The Best 66 Object Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Object jokes. There are some object galaxy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these object inanimate puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Object Jokes and Puns
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
Never treat a woman like an object...
It hates that.
Why are programmers so consumeristic?
Because they're object oriented.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only a rapist would think the violation of a light socket by a foreign object is a matter to make jokes about.
So we landed a car-sized object on Mars...
...but we have no plans to bring it back. As a matter of fact there's at least 3 of 'em up there. Does this make us the rednecks of the Galaxy; leaving our broken down rovers all over our Solar System?
Blonde vs. Space
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were taking a tour inside of NASA space center. The tour-guide asked them "What planet or other object in our universe would you go to?"
The red head said. "I'd go to Saturn!"
The brunette said, "I'd go to the Moon!"
The blonde said "I'd go to the Sun!"
The tour-guide looked at the blonde. "But if you go the Sun, you'll burn up and die."
The blonde rolled her eyes and replied calmly. "What, do you think I'm stupid? I'd go at night!"
What am I?
I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole in the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in and out of a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind and I return to my original position. Cleaning is normally done after I have finished. What am I? Why, I am your very own toothbrush!
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
My wife is a sex object.
Every time I want sex, she objects.
An objective analysis of the correlation between genetics and obesity.
A doctor is telling an obese woman that she needs to start losing weight.
The woman, offended, replies defensively, "It's not my fault! Obesity runs in my family!"
The doctor looks her up and down, and finally says, "*Nobody* runs in your family."
What is the objective of jewish football?
To get the quarter back.
You can explore object motion reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean object defy dad jokes. There are also object puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I OBJECT! the defendant screams in court.
The judge gives her a very emotional hug and says, No…you human.
Are you a VIRGIN?
Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"
My girlfriend says I treat her like an object.
I don't know why it keeps saying that.
My essay question is: "The best Track and Field event is the one where they throw the circular object as far as they can."
"Discus."
Have you heard of the object without mass?
It doesn't matter
I don't know why people object to CIA torture methods.
Who doesn't like to go water boarding?
Gameshow idea
11 gay men and 1 straight man are locked in a house. The object for the gay men is to find out who isn't gay. Once a week someone gets outvoted, until 2 are left or the straight man is out. If the gays manage to outvote him, they win 1 million dollars. If the straight man is among the last 2 people in the house in the end, he wins 1 million dollars.
Now here's the twist: None of the men are actually gay, they just think they are the one straight man.
I see your childhood joke and raise you mine: What object crashes the most?
A kaleidoscope!
Why cant you suprise a snow man?
Because its an inanimate object.
What do you call a programming language designed for women?
An object oriented programming language.
Sexist UFO
A strange disk appeared in the sky. It would hover over groups of women and whistle. Whenever a man would approach it would fly away and hover over another group of women and whistle. The headline in a feminist paper read: Object Defying Women.
Can a ninja throw any pointy object with lethal accuracy ?
Shuriken
A man has an option to turn into any object in the universe, he chose a butter knife.
He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer...
My wife says I think of her as a sex object...
I can't disagree though because everytime I ask for sex... She objects.
Words Ending With OR
A teacher asks a class to name a living object that eats things ending in OR.
First little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good," replies the teacher.
Second little boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, very good," replies the teacher.
Little Johnny then says, "vibrator, Miss."
Teacher replies, "That's a big word but it doesn't actually eat anything does it?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well, my sister has a big one and she says it eat batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
Had an idea for a Scrabble like game where you can only use racial slurs as words.
The object is to see who can out trump who.
I don't understand why women programmers are mad when male programmers objectify their body....
After all, it is object oriented programming.
I saw some things at the auction labeled Art Objects"
Considering what they looked like, I'd object, too
My wife is a sex object
I ask for sex, she objects
Round, heavy object they throw at the olympics.
Discuss.
A paranoid man stays at a hotel,
As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal object & throws it out the window.
The next morning the hotel manager knocks on his door & asks him,
"Good morning sir, did you have any problems last night?"
"Not at all" the man answered, "why do you ask?"
"Well, it's very strange" said the manager, "but in the room directly below yours, the chandelier suddenly fell down in the middle of the night".
A cow with no voice is thrown into a black hole
An immoovable object meets an unstoppable force.
My girl friend is a sex object.
When I ask for sex, she objects.
A Comparison of the Different Languages
**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"
**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"
**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"
**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.
**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten testicles instead.
I looked into my partner's eyes and said to the priest, "I do."
If nobody else was going to object to the marriage, then I guess I had to.
myWoman = new Woman("Jenn", 32);
"What, am I just some sort of object to you now!?"
In an objective point of view, fat women are more attractive than skinny woman.
According to Newton, the heavier an object is, the more it attracts other objects.
A man is on a blind date with a girl named Marie and things heat up a little...
He asks her, "Would you object to sex?"
Marie tells him, a little embarrassed, "That's something I've never done."
With this he says, "Really? I've never had sex with a virgin."
Marie replies, "No, silly! I never object."
There are three certainties in life. Death, taxes...
...and the fact that the object in front of you causes cancer in the state of California.
A quantum object turns from wave to a particle...
"It's just a prank bro! Look, there's the observer!!"
Can throwing a round heavy object as far as you can be classed as a sport??
Discus
As a woman, I attended a speech disapproving the sexualisation of women.
However, I thought that women should be sexualized.
They wanted to know my opinion.
I said, "I object."
My wife makes me feel like a sex object.
Every time I offer sex... she objects!
I'm sure this is a re-post from somewhere.
My favorite sport is golf
Because the object of golf is to play the least amount of golf
Uh-oh. I think the object of my desires suspects something.
She's just changed her wireless ID to: *Hey, you in the tree, I've called the police.*
Why doesn't a notebook move?
Because it's a stationary object.
When I met your Mom I was extremely attracted to her because
that's how large object gravitational fields work.
Nasa decided to put a random object on all of Saturn's moons
So now there's a tack on Titan.
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
The cop tells the driver "License please."
"What is a license?" the driver answers.
The cop replies "it goes in your wallet, has a picture of you on it..."
As the blonde driver digs through her purse, after a while she pulls an object out, looks at it for a second, smiles, says "Found it! Here you go officer!" and hands a mirror to the cop.
The cop takes off her aviators, looks in the mirror, rolls her eyes, and hands it back to the driver.
"If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over!"
I'm getting tired of being viewed as a sex object.
At every store I go to the cashiers are checking me out.
As the group of people finished their demonic chanting...
they stabbed an object, lying on the table, feeding it to someone.
♫ Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you ♫
I have never seen a UFO before...
because I'm always able to correctly identify the flying object
Reverse joke challenge
This is a game I came up with, the rules are pretty simple:
Post a question in the form of: "What do you call an (animal) with a (object)?" And I (or someone else) will respond with a laffy taffy quality pun as a response. This creates a new terrible joke as a result!
Keep in mind these take me a long time to "solve" but I can almost always come up with a passable answer.
For example:
Q: What do you call a polar bear with a banana?
A: A peeler bear.
A famous British boxer threw an object at me.
It turned out to be a mere can!
I don't objectify women.
But grammar does.
What is the object of American football played by really cheap people?
Get the quarter back.
Stalin appears to Putin in a dream
He says to Putin: "I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue."
Putin asks, "Why blue?"
Stalin replies, "I knew you would not object to the first one."
Stalin's advice to Putin
Stalin appears to Putin in a dream and says, "I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue."
Putin asks, "Why blue?"
Stalin: "I knew you would not object to the first one."
Stalin would be very proud of Putin.
The other day a mysterious package appeared on my doorstep.
Upon further inspection, I realized it was a large bowl-shaped object with two knobs that controlled the outflow of a liquid. I stood on the doorstep and yelled to my wife to come and look. She told me she had ordered it for the bathroom.
Let that sink in.
What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?
Constipation.
---courtesy, my Dad.
(Must be a nerd to get this one) Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?
To get to the other... oh... never mind.
Context: a mobius strip is an object with the interesting property of only having one side.
Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
The short answer is technically speaking it can stand on its own but it is very unstable. In order to keep something standing you need the center of gravity of the object to be within its points of contact with the ground. With only 2 points of contact with the ground, that space is a very small plane. You would need it perfectly positioned with no other forces acting on it. The tiniest disturbance could knock it over (and will).
Not because it was two tired
What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?
Screwed
Two German explorers
Two German explorers were making their way east across New York when they came to a wide river.
Karl: How vill vee get across dee large body of vater?
The other explorer sees a large, steel object north of them.
Heinrich: Look der es und structure dat vee can use to cross
Karl and Heinrich make their way across and into the land know as upstate New York. Karl gets to the other side but notices that his companion is still behind. Karl also notices that he is continuously poking his finger on the object they just crossed.
Karl: Heinrich, vat are you doing?
Heinrich: I'm Tappan Zee Bridge
My wife is a sex object.
Every time I ask for sex she objects.
Merit goes to u/Make_the_music_stop who wrote this one in the comments to another joke and made me laught reallly hard
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the object astronomers jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working object optimal piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.