objects.
Objectification joke
I'm against (obviously) objectification of women from the obvious reason that some objects actually have value.
Question 1: which is better - javelin or that sport where you throw a round flat object?
Discuss.
A Comparison of the Different Languages
**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"
**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"
**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"
**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.
**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten t**... instead.
I looked into my partner's eyes and said to the priest, "I do."
If nobody else was going to object to the marriage, then I guess I had to.
'Educational' refers to the process, not the object.
Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger.
In an objective point of view, fat women are more attractive than skinny woman.
According to Newton, the heavier an object is, the more it attracts other objects.
Is it only me or?
is there any other pronoun used by a speaker to refer to himself or herself as the object of a verb or preposition?
A man is on a blind date with a girl named Marie and things heat up a little...
He asks her, "Would you object to s**...?"
Marie tells him, a little embarrassed, "That's something I've never done."
With this he says, "Really? I've never had s**... with a v**...."
Marie replies, "No, silly! I never object."
There are three certainties in life. Death, taxes...
...and the fact that the object in front of you causes cancer in the state of California.
First Rule of Laziness: If an object falls under the bed,
it is lost forever.
A quantum object turns from wave to a particle...
"It's just a prank bro! Look, there's the observer!!"
Did you hear about the object undergoing centripetal acceleration...
It went on a tangent
I got in trouble at an airport for reporting an unsupervised foreign object...
Apparently, they're not talking about Spanish children that can't find their parents.
As a woman, I attended a speech disapproving the sexualisation of women.
However, I thought that women should be sexualized.
They wanted to know my opinion.
I said, "I object."
My wife makes me feel like a s**... object.
Every time I offer s**...... she objects!
I'm sure this is a re-post from somewhere.
What common object is the best at poker?
The toilet. It gets a flush at the end of every deal.
My favorite sport is golf
Because the object of golf is to play the least amount of golf
Uh-oh. I think the object of my desires suspects something.
She's just changed her wireless ID to: *Hey, you in the tree, I've called the police.*
BREAKING NEWS: A Large Object With a Pointy Stick and Round End Was Found Spinning in the Heart of Downtown
And that's our top story of the night.
Why doesn't a notebook move?
Because it's a stationary object.
When I met your Mom I was extremely attracted to her because
that's how large object gravitational fields work.
Nasa decided to put a random object on all of Saturn's moons
So now there's a tack on Titan.
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
The cop tells the driver "License please."
"What is a license?" the driver answers.
The cop replies "it goes in your wallet, has a picture of you on it..."
As the blonde driver digs through her purse, after a while she pulls an object out, looks at it for a second, smiles, says "Found it! Here you go officer!" and hands a mirror to the cop.
The cop takes off her aviators, looks in the mirror, rolls her eyes, and hands it back to the driver.
"If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over!"
I'm getting tired of being viewed as a s**... object.
At every store I go to the cashiers are checking me out.
The sentence don't objectify women has women as the object of the sentence.
As the group of people finished their demonic chanting...
they stabbed an object, lying on the table, feeding it to someone.
♫ Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you ♫
I have never seen a UFO before...
because I'm always able to correctly identify the flying object
Reverse joke challenge
This is a game I came up with, the rules are pretty simple:
Post a question in the form of: "What do you call an (animal) with a (object)?" And I (or someone else) will respond with a laffy taffy quality pun as a response. This creates a new terrible joke as a result!
Keep in mind these take me a long time to "solve" but I can almost always come up with a passable answer.
For example:
Q: What do you call a polar bear with a banana?
A: A peeler bear.
My eyes have really great bokeh effect
Even though I remove the main object from my line of vision, the blur stays.
Miss Reed asks Little Rickie: If I say I love chocolate, what's the verb little Rickie? ...
-.. the verb is love, Miss ..
- Very Good . Now if I say : Jon arrived , what is the object , little Tim ? ..
The object is arrived, Miss ...
Well done, little Tim. Now if I say :Jane moans from pleasure , what's the subject little Johnny? ...
- The subject is doing her, Miss
A famous British boxer threw an object at me.
It turned out to be a mere can!
