Nuclear Jokes
181 nuclear jokes and hilarious nuclear puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nuclear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you ready to explore the humorous side of nuclear science? This article provides great nuclear jokes that will leave you laughing out loud. We'll share the funniest jokes related to nuclear energy, nuclear bomb, nuclear fusion, nuclear physics, nuclear medicine, nuclear reactor, nuclear fission, nuclear chemistry, nuclear membrane, nuclear waste, warfare, CERN and retaliation. Let's get started and have a good laugh!
Quick Jump To
- Short Nuclear Jokes
- Nuclear One Liners
- Nuclear Power Jokes
- Nuclear Powered Jokes
- Nuclear Fission Jokes
- Nuclear Bomb Jokes
- Nuclear Energy Jokes
- More Nuclear Jokes
Funniest Nuclear Short Jokes
Short nuclear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nuclear humour may include short nukes jokes also.
- Zelensky: Why did you invade Iraq? United States: Because we "suspected" nuclear weapons.
Zelensky: So why not attack Russia now?
United States: Because we know that Russia has nuclear weapons. - I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far.
He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of years now and hasn't tweeted them yet. - The only thing round earthers have to fear... ...is nuclear war. That'll flatten things pretty quickly.
- I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far. He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of days now and hasn't tweeted them yet.
- Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust but can't survive a slap from a newspaper. This shows how toxic the media is.
- There are two type of countries. Those that use the metric system and those that have been to the moon and have recreated nuclear fusion.
- A Soviet newspaper announces: "Last night, the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Station fulfilled the Five Year Plan for heat energy generation..."
"...in four microseconds." - Why did Saskatchewan get all the nuclear waste and Ontario is full of lawyers? Saskatchewan got to pick first.
- Cockroaches are found to be capable in surviving a nuclear holocaust, but if you swat it with a newspaper it would die instantly This shows how toxic the media is
- I'm from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.
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Nuclear One Liners
Which nuclear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nuclear? I can suggest the ones about uranium and radioactive.
- What do british nuclear engineers eat? Fission chips.
- What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics ? Oops.
- There are only two seasons in Russia: Winter and nuclear winter.
- What do nuclear plants serve their workers for lunch? Fission Chips
- Two nuclear scientists get married She was radiant, he was glowing.
- What is the only meal served in nuclear power stations? Fission chips.
- The nuclear launch codes have been updated. Now they're 281 letters long.
- What's Kim Jong Un's favorite step of mitosis? Nuclear division.
- What do you call a Tide Pod that prevents war? A nuclear detergent
- What do you call a nuclear scientist with a bad lisp? An unclear scientist.
- Pakistan makes nuclear threat in response to fake news The struggle Israel
- What do you call hunting for fish in Chernobyl? Nuclear fishin'.
- What does a nuclear scientist write on their door when they go off work? Gone fission.
- I recently opened up a nuclear powered restaurant. It's called fission chips.
- What did the sign say on the abandoned nuclear reactor? Gone fission
Nuclear Power Jokes
Here is a list of funny nuclear power jokes and even better nuclear power puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a cellphone company that uses nuclear power? Cher-Mobile
- What's the difference between a nuclear power plant and your mom? I wouldn't enter a nuclear power plant without protection.
- I set up a small nuclear power plant in my garage. It was running well until I got busted by a fish and game warden of all people. He gave me a fat ticket for not having a fission license.
- South American families are a real threat to American national security... They draw their power from nuclear families. That's why the president is disarming them at the border.
- What do you call a nuclear-powered car? A mobile-Chernobyl!
- Where do hippies get all their flower power? From a nuclear plant
- Which scientist invented the nuclear powered floor cleaner? J. Robert Moppenheimer
- Chuck Norris can run a nuclear power station using a rowing machine.
- Why does Homer Simpson work at the Nuclear Power Plant? So he can bring home the D'oh!
- How powerful are the Arktika's two nuclear reactors? I don't know, but it's enough to break the ice...
*Hi I'm \_Boonie\_*
Nuclear Powered Jokes
Here is a list of funny nuclear powered jokes and even better nuclear powered puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do nuclear power opponents always keep the lights on? They want to be the first to know they've made a change.
- What's more powerful than a North Korean nuclear bomb? Ford Fiesta.
- Nuclear weapons were discovered after a failed attempt to harness the power of Chuck Norris.
- What do you call a black man that works at a nuclear power plant? A Niglow
- EA is like a Nuclear Power plant
- I took a tour of a nuclear power plant yesterday It was pretty rad.
- How will an IT guy fix a lamp? He'll restart the nuclear power plant
- What has 3 thumbs and was born near a nuclear power plant? This guy
Nuclear Fission Jokes
Here is a list of funny nuclear fission jokes and even better nuclear fission puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you get if you mix plutonium with a fishing rod? Nuclear fission
- What did the nuclear physicist have for dinner? Fission Chips
- What do nuclear physicists do when they have time off? They go fission.
- What's a nuclear engineer's favourite meal? Fission chips
- What's a nuclear scientist's favourite food? Fission chips.
- Don't reply to nuclear reactors that say they're ugly. They're just fission for compliments.
- What does the note on a vacationing nuclear physicist's office door say? Gone fission.
- Why did the nuclear physicist miss the laboratory meeting? Because he was gone fission.
- What's a nuclear reactor's favourite food? Fission chips!
- All the workers at the nuclear reactor plant left work. They left a sign at the door. What did it say? Sorry! Gone fission.
Nuclear Bomb Jokes
Here is a list of funny nuclear bomb jokes and even better nuclear bomb puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Get to the bunker, a nuclear bomb is dropping "You can't force me in a bunker, I am an American, I have rights"
- I don't know why North Korea needs a nuclear bomb... ...their weather machine seems to be working just fine
- Do you know why Oppenheimer bombed in japan? They had already seen it
- What did the Big Boy atomic bomb say to the Nuclear Bomb when they met? Nuke, I am your father.
- Did you hear about the failed Canadian plot to bomb Mexico with a nuclear missile? It went south fast.
- What do you call a Mosque in Asia A North Korean Nuclear Bomb Test Site
- The US military would be really disappointed when it sits down to brainstorm a name for the nuclear bomb to be dropped on Kim Jong-un and realises that Fatman is already taken.
- Why would a Hipster hate a Nuclear War? Because when the bombs detonate, dying would become too mainstream.
- What do you call a cow with a nuclear bomb? An udderless disaster
- What kind of man is needed to nuclear bomb Japan twice? A true man
Nuclear Energy Jokes
Here is a list of funny nuclear energy jokes and even better nuclear energy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you call a method of irrigation, which uses thermo-nuclear energy? Rain.
Uproarious Nuclear Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about nuclear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean neutron jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make nuclear pranks.
Did you hear about the guy at the gun store who got fired?
He went ballistic.
Did you hear about the apartment building that got blown up? There were roomers everywhere.
Bob: Do you know why my pool exploded?
Joe: Na.
Did you hear about the power plant employee that went on a shooting spree? People say he went melted down and went nuclear.
A nuclear physicist is drinking at Oktoberfest...
He approaches the bar to and calls over a barman. The barman asks what he would like, and the physicist raises one finger and says,
"Ein Stein".
This used to be my Dad's favorite joke. "The End of the World"
The world is ending by nuclear warfare and there are three men riding on a plane to a fallout shelter where they would be safe and ride out the devastation. The three men are: the president, the pope, and a young hippie.
Suddenly, as they are nearing their destination, the plane malfunctions and is going down quickly. The three passengers look at each other, then realize: there are only two parachutes.
The President hastily grabs a bag and before jumping out of the hatch says," I am God's gift to you all! I rule the United States! I am the leader this world will need! I am the SMARTEST man on this planet!"
Realizing they don't have much time the pope quickly says to the hippie, "My son, you have many more years to live than I, it would only be right for you to seize this opportunity and fulfill-"
The hippie begins laughing, startling the pope into silence, and says, "Don't worry Father, the smartest man on the planet just jumped out of the plane with my backpack on!"
Breaking news, as Kim Jong-Un's nuclear missiles have reached the USA!
Fortunately, the stamps were recognised and they were sent back
North Korea threatens to start nuclear war
France surrenders just in case
They say there's no opinions in science
But I've seen people get real heated over thermochemistry
And they really melt down when you bring up nuclear engineering
Have you seen how twisted people get when it comes to DNA?
Cartography is the worst, people are just all over the map
You should see how hormonal people get about endocrinology
You can really feel the pressure in the room when someone brings up hydraulics.
If you wear a radioactive belt...
...you end up with nuclear waist.
Yesterday, Iran asked the U.S. for an extension on disabling their nuclear program.
When asked how much time they needed, they said, 10, 9, 8…
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and a woman?
Inserting a rod into the reactor turns it off.
Three Engineers are Sitting at a Bar...
...and discussing what kind of engineer constructed the human body. The first exclaimed that it must be a Mechanical Engineer because of all the joints and moving parts. The second said it had to have been an Electrical Engineer because of all the nerve endings and electrical signals. The third disagreed with both and declared that it had to have been a Nuclear Engineer, because who else would construct a toxic tube so close to a recreational area?
In school, the teacher warns her students...
..."I will not tolerate any excuses for any kind. I might consider a nuclear attack, serious injury or even the death of a relative, but whoever misses this exam will fail the class."
The class's wise-guy says:
"But teacher, what if tomorrow I arrive to class completely exhausted from last night's amazing s**...?"
The teacher says:
"Well I guess you'll have to do the exam with your left hand, then."
After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nuclear-powered submarine by an Admiral.
Unfortunately, when I received my order I found out that my post would be a navigator on a Diesel-powered sub with no nuclear capability.
When I approached my command to complain, I was told that this happened all the time and would soon sort itself out - a moderator would soon move my post to the correct sub.
Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other.
The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."
Two nuclear explosions occur next to each other.
"You're way too close to me" says nuke #1. "I'm Feynman" says the other.
Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea.
Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.
I think I'm starting to see why it's a bad idea to give Trump access to nuclear launch codes...
He'll just fire them
Did you hear there was a nuclear e**... in space this morning?!
Most people call it the sun.
Note: My dad pulled this on me this morning. My friend hit me when I told them.
What didn't the Japanese understand nuclear missile technology?
It was a little over their heads
I walked into the nuclear plant operators office...
I walked into the nuclear plant operators office and asked him what to do with the barrels of radioactive waste.
"Bury 'em" he snarled at me,
"No sir, it's actually uranium"
A Russian boy walks up to his grandfather...
"Grandpa, is it true that there was a nuclear disaster at the Chernobyl Power Plant?" he says. "Yes, there was." replied the Grandfather, patting the boy's head.
The boy then says "And is it true that there were absolutely no consequences of it whatsoever?". The Grandpa says "Yep. None at all." and pats the boy's second head
American nuclear response time is around four minutes.
But eight minutes if you are using a cigar on a n**... intern.
To all the "I'm moving to Canada" people out there, you're being ridiculous.
You won't be far enough to escape the nuclear fallout. Shoot for New Zealand or Australia.
We don't have to worry about Trump having the nuclear launch codes.
His hands are too small to push the button.
Reality!
11:30- I will go to bed soon.
03:30- Why am i on wikipedia reading about advanced nuclear theory.
2017 won't be all bad
For the few people living just the right distance away from the nuclear strikes,the radiation will cure their cancer.
Kid, are you a nuclear reactor?
Because you're having a meltdown.
An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.
Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.
Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?
Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.
Two Aliens meet at a Bar in Deep Space
Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.
**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.
**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like we have an emerging intelligence in the Galaxy.
**First Alien:** That is what i thought but then I realized they pointed them at themselves.
'North Korea plans nuclear attack targeting US'
At first I was alarmed at reading this, then I realised they meant United States.
I can only think of one thing worse than Trump with his finger on the nuclear trigger.
Micheal J Fox with his finger on the nuclear trigger.
If we're being honest, there is really only one country that has to worry about North Koreas nuclear weapons...
That country being North Korea.
Trump administration is good
because its been more than 100 days and he still hasn't tweeted the nuclear launch codes
If a family with a mother, father, and child is called a nuclear family...
...why isn't i**... called radioactive dating?
Two aliens are flying near earth
The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."
The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."
What do you get when you combine an overpass and a nuclear reactor?
An overreaction.
.
.
.
.
**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOHMANHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHOOOOOOBOYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**
What did Donald Trump say on the season finale of celebrity President?
"Nuclear missiles ... you're fired!"
North Korea wants nuclear weapons so bad, even their leader is a nuke
Little boy and Fat Man
So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other...
Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?
Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.
Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.
Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.
Alien 1: The dominant life form on planet earth have developed satellite based nuclear weapons.
Alien 2: Are they an emerging intelligence?
Alien 1: I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves.
The Pentagon is in the middle of switching up their nuclear codes..
They want them to be longer, in order to make them more secure. It's not because they're worried about spies cracking the codes. It's just that they want them to be over 140 characters so Trump can't tweet them out.
I met a Nuclear Engineer the other day.
He had a bunch of Electronic Engineers buzzing around him.
What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...
Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the b**... for nuclear warfare!
[Scariest of all is that it's true :( ]
What do you do when a Soviet nuclear engineers asks for help in Ukraine?
You give them a third hand.
A boy in Russia asks his Grandpa...
Grandpa? asked a little boy, Is it true that in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Nuclear Plant?
Yes, it's true, said the grandpa, and patted his grandson's head.
Is it also true that no one was harmed and there were no consequences whatsoever?
Yes, it's true, said the grandpa, and patted the grandson's second head.
What did the nuclear warhead say to the beach?
Sorry I can't tell you; that's glassified.
In space, two aliens are talking to each other very closely
The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"
I've gotten a Graphic Design job at a nuclear plant
The pay is not great, but they told me I'd be getting some exposure.
I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!
He's my super visor
President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions.
the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.
How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven. One to install the new bulb, and six to figure out where to store the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Two Aliens
2 aliens are talking in outer space, looking down on Earth.
"It seems the inhabitants of planet Earth have created nuclear technology and missiles" says one alien
"are they showing signs of intelligence?" asks the other
"I dont think so. They seem to be aiming at themselves"
What did Kim Jong Un say after a nuclear war with China?
"when I said nuke the Chinese, I was talking about the left overs!"
A college teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam.
Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-a**... guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head sweetly.
Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
