Novice Jokes
20 novice jokes and hilarious novice puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about novice that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Novice Short Jokes
Short novice jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The novice humour may include short rookie jokes also.
- What does a novice woodworker have in common with a constipated woodworker? In the end, both are lucky to produce a stool.
- If you add coke to your whiskey, you're a novice drinker. If you add whiskey to your coke, you're ruining good drugs.
- What do novice piano players have in common with embedded systems programmers? They both write in C.
- A novice asked his zen master if it's ok for Buddhists to use email. The master answered: "Yes. But no attachments."
- I'm a novice cook, so whenever I make something that I say turned out great... Take it with a pinch of salt.
- An Trainer talks to one of his Novice Doctor... 'I cannot wait to do this operation!'
'And why is that?'
'If I could not wait to do this operation,I would be no doctor...
**'I WOULD BE PATIENT!'**
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Novice One Liners
Which novice one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with novice? I can suggest the ones about freshman and new recruit.
- Novice pirates are always bad singers. They can never hit the high seas.
- have you heard about the novice marching band? I hear they're making great strides
- what do you call a religious monk? novice.
- A Novice Skier Often jumps to contusions.
Novice Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about novice you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean naive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make novice pranks.
"Mother Superior," said the novice nun . . .
"I have to confess that last night I committed the sin of fornication. Six times."
The Mother Superior thought a minute, then sliced up a lemon and handed it to the novice.
"Here, my child," she said. "Take and eat all of this."
"Will this absolve me of my sin?" asked the novice.
"No," said the Mother Superior. "But it will get that smile off your face!"
Four nuns about to take their vows..
Four novice nuns were about to take their vows.
Dressed in their white gowns, they entered the chapel for their symbolic marriage to Jesus, making them "Brides of Christ."
Just as the ceremony was about to begin, four Hasidic Jews came in and sat in the front row.
The Mother Superior said, "I am so honored you want to share this experience with us. May I ask why you came?"
"We're from the groom's family."
A convict escapes from prison and holes up in a convent.
He rounds up all the nuns and begins to look them over, saying, "I'll have my way with all of you."
A young novice says, "Please, sir, do what you will to us, but don't harm the Mother Superior!"
Suddenly, the Mother Superior says, "You heard the man! He said ALL of us!"
One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to e**... new recruits to the mess hall.
After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them
"There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up!
Eat up!
Get up!"
Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
Vow of Silence
Chap decides to to join a monastery. As a novice he is only allowed to speak two words to the prior, once every 7 years.
The first seven years go by and he whispers, "Cold floors..."
The next seven years go by and he whispers, "Bad food..."
Seven more years go by and he croaks, "I quit!"
The prior raises his eyebrows and replies, "I'm not surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you joined."
A senior nun walks in on an novice...
... who was vigourously m**... with a cob of corn.
The Mother Superior says: "That's disgusting! I was going to eat that, and you know I hate the taste of corn!"
A young novice joins a Silent Monastery. He is permitted to speak two words every 10 years.
After the first Decade he is admitted to the Abbot's study, sits across from him at his desk, and says: "Soup cold". After the second Decade, he does the same and says: "Bed hard". Once thirty years have passed, he stands at the threshold and declares: "I'm leaving"! Whereupon the Abbot slowly looks up and says: "Well I'm hardly surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you got here".
A man decided to take up golf
so he signed up for lessons with the local pro. The pro showed him the proper stance and grip and swing and then said, Now just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green. The novice teed up and smacked a beauty, straight down the fairway, onto the green, stopping inches from the hole. Now what? the man asked the shocked pro. Uh, you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup. Oh, great! said the beginner in a disgusted tone. Now you tell me!
A Zen novice called for an electrician.
Upon arrival at the monk's apartment, the electrician asked how he could be of assistance.
"I'm having trouble with this brand-new lamp that I just bought," the novice said. "I've tested the outlet, I've flipped every switch, and I still can't get it to work."
The electrician examined the lamp, then nodded his head. "Well, this lamp has a built-in clapper, see?"
"'Clapper?'" the novice repeated.
The electrician nodded again, then clapped his hands... and the novice was enlightened.
Out of desperation, I robbed a bank dressed as a frog and being a novice, the cops caught me right away. I thought I was going away to the big house for a very long time, but surprisingly, the judge was lenient and let me go...
...because it was the first time I had ever Kermitted a crime.
Small fishing town
There is a small town by the side of a lake where fishing is allowed and quite popular. There is a shop that sells fishing supplies. Differently skilled people use different quality baits. For example: a novice would use novice bait, a mediocre fisher would use mediocre bait, a good fisher would use good bait, and all pros use pro bait. But for some strange reason, all fishing masters order pro bait as well.
