The Best 70 Number Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Number jokes. There are some number outnumber jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these number phone number puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Number Jokes and Puns

"Mom, I'm dating a man."

"Whom, sweetheart?"

"Mike the mailman."

"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"

"But mom, age is just a number."

"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."

​

I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.


That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

Number joke, How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

65,000,011 years ago

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate


An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You're all a bunch of idiots."

My Favorite Math Joke

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says You guys need to learn your limits.

Number joke, My Favorite Math Joke

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed...

like my name, phone number, address, etc.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first one orders a beer, the second one orders a half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and this trend continues on for some time. After a while, the bartender gets fed up and hands them 2 beers, shakes his head and says, "You mathematicians just don't know your limits."

I asked a German girl for her number today. Apparently it is 999-999-9999.

Weird right?

For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

You can explore number num reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean number address dad jokes. There are also number puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home

I guess he's homeless.

My laziness is like the number 8.

Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.

Lazy people fact #4564321564

You were too lazy to read that number.

Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.

A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.

Number joke, A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually rea

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

If the number 666 is considered evil

..is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

Why is the number of black priests so small?

Most of them run away after being called father once or twice


Mom finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand

It's seven

I was changing some fuses at Buzzfeed...

... Number 14 shocked me.

A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"

"Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."

So I went to the club last night and asked a German girl for her number...

and you'll never believe it! Her number is 999-999-9999!

What's DJ Khaleds favourite number?

11 because it has another 1.ο»Ώ

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one walks up and orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third one wants 1/4 of a beer, and the next wants just 1/8th. The bartender sees where this is going, and stops them before anyone else can order.

The bartender pours two beers, hands them over, and says "You guys should really know your limits".

A woman giddily asks her husband...

"Honey, if you could pick any number to represent me, what would it be?"

"Pi," said the husband.

"Oh!" she replied "That's interesting. Does it have something to do with circles?"

"No," he said. "But Pi is irrational, darling."

I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…

When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed.

Things like, my job, my phone number and my address

Did you know: If you say a number loud enough, you increase its value?

For example: 5 equals 5, but

5! equals 120.

Woman: Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day. What can i give him?

Doctor: My number

In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices….

Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…

0.666

... beware the number of the millibeast.

A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl

She asked me for my number.

I told her that we usually use names.

Yeah, it's a math joke

17: Hey 11, want to hear a joke?

11: Sure.

17: What did one prime number say to the other prime number?

11: I give up.

17: "I can't even."

11 and 17 together: HAHAHA!!!!!

2: I don't get it.

Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer

Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.

Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

I was rated "number 1 most likely to not murder you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.

I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.

An infinite number of people walk into a bar...

The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...

The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.

Why was Buzzfeed's editor found dead in the bathroom?

Because number two shocked him.

When my wife got pregnant everything changed

My name, my address and my phone number

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." And so on.

The bartender hands them two glasses of beer and says, "You guys need to know your limits."

If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state.

We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible

My wife's car got stolen while she was out the other day.

I said , Were you able to see what the guy looked like?

She replied, No, but I got the license plate number!

1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow.

1's hands got so cold that they went numb.

2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

A Frenchman was showing of his yachts to a tourist

Frenchman: "This one is called Un, this one Deux, this one Trois, Quatre, Six, Se--"

Tourist: "Hold on, why is there no number 5?"

Frenchman: "It Cinq"

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.

A Jewish girl asked for my number



I told her we use names now.

13: I'm the number everybody hates . 666: No way, I am the number everybody hates .

2020: lol .

I lent a girl an unbrella today

Which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83...

On the plus side my IQ test came back positive

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Ten. But number four will shock you.

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 81, your two hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.

Boat rental intern to manager: uh, sir, we only have 60 boats.

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 18, do you require assistance?

I always take 40 or 50 lighters with me in a bag...

Not because I'll need them, but you can always use a lighter bag when hiking.

And I make sure it's not an odd number so that way it's even lighter.

A man with 12 kids was trying to rent a house. However, no landowner would allow him to rent their house due to the number of children he had. Frustrated, the man told his wife to visit her father's tombstone and bring all but their youngest child with her.

He then visited a property and told the landowner that he would like to rent the place.

"Is this your only child?" asked the landowner.

"No, I have 12 children" replied the man.

"Then where are the other 11 kids?"

"In the cemetery with my wife," he calmly replied.

The maid asked for a raise

[Long]

The maid asked for a raise. The woman asked her why.

Maid : "For three reasons. Number 1, I iron clothes better than you."

Woman : "Who said that?"

Maid : "Your husband said that"

Woman : "Oh"

Maid : "Secondly, I cook better than you"

Woman : " Who said that?"

Maid : "Your husband"

Woman : "Oh"

Maid : "And the third reason is that I am better at sex than you"

Woman : "Did my husband said that too?"

Maid : "No, the gardener did."

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a rubber ball

The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume.

The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced.

The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything in my life has changed.

My phone number, my address, my name. Everything.

There are approximately 6.02*10^23 guacas in a guacamole.

This is known as avocado's number.

I told my girlfriend that the milkman said he had shagged every woman in our building except one!!

I bet it's the snooty bitch at number twenty three, she replied.

How I lost my Teeth

I was in my local pub last night enjoying a nice cold pint of beer, when this butt ugly fat bird came up to me and slapped me in the back, and said how about giving me your number handsome

I looked at her and asked Do you have a pen sure! She said.

So I said, Well you better get back in it before the farmer notices you're missing!

My dental surgery is this Friday!.

Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control.

But cases continue to rise.

My wife called me from the cash machine for the card's pin number

I said 7496

she said it didnt work

I said 7469

she said it didnt work

I said 4796

she said the machine took away the card

I said thank god

AGE is...

Age is not a number. it's a word.

My wife called me the most unfeeling person in the world

But really she's the number one.

An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar

The first orders a pint of beer. The second half a pint, the third a quarter ad infinitum. The bartender just pours two pints and says "sort it out yourselves."

A teenager confesses to her mother

T: "I have decided to run away and elope with Marty the mail man"

M: "Oh, but honey he could be your father"

T: "I don't care, he loves me, age is just a number"

M: "Oh no, deary, I didn't mean it that way..."

Which fruit is most like a number?

... nine, ten, a lemon, twelve, ...

A waiter walks up to a man and asks..

Waiter: "Sir, are you ready to order?"

Man: "I am, but my wife is in the bathroom."

Waiter: "Well do you know what she's having?"

Man: "It's been 10 minutes so probably a number 2."

Guacamole:

6 x 10E23 guacas.

(That's Avocado's Number)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the number wrong number jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working number imaginary number piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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