The Best 44 Nursery Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Nursery jokes. There are some nursery preschooler jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these nursery nursery rhymes puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Nursery Jokes and Puns

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they'll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

Classic nursery rhyme

Jack and Jill went up a hill, each had a quarter.

Jill came down with fifty cents, you think they went for water?

A man and his wife have four beautiful daughters

They decide they want one more child. Sure enough, nine months later they have a fifth. Overjoyed when he can finally see it, the man looks at it in the nursery of the hospital, and it is the ugliest child he has ever seen in his life. He talks to his wife and says, "There is no way that child is mine! We have four beautiful daughters! Have you been cheating on me?"

She says "Not this time, honey."

Nursery joke, A man and his wife have four beautiful daughters

Mary nursery rhyme

Mary had a little watch,

she swallowed it one day.

Then Mary took a laxative

to pass the time away.

Well, time went on and time went on,

and time still wouldn't pass.

So, if you want to know what time it is,

just look up Mary's ^brother ^in ^Omaha. ^He's ^got ^a ^Rolex.

The firefighters dog

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"

Two babies are discussing their births at a nursery

One turned to the other and said "Mine was a total mess. How was yours?" "Ah," the other baby said, "At first it was really difficult but I managed to pull through."

A beloved nursery rhyme from my childhood!

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
Who had so many children she didn't know what to do.

So she cut 'em up, put 'em into pies,
Took 'em to the fair and won first prize!

Nursery joke, A beloved nursery rhyme from my childhood!

TIL when nursery rhymes are playing in the car but your child is no longer in the car then the songs were probably never for him in the first place.

A joke for the British.

Some urine got into my eye whilst cleaning the lavatories at a kid's nursery yesterday....
....I'm putting in a claim for Pee Pee Eye.

I got fired for having sexual relations with my clients. [NSFW]

Ill never get to work in a nursery again.

What's Rick Ross's favorite nursery rhyme?

Ring Around the Rooooozaaay.

You can explore nursery born reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean nursery kindergarten dad jokes. There are also nursery puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What is a blondes favourite nursery rhyme?

Humpme Dumpme.

What is a Mexican's least favorite nursery rhyme?

Humpty Dumpty

When I bought some fruit trees the nursery owner gave me some insects to help with pollination...

They were free bees.

Why was the army recruiter in the nursery?

To find more people for the infantry!

I'm sorry.

My Favorite Nursery Rhyme.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
both with a buck and a quarter,
Jill came down with 2.50,
and they didn't go up for water.

Nursery joke, My Favorite Nursery Rhyme.

Russian Nursery Rhyme

Row row row your boat all the way to Vladivostok

Life is eternal struggle towards an inevitable death

Drink vodka till you sleep

Russian Nursery Rhyme

The incy wincy conrade
Was tugging at his chain
About rights of workers
He complain

The secret police
Am get order to restrain
And the incy wincy comrade was never seen again

Childhood Nursery Rhyme

Old Mother Hubbard, went to her cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone...
But Rover took over, and he bent her over, and gave her a bone of his own

My favourite Greek nursery rhyme

Ο± Ο± Ο± your boat

What's Jared Fogle's favorite nursery rhyme?

Hey Diddle Diddle.

What did the Asian man say to his wife when the hospital nursery tried to send them home with a blonde hair, blue-eye baby?

Hmmm... two Wongs don't make a white.

What is the difference between an Afghan terror camp and an Afghan nursery?

No idea, I just fly the drone.

An English kid, a Spanish kid and a Chinese kid are in nursery school together...

The teacher asks: What does the doggy say?

The English kid replies: Woof Woof!

The Spanish kid replies: Guau Guau!

The Chinese kid replies: Sizzle Sizzle!

Why did Patrick Swayze put his newborn's crib in the middle of the nursery?

Because nobody puts baby in the corner.

what's an Essex(uk)/Jersey(usa) girls favourite nursery rhyme?

Hump me, dump me

"Hey Mom, could you tell us the nursery rhyme about the 3 mice?"

Mom: "The one's that masturbated?"

What's a priest's favorite nursery rhyme?

Little Boy Blue

I tried to go into a nursery with a beer but I wasn't allowed in.

I drank it all in front of her and ran inside. I can't believe they called the police

What is a kid artist's favourite nursery rhyme?

Pop goes the easel.

How do you make love to a nursery rhyme character?

You hump-ty-dumpty

What's a priest's favorite nursery rhyme?

Hey Diddle Diddle

My son's favourite nursery rhyme taught me what strategy mice use to win sports games.

They like to run down the clock.

Every day of the week, I teach my students a historical event through the eyes of a nursery rhyme character.

So on hump day Humpty Dumpty dumped tea

What's a spider baby's favorite nursery rhyme?

Head, shoulders, shoulders, knees, knees and toes toes, knees, knees and toes toes.

Who the hell is peter file

And why is everyone at the nursery calling me him

A favorite joke from my Dad

Eric walks into a plant nursery. Surrounded by lush potted plants, he selects an attractive hibiscus and proceeds to casually eat the leaves from its branches. A concerned salesperson walks up to him quickly.

"May I help you?" The salesperson asks.

"No thanks," answers Eric, "I'm just browsing."

A man and a blonde woman are talking about their children while waiting for them at nursery.

Man: How many kids do you have here mam?

Blonde: Oh I have two toddlers. What about you?

Man: I have one that's just under two.

Blonde: Look I know I'm a blonde, but I know how much one is.

A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"

The experts recommend putting a baby monitor in the nursery with your baby.

Turns out they don't mean the lizard.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Ethiopian all sit in the hospital lobby as their wives are giving birth.

After a while the doctor comes out, invites them into the nursery where 3 babies lie in cribs and says: "Congratulation! You all just became fathers! But there is one problem. Due to a nurse's error the babies got mixed up and we don't really know which one who's."

The Englishman suddenly grabs the darkest baby and sprints towards the door.

The doctor shouts: "Sir! What are you doing!!!?"

The Englishman as he's getting farther: "I'm not raising no bloody Frenchman!"

My husband works in a plant nursery and is looking for quality plant jokes to tell his overworked co-workers. Show me what you've got! (I'll start)

Why are plants bad cheerleaders?

Because they're always rooting for themselves.

The police knocked on my door last night and asked "Where were you between 3 and 4 ?"

I said, "Nursery!!!"

Walked into my baby son's nursery only to see my wife standing in poop with it smeared all over the walls and furniture asking, Who did this?!

I said it was not apparent.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the nursery hospital jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working nursery childrens piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes