Oak Tree Jokes
55 oak tree jokes and hilarious oak tree puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about oak tree that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Oak Tree Short Jokes
Short oak tree jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The oak tree humour may include short pear tree jokes also.
- My son looked up from his homework and asked me, "Dad, what's an acorn?" I smiled and explained... "Well, in a nutshell, it's an oak tree!"
- I asked my dad to simply explain what an acorn is. He said, "It's an oak tree, in a nutshell."
- What's the difference between an oak tree and a tight shoe? One makes acorns, the other makes corns ache.
- A man rating trees A man was rating his 3 Oak trees. Oak C was great, Oak B was even better, but the other was just okay.
- Once I heard a story about a math teacher who crashed his Prizm into a 100-year-old oak... Geo met tree.
- Did you hear about the two lawyers who set up shop under the old oak tree? I heard it was a pretty shady business.
- Did you hear about the man who got squashed by a tree whist in between two bales? He's Hay Oak Hay now.
- Why did the oak tree get his girlfriend pregnant? Because the state abolished plant parenthood
- What does little Jimmy and the oak tree in the backyard have in common? They were both a nut once
- I put my tree up yesterday... it looked oak-kay
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Oak Tree One Liners
Which oak tree one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with oak tree? I can suggest the ones about maple tree and pine tree.
- What's an acorn ? In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
- Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is? In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
- What is an acorn, really? In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
- An oak tree walks into a bar. Nuts on a woman, barks something inappropriate, and leaves.
- How do you make an oak tree laugh? Tell acorn-y joke.
- What did the oak tree say to the math professor? Geometry.
- How do you briefly describe an acorn? In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
- What is the poorest tree in the forest? The burr-oak tree.
- What do Canadians say when they see an oak tree? Ok (oak-eh)
- Why are oak trees so naughty? They nut all over the place
- What do you call an average Canadian tree? An oak eh
- Wanna hear a little about acorns? It's an oak tree, in a nut shell.
- What do you call a corn falling from an oak tree? A corn
- Why did the Chihuahua pupper chew up the oak tree? He wanted to have more bark.
- Dad, will this little acorn really become a tree? Yes son, don't worry, it'll be a-oak-k
Oak Tree Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about oak tree you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tree stand jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make oak tree pranks.
Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an oak tree she made a bonsai.
A college student was golfing with an old man...
And they get to the 6th hole, a very long par 5 with a huge oak tree right in the middle of the start of the fairway.
The college kid says to the old man, "Any advice on this hole? I'm not sure I can carry over the tree but this hole is too long to lay up on the first shot."
The old man snorts with laughter and says, "Hah! A young guy like you? When I was your age I could clear that tree with a 4 iron."
The kid, not wanting to be outdone by this old man, grabs a 3 iron to be safe and takes a whack. THUNK, it hits the tree and bounces back towards him, and the old man laughs at him.
He tries again with a 3 wood and again THUNK, the ball smacks the trunk and rolls back. The old pensioner is now doubled over laughing at this kid's efforts.
Furious at being humiliated, the college kid tries one last time with his new driver and again THUNK the ball is no where near clearing the tree. He turns to the old man and says "Gee mister, you must have been a long hitter when you were younger to clear that tree with a 4 iron."
"Well son," says the old man smiling, "when I was your age that tree was a young sapling only 10 ft tall"
Some of my favorite Scandinavian UFF DA jokes
Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. "Vat in the vorld are you doing vidout any clothes, voman?" Lars asked. "Vell, I yust don't have any clothes to vear, dat's why," answered Lena. "Vat you talking about," said Lars as he opened the closet door and began counting: "Vun dress, two dress, tree dress, four dress... Oh, hello Ole... Five dress...
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An elderly Norwegian named Lars decided to March to the alter at the ripe old age of 85 with a shapely miss who was only 35. His friends cautioned him about the health hazard involved, saying that the exertion of amour could prove to be fatal. "Vell, dat's the chance I'll have to take," said Lars. "If she dies...she dies."
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The nurse told Ole to s**... to the waist. So he took off his pants.
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Lars and Lena and two other couples were being considered for membership in the Trinity Church. The minister explained that one of the requirements was for the couples to abstain from relations three weeks prior to final approval. "When you demonstrate self control, you will be welcomed to membership in Trinity Church," explained the minister.
Two of the couples indicated compliance, so the minister said, "You are now welcomed to the Church."
However, Lars and Lena admitted that on the last day of the three week period, they had succumbed after Lars became a**... when his wife Lena leaned over to pick up a spool of thread that had dropped to the floor.
"I'm extremely sorry," said the minister, "but I have to say that you now cannot be welcomed into the Trinity Church."
"Vell," said Lars, "Ve are not velcome at Sears anymore eeder.."
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Swede: When is your birthday?
Norwegian: March 21st.
Swede: What year?
Norwegian: Every year.
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Ole made a visit to the church on the corner near his home, found a priest and proceeded to make a confession. "Father, I got some tings to tell you about. I had an affair vith da vidow on Oak street last veek. And this veek I been getting togedder vith a coupla married vomen in my apartment."
"Well," said the priest, "for penance you better go home and say 40 Hail Marys."
"Oh, I ain't Cat'lick," explained Ole.
"You're not Catholic?" Exclaimed the priest. "Then, why are you telling ME?"
"Becoss," said Ole, "I'm telling EVERBODY!"
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A swede was sympathizing with a Norwegian who lost three wives in less that a year. The swede asked how they died.
"Vell, da first vun died from poisoned mushrooms," explained the Norwegian.
"And the second one?" Asked the Swede?
"Same ting...poisoned mushrooms."
"How about the last?"
"Oh her," said the Norwegian, "Fractured skull."
"How?"
"Wouldn't eat her mushrooms."
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Judge: You've been brought here for drinking.
Dane: Swell! Let's get started.
Guy walks into a bar.. (long joke)
And asks for a drink. He notices a jar full of money and asks the bartender if he gets a lot of tips. Bartender explains that it's part of an ongoing bet. The man asks what he must do to win the money. The bartender states that the man must climb the oak tree behind the bar and grab a leaf from the very top, pull an abscessed tooth from a pit bull, and bang a 50 year old v**.... The man refuses.
After many drinks, the man finally accepts the bet. He climbs the tree with ease and brings the bartender a leaf. The man then stumbles to the back room where the dog is sleeping. After a lot of commotion, screaming, and yelping, the man returns. He says, "Now where's the lady with the abscessed tooth?"
Four men are out golfing...
They were just teeing off when the three men noticed one of their buddies, Jim, was looking a little distraught. Curious, they asked him what was wrong.
"You see that big oak tree over there?" the man replied as he pointed out towards the hole. The other three men nodded. "You see," Jim continued "A few months ago I was out golfing this same course with my wife. I teed off and the ball hit that big oak tree, ricocheted back and hit my wife in the head and she died."
Astounded, the other three men gasped and profusely apologized for their friend's loss. "Yeah I know" Jim said, "I got a 5 on that hole."
A man's s**... life is like an oak tree
You spend the first part of your life growing up and not doing much. Then later you nut almost constantly for a short period of time, right up until you go bald
What's the most embarrassed tree in the forest?
Oak wood.
A teacher asks her student about his favorite tree...
Teacher: "Bob, which tree do you love most?"
Bob: "The eucalyptus is pretty"
Teacher: "That's nice. How do you spell eucalyptus?"
Bob: "Yep, can't go wrong with a good solid oak"
A local property owner is being charged after their 100-year-old oak fell and struck the son of the prime minister. They are deemed responsible for the accident after they failed to maintain the tree safely.
They were charged with 1 count of tree-son.
How many t**... does an Oak have?
Tree
How does an oak tree have s**...?
Nuts and leaves
I did a survey asking about people favourite type of tree
Oak won by a lot, but cedar was pretty poplar too
A tiny guy applies for a job as a lumberjack.
Sorry, says the head lumberjack, eyeing the man up and down. You're just too small.
Give me a chance to show you what I can do, the guy pleads. You won't regret it.
O.K., says the boss. See that giant oak over there? Let's see you chop it down.
Half an hour later, the mighty oak is felled, amazing the boss.
Where'd you learn to cut trees like that? he asks.
The Sahara Forest. said the man.
Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?
It wasn't called that when I was there..
A scrawny little fellow turned up at a lumber company looking for work.
'Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,' he said to the head lumberjack. 'All right,' said the boss. 'Take this axe and cut fired that oak tree.' Five minutes later the man was back. 'I've cut it down,' he says, 'and split it into lumber.' The boss couldn't believe his eyes. 'Where on earth did you learn to cut down trees so fast?' 'The Sahara,' the man answered. 'The Sahara desert?' 'Desert? Oh yes, that's what they call it now.'
Three neighboring sentient trees, an oak a maple, and an elm are cut down in the forest
They are taken to a local saw mill and turned into boards for housing. Miraculously wood from all three trees is used to build a roof on a barn. The oak is turned into a sturdy beam in the center of the roof, and despite the cutting and processing of the wood, thinks he can recognize the boards that became the maple and the elm being nailed together above him. Unsure however he asks
Haven't I seen you two by four?