Obese Jokes

An objective analysis of the correlation between genetics and obesity.

A doctor is telling an obese woman that she needs to start losing weight.
The woman, offended, replies defensively, "It's not my fault! Obesity runs in my family!"
The doctor looks her up and down, and finally says, "*Nobody* runs in your family."

did you watch the obese fashion show?

they had some pretty good role models

What do programmers and obese people have in common?

They both call an 8-course meal a bite.

Did you hear about the obese woman who got a job at a bank?

She was a four-chin teller.

According to a new study being obese can cut your risk of dementia

Or in other words fat people are less likely to forget where the chocolate is kept

I decided to open a new business that builds doors for obese people, it shall be called Mordor.

As an obese man, I think I would make a pretty good presidential candidate.

I too only run once every four years.

Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last night didn't go very well.

Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese.

When comedian Jimmy Carr was told by an obese women "I think you're fatist," he responded, "No. I think you're fattest."

What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem.

A Big Fat Geek Wetting.

An obese man just escaped from prison...

He's currently at extra large.

An extremely obese man walks into a bar built on quicksand ...

"Wow," the bartender exclaims, "you've really lowered the bar."

A morbidly obese man sees a doctor and tells him that neither his horrid diet nor lack of exercise is the issue

"It just runs in my family" says the man.
"No," says the doctor, "the problem is that nobody runs in your family!"

What did the obese man say about the belt he'd recently purchased?

"Top notch".

My body is very well-defined.

If you look under the word "obese".

Obese people are a very large portion of the population.

What did the mother give to her clinically obese newborn baby?

A wide birth

An obese woman walked by me and winked.

I shirked, so she gyrated and told me to "take a picture it will last longer."
I retorted, "I don't doubt it."

What was the obese cop's only arrest?

A cardiac one.

Interviewer: So Japan, I hear that you're the least obese country in the world. How did you achieve this?

Japan: Ah. So did I ever tell you what happened the last time we had a Fat Man in Japan?

At my prime I was A Beast.

Today I'm merely Obese.

What do you call a brothel that caters to obese people that are into MILFs?

A mom and pop shop.

I was really tempted to say mean things about an obese animal

But I decided not to because that would be hippo-critical.

I was told I'd come into big money one day...

My obese wife is called penny.

An obese woman goes the the doctor.

The doctor attempts to suggest diet and exercise. The woman responds, "Doctor, you don't understand. My mother is obese, my sister is obese, my brother is obese, my cousins are obese. Obesity runs in my family." She doctor thinks for a second and responds, "It sounds like no one runs in your family."

I was looking for a new psychic when I noticed they were either obese or anorexic.

Is it that hard to find a healthy medium?

What do you call it when obese statesmen end a war during tea time?

Peace of Cake.

The obese depressed man when his psychiatrist

Asked if he ever tried to die yet.

Doctors & patients role-play in bed with the wife last night didn't end well

Things took a turn for the worse when her diagnosis came back "clinically obese".

An obese man wants to lose a few pounds, goes to see a specialist...

An Obese man wants to lose a few pounds, goes to see a specialist...
He's in the lobby for an hour before the doc calls him in.
Doc: I apologize for your wait.
Man: Don't, *I'm* the one that can't stop eating.

An obese woman goes to the doctor.

She explains to the Doctor that she has been very nauseas and vomiting, even more so in the morning. After many tests and examinations the doctor came to a conclusion, "It looks like you're pregnant." He told her.
The woman was very distraught with his diagnosis. "I'm pregnant?!" She shrieks.
"No, but it looks like you are."

My daughter said she was Obese on the inside

Cause she has A Big Personality!

Of all the people in my life that have inspired me to achieve greatness...

I would say the most inspirational was an obese man I saw cliff jump into the sea.
He had a massive impact.

S O F A T H E R E Y E S P O P

Choose your own adventure.
Dad sees a soda?
Moving a couch for dad?
Obese girl with a vision problem?

Today, an obese friend reach a new level of happiness...

He just realized that every cafe in town is an "all you can eat" place.

What do you call it when an obese lady gives birth?

A birthquake

Everyone at my university is morbidly obese, it's making my brain hurt

Specifically, I think it's the hippo campus.

What does a obese person keep on their wrist?

A Weight Watch.

I hired the most obese personal assistant I could find.

She's a really big help.

I went to see my obese doctor about a burning sensation when i pee.

My morbidly obese doctor gave me medicine and told me on monday there will be a chance of warm sprinkles with a little bit of precipitate. Tuesday through thursday it will cool off and by friday the conditions down there will be clear and normal.
He's quite the meaty urologist.