"Whom, sweetheart?"

"Mike the mailman."

"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"

"But mom, age is just a number."

"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."

​

That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

1. My credit card number

2. My social security number

3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attemptsβ¦

The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...

The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.

11 because it has another 1.ο»Ώ

... beware the number of the millibeast.

It's seven

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.

"What do you think we should do?" she asks.

Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

... Number 14 shocked me.

For example: 5 equals 5, but

5! equals 120.

..is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

Because number two shocked him.

She asked me for my number.

I told her that we usually use names.

We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.

You were too lazy to read that number.

1's hands got so cold that they went numb.

2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

"Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free Sex tonight!"

I said, "Wow!"

Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

like my name, phone number, address, etc.

Things like, my job, my phone number and my address

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says You guys need to learn your limits.

17: Hey 11, want to hear a joke?

11: Sure.

17: What did one prime number say to the other prime number?

11: I give up.

17: "I can't even."

11 and 17 together: HAHAHA!!!!!

2: I don't get it.

The bartender hands them two glasses of beer and says, "You guys need to know your limits."

I guess he's homeless.

Weird right?

The first one orders a beer, the second one orders a half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and this trend continues on for some time. After a while, the bartender gets fed up and hands them 2 beers, shakes his head and says, "You mathematicians just don't know your limits."

Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my gardenβ¦

My name, my address and my phone number

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one walks up and orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third one wants 1/4 of a beer, and the next wants just 1/8th. The bartender sees where this is going, and stops them before anyone else can order.

The bartender pours two beers, hands them over, and says "You guys should really know your limits".

Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.

I said , Were you able to see what the guy looked like?

She replied, No, but I got the license plate number!

"Honey, if you could pick any number to represent me, what would it be?"

"Pi," said the husband.

"Oh!" she replied "That's interesting. Does it have something to do with circles?"

"No," he said. "But Pi is irrational, darling."

and you'll never believe it! Her number is 999-999-9999!

The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You're all a bunch of idiots."

Most of them run away after being called father once or twice

Frenchman: "This one is called Un, this one Deux, this one Trois, Quatre, Six, Se--"

Tourist: "Hold on, why is there no number 5?"

Frenchman: "It Cinq"

Doctor: My number

I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.

I'm a ladies man. I saw this fine German woman. I didn't even have to chat her up for her to hastily give me her number. It was easy to remember 999 9999.

First one says give me half a pint. Second one says a quarter, third says an eighth. The bartender puts down one pint and says, you people need to know your limits.

The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third one orders a quarter, and the fourth one orders one eighth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says,"you guys should know your limits."

...the first one orders a beer.

The second one orders half a beer.

The third one orders a quarter of a beer.

The bartender stops them and pours two full beers.

The infinite hoard is outraged and demands more, to which the bartender responds "C'mon, guys. Know your limits".

Because you're sodium fine.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second orders half a pint, the third orders a quarter pint. The bartender interrupts them, You guys need to learn your limits. Two pints, coming right up!

Intersect it with a plane.

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.

The first mathematician orders a beer. The second mathematician orders half a beer. The third mathematician orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth mathematician orders an eighth of a beer. Before the next one can speak, the rather annoyed bartender slams two beers down on the bar and says, "You guys really need to learn your limits!"

The first says, "I'll have a beer."

The second says, "I'll have one half of a beer."

The third says, "I'll have one fourth of a beer."

Frustrated, the bartender pulls out two bottles and says, "You guys should know your limits."

Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 8 more

It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan

Should I column?

Wife: "Oh, I dialed the wrong number"

My name, address and telephone number.

...I guess "highest number of robberies in an hour" wasn't the answer he was looking for.

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour **joking about Number**? Well, here are the best Number puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Number pick up lines to share with friends.