Object Jokes
130 object jokes and hilarious object puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about object that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your friends chuckle with these hilariously clever object jokes. Whether you're looking for jokes about inanimate objects, their genders, how they move, or even their reputations, you'll be sure to find the perfect punchline. So take the time to thunk up a few and let the laughter begin!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Object Short Jokes
Short object jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The object humour may include short subject jokes also.
- If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's Doctor Whom.
^* - If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who. If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.
- I OBJECT! the defendant screams in court. The judge gives her a very emotional hug and says, No…you human.
- My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet... The black objects absorb more.
- Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition And was promptly left in embarrassment when he realized that he'd severely misunderstood the objective.
- I have an amazing ability, I find objects just before people lose them. The police however call it theft.
- Stop saying no to drugs You talking to inanimate objects is the reason why your doctor prescribed them to you in the first place.
- Give a man a duck, and he'll eat for a night. Teach a man to duck, and he'll avoid low-flying objects.
- What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied? Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!
- My wife has packed her things and left me... My wife has packed her things and left me due to my obsession with glass objects.
Frankly, I'm shattered.
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Object One Liners
Which object one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with object? I can suggest the ones about instance and target.
- As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass. Just wanted to make that clear.
- My girlfriend says I treat her like an object. I don't know why it keeps saying that.
- Never treat a woman like an object... It hates that.
- What is the objective of jewish football? To get the quarter back.
- Are there a lot of first-person singular objective pronouns… …or is it just me?
- Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy? Inheritance
- Have you heard of the object without mass? It doesn't matter
- Can throwing a round heavy object as far as you can be classed as a sport?? Discus
- I don't understand the purpose of smooth objects. I mean, there's no point.
- Why are three-dimensional objects so good at cutting down trees? They have three axes.
- You shouldn't personify inanimate objects. They hate it when you do that.
- Programmers are so sexist... They treat their dates as objects.
- I can't place iron objects next to each other... I'm allergic to Fe lines.
- My favorite sport is golf Because the object of golf is to play the least amount of golf
- I keep finding 2 dimensional objects all over the house... I think they're my flat mates.
Inanimate Object Jokes
Here is a list of funny inanimate object jokes and even better inanimate object puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why cant you suprise a snow man? Because its an inanimate object.
- what did the math book say to the pencil? nothing. they are inanimate objects they can't speak
- What do calenders eat? Nothing. Calenders are inanimate objects that are used to keep
track of the date and important events.
Object Oriented Jokes
Here is a list of funny object oriented jokes and even better object oriented puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Hey girl, are you an object-oriented programming language? Because you've got class.
- What do you call a programming language designed for women? An object oriented programming language.
- Why are programmers so consumeristic? Because they're object oriented.
- Why Marxists are not good at object-oriented programming? They don't get the concept of classes!
- Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
Comical Object Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about object you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean property jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make object pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why shouldn't you smoke w**... during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So we landed a car-sized object on Mars...
...but we have no plans to bring it back. As a matter of fact there's at least 3 of 'em up there. Does this make us the r**... of the Galaxy; leaving our broken down rovers all over our Solar System?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What am I?
I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole in the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in and out of a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind and I return to my original position. Cleaning is normally done after I have finished. What am I? Why, I am your very own toothbrush!
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
So two physicists are talking...
So two physicists are disusing what they think would happen if an unstoppable force met an unmovable object. After being unable to reach agreement, the first physicist declared that the only way they could know was to design an experiment, but has no idea how to accomplish such a feat. The second physicist says "Simple. Just give me five minutes alone with your mother."
An objective analysis of the correlation between genetics and obesity.
A doctor is telling an obese woman that she needs to start losing weight.
The woman, offended, replies defensively, "It's not my fault! Obesity runs in my family!"
The doctor looks her up and down, and finally says, "*Nobody* runs in your family."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are you a v**...?
Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a v**...?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guess who i am
I am a long object. You put me in your mouth and shake me. Then you either s**... or spit out white liquid . Yes, it is me your toothbrush
The most massive object of our entire supercluster
Hey, you're like the Great Attractor
Thanks man
No I mean like you're the heaviest thing in the known universe
My essay question is: "The best Track and Field event is the one where they throw the circular object as far as they can."
"Discus."
Johnny's wife Suzy is upset...
...Johnny has forgot their anniversary.
Suzy says, "If tomorrow I don't see a shiny, metal object that can go from 0 to 300 in a few seconds by tomorrow, I'm leaving you!"
The next day, Johnny wakes up early and goes to work. Suzy wakes up, looks into the driveway and sees a big box sitting there. Suzy runs down and opens it.
Inside she finds bathroom scales.
I don't think you should objectify women.
Just the good parts of them!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't know why people object to CIA t**... methods.
Who doesn't like to go water boarding?
Why was the lonely instantiated object always asked to sit in the hallway at school?
Because only friends were allowed to access the class.
Two Italian men are deep sea fishing in the middle of the Mediterranean...
Vinny and Paulo were deep sea fishing on a bright sunny day when a World War II mine came floating along. Upon noticing this round spiky object coming nearer and nearer to the boat, Vinny shouted, "Paulo! It's a mine, it's a mine!!!"
Paulo replied, "Okay Vinny, you can-a have it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gameshow idea
11 gay men and 1 straight man are locked in a house. The object for the gay men is to find out who isn't gay. Once a week someone gets outvoted, until 2 are left or the straight man is out. If the g**... manage to outvote him, they win 1 million dollars. If the straight man is among the last 2 people in the house in the end, he wins 1 million dollars.
Now here's the twist: None of the men are actually gay, they just think they are the one straight man.
Why did got object to the wedding between the catholic man and the catholic woman?
He doesn't approve of same sect marriage
What did the spaceman see in his frying pan?
An unidentified frying object.
I see your childhood joke and raise you mine: What object crashes the most?
A kaleidoscope!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a p**... which still remains after flushing?
An **UFO** - **U**nflushable **F**loating **O**bject
What do you call an object used as seating that can fly?
A rocket lawn-chair.
What is the only man made object visible from space?
Holland.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a heroine and h**...?
One's an object that's easily abused, the other's a drug.
A man has an option to turn into any object in the universe, he chose a butter knife.
He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My approach to women is the same as my approach to code
Object Oriented
Had an idea for a Scrabble like game where you can only use racial slurs as words.
The object is to see who can out trump who.
I commonly known for arguing over what gives an object weight
Some people say I'm a mass debater
What do fish call a submarine?
Unidentified Floating Object
Astronomers discover a new object bigger than the "Great Attractor"
ur mum
I saw some things at the auction labeled Art Objects"
Considering what they looked like, I'd object, too
Help, I lost my object permanence
and now it doesn't exist anymore.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife is a s**... object
I ask for s**..., she objects
Round, heavy object they throw at the olympics.
Discuss.
A paranoid man stays at a hotel,
As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal object & throws it out the window.
The next morning the hotel manager knocks on his door & asks him,
"Good morning sir, did you have any problems last night?"
"Not at all" the man answered, "why do you ask?"
"Well, it's very strange" said the manager, "but in the room directly below yours, the chandelier suddenly fell down in the middle of the night".
A cow with no voice is thrown into a black hole
An immoovable object meets an unstoppable force.
Objectification joke
I'm against (obviously) objectification of women from the obvious reason that some objects actually have value.
Question 1: which is better - javelin or that sport where you throw a round flat object?
Discuss.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Comparison of the Different Languages
**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"
**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"
**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"
**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.
**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten t**... instead.
I looked into my partner's eyes and said to the priest, "I do."
If nobody else was going to object to the marriage, then I guess I had to.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the s**... part of Object Oriented Programming?
Reading the abbreviation backwards.
'Educational' refers to the process, not the object.
Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger.
In an objective point of view, fat women are more attractive than skinny woman.
According to Newton, the heavier an object is, the more it attracts other objects.
What happens when an unrelenting force meets an immovable object?
You get one punch man
A High School Math Question
If an object traveling at 650 miles per hour encounters resistance and slows to 0 miles per hour within 2 seconds, for how long will it take the North Tower to fall?
Is it only me or?
is there any other pronoun used by a speaker to refer to himself or herself as the object of a verb or preposition?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is on a blind date with a girl named Marie and things heat up a little...
He asks her, "Would you object to s**...?"
Marie tells him, a little embarrassed, "That's something I've never done."
With this he says, "Really? I've never had s**... with a v**...."
Marie replies, "No, silly! I never object."
There are three certainties in life. Death, taxes...
...and the fact that the object in front of you causes cancer in the state of California.
First Rule of Laziness: If an object falls under the bed,
it is lost forever.
A quantum object turns from wave to a particle...
"It's just a prank bro! Look, there's the observer!!"
Did you hear about the object undergoing centripetal acceleration...
It went on a tangent
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got in trouble at an airport for reporting an unsupervised foreign object...
Apparently, they're not talking about Spanish children that can't find their parents.
As a woman, I attended a speech disapproving the sexualisation of women.
However, I thought that women should be sexualized.
They wanted to know my opinion.
I said, "I object."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife makes me feel like a s**... object.
Every time I offer s**...... she objects!
I'm sure this is a re-post from somewhere.
What common object is the best at poker?
The toilet. It gets a flush at the end of every deal.
The "o" in woman stands for object
Uh-oh. I think the object of my desires suspects something.
She's just changed her wireless ID to: *Hey, you in the tree, I've called the police.*
BREAKING NEWS: A Large Object With a Pointy Stick and Round End Was Found Spinning in the Heart of Downtown
And that's our top story of the night.
What boots do you wear when lifting a heavy object?
UGGH!!!! boots (say it with a constipated voice)
Why doesn't a notebook move?
Because it's a stationary object.
When I met your Mom I was extremely attracted to her because
that's how large object gravitational fields work.
Which object in the Milky Way is a muddy brown colour?
Uranus.
Nasa decided to put a random object on all of Saturn's moons
So now there's a tack on Titan.
I once objected to a wedding, but it didn't work
I still had to marry her
Did you hear about the object with a high buoyancy?
It came up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife just told there was a brothel opening up featuring only s**... dolls.
I told her if I wanted to have s**... with an inanimate object I would resume having s**... with her.
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
The cop tells the driver "License please."
"What is a license?" the driver answers.
The cop replies "it goes in your wallet, has a picture of you on it..."
As the blonde driver digs through her purse, after a while she pulls an object out, looks at it for a second, smiles, says "Found it! Here you go officer!" and hands a mirror to the cop.
The cop takes off her aviators, looks in the mirror, rolls her eyes, and hands it back to the driver.
"If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm getting tired of being viewed as a s**... object.
At every store I go to the cashiers are checking me out.
The sentence don't objectify women has women as the object of the sentence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Jamaican m**... weapon
A blunt object
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New Theresa May joke
What would Theresa May be if she were attached to another object by an incline plane wrapped helically around an axis?
s**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When evidence was presented in a m**... trial, it was clear that the presented object was the m**... weapon
It was a briefcase
As the group of people finished their demonic chanting...
they stabbed an object, lying on the table, feeding it to someone.
♫ Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you ♫
