Nuns In Heaven Jokes
32 nuns in heaven jokes and hilarious nuns in heaven puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nuns in heaven that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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A nun was fired from her job in heaven...
A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."
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At catholic school...
A nun teaching catholic school asks the children what they want to be when they grow up.
Mary says, "I want to be a p**...!"
Shocked, the nun says, "What did you just say?"
Mary says, "I said I want to be a p**...!"
The nun replied, "Oh thank heavens. I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."
Three nuns die in a car accident. They arrive at the pearly gates...
...and St. Peter greets them, "welcome to heaven sisters! Before I let you in I have to ask you each a question that you must answer to be accepted into heaven."
The first nun steps up, and St. Peter asks, "who is the son of god?" The nun says, "that's easy. Jesus." The gates open, and she strolls into heaven.
The second one steps up. "Who is Jesus' mother?" She answers, "Mary," and the gates open.
The third nun steps up, and he asks, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun looks flustered, and she says, "that's a really hard one..." And the gates open.
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Two nuns are walking down a dark alley one night.
Two men suddenly jump out of the shadows and start to r**... them. The first nun looks up toward heaven and says, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they are doing."
The second nun looks up and says,
"This one does!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heaven Between Legs
A nun went to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear a confession.
"Mother, today I experienced the pleasures of the flesh. Father Saunders came to me and told me I had the gates to Heaven between my legs. He then told me he had the key to Heaven and put it in the gates."
"Why that lying ba***rd !" the Mother Superior screamed. "For years he has told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I've been blowing it!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three nuns die in a car c**..., when they get to heaven, the angel says they have to answer a question to get in
So the angel asks the first nun
Who was the first man?
And the nun replies, Adam
The angel allows her in and turns to the second nun
Who was the first woman?
The second nun answers Eve
Correct, in you go replies the angel
Then turning to the third nun the angel asks
I'm afraid this question is rather difficult. What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?
The third nun thinking says Oh, that's a hard one
Yes, you're in. Replies the angel.
Three nuns die and go to Heaven...
At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in, but he reassures them that they're quite easy.
"Who was the first woman?" He says to the first nun.
"Eve." The gates swing open and she walks in.
"Where did Eve live?" He says to the second nun.
"The Garden of Eden." The gates swing open once more.
"Now, seeing as you're the Mother Superior, you must answer a more difficult question, what was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?" St. Peter says to the third nun.
"Oh, that's a hard one..."
The gates swing open.
Three Nuns Die And Each Have To Answer A Question From God To Get Into Heaven...
God asks the first Nun, "Who were the first two people?"
She says, "Adam and Eve".
He says, "Okay, you're in."
God asks the second Nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?"
She says, "The Garden of Eden".
He says, "Okay, you're in."
God asks the third Nun, "What was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?"
She says, "Hmm, that's a hard one."
He says, "Okay, you're in."
3 nuns go up to heaven...
Three nuns go up to heaven. Peter's at the gates and he tells them they have to answer a question before they can come in. So he says to the first one "what was the name of the first woman?" She says "Eve" and he lets her in. He says to the second one "where did Eve live?" She says "the Garden of Eden" and she too is allowed in. Then he says to the third nun "what was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?" She says "oh, that's a hard one", and he says "yeah, you're in…"
What do you call a nun who's gone to Heaven?
Nun of the above.
A Nun walks into a bar, looking like she hasn't washed in weeks.
She leans up against the bar, clothes all covered in dirt, stinking to high heaven, and lights up a cigerette.
The barman says, "You know, thats a filthy habbit Sister!"
"I know, I know", she replies, "but I haven't got anything else to wear."
Three nuns arrive at the gates of Heaven...
St Peter is there to meet them and explains that before they can enter, they each need to answer a question.
He turns to the first nun and asks her "What was the name of the first woman on Earth?"
The first nun immediately answers "Eve!"
"Congratulations!" says St Peter, "You're in!"
St Peter then turns to the second nun and asks her "Where did Eve live?"
The second nun immediately answers "Garden of Eden!"
"Congratulations!" says St Peter, "You're in!"
Finally, St Peter turns to the third nun, who happens to be the Mother Superior.
"Now, since you're the Mother Superior," he says, "your question has to be a little more tricky. What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?"
"Ooh..." says the third nun, "That's a hard one..."
"Congratulations! You're in!"
Three nuns die and go to heaven
Three nuns die and go to heaven, but all must answer one question to get in.
The first nun is asked, "Who was the first man on Earth?" She says, "Adam." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.
The second nun is asked, "Who was the first woman on Earth?" She says, "Eve." Lights flash and the gates open.
The third nun is asked, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" Puzzled, the nun is says, "Hmmm, that's a hard one." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.
Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven
Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven and were seeking admission. God Himself decided to hear their appeal from His judgement seat.
The St Bernard said "I was a valued rescue dog and helped find those nuns after the avalanche."
"Fine then, you're in," said God.
The collie said, "I was always faithful to my master and brought the family together when they were down."
"Sounds wonderful," said God. "Welcome."
Then it was the cat's turn. "Why should we let you in?" asked God.
"Well actually, I think you're in my chair."
A nun died and went up heaven
But It was the bus driver
Three nuns die and arrive at the pearly gates
Saint Peter is there, the gates are closed, and he says to the first nun, "To enter Heaven, you must first answer a question: What was the name of the first man?" She says, "Why, that would be Adam". Ding-ding-ding-ding, the gate opens and she goes in. Saint Peter turns to the second nun and asks, "What was the name of the first woman?" She says, "That would be Eve!". Ding-ding-ding-ding, the gate opens and she goes in. He turns to the third nun and asks, "What were Eve's first words to Adam?" "Oh my" she says, "that's a hard one!" Ding-ding-ding-ding
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Sunday School
Sister Mary Francis asked each of her young charges to tell the class what they want to do when they grow up.
Johnny says "I'm going to be a policeman." "Very good," say Sister Mary Francis.
Peter says "I'm going to be a fireman." "Very nice," says the nun.
Then Mary stands up, and says "I'm going to be a p**...!" Sister Mary Francis turned pale. The room fell silent. The Sister said sternly "What did you say, Mary??" Beligerantly, Mary stuck out her chin and again, in a clear voice, said "I'm going to be a p**...!!"
"Oh thank heavens," said the nun. I thought you said you were going to be a protestant!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Nuns
Three nuns are walking down a street when they get hit by a drunk driver in a semi truck; dead on impact. Now they are waiting at the gate to be let into heaven. They are told they each have to answer one question correctly to be let in. If they answer wrong, they go straight to h**.... The first nun is asked what was the name or the first woman. She says Eve; bells ring and the gate opens. The second nun is asked what was the name of the first man. She answers Adam, and she is allowed to enter. The final nun was asked the first thing Eve said to Adam. So sits and thinks for twenty minutes or so before finally giving up and saying "That's a hard one." The bells ring and the gate opens.
Three nuns die and go to the Pearly Gates...
St. Peter tells them "to let you in to heaven, you each have to answer a question" and then asks the first nun "who was the first man on earth?"
The nun replies with "Adam" and the gates open and she goes in.
St. Peter then goes to the next nun and asks "who was the first woman on earth?"
The nun says "Eve" and the gates open and she goes in.
St. Peter goes to the third nun and asks "what was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?"
The nun is hemming and hawing and says "wow that's a hard one," and the gates open and she's let in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nun is teaching class in a Catholic children's home.
She asks the students what they want to be when they grow up. One says a teacher, the other says doctor, the other says engineer and so on. Finally the question lands on quiet little girl in the back.
Nun: What would you like to be when you grow up?
Girl: I'm afraid to say it out loud.
Nun: Then come whisper it into my ear.
The girl scurries over and whispers something. The nuns face boils. She is both shocked and horrified. She screams "What did you say?!?!"
The girl startled yells out " I said I want to be a p**...!"
The nun replies relieved " Oh thank the heavens I thought you said Protestant."
So three nuns have passed and are at the pearly gates..
When they arrive, Gabriel is there and says "Each of you must answer a question correctly to enter heaven."
His question to the first nun was "What was the name of the first woman?" and she replies "Eve!" And of course thats right, so on she goes.
His question to the second nun was "Where did Eve live when God created her?" to which she replies "Eden, of course." Another correct answer and on she goes as well.
His third question to the last nun was a bit trickier as she was a nun for the longest. "What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?" The nun mumbles "Oooh, thats a hard one.."
So in to heaven she went as well.
Three Nuns get into Heaven
Three nuns had died and were going to Heaven. They gathered at the Pearly Gates and met St. Peter, who said
"Congratulations Sisters you have made it to Heaven! Now to get in you must answer a question each"
One Nun steps forward and he asks "Who was the first man in Creation?"
"Well that would be Adam" she said.
Trumpets played, the gates opened, and she walked in.
The second Nun steps forward, and he asks "Who was the first Woman?"
"Well that would be Eve" she replied
Trumpets played, the gates opened, and she walked in.
The third and last Nun stepped forward, and he asked "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
The nun paused, pondering for a moment, and said "Wow that's a hard one"
Trumpets played, the gates opened....
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Nuns In Heaven One Liners
Which nuns in heaven one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nuns in heaven? I can suggest the ones about nun convent and two nuns.
- What do you call a nun who's gone to Heaven? Nun of the above.
- A nun died and went up heaven But It was the bus driver
