Obituaries Jokes
10 obituaries jokes and hilarious obituaries puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about obituaries that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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What is a good obituaries joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Every day in Moscow, people buy newspaper, glance at front page, throw straight in trash.
Every day, same. People buy newspaper, look front, throw in trash.
Newspaper seller ask one day, "Why you do that? Why you not read inside newspaper?"
Man respond, "I check obituary"
"But obituary not on front page. Is on back page"
"Putin obituary be on front page"
An old Jewish man dies.
His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.
He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".
A Jewish lady wants an obituary for her husband.
A Jewish lady calls the New York Times and says "I want an obituary for my husband." The person at the times says "it's 10$ a word". "10$ a word!" The lady exclaims. "Fine" she says "Burnstein dies". The lady says "there is a minimum of 5 words". "Fine" she grumbles, "Burnstein dies Buick for sale".
The obituaries are really concerning me as of late...
People seem to be dying in alphabetical order.
So an old Jewish man dies
So an old Jewish man dies and as per his last wish, his son goes to the newspaper publisher and asks, "How much for an obituary in your newspaper?"
Publisher says, "$5 per word".
The son says, "Publish 'Jacob Goldberg Dead' ".
The publisher says, "We require minimum 6 words".
So the son says, "In that case make it 'Jacob Goldberg Dead, Wheelchair For Sale' ".
"Granny, why do you read obituaries every day?"
"Don't worry grandson. I just want to see who is single again."
A Russian buys a newspaper, looks at it and throws it in the bin. And so for a whole week. The seller couldn't stand it and finally asked:
\- Why are you doing this?
\- I'm looking for an obituary.
\- But the obituaries are on the last pages...
\- The one I'm looking for will be on the first one.
Old Russian man buys a newspaper.
He looks at the front page, and tosses it away. The next day, he buys a newspaper, looks at the front page, then tosses it away. The 3rd day in a row, he buys a newspaper looks at the front page, and again, tosses it away. This time the newspaper stand attendant asks him why he tossed the newspaper away after just looking at the front page. The old man says, I'm looking for an obituary. The newspaper stand attendant says, everyone knows the obituaries are not on the front page. There old man replies, the one I'm looking for will be.
A newspaper kiosk in Russia
Man comes in, buys a newspaper, browses the headlines and throws it away.
This repeats day after day, after a while the kiosk owner asks "Say, why do you buy a newspaper but only read the headlines, what are you looking for?"
"An obituary"
"But they are way back in the newspaper."
"The one I'm looking for will be a headline"
This actually happened to me yesterday with my grandpa
Grandpa: *pointing to the newspaper* hey buddy, can you hand me the sports section
Grandson: sure *hands him the sports section*
Grandpa: no, no, no, not that *he reaches over and grabs a different section*
Grandson: but that's the obituaries grandpa...
Grandpa: yeah but when you're my age this is the sports sections
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