Number 9 Jokes

92 number 9 jokes and hilarious number 9 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about number 9 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Number 9 Short Jokes

Short number 9 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The number 9 humour may include short number 10 jokes also.

  1. I challenged the number 1 to a fight. When 1 showed up, he brought 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were against me.
  2. I think my calculator is broken... The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd.
  3. I recently got a tattoo of the numbers 1 through 9 on my back... so that way if you have my back you can always count on me
  4. The number 69 Some people think 69 is the perfect number, but the truth is that 9's tired of 6 coming first.
  5. 3,5,7,9,11 A man was yelling 3,5,7,9,11. When he was asked why he was yelling those numbers he Said
    "Because I Can't Even"
    (I'm so sorry)
  6. I never trusted the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 and 11…. There's just something *odd* about them. But the numbers 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 and 12 are *even* worse than them.
  7. Come in number 9, your time is up. Boss, we've only got 8 boats.
    Number 6, are you in trouble?
  8. Pretentious (OC) It's not really fair for me to say because I don't know him very well but out of all the numbers I feel like 9 is the most pretentious.
  9. Why do the other numbers not hang out with 1, 4, 9, 16, and 25? Because they're just a bunch of squares.
  10. If Royce Da 5'9 gave up his career in rapping.. He'd become Royce Da 9-5.

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Number 9 One Liners

Which number 9 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with number 9? I can suggest the ones about number 8 and ninth.

  1. No one: Numbers: 0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
  2. Why is the number '9' like a peacock? It's nothing without its tail.
  3. I asked a German girl if Germans are afraid of numbers She said 9
  4. How did number 10 die It was in the middle of 9 11
  5. What number do you call for emergencies in Mexico? 9-Juan-Juan
  6. What does a white girl and the numbers 3,5,7,and 9 have in common They can't even
  7. Why did Jason Pierre-Paul change his jersey number from 90 to 9? Because he lost a digit!
  8. Number mystery. On saturday night, 789.
    When asked why 9 went missing, 6.87.
  9. I asked a German girl if she was afraid of any numbers She said 9
  10. 9 reasons to go the Toilet, now! Number 2 is unbelievable!
  11. What's the number for Baltimore chiropractic services? 9-1-1
  12. call this number (301) 737-4420 ask for a sega 9
  13. How does a German number 9 say no Nein
  14. Germans must really not like mighty number 9 They tend to shout nine when they're mad
  15. Why did Microsoft skip a number when naming their new operating system? Because 7 ate 9.

Number 9 Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about number 9 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean number 7 jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make number 9 pranks.

Yo mama is so s**... that when asked for her emergency contact number she said, "9-1-1."

Murphy's Laws of Computing
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human.. to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the dash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9…

10 Facts About You:
1. You're reading this now.
2. You're realizing that this is a s**... fact.
4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3.
5. You're checking now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading this even though it is s**....
9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8.
10. You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this.
12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.

A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely.
He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab."
He popped into a phone booth near 
the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. 
He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel.
When back in the room he figures, "What the heck, I'll give her a call."
"Hello," the woman says.
She sounded s**.... 
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is s**.... I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks... We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?"
She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

A new twist on an old joke.

Scientists recently did a study on the effects the right side and left side of a brain had on counting.
They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.
He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10".
They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him to count to 10 again.
He says "1, 3, 5, 7, 9".
Finally they decided to just go for it and removed the whole brain. They again asked him to count to 10 one more time.
He says, "Look. I'm great at counting to 10, ok? I love numbers and I have the best numbers. No one has better numbers than I do. My 4th grade math teacher - and let me tell you, she was the best and smartest math teacher in the country at the time - my 4th grade math teacher said to me that I am the best counter she's ever seen. The best. So if you want me to count to 10, let me tell you I can count to 10 alright. That's no problem. I will do it. I will. And I will do it better than any has ever done it before, ok?"

Conjecture: All odd numbers are prime.

Mathematician's Proof:
3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. By induction, all odd numbers are prime.
Physicist's Proof:
3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is experimental error. 11 is prime. 13 is prime ...

Engineer's Proof:
3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is prime. 11 is prime. 13 is prime ...
Computer Scientists's Proof:
3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is prime...

Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.
Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you have left. Think of a country that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the country, and think of an animal that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the animal, and think of a color that begins with that letter.
Now.... How many orange kangaroos are there in Denmark?

Project: Reimagined

There once was a secret government program that tried to create perfect soldiers through genetic modification, cloning, and strenuous conditioning.
What they wanted to achieve was the normal super soldier run down:
- Super strong
- Super fast
- Super smart
- Super obedient
They started out by impregnating 10 women with the altered embryos. For the sake of confidentiality the clones were numbered instead of named, 1-10.
The modifications seemed to work in some of the clones, but it caused some strange side effects in the other ones, not all of them survived childhood.
The first to go was 8. She wasn't told to eat, so she starved.
Then it was 2 and 10. 2 had become dangerously aggressive and attacked 10, who fought back just well enough.
Next went 4 to some disconnect in her nervous system.
Then 1, when she tried to escape after a mental break down.
3 and 5 committed s**....
The project was terminated after an incident where 9 went missing. In the file there was what seemed to be a transcript from an interview of 6, the terrified clone who witnessed it.
"Dr: Where has 9 gone? Has she told you her plan after she escaped.
6: 9 didn't escape.
Dr: What are you talking about? The whole base has been searched! 9 is nowhere to be found! Where is 9?
6: You aren't listening! 9 didn't escape, 7 killed her!
Dr: What? How? How did she kill her and then get rid of the body?
6: Isn't it obvious Doctor? 7 ate 9."

A lonely woman checked into a resort...

A lonely woman checked into a resort and decided to call one of the numbers she'd seen advertising regarding male e**... services and sensual massages.
She flipped through the phone book, found an ad with a picture of a particularly strapping young man and picked up the phone.
"Hello?" a male voice answered. "How may I help you?"
"I hear you give a great massage, and I'd really like to experience one," the woman said.
"Well, actually, I should just be straight with you. I'm in town, I'm all alone and what I really want is s**.... I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring toys, rubber, leather, whips and everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up and cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream. I want to do it all. How does that sound?"
"That sounds great," the man replied, "but you need to press 9 to make an outside call... this is Hotel Reception"

Why is six afraid of seven?

Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight friends.
When prom came, seven was alone and bitter. Of all his achievements, not one helped him land a date. Then six came in with his +1. Filled to the brim with jealousy, seven spread rumors that 6 and 9 were performing unspeakable acts. Six was alone again.
While walking to class, six saw seven with six's former +1and averted his eyes. As they passed by eachother, seven whispered into six's ear "now, we're even".

You've Been Programming Too Long When...

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.

Why did the number 6 cry?

Why did the number 6 cry?
Because 7 8 9.
(7 ate 9)

Why are the other numbers afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.

Why did the ambulance show up to a tennis match between number 8 and Number 9?

The umpire called it: nine won one.

What's the number for 9-1-1?

Reading between the lines.

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

REPORT: Number 9 found dead, half eaten in home. 7 has been brought in for questioning.

When asked for comment, the Chief of Police said, "Due to overwhelming evidence, 7 is the prime suspect in this case."

Why was number 6 scared of number 7?

Because 7 8 9!

Why were all the numbers afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

Why do Canadians like number systems greater than Base-10?

Because 7 8 9, A?

Lame number joke: Why is 8 scared of 7?

Becaauuuussseee 7 8(ate) 9.
You get it huh?

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight friends.
When prom came, seven was alone and bitter. Of all his achievements, not one helped him land a date. Then six came in with his +1. Filled to the brim with jealousy, seven spread rumors that 6 and 9 were performing unspeakable acts. Six was alone again.
While walking to class, six saw seven with six's former +1 and averted his eyes. As they passed by eachother, seven whispered into six's ear "now, we're even".

Why is Jeffrey d**...'s favorite number 7?

Because 7 8 9.

What's the phone number of Clucking Bell?


If i had two number 9s for every gender that exists

I would have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45's, one with cheese, and a large soda.

A white girl is getting robbed...

The robber points his gun at her and tells her to count to ten.
"1...3...5...7...9" She says.
"Why did you skip all the even numbers!? " yells the robber.
"Because I can't even!"

7 ate 9

7: "I feel numb now"
6: "And I am a little number"

I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number.

This is 9-1-2.

Last night I went out to a bar and got 9 numbers . . .

One more number and it would've been a complete phone number.

Cats have 9 lives...

But why not 10? I mean 9 is such an odd number.

How math, physics, programmimg and philosophy convince that all odd numbers bigger than one are primes...

Math: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime. I'll get the rest of them with induction.
Physics: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime, 9 measurement error, 11 prime, 13 prime.
I tested enough numbers.
Programming: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime, 7 prime, 7 prime...
Philosophy: 2 prime, 4 prime, 6 prime

Why is the number 10 scared?

Because it's between 9,11

I had s**... with a german girl...

I don't know why she kept shouting out the number 9 the entire time

why was the jedi master afraid of the number 10?

because 8 9 10 did

During my French Exam, I suddenly couldn't remember what the number 9 was in French

I immediately became very neuf-ous

Some numbers are having a party

There's 3, 4, and 5 playing pin the tail on the donkey. 8, 9, and 0 are chasing a ball around. Everyone is laughing and having a great time.
Except for little 2. Alone he sits in the corner quietly watching everyone play. After some time he says, too quietly for anybody to hear, "would anyone like to play?". But no one hears him. All the numbers keep carrying on and having a great time. Quietly he says again, "would anyone like to play?". But again, no one hears him.
Later on he says to his mum, "mum why can't I play with the other numbers?". And his mother just looks at him and shakes her head. "Because, son, you're not a loud two."

Why was 7 afriad of 8

Because seven ate the number 9

Which number is great at giving head?

7 ate 9

9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on any

... consumer product, the person who answers won't tell you what they're wearing. Trust me, I tried.

The number 9 is a female in 69..

Bacause number 6 eats the period in 6.9

In prison there's a lot of dudes called Steve. Steve 13 owed Steve 9 one so he killed Steve 5 for him and they all moved down a number.

They're even Steven's now.

How does a 9 year old do his part?


14. Having your title be an extension of the post as well

Things I hate
1 Lists
2 Irony
4 Numbers being out of order
5 Skipping numbers
F Inconsistency
7 Repetition
7 Repetition
8 Speling wurdz rong
10 Replying to your own comment

What would it be called if the Umbrella Academy had another sibling, and then triplets, but one of them was taller than the other 2?

2 number 9's and a number 9 large.

Think of a number between 1 and 9. Multiply it by 2, and then subtract the sum of the digits from it. Now close your eyes.

Dark, wasn't it?

There was a kingdom at the sky conducted by the random caste system.

At the age of 18 everyone gets a random cloud between 1 and 10. 1 is the best. Two friends join to the draw and result arrives. The first one gets the cloud number 5 and rejoices for it. He sees his friend extremely happy and asks "What happened? Did you get the cloud 1?"
"No" he says. "I'm on cloud 9."

A joke I heard from Walter Matthau

Three old men are talking and the first old man goes if I could do a good number 1 , just a number one for three seconds I'd be happy with myself
The second goes if I could do a solid number 2, just a quick, swift number 2 I'd be satisfied
The third guy goes well I do an awesome number 1 , like Niagara Falls , every morning at 7:30, then number 2 , like Mt St Helens every morning at 7:32 and I just hate it
The two other men ask why do you not like that ?
The third guy says it's because I don't get out of bed until 9

A guy goes to a mental hospital for a psychiatric exam. The doctor shows the guy an inkblot image.

Doctor: "Look at this card and tell me what you think it is."
The guy studies it for a minute and says, "Well, not sure, but to me it looks like Rorschach Series 6, card number 9."

Two men stay out late drinking, miss the last bus and have to walk home

They pass the bus depot, so one says he'll break in and steal a bus to get them home.
Ages later, he comes to the door and goes, 'it's no use, I can't find a number 9.'
'You idiot!' says his friend, 'Just steal a 14, we'll get off at the corner and walk the rest of the way.'

A Cognitive psychologist asks a concussed man to count from one to ten.

The man does as he is told and counts : " 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 "
"Alright then, everything seems normal. Now could you count all the even numbers from one to ten please"
The man counts: "1, 3, 5, 7, 9"
"That's odd"

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health

If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.
If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you do in life, and what you want from us. Please stay on the phone while we trace your call.
If you suffer from hallucinations, press the 7 on the big pink telephone that you, and only you, see at your immediate right.
If you are suffer from chizophrenia, please kindly ask your imaginary friend to press the 8 key for you.
If you suffer from depression, it doesn't matter which key you press, as there is nothing to do: yours is a basket case, and there is no cure.
If you suffer from amnesia, press keys in rapid sequence 2, 7, 5, 3, 9 5, 7, 5, 1, 6, 4, 9 and repeat out loud, in the following order, your name, surname, home address, mobile number, e-mail, social security number, bank account number, ATM pin code, date of birth, marital status, place of birth and your grandmother's maiden name.
If you suffer from indecision, leave your message before, after, or during the beep.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from obsessive avarice we have to inform you that this call costs 500 euros per minute.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, keep waiting: all our operators are busy responding to people who are much more important than you.
If you are one of the Italians that voted for Berlusconi, please hang up. We cure the crazy, not the jerks.