JokoJokes

Number 8 Jokes

76 number 8 jokes and hilarious number 8 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about number 8 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Number 8 Short Jokes

Short number 8 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The number 8 humour may include short number 9 jokes also.

  1. Why is the number 8 the only number that goes to heaven? When it dies it becomes immortal.
  2. The number 8 goes to see a psychiatrist ... The psychiatrist says, "Would you like to lay down on the couch?" and the number 8 replies, "No thank you, I don't want to be here forever."
  3. A group of numbers were picking on 8 and he really h8'd it. But when they pushed him over he felt infinitely worse.
  4. Why do all the other number work to keep 8 awake?
    Because when 8 falls asleep it's forever.
  5. What is the average of 5, 8, 17, N, and N? Whatever number you want, because the N's justify the mean.
  6. I never trusted the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 and 11…. There's just something *odd* about them. But the numbers 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 and 12 are *even* worse than them.
  7. Come in number 9, your time is up. Boss, we've only got 8 boats.
    Number 6, are you in trouble?
  8. Archie: "Right guys, so it says 0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21 so the next two numbers have to be 34 and 55 Me: "You've gotta be fibbing Archie"
  9. 2, 4, 6, 8, who do we appreciate? Well, from what I can tell, certainly not odd numbers.
  10. My Google password is "SnowWhite&the7dwarves" Because it said I needed at least 8 characters, including caps, a number and a symbol

Share These Number 8 Jokes With Friends




Number 8 One Liners

Which number 8 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with number 8? I can suggest the ones about number 7 and eighth.

  1. My laziness is like the number 8. Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.
  2. No one: Numbers: 0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
  3. Why was the number 7 covered in pee? Because 7 said to next number "Yer an 8".
  4. Warning - Never push the number 8 over; The ramifications can go on forever
  5. 17 Signs You're an Incredulous Skeptic... you won't believe number 8!
  6. Went out tonight and got 8 numbers!!! 2 more and it would have been a whole phone number!
  7. I have a French friend who is allergic to the number 8. He's huit intolerant.
  8. They said to pick a number between 1 and 8 in German I said nein.
  9. What's Karen Carpenter's Phone Number? 8 nothing, 8 nothing, 8 nothing.....
  10. Top 20 Dangerous Things That We Do With Electricity Number 8 will shock you.
  11. What happened when the number 8 got drunk? He fell over and had delusions of grandeur.
  12. teacher: what are 2, 4, 6, 8, 10...? steven: even numbers
    stephen: ephen numbers
  13. Infinity is not a thing... ... it's just number 8 passed out drunk.
  14. What is the similarity between numbers and girls? Two kissing 3s make an 8.
  15. why was the jedi master afraid of the number 10? because 8 9 10 did

Charming Humor Number 8 Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about number 8 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean number 10 jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make number 8 pranks.

Murphy's Laws of Computing
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human.. to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the dash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9…

A new twist on an old joke.

Scientists recently did a study on the effects the right side and left side of a brain had on counting.
They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.
He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10".
They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him to count to 10 again.
He says "1, 3, 5, 7, 9".
Finally they decided to just go for it and removed the whole brain. They again asked him to count to 10 one more time.
He says, "Look. I'm great at counting to 10, ok? I love numbers and I have the best numbers. No one has better numbers than I do. My 4th grade math teacher - and let me tell you, she was the best and smartest math teacher in the country at the time - my 4th grade math teacher said to me that I am the best counter she's ever seen. The best. So if you want me to count to 10, let me tell you I can count to 10 alright. That's no problem. I will do it. I will. And I will do it better than any has ever done it before, ok?"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Southern Gas Station Promotion

A gas station owner near Camden , Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, Free s**... with Fill-Up."
Soon a local r**... pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free s**.... The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free s**.... The r**... guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close! The number was 7. Sorry; no s**... this time."
A week later, the same r**..., along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free s**.... The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The r**... guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but NO free s**... this time."
As they were driving away, the r**... said to his brother, "I think that game is RIGGED, and he doesn't really give away FREE s**...." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My WIFE won twice last week."

Snowy week.

One winter morning at breakfast a couple was listening to the radio. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." The wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow today, you will need to move your car to the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through." So the wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow today and you must park..." Then the power went off! The wife was very upset. With a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street am I supposed to park on?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, her husband said, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Project: Reimagined

There once was a secret government program that tried to create perfect soldiers through genetic modification, cloning, and strenuous conditioning.
What they wanted to achieve was the normal super soldier run down:
- Super strong
- Super fast
- Super smart
- Super obedient
They started out by impregnating 10 women with the altered embryos. For the sake of confidentiality the clones were numbered instead of named, 1-10.
The modifications seemed to work in some of the clones, but it caused some strange side effects in the other ones, not all of them survived childhood.
The first to go was 8. She wasn't told to eat, so she starved.
Then it was 2 and 10. 2 had become dangerously aggressive and attacked 10, who fought back just well enough.
Next went 4 to some disconnect in her nervous system.
Then 1, when she tried to escape after a mental break down.
3 and 5 committed s**....
The project was terminated after an incident where 9 went missing. In the file there was what seemed to be a transcript from an interview of 6, the terrified clone who witnessed it.
"Dr: Where has 9 gone? Has she told you her plan after she escaped.
6: 9 didn't escape.
Dr: What are you talking about? The whole base has been searched! 9 is nowhere to be found! Where is 9?
6: You aren't listening! 9 didn't escape, 7 killed her!
Dr: What? How? How did she kill her and then get rid of the body?
6: Isn't it obvious Doctor? 7 ate 9."

Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Was h**...'s favorite number 8?

NEIN NEIN NEIN!

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A pint, a dog and an old lady

A guy goes into a bar and as he orders a drink he notices a jar at the end of the bar full of money. He says to the barman "what's that about?" to which the barman replies "you pay a tenner and have to complete 3 challenges, if you are successful you win all the money in the jar. Would you like to try it?" The man says he'll think about it and sits down with his drink. After about 8 pints the man staggers up to the bar and slams a tenner on down in front of the barman, "Okay pal, I'll have a go".
So the barman says "ok, challenge number 1, here's a pint of tequila, you have to drink all of that without coughing it up or being sick". It takes the man a couple of minutes but he finishes the drink.
"well done" says the barman. "The next challenge, there's a guard dog outside with a bad tooth, you need to go out there and remove it. After that, there's a woman upstairs, she's 83, never had s**... in her life. I want you go up there and show her a real good time".
So the man goes outside and for about 15 minutes there is a lot of barking, shouting and screaming. Then after a while it goes quiet. The barman walks outside to find out what's happened... The dogs dead. The man who's out of breath turns to the barman and says "Right... Where's this old lady with the bad tooth?"

Snow wife.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.
Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

the golf course frog

A golfer playing a round by himself hits his ball near a pond. As he approaches the ball he notices a small frog right next to the spot where his ball landed. Not wanting to hit the frog, he bends down and moves the frog onto a rock nearby. As he sets up his 8 iron shot, he hears the frog croak 'ribbit 9 iron'. Strange, he thought but what the heck. He pulls out his 9 iron and hits a perfect shot onto the green, 2 feet from the pin. With a smile he turns to the frog and said 'you must be my lucky charm'. The frog hops onto his cart and proceeds to tell him the exact perfect club for each shot that day and the man ends up shooting the round of his life.
Following the round of golf, beer in hand, the man smiled at the frog and said 'you must be my lucky charm'. With something near a smile (or as close as an amphibian can get), the frog said 'ribbit Vegas'.
On a whim, the man buys a plane ticket and flies with the small frog, in his carry on to las Vegas. Sitting on the mans shoulder, the frog proceeded to tell him which roulette numbers to play to the point where the man was up tens of thousands of dollars. The winning streak continued all night and caught the attention of the pit boss, who comped the man a room in their finest suite.
Sitting in the suites hit tub and enjoying a $500 bottle of fine cognac, the man turned to the frog and said 'I don't know how to thank you. You gave me the greatest golf round I've ever played and now more money than I can earn in 3 years. Is there anything I can do for you?' The frog looked the man in the eyes and said 'Ribbit, kiss me'. After a wince, the man thinks what the heck and picks the frog up and gives it a kiss. Like magic, the frog suddenly turned into a beautiful, blond, n**......14 year old girl.
...and I swear, your honor, that's exactly how she ended up in my room!

Winter weather emergency

On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in the back woods of Minnesota were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snow plows can get through conveniently".
So the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." And the power goes off.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"
With all the love and understanding that men who are married to blondes (and those with grey hair) always exhibit, the husband replied, "Honey, why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

You've Been Programming Too Long When...

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.

Why did the number 6 cry?

Why did the number 6 cry?
Because 7 8 9.
(7 ate 9)

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why is 7 afraid of 8?

Because thats the number of n**... h**... would have if he had 6 more n**...

Why did the ambulance show up to a tennis match between Number 8 and Number 9?

The umpire called it: nine won one.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A group of hunters gathered in the woods..

A group of hunters gathered around the campfire after a long, hard day in the woods. *"3"*, said one of the hunters, and the rest laughed.
*"8"*, another said, and they laughed even more.
Now, for one of the hunters, these numbers weren't very fun. He asks, *"Why is this fun?"*. The hunters look at each other, and the leader explained, *"Well, you see son, instead of having to say the jokes to each other we've assigned* numbers *to them."* He looks at the hunter and says, *"Why don't try one?"*
The young hunter thinks for a moment, and then he says; *"42"*.
And this time, the hunters burst out in an e**... of laughter, som even falling to the ground.
Puzzled, the young one asks, *"Tell me, tell me, why was this fun?"*
The leader dries his tears with his hand, and says;
*"We hadn't heard that one before."*

Think of a number between 1 and 999, then subtract 8. OK, Got it?

Congratulations, you just lost 10 seconds of your life.

Reading between the lines.

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

Why do Canadians like number systems greater than Base-10?

Because 7 8 9, A?

Lame number joke: Why is 8 scared of 7?

Becaauuuussseee 7 8(ate) 9.
You get it huh?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A blonde called tech support and was asked for her password

She replies, "Snoopy Snow White Cinderella d**... Pinocchio Harry Potter Ariel 8." The tech support guy ask, "Why such a long password?" "I was told it needs to have 7 characters and one number." She replies.

A number fight

there was this 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 ganging on a 0, he tightened his belt and became an 8 and beat them all

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A man drives to a gas station with the sign "Free s**... with every full tank".

The man fills up, goes inside and asks the guy inside for his free s**.... The attendant says "Tell me a number between 1 and 10", "7", "That was close, it was 8, better luck next time."
Next week he tries again, and he chooses 2 and close but no free s**.... Keep on trying is the attendant advice. The man returns to his car and later shares his disappointment with a coworker.
"But don't you realize" says the coworker "that this is a marketing ploy, and you are never going to win at it?" "I'm not s**...." says the man, "And I know it's not just a ploy, because, three times in a row now, my wife has won it".

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Kinda scared for 2017

Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of n**... h**... would have if he had 8 more

A girl asked her blonde mom "Mom, What's 6 times 8?"

Her mom said, "Oh sweetie, those are two completely different numbers."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why is Jeffrey d**...'s favorite number 7?

Because 7 8 9.

What number would be okay for a party but not when tipped over

The number 8

After the dwarfs numbers dwindled from 50 to 8...

The seven dwarfs begin to suspect Hungry was the culprit.

The Gentlemens Club of Jokes

In search of a new hobby a man enters a club where several men sit at table, drinks and cigars at hand.
From time to time someone says a random number and everyone is laughing. Bewildered, the man takes one of the gentlemen aside and asks "What the heck is going on here?" - "Well, you see, we tell each other jokes. But because we know every joke we numbered them, so when someone says '8' we all know which joke is told and everyone is having a good time".
The man thinks 'That sounds fun, I'll give it a try', sits down at a table and says "13". Silence follows. Surprised, the man asks "What did I do wrong?"
- "It also depends on how you tell the joke"

Some numbers are having a party

There's 3, 4, and 5 playing pin the tail on the donkey. 8, 9, and 0 are chasing a ball around. Everyone is laughing and having a great time.
Except for little 2. Alone he sits in the corner quietly watching everyone play. After some time he says, too quietly for anybody to hear, "would anyone like to play?". But no one hears him. All the numbers keep carrying on and having a great time. Quietly he says again, "would anyone like to play?". But again, no one hears him.
Later on he says to his mum, "mum why can't I play with the other numbers?". And his mother just looks at him and shakes her head. "Because, son, you're not a loud two."

Here's some numbers in Fibonacci sequence.

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987.

14. Having your title be an extension of the post as well

Things I hate
1 Lists
2 Irony
4 Numbers being out of order
5 Skipping numbers
F Inconsistency
7 Repetition
7 Repetition
8 Speling wurdz rong
9 DLC
10 Replying to your own comment

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.

Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call this number and ask for Dixie.
(Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever)

A Cognitive psychologist asks a concussed man to count from one to ten.

The man does as he is told and counts : " 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 "
"Alright then, everything seems normal. Now could you count all the even numbers from one to ten please"
The man counts: "1, 3, 5, 7, 9"
"That's odd"

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health

If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.
If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you do in life, and what you want from us. Please stay on the phone while we trace your call.
If you suffer from hallucinations, press the 7 on the big pink telephone that you, and only you, see at your immediate right.
If you are suffer from chizophrenia, please kindly ask your imaginary friend to press the 8 key for you.
If you suffer from depression, it doesn't matter which key you press, as there is nothing to do: yours is a basket case, and there is no cure.
If you suffer from amnesia, press keys in rapid sequence 2, 7, 5, 3, 9 5, 7, 5, 1, 6, 4, 9 and repeat out loud, in the following order, your name, surname, home address, mobile number, e-mail, social security number, bank account number, ATM pin code, date of birth, marital status, place of birth and your grandmother's maiden name.
If you suffer from indecision, leave your message before, after, or during the beep.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from obsessive avarice we have to inform you that this call costs 500 euros per minute.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, keep waiting: all our operators are busy responding to people who are much more important than you.
If you are one of the Italians that voted for Berlusconi, please hang up. We cure the crazy, not the jerks.

jokes about number 8