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Number Jokes

201 number jokes and hilarious number puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about number that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for some laughs? This article provides an extensive collection of number jokes, including puns involving the numbers 8, 2, 3, 5, 9, 10, 4, and 7, as well as prime numbers and counting. Make sure to give it a read and see what tickles your fancy!

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Funniest Number Short Jokes

Short number jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The number humour may include short digits jokes also.

  1. I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.
    That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1
  2. How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair? Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.
  3. Im surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount; a large gap in numbers had never bothered him before. Get it?
  4. I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB That was a trip down memory lane
  5. I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83... On the plus side my IQ test came back positive
  6. I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions 1. My credit card number
    2. My social security number
    3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate
  7. Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  8. I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row… They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…
  9. How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to turn on an electric chair? Ten. But number four will shock you.
  10. I feel sad for people with gay parents They either get twice the number of dad jokes or are stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask mom'

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Number One Liners

Which number one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with number? I can suggest the ones about numerals and count.

  1. Why is 6.9 the worst number? It's a 69 interrupted by a period
  2. What's DJ Khaleds favourite number? 11 because it has another 1.
  3. Puns make me numb Mathematical puns makes me number
  4. Her: Let's exchange numbers Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
  5. I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand It's seven
  6. I was changing some fuses at Buzzfeed... ... Number 14 shocked me.
  7. Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups? Because they can't even.
  8. Why was Buzzfeed's editor found dead in the bathroom? Because number two shocked him.
  9. When counting down, I can't stand negative numbers I stop at nothing to avoid them.
  10. Lazy people fact #4564321564 You were too lazy to read that number.
  11. I treat women like I do numbers.... If they're under 16, do them in your head.
  12. Words can't describe how beautiful you are... But numbers can.
    2/10
  13. A Jewish girl asked for my number
    I told her we use names now.
  14. I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.
  15. I asked a German girl for her number today. Apparently it is 999-999-9999. Weird right?

Phone Number Jokes

Here is a list of funny phone number jokes and even better phone number puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?" "Yes, it is," came the reply.
    "Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."
  • Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed... like my name, phone number, address, etc.
  • Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything in my life has changed. My phone number, my address, my name. Everything.
  • When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. Things like, my job, my phone number and my address
  • My buddy asked me how I got ahold of Kevin bacon's phone number Told him I know a guy ^(who knows a guy) ^^who ^^knows ^^a ^^guy ^^^who ^^^knows ^^^a ^^^guy
  • When my wife got pregnant everything changed My name, my address and my phone number
  • When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying
  • Today I saw a phone number written on a pillar... Should I column?
  • Husband to wife: "I am impressed, you only talked to your friend on the phone for 20 minutes." Wife: "Oh, I dialed the wrong number"
  • Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number You answered the wrong phone

Number 2 Jokes

Here is a list of funny number 2 jokes and even better number 2 puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • One of the side effects of the COVID vaccine is constipation. After getting the first dose, you'll need to wait a few weeks for number 2.
  • Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.
  • 1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow. 1's hands got so cold that they went numb.
    2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.
  • A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.
  • I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions ! 1. My credit card number
    2. My social security number
    3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate
  • I have electrified a clickbait journalist's toilet. Number 2 will shock them.
  • No one: Numbers: 0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
  • We should give credit to the number 2. It became a prime number against all odds.
  • My friend told me to stop speaking in numbers... but I didn't 1 2.
  • Pirate Ship Captain: Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals? Crew: I I captain.
Number joke, Pirate Ship Captain: Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?

Number 3 Jokes

Here is a list of funny number 3 jokes and even better number 3 puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state. We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible
  • I challenged the number 1 to a fight. When 1 showed up, he brought 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were against me.
  • I saw a Buzzfeed article about the top 10 ways to execute someone. Number 3 will shock you.
  • I think my calculator is broken... The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd.
  • Why didn't the number 3 cross the road? He saw a sign that said no trespassing.
  • My math professor explained natural numbers Natural numbers are like beer. You can have 1 beer, 2 beers, 3 beers... but not 0 beers, that's unnatural.
  • How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had? He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...
  • My exceptional memory allows me to memorize a sequence of more than a million numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...
  • 1 and 2 are the most romantic numbers Because they are <3
  • Words cannot describe your beauty!... But numbers can. 3 out of 10.

Number 10 Jokes

Here is a list of funny number 10 jokes and even better number 10 puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There are 6.02*10^23 guacas in a guacamole, This is also known as avocado's number.
  • There are approximately 6.02*10^23 guacas in a guacamole. This is known as avocado's number.
  • Did you hear about the guy who got 10 years in jail for using imaginary numbers? He was an accountant.
  • I learned 10 jokes about clickbait today. But I won't tell them. You wouldn't belive number 7 anyway.
  • There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary numbers and those who don't.
  • I read a Buzzfeed article called "The Top 10 Things You Didn't Know About Explosive Diarrhea".... number 2 surprised me.
  • Buzzfeed did a top 10 list of power measurements You'll never believe Watt's number 6
  • My friend told me that each person creates 10 tons of CO2 a year, and said I should be taking steps to bring that number down so I shot a guy.
  • What is the anime watcher's favorite number 10 pi
  • How many Buzzfeed workers does it take to form a firing squad? 10. But number 5 will blow your mind!

Number 8 Jokes

Here is a list of funny number 8 jokes and even better number 8 puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My laziness is like the number 8. Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.
  • Why is the number 8 the only number that goes to heaven? When it dies it becomes immortal.
  • The number 8 goes to see a psychiatrist ... The psychiatrist says, "Would you like to lay down on the couch?" and the number 8 replies, "No thank you, I don't want to be here forever."
  • Why was the number 7 covered in pee? Because 7 said to next number "Yer an 8".
  • A group of numbers were picking on 8 and he really h8'd it. But when they pushed him over he felt infinitely worse.
  • Why do all the other number work to keep 8 awake?
    Because when 8 falls asleep it's forever.
  • What did the number 0 say to the number 8? Nice belt.
  • Warning - Never push the number 8 over; The ramifications can go on forever
  • What is the average of 5, 8, 17, N, and N? Whatever number you want, because the N's justify the mean.
  • 17 Signs You're an Incredulous Skeptic... you won't believe number 8!
Number joke, 17 Signs You're an Incredulous Skeptic...

Heartwarming Number Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about number you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean amount jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make number pranks.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third one orders a quarter, and the fourth one orders one eighth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says,"you guys should know your limits."

"Mom, I'm dating a man."

"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
&#x200B;

65,000,011 years ago

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

How do you get a Jewish Girl's number?

Roll up her sleeve!

Number 7

Mark dreams number 7.
He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.
He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.
Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.
Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.
The horse comes seventh.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You're all a bunch of idiots."

My Favorite Math Joke

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says You guys need to learn your limits.

Lucky Numbers

There was this man by the name of Mr Five.
His lucky number was, not surprisingly, 5.
He was 55 years old, ate 5 times a day, always brought with him $55 in his wallet and always wore a shirt with 5 pockets.
One day, he saw a horse by the name of Lucky Five was racing.
He bet $5555.55 on the horse.
After 5 hours the results are out.
Sure enough the horse comes in fifth.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first one orders a beer, the second one orders a half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and this trend continues on for some time. After a while, the bartender gets fed up and hands them 2 beers, shakes his head and says, "You mathematicians just don't know your limits."

Kiss The Mirror

A middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched. The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror. From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.

For a moment, i had a different opinion on 'Chinese girls'

This Valentines day, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629."

Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home

I guess he's homeless.

Why can't a blonde dial 911?

Because she can't find the number 11

When my employer asked if I had a criminal record...

...I guess "highest number of robberies in an hour" wasn't the answer he was looking for.

Women say their number one fear of online dating is the guy will be a serial killer. Men say their number one fear is the woman will be fat.

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon?

Intersect it with a plane.

If the number 6**... is considered evil

..is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first mathematician orders a beer. The second mathematician orders half a beer. The third mathematician orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth mathematician orders an eighth of a beer. Before the next one can speak, the rather annoyed bartender slams two beers down on the bar and says, "You guys really need to learn your limits!"

German women love me...

I'm a ladies man. I saw this fine German woman. I didn't even have to chat her up for her to hastily give me her number. It was easy to remember 999 9999.

Why is the number of black priests so small?

Most of them run away after being called father once or twice

What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian?

The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.

An infinite number of people walk into a bar...

...the first one orders a beer.
The second one orders half a beer.
The third one orders a quarter of a beer.
The bartender stops them and pours two full beers.
The infinite hoard is outraged and demands more, to which the bartender responds "C'mon, guys. Know your limits".

Mom finds a large number of b**... magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

Kinda scared for 2017

Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of n**... h**... would have if he had 8 more

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It's a really obscure number and you've probably never heard of it.

An infinite number of mathematically inclined cows walk into a bar...

And the bartender says, "close the door! Were you raised in a barn?!"
But the cows keep shuffling in.
Because they don't understand English.

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby...

My name, address and telephone number.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

First one says give me half a pint. Second one says a quarter, third says an eighth. The bartender puts down one pint and says, you people need to know your limits.

So I went to the club last night and asked a German girl for her number...

and you'll never believe it! Her number is 999-999-9999!

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first says, "I'll have a beer."
The second says, "I'll have one half of a beer."
The third says, "I'll have one fourth of a beer."
Frustrated, the bartender pulls out two bottles and says, "You guys should know your limits."

Buzzfeeds top 10 list of t**... methods

Number 7 will shock you

I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one walks up and orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third one wants 1/4 of a beer, and the next wants just 1/8th. The bartender sees where this is going, and stops them before anyone else can order.
The bartender pours two beers, hands them over, and says "You guys should really know your limits".

A woman giddily asks her husband...

"Honey, if you could pick any number to represent me, what would it be?"
"Pi," said the husband.
"Oh!" she replied "That's interesting. Does it have something to do with circles?"
"No," he said. "But Pi is irrational, darling."

The US just dropped a new single today

It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan

Did you know: If you say a number loud enough, you increase its value?

For example: 5 equals 5, but
5! equals 120.

Woman: Doctor, my husband wants intense s**... all day. What can i give him?

Doctor: My number

In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices….

Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…

0.6**...

... beware the number of the millibeast.

A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl

She asked me for my number.
I told her that we usually use names.

Yeah, it's a math joke

17: Hey 11, want to hear a joke?
11: Sure.
17: What did one prime number say to the other prime number?
11: I give up.
17: "I can't even."
11 and 17 together: HAHAHA!!!!!
2: I don't get it.

A joke on telemarketers from Seinfeld

**j**...:** This isn't a good time.
**Telemarketer:** When would be a good time to call back, sir?
**j**...:** I have an idea, why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you back later?
**Telemarketer:** Umm, we're not allowed to do that.
**j**...:** Oh, I guess because you don't want strangers calling you at home.
**Telemarketer:** Umm, no.
**j**...:** Well, now you know how I feel.

I've changed so much since my GF told me she's pregnant

For example my name, address and even phone number

s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "s**...! s**...! s**...! Free s**... tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 6**...-3629."

I was rated "number 1 most likely to not m**... you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.

I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.

An infinite number of people walk into a bar...

The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...
The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.

Hey girl, is your atomic number 11?

Because you're sodium fine.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second orders half a pint, the third orders a quarter pint. The bartender interrupts them, You guys need to learn your limits. Two pints, coming right up!

Facts About Lazy People #389479305784

You were too lazy to read that number

I can't even count on one hand the number of times I've survived frostbite.

It's three.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." And so on.

The bartender hands them two glasses of beer and says, "You guys need to know your limits."

My wife's car got stolen while she was out the other day.

I said , Were you able to see what the guy looked like?
She replied, No, but I got the license plate number!

A Frenchman was showing of his yachts to a tourist

Frenchman: "This one is called Un, this one Deux, this one t**..., Quatre, Six, Se--"
Tourist: "Hold on, why is there no number 5?"
Frenchman: "It Cinq"

Man is at a job interview

Interviewer: Well, to start out in the beginning, you will be at a $30,000 salary, but later that number could go up to $50,000 or even $60,000.
Man: Ok, I'll come back later then.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.

A good number of my friends are racist.

Precisely zero - and that is a good number.

13: I'm the number everybody hates . 6**...: No way, I am the number everybody hates .

2020: lol .

Number joke, 13:  I'm the number everybody hates . 6**...:  No way, I am the number everybody hates .

jokes about number