The Best 92 O And O Jokes

Following is our collection of O And O jokes which are very funny. There are some o and o tsm jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these o and o heh puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

What's Irish and sits by the pool?

Paddy O'Furniture

It's the first day for a fraternity...

It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.

One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?

The Polish eye exam.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

what part of the alphabet is the wettest?

H to O


What's Irish and sits on a deck?

Patty O'Furniture

An young Irish boy

A young Irish boy is stood crying at the side of the road. A man asks him What's wrong wid ya laddie? The boy says Me ma is dead . Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you ? The boy replies No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.

A Joke

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

'It was in honour of St.Patrick's Day, ' he smiled.

'I gave you a sham rock.'

What's Irish and stays out all night?

Pati O'Furniture

A story about a Redneck and a Game Warden.

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Georgia as he started to leave a lake well known for it's fish.
The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"
"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish!?!?"
"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."
"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."
The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man.
I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"
"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"
The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"
"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.
The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH," replied the warden!
"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

Top O And O Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore o and o rufio reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean o and o help dad jokes. There are also o and o puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Confession

Matthew goes into a confessional box and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I have been with a loose woman."

The Priest says "is that you Matthew?"

"Yes father, it is I."

"Who was the woman you were with?"

"I cannot tell you for I do not wish to sully her reputation."

The priest asks "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"No father."

"Was it Fiona MacDonald?"

"No father."

"Was it Ann Brown?"

"No father, I cannot tell you."

The priest says "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys."

Matthew goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and asks "What did you get?" Matthew replies "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads."

A particularly dirty shabby looking woman asks for couple of dollars

A woman was walking down the street when she was
accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking
homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars
and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy
some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless
woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying
food?" the woman asked.

"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman
said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay
alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of
food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't
had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, I'm not going to give you the
money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner
with my husband and myself
tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband
be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty,
and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for
him to see what a woman looks like after she has given
up shopping, hair appointments and wine.

A Michael Sam joke

After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it's the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien

A man gets married and decides to set some ground rules..

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride thought for a minute and replied, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

The Chemical Formula For Water

Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer...

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,
"Here'sto spending the rest of me Life,
Between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best
Toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the
Prize for the Best toast of The night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said,
"Here's to spending the rest of me life,

Sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
Buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
Leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
surprised myself. You know, he's only been in
there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell
asleep".

Best toast in all of Ireland

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
Life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of
The night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside
Me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
Night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's
Only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
The ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

Brian Williams and Bill O'Reilly walk into a bar

Or do they?


What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime?

Paddy O'Furniture!

(Happy St. Patrick's Day)

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.
As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-ack-id-dee), they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... ver-r-ry slo-o-owly?"

The waitress leaned over the counter and says, "Tiiimmmmm Hoorrrrttooonnns"

What do you call an Irishman who bounces off of walls?

Rick O'Shea.

A drunk walks up to a guy...

A drunk walks up to a guy. says to him, " I am God."

The guy says," Go away, you are drunk."

"I can prove it to you, if you want" said the drunk.

"O really! Then prove it."

The drunk went up to a door and knocked on it thrice, three times. The door opened, and a woman came out,

"Oh God, not you again. Go away!"

Husband's night out

An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume.

"I assume," she said with her most acidic sarcasm, "That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o'clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another woman's perfume all over you."

"There is," he said. "I'd like breakfast."

A man and his wife are having sex...

...They are going at it hot and heavy, and suddenly they hear a noise. It's their son, little Timmy, standing in the doorway. Shocked, Timmy runs back to his room.

The father goes, "I'll go talk to Timmy."

So he goes to Timmy's room and opens the door; there, he sees Timmy's giving it hot and heavy to grandma!

The father, disturbed, says, "O my god!"

Timmy goes, "Not so funny when it's your mother, is it?"

What do you call an Irishman that stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture

A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother...

They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!

They named him Ravi O. Lee

Sorry

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, When Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"


"Well, Brenda... No. In fact, He got out three times to pee"

They told me i had type A blood.

But it was a type O.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

What blod type am I?

Type-O

What did O say to Q?

"Pull your pants up will ya?"

A blonde strolls into her new office job at 10:30

The manager comes up to her and says, "you should have been here at nine o'clock," to which the blonde responds "why what happened?"

What's Irish and stays out on your deck?

Paddy O'furniture

What's green and sits on the porch?

Paddy O'Furniture.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

In Flint, Michigan, students have no difficulty learning A β€” G and P β€” Z.

The problem's H to O.

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep...

1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!

What's the most commonly misspelt blood group?

Type-O

British English will have only 3 vowels now A I O

They left E U

What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?

Rick O'Shea.

Two Irish men came down to give Mrs. O'Mally some bad news.

"We have some terrible news about your beloved husband, he fell into a vat of beer and drowned."
"Oh my poor Patrick" she moaned "At least he died a sudden death and didn't suffer."
"Well I don't know about that Mrs. O'Mally, he got out three times to go pee."

What did the letter O say to the letter Q?

"For God's sake man, put some pants on!"

A Polish guy went to check his vision...

**Doctor asked** - *can you read any of those letters? read it for* me.

The eye test chart: C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z

**Polish guy** - *Oh god, I know that guy!!*

A Polish man was at the Eye Doctor to test his sight, and looked at a chart with the following letters:

G U O Y L V B J I T D A Z C K

Doctor: Can you read the letters?

Polish Man: Of course i can read it, I know the guy!

What do you call an acid with an attitude?

A-mean-o acid.

My sister told me she's dating an Irish guy

I said, "Oh really?"

She replied, "No, O'Reilly."

What is the similarity between Caps Lock and prison?

They both turn "o" into "O".

Which blood type was created by mistake?

Type O.

Me: *Playing Ouija board*

Me: What's your name?

Ouija Board: I H A V E A B O Y F R I E N D

What did O say to Q?

Put that thing away, there are kids here.

What do prison and the shift key have in common

they both turn your "o" into an "O"

Polish immigrant

A newly-arrived Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.

He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.

Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy."

I was walking behind a woman at 3 o'clock in the morning after a night out.

She gave a slight glance towards me and She started walking faster, so I walked faster.

She started running, so I started running.

She started screaming, so I started screaming.

I was too scared to look behind and never did find out what we were running away from.

Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.

"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"

"No, Father."

"Was it Kate Dannaher?"

"No, Father."

"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"

"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."

Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"

He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."

A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him.

He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying: "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says: "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..."

What do you get when you divide 355 jack o'lanterns by 113 jack o'lanterns?

Pumpkin Pi.

A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US

and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.

Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.

Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top and takes a seat.

The game is about to begin when a voice comes over the loudspeaker and says "Please rise for the National Anthem". Everyone in the stadium stands up, turns to Jose, puts their hands over their hearts, and sings

"O-OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE..."

Jose yells back "YES THANK YOU"

What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common?

They both turn o into an O .

Today I decided to donate blood...

After the procedure I asked the nurse what my blood type was out of curiosity. She told me I was type A so I thanked her and left. As I was walking out the door she came sprinting after me and said Wait, I told you the wrong blood type on accident, it was a type O.

A guy with the nickname E saved my life, so now when I see him I say-

-A E I O U

A woman walks into a sex shop and asks the man at the counter, "D..d..d..do y..y...you hav..hav...have vi..vi...vibrators?", she says stuttering

"Why yes, maam, we do."

"D..d...d...do you hh...h..ha..have th...the b..b....bbig ones?"

"Yes maam, we do."

"How d...d....d...do you t...t...turn them o..o...off?

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.

A man asks him, What's wrong?

The boy says, Me ma is dead .

Oh bejaysus," the man says.
Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?

The boy replies, No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on me mind at the moment..

I bought a Jell-O mold in the shape of a handgun

The first time I used it the Jell-O came out and it looked perfect. Immediately the cops busted down my door and arrested me. I was charged with possession of a congealed weapon.

Why did the red blood cell misspell his name?

It was a type-o.

Who is the only Irishman that comes out in the Spring?

Patty O'Furniture

Why is "o" the noisiest vowel?

All the others are in audible.

TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

It's amusing how Americans love Cardi-B

..but hate Cardi-o

My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood.

Unfortunately it was a Type-O.

A List of Forts.

A Fort.

B Fort.

C Fort.

D Fort.

E Fort.

G Fort.

H Fort.

I Fort.

J Fort.

K Fort.

L Fort.

M Fort.

N Fort.

O Fort.

P Fort.

Q Fort.

R Fort.

S Fort.

T Fort.

U Fort.

V Fort.

W Fort.

X Fort.

Y Fort.

Z Fort.

I didn't put any F Fort into this joke.

The Librarian

What time does the library open? the man on the phone asked.

Annoyed, the librarian composed himself before he answered.

9 am, came the reply. And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?

Not until 9 am? the man asked in a disappointed voice.
The librarian began to get angry.

No, not until 9 am, said the librarian. Why do you want to get in before 9 am?

Who said I wanted to get in? the man sighed sadly. I want to get o

A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood.

When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"

The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"

*Using Ouija board* Hello is anyone there?

*Y*

*O*

*U*

*U*

*U*

*U*

*U*

Dammit this is a Soulja board

Who's Irish and sits outside all year round?

Patty O'Furniture

Roger decided he was in no shape to drive as he walked out of the bar

So he sensibly left his car parked and walked home. As he was staggering along, he was stopped by a policeman.

'What are you doing out here at three o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.

'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.

'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time of night?' enquired the constable sarcastically.

'My wife,' slurred Roger grimly.

What's Irish and stays outside your house all year no matter the weather?

Paddy O'Furniture.

A guy walks into a bar and says, "O-o-one b-b-beer, p-please."

The bartender tells him, "I used to have a stutter too. Then one day, my wife gave me head, and from that point on I was cured!" The guy gets really excited and runs out the door without ever getting his beer.

The next day, the guy walks back into the bar and says, "O-o-one b-b-beer, p-please."

The bartender asks him, "It didn't work, huh?"

The guy says, "N-n-nope. B-but y-your h-h-house is r-r-really n-n-nice."

Did you hear about the Irishman who was impervious to bullets?

His name was Rick O'Shea

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.

It's a conversation between me and my 6 y o cousin...Sorry if it is not funny enough for you

him: Knock knock

me: Who's there?

him: A snail

me: a snail who?

him: a snail you threw out of the window two weeks ago asking why

How is Donald Trump like a jack-o-lantern?

They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.

What starts with O, and ends with -nions and makes people cry?

Opinions.

I looked longingly into my beloved's eyes and whispered, "A, E, I, O, U...and sometimes, Y."

The priest then turned to her. "And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"

A monk, priest, and rabbit walk into a blood bank...

The rabbit turns to the other two and says, I think I'm a type-O.

Land O Lakes

Have you guys seen the new Land O Lakes butter packaging? They removed the Native American girl from their labels to be more politically correct.

Now that's the most American thing I've ever seen; remove the Indian and keep the land.

How are Donald Trump and a jack o' lantern alike?

They're both orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be thrown out the first week of November.

A priest, an atheist, and a rabbit walk into a blood donor tent

The rabbit says "I might be a type O"

Anyone got a fork and a plate?

Reddit handed me a slice o cake, but 2hrs til it expires and they left me without silverware and fine china needed to enjoy it :(

My carpenter friend brought me a single plank of wood by 5 o'clock today. I was livid!

"Whats wrong?" he asked.
"You told me you'd bring me 2 by 4!"

How does a whale buy their drugs?

By the krill-o-gram

Talking clock

A man is showing his apartment to his friend.

The friend sees a large copper pan on the wall.

\- And what is this?

\- Its a talking clock!

\- Really how does it work?

The man hits the pan with all his might.

A voice is heard from behind the wall:





\- IT'S TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING GOD DAMN IT!

Kerry Okeefe wife joke

Oh, yeah, - O’Keeffe began. - When we had to start spending more time at home, I noticed this woman sitting in my lounge room.

Yeah, because I was in and out (of the house) with (my) Fox Cricket (commentary duties),

And with COVID … I started to talk to her.

And she told me she was my wife! - O’Keeffe cried - And we’re getting on really well! There’s a plus to COVID … I met my missus!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the o and o wassup jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working o and o remooved piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes