Oatmeal Jokes
38 oatmeal jokes and hilarious oatmeal puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about oatmeal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover a variety of oatmeal jokes that will have you in stitches. From oatmeal cookie puns to jokes about oatmeal raisin cookies and oatmeal cream pies, these laughs are sure to make you giggle. Be warned though, some of these oatmeal jokes are so bad they just might make you feel like you had a mouthful of powder! Laugh along at some silly oatmeal puns and sprinkle in some muesli jokes for added fun.
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Funniest Oatmeal Short Jokes
Short oatmeal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The oatmeal humour may include short oats jokes also.
- I like my women like I like my oatmeal Done in three minutes and covered in facts about dinosaurs.
- The Scots are updating the perception of traditional Scottish fare. Oatmeal porridge will now be known as a Highland Smoothie.
- My grandpa (age 92) told me this joke. "I'm getting so old that I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning... And I have oatmeal every morning."
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Oatmeal One Liners
Which oatmeal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with oatmeal? I can suggest the ones about cereal and breakfast cereal.
- I tried oatmeal shampoo for the first time today But it just made my oatmeal worse.
- I only eat certain types of oatmeal cookies because raisins.
- What do you call Shaq if he was a delicious breakfast dish? Shaquille Oatmeal
- I like my wife how I like a bowl of oatmeal. Quiet.
- Why are oatmeal cookies better? No raisin
- What do you call 4 lepers in a Jacuzzi? Oatmeal.
- Dinosaurs are scary, quakers are pretty calm But together they make great oatmeal.
- I like my women like I like my oatmeal Steel cut and in the pantry
- I refused to eat oatmeal as a child. I was an inporridgeable brat!
- Why do SEOs hate watery oatmeal? Thin content.
- Who are they going to put on the Oatmeal Box? Now that Barbara Bush is dead....
- What do you call a group of lepers in a hot tub? Oatmeal
- What did the West African boy eat for breakfast? Ebola oatmeal...
- What do you get when you have s**... with the Quaker Oats guy? Oatmeal Creme Pies.
Witty Oatmeal Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about oatmeal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean omelette jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make oatmeal pranks.
The secret to a long life
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
The secret of long life
A young man met a cowboy who was 104, still active and in good health. He asked the old-timer what the secret was to his longevity.
The old man said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning see. If you do, you'll live to a nice, ripe old age."
So the young man did this religiously every day for the rest of his life, and sure enough, lived to the age of 100.
When he died he left behind 6 children, 10 grandchildren, 56 great-grandchildren...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Ol' Jed
Ol' Jed was sitting on his porch when his youngest grandson walked up to him.
"Granpa, how did you get to live so to be so old?"
"What, I'm only 85!" he exclaimed before snorting. "Well, let me tell you something. Every morning I sprinkle just a little gunpowder into my oatmeal. It's good for the heart!"
"Gunpowder!? No way! Are you joshin' with me?"
"Nope! Mark my words. Just a little pinch every morning. You'll see."
Sure enough, Ol' Jed lived another 14 years before leaving behind 7 kids, 10 grand kids, 18 great-grand kids, and a 9 foot hole in the Crematorium wall...
Long life
A old friend of mine passed the other day, she was 107 years old, I asked her once what her secret to living so long was, she told me that when she was a child she asked her great grandfather the same question and he told her to sprinkle a teaspoon of gunpowder on top of her oatmeal every morning, and she and all her family has followed that advice, it worked apparently, she left behind 7 children, 17 grandchildren, 29 great grandchildren, 42 great great grandchildren, and a 40 foot crater where the crematorium used to be...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump and Mike Pence were having breakfast at the White House
The waitress asks Pence what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" Trump replies with his trademark lecherous leer, "How about a q**... this morning?"
"Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in office for a year! ''
As the waitress storms away, Pence leans over to Trump and whispers... "Mr President, It's pronounced 'quiche'."
A starving man walks into a busy diner...
He sees one empty seat near the counter and quickly sits down. The man next to him is passed out and looks sickly, but there is a steaming bowl of oatmeal sitting next to him, untouched.
After 10 minutes no one has even brought the man water, let alone taken his order, so he sneakily slides the bowl of oatmeal towards him and begins eating ravenously.
After only a couple minutes, he nears the bottom of the bowl, and notices a giant dead cockroach at the bottom. Disgusted, he spews all of the oatmeal back into the bowl and onto the counter. Just then, the sickly man next to him wakes up.
"Oh, yea... you saw the cockroach, too?"
Went out with a bang...
A tough old cowboy with grizzled hair, chiseled featured, and hands tougher than the sharpest barbs on new wire told his grandson that the secret to living a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.
With absolute faith, the grandson did as Grandpap instructed. Every morning for the rest of his life, he added a pinch of gun powder to his oatmeal.
He grew up, lived happily, enjoyed perfect health, and died at the ripe old age of 107.
According to the story in the newspaper, he left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.
