Number 3 Jokes
100 number 3 jokes and hilarious number 3 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about number 3 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Number 3 Short Jokes
Short number 3 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The number 3 humour may include short number 2 jokes also.
- I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions 1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate - If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state. We's have a prime number of states and finally be one nation, indivisible
- I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions ! 1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate - I challenged the number 1 to a fight. When 1 showed up, he brought 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were against me.
- I saw a Buzzfeed article about the top 10 ways to execute someone. Number 3 will shock you.
- I think my calculator is broken... The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd.
- My math professor explained natural numbers Natural numbers are like beer. You can have 1 beer, 2 beers, 3 beers... but not 0 beers, that's unnatural.
- How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had? He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...
- My exceptional memory allows me to memorize a sequence of more than a million numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...
- I just scored a 170 on an online IQ test and only had to answer three simple questions 1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a signed copy of my birth certificate
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Number 3 One Liners
Which number 3 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with number 3? I can suggest the ones about number 4 and number 9.
- No one: Numbers: 0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
- Why didn't the number 3 cross the road? He saw a sign that said no trespassing.
- 1 and 2 are the most romantic numbers Because they are <3
- Words cannot describe your beauty!... But numbers can. 3 out of 10.
- What's the number between 5 & 7? Believe me or not... But it's 3!.
- What does the number 3 have in common with a Tumbler user? They both can't even.
- Yo Momma so Old Her social security number is 3.
- I have devised a list of all the things I hate about clickbait Number 3 will shock you
- 3 Things I Hate 1) Numbers
B. Inconsistencies
3) Lists - What does a white girl and the numbers 3,5,7,and 9 have in common They can't even
- What are numbers? 1, 2, 3, 5, and 7 are prime examples
- What do you call someone afraid of the number 3? Gaben
- Top 3 things you want to do to avoid writing a clickbait title Number 2 will shock you!
- You know why 1 is my favorite number? Because it's so much <3
- 2,3,5,7... Not all numbers are evenly divided, these are some prime examples.
Number 3 Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about number 3 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean number 5 jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make number 3 pranks.
Q: Why does Dwayne Wade wear number 3?
A: Because that's the amount of minutes he can stay on the court without getting hurt.
10 Facts About You:
1. You're reading this now.
2. You're realizing that this is a s**... fact.
4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3.
5. You're checking now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading this even though it is s**....
9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8.
10. You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this.
12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.
If you are a bit paranoid, does that mean you're upset with the numbers from 0 to 3?
Why does Dwyane Wade wear number 3? Because that's a number of minutes he can stay on the court without getting hurt.
A new twist on an old joke.
Scientists recently did a study on the effects the right side and left side of a brain had on counting.
They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.
He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10".
They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him to count to 10 again.
He says "1, 3, 5, 7, 9".
Finally they decided to just go for it and removed the whole brain. They again asked him to count to 10 one more time.
He says, "Look. I'm great at counting to 10, ok? I love numbers and I have the best numbers. No one has better numbers than I do. My 4th grade math teacher - and let me tell you, she was the best and smartest math teacher in the country at the time - my 4th grade math teacher said to me that I am the best counter she's ever seen. The best. So if you want me to count to 10, let me tell you I can count to 10 alright. That's no problem. I will do it. I will. And I will do it better than any has ever done it before, ok?"
Conjecture: All odd numbers are prime.
Mathematician's Proof:
3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. By induction, all odd numbers are prime.
Physicist's Proof:
3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is experimental error. 11 is prime. 13 is prime ...
Engineer's Proof:
3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is prime. 11 is prime. 13 is prime ...
Computer Scientists's Proof:
3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is prime...
Welcome to the physchiatric hotline
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6.
If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what number to press.
If you are maniac depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
If you are a depressive, don't press anything. Just sit there and cry.
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
A pint, a dog and an old lady
A guy goes into a bar and as he orders a drink he notices a jar at the end of the bar full of money. He says to the barman "what's that about?" to which the barman replies "you pay a tenner and have to complete 3 challenges, if you are successful you win all the money in the jar. Would you like to try it?" The man says he'll think about it and sits down with his drink. After about 8 pints the man staggers up to the bar and slams a tenner on down in front of the barman, "Okay pal, I'll have a go".
So the barman says "ok, challenge number 1, here's a pint of tequila, you have to drink all of that without coughing it up or being sick". It takes the man a couple of minutes but he finishes the drink.
"well done" says the barman. "The next challenge, there's a guard dog outside with a bad tooth, you need to go out there and remove it. After that, there's a woman upstairs, she's 83, never had s**... in her life. I want you go up there and show her a real good time".
So the man goes outside and for about 15 minutes there is a lot of barking, shouting and screaming. Then after a while it goes quiet. The barman walks outside to find out what's happened... The dogs dead. The man who's out of breath turns to the barman and says "Right... Where's this old lady with the bad tooth?"
p**... phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.
p**... phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.
p**...: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and
Ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
p**...: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street ....'
Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?'
Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute.
Operator: 'Are you there sir?'
More heavy breathing and another minute later.
Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?'
This goes on for another few minutes until....
Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?'
p**...: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell eucalyptus, so I just
dragged him round to number 3 Oak Street .'
Rival School Prank
On the night before a rival football game several high school seniors abducted four cows from a local farmer. In red paint, they labeled each of the cows. On the first cow was the "#1", on the second was "#2", the third was "#3" and on the final cow they wrote the number "#5". The students then released the cows in various parts of their rival's school grounds. The next morning, the cows were found and quickly rounded up. The rival school then spent the entire day searching for cow #4.
Why is the number 3 such a white girl?
Cause it can't even.
You've Been Programming Too Long When...
When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.
3,5,7,9,11
A man was yelling 3,5,7,9,11. When he was asked why he was yelling those numbers he Said
"Because I Can't Even"
(I'm so sorry)
What's the difference between the number 3 and David Cameron?
One's a prime number, the other's a prime minister.
People often invent statistics to prove a point they are making.
5 out of 3 people who do this actually don't understand numbers.
A group of hunters gathered in the woods..
A group of hunters gathered around the campfire after a long, hard day in the woods. *"3"*, said one of the hunters, and the rest laughed.
*"8"*, another said, and they laughed even more.
Now, for one of the hunters, these numbers weren't very fun. He asks, *"Why is this fun?"*. The hunters look at each other, and the leader explained, *"Well, you see son, instead of having to say the jokes to each other we've assigned* numbers *to them."* He looks at the hunter and says, *"Why don't try one?"*
The young hunter thinks for a moment, and then he says; *"42"*.
And this time, the hunters burst out in an e**... of laughter, som even falling to the ground.
Puzzled, the young one asks, *"Tell me, tell me, why was this fun?"*
The leader dries his tears with his hand, and says;
*"We hadn't heard that one before."*
Answering machine message
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
My friend speaks Spanish fluently and he is great with numbers
so we were looking for cheap books when we came to the table that advertised, 5 books for the price of 3. I found the books we needed on another table and surprised when I saw the same offer.
"Oh Look, 5 for 3 too Juan."
An infinite number of mathematicians walks into a bar...
The first order 1 beer, the second 2 beers, the third 3, and so on...
The bartender doesn't pour anything and say "Yall own me 1/12 of a beer"
A number fight
there was this 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 ganging on a 0, he tightened his belt and became an 8 and beat them all
Recent study shows 3% of scientists are Republicans
Scientists are still baffled at how high this number is.
Why does nobody like number 3?
Because it's one too many.
A white girl is getting robbed...
The robber points his gun at her and tells her to count to ten.
"1...3...5...7...9" She says.
"Why did you skip all the even numbers!? " yells the robber.
"Because I can't even!"
If I had the number 3 for every gender.
I would have 33.
7777 33 66 3 66 88 3 33 7777
Uh Sorry, seems like i have switched to number mode on my Nokia.
A professor makes a bet with a student
A professor makes a bet with a student. Every question the professor asks that the student can't answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can't answer he owes the student $100.
Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?
The student having no idea hands the professor $1.
Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?
The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.
Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?
The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.
11/13/17 is 3 consecutive prime numbers.
In a 100 meters race...
Referee : 1,2,3 Go!
Everybody started running except Jack.
Referee : Why are you not running?
Jack : My number is 4..
How math, physics, programmimg and philosophy convince that all odd numbers bigger than one are primes...
Math: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime. I'll get the rest of them with induction.
Physics: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime, 9 measurement error, 11 prime, 13 prime.
I tested enough numbers.
Programming: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime, 7 prime, 7 prime...
Philosophy: 2 prime, 4 prime, 6 prime
Lady of my dreams
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams
She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!
She cried until she could cry no more because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole month's paycheck to make up for her doubts and mistrust.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelery and gave him the money as well.
Husband took the money and bought a gift for his mistress who listed under "Plumber John".
There is an isolated indigenous tribe that lives in the Amazon.
What's interesting about them is that in their language they only have words for numbers 1 and 2, and every number higher than 2 is just 'many'. You have 3 kids? You have many kids, You caught 20 fish? You caught many fish.
I guess trying to come up with words for three numbers was just one too many.
there are 3 kinds of people in this world
Those that are good at numbers, and those that are not
The Tesla Model 3 was named after
The number of years it takes you to get one after ordering it.
Id like to order a number 3 combo with a Mac n cheese side and large coke
Okay that will be $7.86 sir, what kind of drink would you like?
...
Dad joke while in labor and delivery
Wife is getting induced so we are currently at the hospital and while talking to the nurse she asked how many kids she had. To which she replied 3 as any seasoned Dad would do I decided to introduce a joke that had me cracking up in my head so I turn and look and say 3 kids with a frown that's an odd number. Made my day but was made to a tough crowd so came here for a better response.
I have a new code on my phone.
The numbers are all 3, but I'm not going to tell you in which order.
Here's some numbers in Fibonacci sequence.
0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987.
By asking 4 questions i can tell what your zodiac sign is
1. What's your favorite color?
2. What's your mother's maiden name?
3. What's your social security number?
4. What's your birthday?
Why couldn't the number 3 get out of bed
he could not even
I love the number 3
It is a prime number.
A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.
1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin.
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly."
She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the bathroom door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."
She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."
Archie: "Right guys, so it says 0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21 so the next two numbers have to be 34 and 55
Me: "You've gotta be fibbing Archie"
A mathematician , a physicist and an engineer talk about numbers
Mathematician: *π* is the most beautiful number
Physicist: I like *e* most
Engineer: What a coincidence! 3 is my favorite number, too!
Dave walks into a bar and sees President Donald Trump and Vice-President Mike Pence at a table, deep in discussion.
He doesn't want to interrupt, but they see him, invite him over and they soon get to talking.
We're on track to bomb the Middle East, excitedly claims the President. We're going to reduce those towelheads to a shadow of their former numbers. We're going to kill 3 million Syrians, 4 million Iraqis, 2 million Lebanese and ten nuns from that convent down the road!
Flabbergasted, Dave exclaims, What do the nuns have to do with anything?
The VP turns to the President and says, You can send in the drones tomorrow, Mr President. I told you no one would care about the Middle East.
The results of a 3-year trial for a drug that prevents diabetes are in.
A scientist walks into his boss's office to brief him on the results.
"How did you conduct this study?" asked the boss,
"We gave a group of 300 participants our drug, at 3 doses a day, and another 300 a placebo. We then found the number of people in each group who had diabetes." replied the scientist.
"What did you find?"
"If you give a control group sugar pills 3 times a day for 3 years, they'll all get diabetes."
I'm binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it won't let me watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.
Those are only available on Amazon Prime.
An old rabbi wins the lottery
The man wins $3,000,000.00
A reporter from the local TV station comes to interview him at his house
She asks him, "Congratulations on your winning! What do you plan to do with the money?"
The old rabbi answers, "I'm giving $1,000,000 to a Jewish charity, $1,000,000 to my family, and $1,000,000 to the n**...."
The reporter, stunned beyond belief, asks the old Jewish rabbi, "Why on earth would you give money to the n**...?"
The old rabbi lifts up his sleeve, exposing his arm and says, "They gave me my lucky numbers."
A Cognitive psychologist asks a concussed man to count from one to ten.
The man does as he is told and counts : " 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 "
"Alright then, everything seems normal. Now could you count all the even numbers from one to ten please"
The man counts: "1, 3, 5, 7, 9"
"That's odd"
A Handful of Short Math Jokes
1. How do mathematician's scold their children?
* If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times …
2. A mathematician wanders back home at 3 A.M. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife. "You're late!" she yells. "You said you'd be home by 11:45!" "Actually," the mathematician replies, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
3. Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Five Things
Here are the five best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk at work: 5) "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 4) "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to." 3) "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time." 2) "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?" And the number one best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk: 1) Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus' name, amen."
I'm giving out my personal credit card info to anyone that wants it
It's several shades of blue, very thin, about 3 long and 2 tall with these little raised numbers and letters on it, it has what looks like a SIM card on one end, a WiFi symbol looking thingy on the front, it has a bunch of tiny words and some additional numbers on the back with a solid black section. Have fun shopping folks.
I never trusted the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 and 11….
There's just something *odd* about them. But the numbers 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 and 12 are *even* worse than them.
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.
One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
Why wasn't the number 3 allowed back into school after failing his Spanish test?
Because there's No Trespassing!!
I'll show myself out
I've had constipation for 3 months
Never been to the doctors in years, but took myself there as not had a number 2 in a long time.
Doc says "what have you been eating"?
I said well doc I've been eating snooker b**...!!
What?? Snooker b**... Charlie??
Yes doc, in the morning I have 3 reds a pink, bowl porridge and a nice cup of tea.
Lunch is a sandwich a black, 2 reds and a yellow washed down with another cup of tea.
For dinner I have a nice steak, 4 reds 2 blues 1 brown again washed down with a nice cup of tea.
Doc said "hey Charlie I know where you're going wrong, you ain't eating enough greens!!"
I went to a new family doctor today
I went to a new family doctor today. The waiting room was spacious, new renovation, nice and beautiful nurses. And it got a sign:
"We respect our patients' privacy, we will not call you by name".
Quite good eh, I thought.
Completed the registration, I sat down in the waiting area, reading the latest car magazine. A moment later, the nurse speak with the mic:
"The man age 32, with haemorrhoids, please proceed to examination room number 3".