The Best 71 Nsa Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Nsa jokes. There are some nsa devices jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these nsa pentagon puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Nsa Jokes and Puns

Maybe if we all emailed the Constitution to each other…

…the NSA will finally read it.

"Hello, is this anonymous NSA hotline?"

"Yes, David, how can we help you?"

"Thank you for calling the NSA..."

"The only government organization that **actually** listens to you!"

I'm leaving you for an NSA officer

"I'm leaving you for an NSA officer," she said.

"But why? What does he have that I don't?"

"He listens to me."

A woman goes on a date with an NSA employee,

And says, "So, tell me about myself."

After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.

The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

I think I'll vote the NSA for president...

...because at least they'll listen to the voters even after the election.

I'm starting to hate the U.S. government

The NSA appears to be the only department which listens

What did the NSA agent say to the other NSA agent when he saw the German Chancellor?

I'd tap that.


The only part of the government that actually listens

Why does it suck to work for the NSA during the winter?

Because if it snows, you can't call and say you're snowed in.

You can explore nsa agencies reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean nsa agency dad jokes. There are also nsa puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why does the NSA hate the winter?

They got snowed in.

How Can You Tell When The NSA is Monitoring Your Computer?

The power is on and you're connected to the internet.

The NSA isn't all that bad

It's the only part of the American government that listens to its citizens!

I like the NSA

They're the only government agency that listens

How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?

I've just been informed that the NSA no longer has the capability to change a light bulb, but if we give them access to everyone's email and cell phone communications they will hopefully intercept a message that will crack this lightbulb case wide open.

I'm surprised more people didn't know about the NSA spying programs

I mean most of our computers are labelled "Intel"

If the NSA built the website for healthcare...

Americans would have been signed up before they knew it...

why does the NSA hate blizzards?

Because they get Snowden.

Why couldnt the NSA whistle blower leave russia?

He was snowed in

What's the only branch of the government that actually listens to its people?


[OC] Why does the NSA hate winter?

Because they're not used to getting Snowden.

(I'll see myself out)

Your mama is so fat...

The NSA had to build a 2 billion dollar complex to store her weight information.

Why isn't NSA mass surveillance a hot topic in the US elections?

Because it's the only part of the govt that listens to the American people.

Anyone else get the feeling their being watched?

NSA: They're.

Thank you for calling the anonymous NSA hotline

What would you like to report, Peter?

Just saved 50 bucks!

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch. I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center. The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I'm saving $49.95 a month!

LPT: Start a film on your laptop before you go to bed.

That way, the NSA will have something to watch while you sleep. ^_^

When I feel like I have nobody to talk to...

I call the NSA. They're really nice because they always listen.

Why was the NSA computer programmer late for work?

Because he got Snowden

Ever forgotten a password?

Just call your local NSA agent and ask!

Why didn't the NSA request AT&T's phone records?

Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!

Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Moscow?

He got snowed in.

The NSA created a dating app to identify potential terrorists.

They called it "Jihad me at Hello."

I wrote a college paper about government agencies slowly encroaching on internet privacy.

It's called "NSA: An Essay."

I always considered myself a Canadian American in spirit

I apologize when I enter an empty room in case the NSA is listening.

The Apple iPhone 8, Samsung Galaxy S8, Snapchat Spectacles, and the Amazon Echo Show all came out in 2017. Who won the year?


LPT: If you ever find that your hard drive has been wiped, don't worry!

Just call the NSA, they'll have have all your information backed up

Why couldn't the NSA agent leave his house this Winter?

He was Snowden.

Why didn't the NSA agent cross the road?

He was snowed in.

I think we're looking at the NSA spying thing the wrong way, there are potential positives.

Soon if you forget your email password you'll be able to ring the CIA and they'll remind you.

Topical Jokes for 6/1

A video has surfaced of Justin Bieber saying the n-word. People are calling it the least offensive Justin Bieber video ever.

In Illinois, a 115-pound-woman won a hot dog eating contest, after she ate 28 hot dogs. The judges then congratulated the 138-pound-woman.

The NSA is reportedly collecting millions of images per day to build a facial-recognition database. The NSA is cataloguing the photos in a massive online database -- it's called Instagram.

What do you call the Mexican version of the NSA?

Jalapeno Business...........

What's the difference between a furniture store and our current president?

One is a shack of sit, and the other is a sack of shi\[THIS JOKE HAS BEEN TAKEN DOWN BY THE NSA\]

Why couldn't the NSA do anything after the blizzard?

Because they were Snowden.

I wanted to apply for a job at the NSA

They asked me to email myself the resume

Mississippi should be the headquarters of the NSA

'Cause it's got i's everywhere

Why couldn't the NSA leave their houses?

They got Snowden.

- Hi, this is NSA calling. - Yes, I know. - How do you know?

-- My phone is turned off.


Always listening to our customers.

Edward Snowden just joined Twitter. Almost immediately he got more followers than the NSA.

Luckily for the NSA, they follow a lot more people than Snowden.

Are you up for some NSA sex?

It's like regular sex, only you don't know you're being videotaped.

A phone rings - Hi, this is NSA.

Hi, yeah I know.

You do? How?

Well you are calling a phone that has no SIM card or battery in it.

^((Translated from Russian, I don't think much is lost by replacing FSB))

What did the NSA say to Russia after the blizzard?

We're Snowden!

Your options when you want to backup your data...

If you want to backup your data, you've got only 2 options. NAS or NSA.

Apple has partnered with the NSA to release the iCup.


He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good...

Does Santa work for the NSA?

An NSA agent walks into a bar.

"Hey, I've got a great new joke for you!" the barman says.

The NSA agent smiles. "Already heard it."

Two NSA agents walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hello gentlemen, first time here?"

The agents reply, "Yes it is."

The bartender says, "Great! Would you like to hear our specials?"

The agents go, "No need, we heard them earlier."

What do you call a blizzard at NSA headquarters?


I'm proud of the NSA!

They are the only government organization that listens to its citizens.

How come the NSA whistleblower can't leave Russia?

Because he is snowed in.

Thank goodness for AT&T

Thanks goodness for AT&T. Apparently the NSA called AT&T officials to request that they, too, provide call records of their customers. But halfway through the conversation, the call dropped. The NSA called back six times, but AT&T officials could never get more than two signal bars and the request was never completed.

What does the NSA stand for?

No Such Agency.

Why is the NSA such a good listener?

Because they know where you're coming from.

I overheard a guy complaining angrily about the NSA tracking him

Some people are so annoying when they have a chip on their shoulder.

Why does the NSA hate the winter?

They always get Snowden

The NSA doesn't understand public television

Why do people enjoy watching Mr. Rogers so much when they could watch the entire neighborhood

What does NSA stand for (as of apr 5, 2017) ?

Nuñes Steps Aside

The NSA wants Edward Snowden to leave Russia.

NSA: Hey Edward, you should really come back to America so we can talk.

Edward: I can't. I'm Snowden.

Prankcalling the NSA like

is my refrigerator running?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the nsa wetness jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working nsa agents piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes