Number 2 Jokes
140 number 2 jokes and hilarious number 2 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about number 2 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Number 2 Short Jokes
Short number 2 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The number 2 humour may include short number 3 jokes also.
- I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions 1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate - One of the side effects of the COVID vaccine is constipation. After getting the first dose, you'll need to wait a few weeks for number 2.
- Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.
- 1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow. 1's hands got so cold that they went numb.
2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number. - A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.
- I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions ! 1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate - Pirate Ship Captain: Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals? Crew: I I captain.
- Think of a number 0 to 20. Add 32 to it, then multiply your answer by 2. Subtract 2. Now close your eyes.
It's dark, isnt it? - Think of a Number Between 0 and 20. Add 32.
Multiply it by 2.
Subtract 1.
Close your eyes.
Dark, isn't it? - Why does Euler's Number say it's "going number 2" when it pees? Because its natural log is 1.
I'll show myself out now.
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Number 2 One Liners
Which number 2 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with number 2? I can suggest the ones about number 4 and number 5.
- I have electrified a clickbait journalist's toilet. Number 2 will shock them.
- No one: Numbers: 0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
- We should give credit to the number 2. It became a prime number against all odds.
- My friend told me to stop speaking in numbers... but I didn't 1 2.
- 2 is the only even prime number. It's kind of odd, isn't it?
- There are 2 reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
- Wanna know something odd? Numbers not divisble by 2
- 1 and 2 are the most romantic numbers Because they are <3
- Maths make me feel numb But divisibility by 2 makes me even number.
- What's Amber Heard's Sleep Number? … number 2
- A pencil isn't my favorite writing tool... ...but it's a solid number 2
- How did all the numbers above 2 die? They over-dos'd
- I have the hardest time with numbers divisible by 2. I can't even.
- I dropped a pencil in the bathroom. I guess you can say I dropped a number 2.
- How did the prime number react when it found out it wasn't a 2? I can't even
Number 2 Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about number 2 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean number 7 jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make number 2 pranks.
10 Facts About You:
1. You're reading this now.
2. You're realizing that this is a s**... fact.
4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3.
5. You're checking now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading this even though it is s**....
9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8.
10. You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this.
12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.
Jewish jokes.
1: How do you pick up a Jewish girl? - A dustpan
2: How do you get a Jewish girl's number? - Roll up her sleeve.
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders a half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and this trend continues on for some time. After a while, the bartender gets fed up and hands them 2 beers, shakes his head and says, "You mathematicians just don't know your limits."
How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?
He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...
I'm kinda terrified for 2015
2 + 0 + 1 + 5 = 8.
The EXACT number of n**... h**... would've had if he had 6 more n**...!
The German tax evader in Switzerland
A German wants to bring his untaxed savings to a number account in Switzerland.
He sneaks into the bank, looks around and whispers to the bank assistant:
"Psst! I've got 2 million euros in my suitcase!"
The bank assistant replies in a normal voice:
"Why do you try to be so unsuspicious? Poverty is not a shame in Switzerland."
There is a guy in my area p**... on people's cars.
He's currently public enemy number 2.
Why You Shouldn't Drink Toilet Water
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water:
Number 1.
Number 2.
Top 3 things you want to do to avoid writing a clickbait title
Number 2 will shock you!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first asks, "1 beer please!"
The second asks, "1/2 beer please!"
The third asks, "1/4 beer please!"
The fourth asks, "1/8 beer please!"
And so on. Eventually, the bar tender gets very angry, and slams 2 beers on the counter yelling,
"You mathematicians just don't know your limits!"
I'm surprised 4 isn't an unlucky number.
Nothing good ever comes from putting 2 and 2 together.
Kyrie Irving is number 2
both on and off the court
An infitite number of mathmeticians walk into a bar...
The first asks for a pint of beer. The second, half a pint, the third an quarter and so on. The barman pours 2 pints of beer and says "know your limits".
Mathematicians in a bar
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a pint, the second a half a pint, the third 1/4 pint, the fourth 1/8... the bartender gets impatient, gives the whole group 2 pints and says "you guys dont know your limits..."
A number fight
there was this 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 ganging on a 0, he tightened his belt and became an 8 and beat them all
A number 2 is walking down the street...
When another number 2 sneaks up from behind and jumps on his friends back to surprise him.
The first number 2 shrieks out-
"Aahhhhh!! You squared me!!"
Sorry...
Kinda scared for 2017
Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of n**... h**... would have if he had 8 more
What does Sean Connery say when he has to go number 2?
"I've got a shituation"
What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?
A huge mess.
Brothels in Thailand have a red and white striped pole outside like a barbars shop!
I didn't know!
Imagine my shock when I went in and asked for a 'number 2 all over'
D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state.
D.C. voted overwhelmingly to be a state. If congress passes it we only need 2 more states to get to 53 which is a prime number. Then we will truly be one nation, indivisible.
An infinite number of math mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders 1 beer. The second orders 1/2 beer. The third orders 1/4 beer. The next orders 1/8 beer. Visibly frustrated the bartender slams 2 beers on the table and says "Guys, you need to learn your limits!"
My math professor explained natural numbers
Natural numbers are like beer. You can have 1 beer, 2 beers, 3 beers... but not 0 beers, that's unnatural.
Public Speaking
They say Public Speaking is the number 1 fear, number 2 being death.
Meaning that at a f**..., you'd rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy!
Ed Sheeran is so popular at the minute..
He released a f**... and it went straight to number 2.
It's almost top of the Sharts.
Q: Why didn't the number 4 get into the nightclub?
A: Because he is 2 square
Sorry, your password must contain..
a capital letter, 2 numbers, a symbol, an inspiring message, a spell, a gang sign, a hieroglyph and the blood of a v**...
Yeah, it's a math joke
17: Hey 11, want to hear a joke?
11: Sure.
17: What did one prime number say to the other prime number?
11: I give up.
17: "I can't even."
11 and 17 together: HAHAHA!!!!!
2: I don't get it.
I really must get some glasses....
Today I walked into a brothel instead of a barbers!
I asked for a number 2 all over
A recent study shows that out of 2,385,529,627 people.
85% were too lazy too read that number.
What are two reasons not to drink toilet water?
Number 1 and Number 2
A professor makes a bet with a student
A professor makes a bet with a student. Every question the professor asks that the student can't answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can't answer he owes the student $100.
Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?
The student having no idea hands the professor $1.
Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?
The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.
Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?
The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.
9 reasons to go the Toilet, now!
Number 2 is unbelievable!
John: My friend Charlie has stolen my girlfriend's number from my mobile 2 days ago.
Harry: What happened then?
John: Charlie Has been sending romantic texts to his own sister since last 2 days.
How math, physics, programmimg and philosophy convince that all odd numbers bigger than one are primes...
Math: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime. I'll get the rest of them with induction.
Physics: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime, 9 measurement error, 11 prime, 13 prime.
I tested enough numbers.
Programming: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime, 7 prime, 7 prime...
Philosophy: 2 prime, 4 prime, 6 prime
Lady of my dreams
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams
She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!
She cried until she could cry no more because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole month's paycheck to make up for her doubts and mistrust.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelery and gave him the money as well.
Husband took the money and bought a gift for his mistress who listed under "Plumber John".
Went out tonight and got 8 numbers!!!
2 more and it would have been a whole phone number!
There is an isolated indigenous tribe that lives in the Amazon.
What's interesting about them is that in their language they only have words for numbers 1 and 2, and every number higher than 2 is just 'many'. You have 3 kids? You have many kids, You caught 20 fish? You caught many fish.
I guess trying to come up with words for three numbers was just one too many.
Wrong Number
Person 1: Hey Rachyl, do you remember me?
Person 2: Wrong number.
Person 1: What's your number then?
There are two things I hate about being old
Number one is that I can't remember what number 2 is.
Recent studies found out of 2,987,530,168 people
97% were too lazy to read the entire number.
What is Leon's (from Resident Evil 2) favorite number?
808 (ADA WAIT!)
I usually only wear diapers for 2 reasons
Number 1 and number 2
An engineer, a lawyer and an accountant are at a job interview
The interviewer asked, what's 1 + 1.
The engineer draws up a plan and does some measurements and says. It appears that 1 + 1 is 2 .
The lawyer takes out his law book, checks all the rules then says according to the law, 1 + 1 is 2 .
The accountant takes out his book and calculator. Does a few calculations then whispers to the interviewer, What do you want the number to be?
My friend met an 2 girls, one was Asian.
What's your number? my friend asked the Asian girl
Free s**..., s**..., free s**... tonight, she responded
My friend's jaw dropped
The other girl responded, that's just her number, don't get too excited.
Does only being able to recycle number 1 and 2 plastics upset anyone else?
I just moved to a new city and they don't recycle anything above a 2. Is it like this in a lot of places? I hope I can find somewhere to drop off my other plastics.
I read a Buzzfeed article called "The Top 10 Things You Didn't Know About Explosive Diarrhea"....
number 2 surprised me.
10 facts about diarrhoea
Number 2 will surprise you.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first orders 1 pint, the second orders a half pint, the third a 1/4 pint, and so on. This goes on for awhile until the bartender finally stops them, hands them 2 pints, and says "you mathematicians just don't know your limits"
Does anyone have Oxfams number? I just got my water bill for £278 and then heard on TV that Oxfam can supply a family for just £2 a month.
I am swapping..
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first orders a liter
The second orders a half liter
The third orders a quarter liter
The fourth orders a 1/8th of a liter
The fifth orders a 1/16th of a liter
Eventually the bartender pours 2 liters and says, "you mathematicians. you just don't know your limits."
Babies wear diapers for two reasons...
Number 1 and number 2
14. Having your title be an extension of the post as well
Things I hate
1 Lists
2 Irony
4 Numbers being out of order
5 Skipping numbers
F Inconsistency
7 Repetition
7 Repetition
8 Speling wurdz rong
9 DLC
10 Replying to your own comment
I went to the barbers and asked for a number 2 all over.
I've washed my hair 6 times since and still can't get the smell out.
A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.
1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin.
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly."
She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the bathroom door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."
She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."
2, 4, 6, 8, who do we appreciate?
Well, from what I can tell, certainly not odd numbers.
Archie: "Right guys, so it says 0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21 so the next two numbers have to be 34 and 55
Me: "You've gotta be fibbing Archie"
What would it be called if the Umbrella Academy had another sibling, and then triplets, but one of them was taller than the other 2?
2 number 9's and a number 9 large.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one asks for one glass, the second asks for half, the third asks for a fourth, and so on. The bartender puts 2 glasses on the counter and says Sort it out yourselves
What are numbers?
1, 2, 3, 5, and 7 are prime examples
Think of a number between 1 and 9. Multiply it by 2, and then subtract the sum of the digits from it. Now close your eyes.
Dark, wasn't it?
Want to know the top 10 facts about diarrhoea?
Number 2 will suprise you!
A guy who is blind in his left eye and a guy who is blind in his right eye decide to team up.
After they combine forces, they realize they weren't specific enough.
Guy number 1 turns to guy number 2 and says "Didn't see that coming."
Elvis Presley's biggest number 1 was "It's Now Or Never."
His biggest number 2 killed him.