noticed Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious noticed stories

What are the best noticed puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Noticed? Well here is a complete list of the top noticed jokes:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted

I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.

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"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

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Yesterday I went for a walk with a beautiful girl

When she noticed me, we went for a run

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A die-hard fan was very surprised to see an empty seat at the Superbowl...

He noticed a woman sitting next to the empty seat and made a remark about it to her. "Well, it was my husband's", she said. "But he died." "Oh my gosh!" He said. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm surprised that another friend or family member didn't jump at the chance to take the ticket." "Beats me", she said. "They all insisted on going to the funeral."

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I was in a pub...

I was in a pub last Saturday night, drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

One of them chirped saying, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

That's pretty much the last thing I remember...

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The Silent Fart

An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her.

She leaned across to her husband and whispered, "I've just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

He said, "I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid."

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Was walking home the other night and noticed a black guy carrying a TV. Looked just like mine...

So, in fear it had been stolen, I ran home to check. To my relief, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.

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My boss noticed I shaved before coming in to the office today

then he told me if i wanted to keep my job I would have to start keeping my pants on

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What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

"Shomething'sh Amish..."

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Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years...

...until he found a way to overcome this problem.

His friends noticed the dramatic change.

"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."

"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, Tom replied.

'I haven't had a single problem since."

"A thousand a week," said Doug. "You can't afford that, how are you going to pay him?"

"Tom replied, "That's his problem."

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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi decided to go skinny dipping...

Suddenly, they saw three women walking towards them. Each was a member of their flocks. The priest and the minister covered their privates with their hands and closed their eyes waiting for the agony to end.
After the women walked away they noticed the rabbi had covered his face and not his nether regions. He said, "My flock recognizes my face. What kinda sermons do you give?"

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As migration approached, two elderly vultures

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.

"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

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An American visiting the U.K .......

has had a little too much to drink one particular night. He noticed two larger females sitting in the corner of the pub so he walks over to spark up a conversation and he says, hello ladies, I couldn't help but notice your accents. ……Are you both from Ireland?
They sneer at him and the one says it's Wales!
So the man says my apologies. ….Are you whales from Ireland?

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I'm immortal

Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?

"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."

"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."

"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."

Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.

Kind of makes me immortal.

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A man was drinking in a British pub

...when he noticed two very large women with strong accents. "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?" he asked.

"It's Wales, you idiot" one answered.

"I'm sorry" the man replied. "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

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my first day in prison...

On my first day in prison I was taking a shower when I noticed a bar of Dove lying on the floor.


Some big black guy said, "Hey, where's the soap?"


I said, "I'll be fucked if I know."

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I was in a London pub last Friday night

...and noticed two chubby women by the bar. They had very strong accents, so I asked,

"Are you two ladies from Scotland?" One of them turned to me and yelled,

"It's WALES you cunt!" I said,

"oh, I'm sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

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I was waiting in line at the ATM

when I noticed the old woman in front of me having a bit of trouble using the machine. I walked up to her and asked if she needed any help. She turned to me and asked if I could check her balance. So I pushed her over.

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The dent

"I noticed you've got a dent on your car?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Did you drink too much last evening?"

"Yes, I did."

"I see. So your wife had to drive you home?"

"Exactly."

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Today I went for a walk with a beautiful girl

Then she noticed me so we went for a run.

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Grandpa's Rocking Chair

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your goober is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'

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My boyfriend and I were at my daughter's volleyball game...

when we noticed a couple in the bleachers.
They were being VERY affectionate.
She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on his ear.
He had his hands on her too.
I said to my boyfriend,
"I don't know whether to watch them or the game."
He said, "Watch them, you already know how to play volleyball. -_-"

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Stiff....

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma`s idea!"

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So, a blonde and a brunette are at the mall...

and they see this really good looking guy. Being very outgoing girls they strike up a conversation. After they part ways, the blonde noticed that he had really bad dandruff.
"Yeah, we should give him Head & Shoulders." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"

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So---there was this woman who had a problem with silent gas

and she went to the doctor and she said, "This is so embarrassing. I have this problem of farting silently. You probably haven't noticed, but I've let three of them since I've been in this office with you. Is there ANYTHING you can do?" He said, "Yes, but the first thing is to get you fitted for a hearing aid."

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An oddly behaving soldier.

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: That's not it and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.

The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: That's it.

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Joe was standing in line at the bank...

... and noticed the man in front of him looked a bit tense. Joe began to give the man a shoulder rub.

The man turns around furiously and says "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING".

In a confused look, Joe says: you looked a bit tense and since I'm a masseuse, I thought I'd try to help you out.

The man looks at him and says: Yea? I'm a lawyer, you don't see me fucking the guy in front of me!

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A context joke

Have you ever noticed that when you say, "I hope you're hungry" in a place like America it's nice.
But if you say that in Africa it is a cruel joke.

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The zoo

A man was walking around town when he noticed a billboard advertising the new zoo in town. He'd been hearing all about it, and since he had nothing better to do that day, he decided to check it out. Much to the man's surprise, when he got there, the only animal there was a single dog. It was a Shitzu.

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A lot of comedy today is observational humor

You guys ever noticed that?

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My cousin pranked me by putting some string in my spaghetti....

Later that night, while using the restroom, I noticed two pieces of string had somehow tied themselves together.

I shit you knot.

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Blonde joke

So two blondes were driving through the country and noticed another blonde. She was sitting in a rowboat, which was in the middle of a field, and she was trying to row it.
The first blonde said- See, it's blondes like that that give us a bad name.
And the second blonde replied- Yeah! If I could swim, I'd go out there and drown her myself!

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Grocery Economics

A man and his economist friend are having lunch.

the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out what's going on."

The economist friend nods with a knowing smile and responds "what you have there is a case of the Law of diminishing Margarinal returns."

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At a cinima

a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was fingering herself furiously. He moved over to the seat next to her and offered his help. She welcomed his help, and so he started fingering her like crazy. After awhile he got tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands. "Wasn't I good enough?" he asked. "Great," she said, "but these crabs are still itching!"

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Two women are talking at a cocktail party

One woman asks, "I noticed that you are wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger, do you usually wear it that way?"
"Yes."
The woman asks, "Why?"
"Because I married the wrong man."

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Fat chick

I was ice-skating today, just minding my own business, when I noticed a rather plump woman, who kept giving me the eye.


Eventually, she came over to me.


"Hi there. I'm a bit shy and I'm not very good at breaking the ice!" she laughed.


"Have you tried jumping?" I asked.

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So a man was driving on the highway with a speed limit of 90

.. but then he noticed that all the other drivers were way above the speed limit so our guy thought "hey everybody's speeding, i cant get caught" so he goes above 110. Ten minutes later, a cop pulls him over.
Clearly upset, our guy says "But officer, i wasn't the only one speeding.. there were a bunch of others too.. why did you catch only me?"
Cop says" Ever gone fishing?"
Guy says yes,
Cop- "ever caught all the fish??"

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Mothman

So a man is out late at night, walking to his doctors office. He gets there and knocks on the door. The doctor comes out and asks the man why he came so late. The man responds by saying:
''Doc, i'm sorry to be bothering you at such a late hour, but I think that I may be turning into a moth!"

"A moth! You don't need to see me, you need to see a psychiatrist!" says the doctor

"Well, I was on my way, but I noticed that your light was on!"

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I was in Starbucks recently when....

I was in Starbucks recently when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really loud so I timed a couple of farts with the beat of the music.


After a couple of songs I started to feel better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
Suddenly, I remembered I was listening to my iPod.
How was your day?

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I was down the gym this morning, when I noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to get my finger in...

...Anyway, she's now made a formal complaint and I'm barred for life.

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I just arrived at my "Premature Ejaculators Anonymous" when I noticed...

... no else was there. I came too early, again.

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A priest and a rabbi....

A priest and a rabbi were driving along a country road when they noticed a young boy walking. The priest turned to the rabbi and said "let's fuck him!" The rabbi replied "out of what?"

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Have you ever noticed that someone driving slower than you is an idiot

and anyone who drives faster is "A fcuking idiot"

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can someone explain this ancient Roman joke

Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asked: 'Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?' 'No, your Highness,' he replied, 'but my father was.'

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while getting ready for the hurricane I noticed there was less people in the snack isle than the water isle...

I'm just kidding, I live in America.

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So a man who had been stranded on an island 7 years was finally rescued...

as the ship was pulling away from the island one of his rescuers was looking back at the island and noticed three huts on the beach. Curious, he asked the castaway what they were for. "Well" he replied "the first one there was my house and that one over there is my church" "and the other?" asked the sailor. "Oh that...thats the church I used to go to"

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Two blonds walk into a bar...

...you think one of them would have noticed

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In honor of Leif Erikson Day...

Leif Erikson returned to his village after many years sailing the ocean and discovering new lands. When he arrived home, he noticed his name was no longer in the town records. Puzzled, he visited the census-taker to inquire about the error.

"I've been a dedicated member of this community for many years. Why am I not on the town list?" he asked.

"I'm sorry about the mistake, Mr. Erikson," replied the clerk, "I must've taken Leif off my census!"

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A priest was going to meet a parishioner for lunch

As he was getting ready to leave, he noticed he had forgotten to put on his white priest's collar. He looked and looked, but alas, couldn't find one. He asked another priest, "Do you have a collar I can borrow? One of the parishioners asked me if I could meet up for lunch to discuss some problems."

The other priest says, "Sure, no problem. Happens to everyone - a lay date and a collar short."

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The Beauty of English...

Ever Noticed How Deleting One Word After The Other In A Sentence Can Lead To A Story?
e.g

Oh John Please Don't Touch Me At All...

Oh John Please Don't Touch Me At...

Oh John Please Don't Touch Me...

Oh John Please Don't Touch...

Oh John Please Don't...

Oh John Please...

Oh John...

Ohhh...

...

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best noticed jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about noticed. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty noticed gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these noticed jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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