november Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious november puns

No Nut November was pretty tough

Now I can finally eat nuts again, thank God I had masturbation to keep my mind off of the sweet little bastards.

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What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common?

They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.

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Man, if you thought No Nut November was bad...

Wait until No Net December.

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My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year!

Me in August, and her in November.

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What's worse than no nut November?

No net December.
Defend net neutrality.

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Who would win a battle between an orangutan and a hyena?

I don't know, but we'll find out November 8, 2016.

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I am really glad that No Nut November is over.

A whole month without cashews was rough.

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On Sunday November 6th, USA will move an hour back ...

... and on Tuesday November 8th, we move back half a century.

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I was warned in November 2016...

People warned me, that if I voted for Hillary Clinton it would be the end of civility and truthfulness in the US as we know it, the deficit would skyrocket, and there would be never ending investigations of the president.

Well, I voted for Hillary and that was what happened!

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How is Trump similar to a pumpkin?

Both are orange, hollow and should have been thrown out in November.

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How many seconds are there in one year?

12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

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First we had No Nut November....

Now we have No Net December.

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If you eat too many salted pretzels on Halloween, what happens the next day?

November thirst.

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I'm devastated that I won't be able to celebrate my birthday this March

I was born in November

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I fed this kid peanut and he almost died.

I guess some people take No Nut November way too seriously.

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What do pumpkins and Donald Trump have in common?

They're both orange and need to be thrown out in early November.

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Mommy, why am I getting Christmas presents in November?

Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.

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Little known fact, you can actually nut during No Nut November

You just can't let anyone cashew

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Who will survive no nut november the longest?

The people with a severe nut allergy

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Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

India Foxtrot Yankee Oscar Uniform Charlie Alpha

November Romeo Echo Alpha Delta Tango Hotel

India Sierra India Mike November Echo Victor Echo

Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha

Golf India Victor Echo Yankee Oscar Uniform

Uniform Papa November Echo Victor Echo Romeo

Golf Oscar November November Alpha Lima Echo

Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform Delta Oscar

Whiskey November November Echo Victor Echo

Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha

Romeo Uniform November Alpha Romeo Oscar Uniform

November Delta Alpha November Delta Delta Echo

Sierra Echo Romeo Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform

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Having too much sex can cause memory loss

I read it on page 37 in a medical journal in November 2006 at 4:19pm

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I used to always do No Shave November

At least until I started growing facial hair.

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Experts are now saying that Hurricane Harvey...

is the worst disaster to hit the United States since last November!

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Why is it difficult to follow no nut November ?

Well, it gets increasingly 'hard' as the days pass by.

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How is Donald Trump like a pumpkin?

They're both orange on the outside, hollow on the inside, and should have been thrown out in early November.

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Rudolph the red

November a very rich soviet couple where walking back to there home. They hear some distant thunder and the man looks up at the clouds yep it's gonna rain tonight

What are you talking about says the wife it's clearly going to snow you idiot

It's to warm to snow it's going to rain, and look honey there's the friendly neighborhood communists officer let's ask him

They walk up to the communist officer and he says hi I'm Rudolph how can I help?

The husband asks the question and Rudolph say hmmm I think it will rain tonight

No it's not proclaims the wife

The husband responds honey Rudolph the red knows rain dear

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What do Trump and a Jack-o-Lantern have in common?

Both are hollow, orange, and need to be thrown out by early November.

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Edward Snowden was discovered trapped inside of one of his ski lodges this Saturday, November 19th.

"Edward Snowden Snowed in Snowden Snow Den."

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Why did the squirrel fall dead from the tree?

Because it's No Nut November.

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There are Twelve Days of Christmas....

....and not a single one of them is in fucking November.

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Court Hearing in Helsinki

The judge questions the culprit:
"Where have you been in the night of the 4th November to 11th February?"

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As 9/11 rolls around once again,

We all stop and think fuck me is it November already - better get the Christmas shopping started.

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To all these people telling America n Americans to go fuck themselves

I think they already took care of that in November!

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Yesterday I failed No Nut November

I guess I should have seen it cumming.

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On November 9th...

Me: "I guess President Hillary Clinton is with VP Tim Kaine now. And both feeling pretty high. You could say she's ....co-Kaine! Hahah!"

Wife: "Trump won."

Me: "Shit..."

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If we arrested all of the US' Corrupt Politicians...

We wouldn't have anyone to vote for in November.

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Why shouldn't you have a party in November?

…nobody cums

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You may have heard of No Nut November

But after I came twice in April what I'm really hoping for is a No Fetus February

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Stopped shaving for November, at first I hated the mustache, but what can I say?

It's grown on me.

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If you can read this...

India Mike November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Golf India Victor Echo Yankee Oscar Uniform Uniform Papa November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Lima Echo Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform Delta Oscar Whiskey November November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Romeo Uniform November Alpha Romeo Oscar Uniform November Delta Alpha November Delta Delta Echo Sierra Echo Romeo Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform.

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I have this yearly fundraising going on...

So, I have this yearly fundraising going on. Every year in november I take 70€ and donate them to a poor game developer. As a little thank you, they give me a shooter game, every year. But throughout the last years, these games became worse and worse. Many of my friends could not understand, why I wasted 70€ every year, but it was a tradition to me.
So this year again, I continued this tradition and to my uttermost suprise, the shooter I got this year, was pretty nice.

Or in other words: The new CoD isn't all that bad

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Who are the Minnesota Vikings' toughest opponents?

November and December.

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There once was a woman named Ricity Thompson.

She was a successful politician, eventually becoming a popular presidential candidate. People were enthusiastic about her campaign, many chanting for her to be elected. Her opponent, Geoffrey McDonald, was also popular, and it was tough to say who would become the POTUS. Until that fateful November afternoon: the votes were tallying up, more than had ever been seen. The voting machine couldn't process all the information. Overloaded, it began to malfunction, releasing an electric bolt that hit McDonald square in the chest. Indeed, in the end, his downfall was elect Ricity.

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Green Day released a new politically fuelled single today called "Wake Me Up When November Ends"

T___T

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Now that No Shave November is over, I don't really want to shave off my beard

It's growing on me

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What do Donald Trump and the milk in my fridge have in common?

It better get thrown out by November 8 or else I'm going to get violently sick.

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Why was 9/11 the worst day in American history?

Because on the 9th November Donald Trump was elected president

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Which November holiday is a weed smoker's favorite?

Danksgiving.

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You simply cannot trust quotes found on the internet.

β€”Abraham Lincoln, November 19, 1863.

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No Shave November

At first I didn't like the facial hair I had.
But as I waited I started to like the beard more and more.
One might say its...

Growing on me.

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October is Octover

November is Nowvember.
December is Desoonber.

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John F. Kennedy was feeling down one November afternoon.

He decided to go on a ride to clear his head.

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Donald Trump is like a Halloween pumpkin...

Orange, full of slime, evil grin, and thrown out in early November.

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I said hi to a feminist today.

The court case is decided for November 8th.

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I really don't understand why people tell 9/11 jokes.

What happened on the ninth of November?

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If Trump gets elected this November I'm going to jack off

Because I might as well cum if I'm getting fucked.

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What does America and Melania Trump have in common?

They're both getting fucked in November

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What is the spookiest day of the year?

November 8th.

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Why was Wycleff Jean on L&O this week?

He only promised to be gone until November

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Now I'm not saying pollution has hit dangerous levels in New Delhi,

but all my friends there are celebrating Nausea November.

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I'm keeping my beard after No-Shave November.

It's really starting to grow on me.

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In light of Movember...

Now that November has drawn to a close, a lot of my friends told me it was finally time to get rid of my 'awful' mustache.

I told them, that goes without shaving!

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Wake me up...

When November 2020 ends.

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I took my dog to get neutered.

He pretty much won No Nut November.

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Guys I failed No Nut November

I watched Shrek this morning

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Why is November 4th every Asian woman's favorite date?

Because it's Erection Day.

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I don't support no nut November

I mean, what else will squirrels store for the winter?

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Silly Saturday - Time for Fun and Laughs - November 2, 2013

See the post for all the clean funny laughs

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Comedy Central Comedian coming to Taft Ca's Oasis Bar November 14th

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Who came first? The chicken or the egg?

Neither, it's no nut November.

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Why did the gorilla buy flex tape

Because it was no nut November but he was out of pastrami fries.

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Don't nut in November

No Nut November in a Nutshell

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You can actually nut during November.

You just can't have anyone cashew.

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2018 is shooting past so fast in the UK....

We're mid-way through November, but it feels like the end of May!

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Two prostitutes

In the end of November, two prostitutes are chatting. "What are you asking Santa this year?", one asks. The other one answers: "Oh, just my normal price, I think."

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Roses are red

I want you to remember
You are the reason why i lost no-nut november

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Why can't Sean Connery read November?

Because he hasn't Read October.

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I think I've been doing a good job at this Not Nut November thing...

Because at this point I'm all out. I've just been shooting blanks.

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I think I'm doing this No Nut November thing right...

Because right now I'm all empty. I've been shooting blanks for the past two days.

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Look, No Nut November jokes are pretty lame right now but

in December their time will come

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On this day

According to Wikipedia, November 19th is International Men's Day. It is also World Toilet Day... I see what you did there πŸ˜‚

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You know who hates No Nut November?

Squirrels.

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I watched a "No Nut November" themed midget porn.

There wasn't a single shortcoming.

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Oh no...

I lost No Nut November. ~~I destroyed my meat over my sister~~

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Whats a difference between my meat and my game controller?

I stop ragefully beating my meat in november.

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Everyone hates my facial hair for No Shave November

But it's growing on me

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When I started no shave November I thought I would be excited to shave again in December, but now I don't want to cut my beard at all.

I think it's grown on me.

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What is another name for No Nut November?

Virgin Pride Month

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Despite it getting colder, Starbucks doesn't sell as much hot coffee this time of year

It's because in no-nut November, nobody orders fappucinos.

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I can't believe all the torture and frustration is going to end.

Bye bye No Nut November

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You've heard of No Nut November...

But have you heard of No Deodorant December?

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Just finished no legs November

This month I will focus on reaching my ultimate goal, no legs 2018.

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Just finished no leg day November!

This month I will be focused in reaching my ultimate goal, no legs 2018.

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No Nut November went well for me

I can count the number of times I came on one hand.

Any other month the number is so high I lose track. Counting to 40 isn't that hard.

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Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because it's no longer November, and I left my window open.

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No Nut November was especially tough for me...

Whilst cleaning up all the dead squirrels from my garden I put my back out.

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No nut November was pretty difficult but

I beat it

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I am glad No nut November is finally over.

Now I can see how many people repost my joke from last year.

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No Nut November was pretty tough...

You could even say it was *hard*.

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Did you fail No Nut November?

"Did you fail No Nut November?" John asked Pete.

Pete said "Yes, I beat it".

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I, for one, found No Nut November to be quite a breeze

But then again, I am highly allergic

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Michael Jackson must have failed No Nut November

Because he definitely Beat It.

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You know the government does no shave November

When December hit bush was gone

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I didn't fail No-Nut November...

I just finished the challenge 29 days early!

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I take Viagra during No-Nut November.

That makes it harder.

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The US government took No Shave November quite seriously

As soon as the calendar hit December 1st, Bush was gone.

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What comes after No Nuts November?

Dicks out December πŸ˜„

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What comes after No Nut November?

No Bush December

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I've been busy since No Nut November ended

It's been a real handful but I get the job done.

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You could really tell that the us government was tired of no shave November.

As soon a December 1st hit, Bush was gone

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No Nut November was kind of tough. But I was able to do it.

My friends told me to do the December one too. It's hard but I'm half way there, no turning back now. Who invented Do Drugs December anyway?

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Why can't you use a DNS-Server in November

No NAT November

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This is the Alaska State Police.

Where were you during the night of November 14th to February 12th?

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I think I've doing a good job for No Nut November...

I've got nothing left in me. At this point, I'm shooting blanks.

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I told my friend I was born in november

He said no, july.

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My Uncle burned his book even though it was good.

Oh right, it was November.

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Never forget 9 November

9/11 was truly a horrible day for the USA.

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1994 was a pretty dark year for me...

...mainly because I was born in November 1994.

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What do the Germans call November?

Neinvember

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I only complimented coz of no shave november

Not sure why she got mad!

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On November 11th 1918, a peace of people was made thinner than a piece of paper.

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How is the American public now like Socrates?

By November, they will have both picked their poison.

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I don't get why people are still offended by rape.

We are all going to be fucked come November.

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What's the difference between cat and dog shit?

Idk but we'll find out in November.

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It's so hot outside...

I'm sweating like a Mexican during the November election

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Trump and Clinton

One will join the rest of us losing in November

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It was nice celebrating Oktoberfest in September in Munich

See you all in November for Christmas!

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As of November, what's going to be the lowest card in a deck?

The trump card

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Say "no" to Trump this November.

Even though that's probably never stopped him before.

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I personally think that Halloween should be moved

To November 8 (it'll be more scary)

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Dont forget to watch the season finale in November....

The season finale of America comes out in November!!

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You know a good stock to invest in right now?

Clorox Bleach. The stock will be blooming come November 8th.

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PSA: Election day is November 28

Remember to vote for Trump :)

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Why do Americans make such a fuss about 9/11 anyway?

What actually happened on the 9th of November?

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the calendar is waaay ahead in america

because april fools happened in november 8

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No nut November is almost over. I can't wait for Dick Destruction December

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Let's talk about what you did on No Nut November

Did you guys beat it?

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What state makes the best jelly?

Kentucky, and McConnell is going to need some come November

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Confuse

Why there are so many memes of world trade center?? That happened in November right??

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What's something you lose when you beat it?

No Nut November.

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What do you call an older woman who was born around late November and early December?

Saggytarius.

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Trump won the election shortly after using the phrase "nasty woman". If after using "Horseface" he wins this November...

Then he truly is a *stable* genius.

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What similarities does Trump share with the Halloween Pumpkin?

Other than the obvious, both are orange...

1) They are hollow inside and...

2) ..should be thrown out in November!

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I'm going to complete no nut November.

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Can't believe my grandpa is going to vote Republican this November!!

He never would have done that while he was alive!

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I've spent the whole month thinking of a joke about halloween and boners but not once did it come

so i decided to do a somewhat forced and unfunny joke about no nut november.

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When it's November first...

And your dads still hanging in the trees in the front yard.

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What's orange on the outside, hollow on the inside, and should be thrown out in November?

Trumpkin

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So no fap November is about to begin...

... someone should inform the homeless man fucking my pumpkin

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No-Nut November is a lot harder than I thought...

... and so is my dick according to ~~my little sister~~ your mom.

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What are the best November puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about November? Well, here are the best jokes about November to have fun with.

Joko Jokes