Oatmeal Jokes
40 oatmeal jokes and hilarious oatmeal puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about oatmeal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover a variety of oatmeal jokes that will have you in stitches. From oatmeal cookie puns to jokes about oatmeal raisin cookies and oatmeal cream pies, these laughs are sure to make you giggle. Be warned though, some of these oatmeal jokes are so bad they just might make you feel like you had a mouthful of powder! Laugh along at some silly oatmeal puns and sprinkle in some muesli jokes for added fun.
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Funniest Oatmeal Short Jokes
Short oatmeal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The oatmeal humour may include short oats jokes also.
- I like my women like I like my oatmeal Done in three minutes and covered in facts about dinosaurs.
- The Scots are updating the perception of traditional Scottish fare. Oatmeal porridge will now be known as a Highland Smoothie.
- Oatmeal raisin cookies are the child molesters of the cookies world, they should have to let everyone within a 2 mile radius who they really are.
- My grandpa (age 92) told me this joke. "I'm getting so old that I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning... And I have oatmeal every morning."
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Oatmeal One Liners
Which oatmeal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with oatmeal? I can suggest the ones about cereal and breakfast cereal.
- I tried oatmeal shampoo for the first time today But it just made my oatmeal worse.
- I only eat certain types of oatmeal cookies because raisins.
- What do you call Shaq if he was a delicious breakfast dish? Shaquille Oatmeal
- I like my wife how I like a bowl of oatmeal. Quiet.
- Why are oatmeal cookies better? No raisin
- What do you call 4 lepers in a Jacuzzi? Oatmeal.
- Dinosaurs are scary, quakers are pretty calm But together they make great oatmeal.
- I like my women like I like my oatmeal Steel cut and in the pantry
- I only date girls with personalities like oatmeal... ... Dry and flavorless.
- I refused to eat oatmeal as a child. I was an inporridgeable brat!
- Why do SEOs hate watery oatmeal? Thin content.
- Who are they going to put on the Oatmeal Box? Now that Barbara Bush is dead....
- What do you call a group of lepers in a hot tub? Oatmeal
- What did the West African boy eat for breakfast? Ebola oatmeal...
- What do you get when you have s**... with the Quaker Oats guy? Oatmeal Creme Pies.
Witty Oatmeal Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about oatmeal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean omelette jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make oatmeal pranks.
The secret to a long life
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
An old cowboy told his grandson...
An old cowboy told his grandson "The secret to a long, healthy life is to put a pinch of gunpowder in your oatmeal every morning." The grandson took this advice to heart, and everyday for the rest of his life put a pinch of gunpowder in his oatmeal every morning. When he died at the age of 132 he left behind 5 children, 12 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, 78 great great grandchildren, and a 50 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
The secret of long life
A young man met a cowboy who was 104, still active and in good health. He asked the old-timer what the secret was to his longevity.
The old man said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning see. If you do, you'll live to a nice, ripe old age."
So the young man did this religiously every day for the rest of his life, and sure enough, lived to the age of 100.
When he died he left behind 6 children, 10 grandchildren, 56 great-grandchildren...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
How to Live a Long Life
A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
A tough old rancher once told his grandson that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 97. When he died, he left behind 14 children, 27 grandchildren, 34 great-grandchildren and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Secret to long life
A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life is to sprinkle a little gunpowder into your oatmeal.
The grandson took his words seriously and ate gunpowder sprinkled oatmeal everyday. He lived to the ripe old age of 96.
When he died, he left behind 4 children, 9 grandchildren, 13 great grandchildren and one 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
The secret to a long life
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot deep hole where the crematorium used to be.
Bang !
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.
She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103, leaving behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.
It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.
He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:
No, you can't have those! They're for the f**...!
The secret to a long life…
The secret to a long life...
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
Ol' Jed
Ol' Jed was sitting on his porch when his youngest grandson walked up to him.
"Granpa, how did you get to live so to be so old?"
"What, I'm only 85!" he exclaimed before snorting. "Well, let me tell you something. Every morning I sprinkle just a little gunpowder into my oatmeal. It's good for the heart!"
"Gunpowder!? No way! Are you joshin' with me?"
"Nope! Mark my words. Just a little pinch every morning. You'll see."
Sure enough, Ol' Jed lived another 14 years before leaving behind 7 kids, 10 grand kids, 18 great-grand kids, and a 9 foot hole in the Crematorium wall...
Waiting in line
A woman is checking out at the grocery store. She buys a dozen eggs, two boxes of pasta, waffles, a bag of onions, lunch meat, oatmeal, sparkling water and throws on a pack of gum at the register.
The man behind her says "you must be single"
"Why yes I am! Did you figure this out by noticing all the stuff I bought?"
"Nope, it's because you are ugly!"
