number Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious number puns

I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number.

I told her we use names here.

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"Mom, I'm dating a man."

"Whom, sweetheart?"

"Mike the mailman."

"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"

"But mom, age is just a number."

"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."

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I told my wife that the milkman said he had shagged every woman in our road except one!!

I bet it's the snooty bitch at number twenty three, she replied.

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I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.


That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

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How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

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65,000,011 years ago

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

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I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

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I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…

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An infinite number of people walk into a bar...

The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...


The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.

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What's DJ Khaleds favourite number?

11 because it has another 1.ο»Ώ

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0.666

... beware the number of the millibeast.

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I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand

It's seven

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Mom finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

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I was changing some fuses at Buzzfeed...

... Number 14 shocked me.

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I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row...

...they told me I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts

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Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.

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Did you know: If you say a number loud enough, you increase its value?

For example: 5 equals 5, but

5! equals 120.

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If the number 666 is considered evil

..is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

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I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand

It's 7

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A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

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Why was Buzzfeed's editor found dead in the bathroom?

Because number two shocked him.

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A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl

She asked me for my number.

I told her that we usually use names.

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If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state.

We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible

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The doctor's office blocked my number after I kept calling about Pokemon.

I don't know what the hell they're taking about, but I really need someone to take a look at this bulbous sore I have.

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Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

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Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer

Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.

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Lazy people fact #4564321564

You were too lazy to read that number.

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1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow.

1's hands got so cold that they went numb.

2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

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A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"

"Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."

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For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

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Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed...

like my name, phone number, address, etc.

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When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed.

Things like, my job, my phone number and my address

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A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.

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If the number 666 is considered evil...

does that mean that 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil?

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My Favorite Math Joke

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says You guys need to learn your limits.

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What are the most funny Number jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Number? Well, here are the best Number dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Number pick up lines to share with friends.

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