Notice Board Jokes
23 notice board jokes and hilarious notice board puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about notice board that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Notice Board Short Jokes
Short notice board jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The notice board humour may include short letter board jokes also.
- I was playing a board game with my friends when I noticed some important pieces of the game were missing. I asked my friend, " Are you the game owner?"
He said, "I moan but I'm straight" - My friend with very dry lips caused his flight to make an emergency landing. Crew members took action when they noticed he had boarded the plane with a balm.
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Notice Board Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about notice board you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean school announcement jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make notice board pranks.
I heard you like reposts, so here's one from 114 years ago.
**TOWN AND COUNTRY**
The young woman who was boarding at the farmhouse expressed to the farmer her anxiety at the savage way in which the cow regarded her.
It must be on account of that red blouse you've got on, miss, answered the farmer.
Dear me! exclaimed the girl. Of course, it's out of fashion; but I had no idea a country cow would notice it.
(From the London Journal, July 2nd, 1904)
A Plane Full Of Ugly People Crashes
A plane full of ugly people crashes and everyone on board dies. The peoples' souls then go to heaven, where they are greeted by God at the gate. God tells them that he will grant each person one wish. The first person says, I want to be beautiful . God snapped his fingers and it happened. Then the second person wished for the same thing. This continues as each person in line wishes to be beautiful. God notices the last man in line laughing hysterically. When it came to be the man's turn he laughed and said, I wish all those people were ugly again.
s**... Statistics on a Plane.
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about s**... statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about s**... statistics.
It identifies that American Indians have the longest
average p**... and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
Plank goes to a ball game
A small plank of wood goes to Watch a baseball game. For the first few innings, the plank is super into it. But by the seventh inning, its interest starts to fade.
A man nearby notices the fading enjoyment and starts up a conversation.
"Hey man, how you liking the game?" He asks.
"I really like it. I think it's pretty cool" the small plank replies.
"Really," says the man, "cuz it seems to me like you're a little board."
An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast ...
An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast and noticed all the community centre events for either Catholics or Protestants. After checking out yet another board, he asked a staff member:
Atheist: "What do you do in this town if you're an Atheist?"
Staff member: "Well sir, that depends on whether you're a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist."
A vulture boards a plane
Tired of flying himself, a vulture boards a plane carrying with him his lunch, a dead animal. The atendant notices and says, "Sir, we do not allow you to bring on dead animals." Quite surprised, the vulture says, "But I was told I could bring carrion luggage."
Diving
One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he was not wearing a scuba gear.
The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later.
The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the h**... are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING s**...".
Company Picnic Softball Tournament
At our annual company picnic, the advertising department always played a game of softball with the editorial department. This year the ad dept. won ,9-4. But on the company bulletin board the next morning was the following notice. The Editorial Dept. is proud to announce that upon the conclusion of this year's softball tournament, we finished in second place overall, having lost only one game the entire season. We would also like to take this opportunity to offer our condolences to the Ad Dept.'s team for finishing next to last, having won only one game during the entire year.
Young Dave just learnt the alphabets
He had an amplified stage fear, he was too afraid to even talk to more than 10 people at a time
The teacher says "Dave, write all the alphabets on the board"
Dave nervously replies" no ma'am, I don't think I know them all"
Teacher says" come here and give it a try!'
Dave complies and writes on the black board
"A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z"
The teacher notices the mistake and asks" Where is the P Dave? "
"Running down my leg"
A teacher notices that a student is not writing notes in his class
Teacher: "Why are you not writing down notes?"
Student: "I broke my glasses, I can't see the board"
Teacher: "How did you break your glasses?"
Student: "Yesterday, while kissing"
Teacher, curiously: "What!? How?"
Student: "She closed her legs"
A woman boards a plane and is seated next to a man.
The man has the worst sitting posture she's ever seen, and as the plane took off, she couldn't help but stare at him.
Around an hour later, the man notices the woman staring and asks if anything is wrong.
"Did anything happen, Mam?"
"Oh no, it's got nothing to do with you, something just isn't sitting right with me."
"Your one and only job is to supply the miners"
The foreman told the asian man before leaving the job site.
Upon the foreman's return a week later he noticed one of the job site workers lackadaisically lounging in the sun.
"Hey Bob! How are ya? Why arent you workin boy?" said the foreman.
"Im too hungry to work. That c**... aint been around much. Been poppin up here and there but no food in sight"
The foreman continued further into the worksite and the responses were similar across the board.
Puzzled. The foreman turned the corner towards the work barracks when suddenly; out of no where the c**... jumped out from behind a barrel and yelled.
"Supplies!"
Engineering professors and their students.....
A group of engineering professors boarded a plane to a conference.
After they are all seated, the flight attendants announce that their students were the ones that built the plane they were sitting in. The professors jump out of their seats and run to the door in a panic.
When they notice one weird looking professor stayed seated, they ask him "why are you so calm right now?"
He answers "I know my students well. If they really did build this plane, I can say with 100% certainty that it will never even start."
Mort Goldman walks into a bar
The bartender says "mort, why are you still here? The rest of your people left days ago for Jerusalem!" "I'm not falling for that trick!" Mort replied "a place so great is sure to be a myth, it's surely just a trick to lure us all away." Mort finished his beer and left. On his walk home mort noticed all of the shops in his neighborhood closed and not a similar face in sight. Becoming concerned he decided to call his brother to see what was going on. Upon calling, his brother assured Mort that Jerusalem did indeed exist and it was better than he had ever imagined. Mort boarded the next flight still skeptical, but determined to see for himself the glory that awaited. When Mort arrived at the airport he was awestruck. He stood silent for minutes before muttering under his breath "I can't believe it, it Israel"
A front desk attendant at Delta is beginning to board passengers for a flight from Atlanta to Birmingham, Alabama...
As he is taking the tickets from the passengers and allowing them board, he notices one man still standing at the window, looking at the plane. Once everyone else has walked down the passageway towards the jet, the attendant walks over to the man and asks if he is supposed to be on the plane.
"This plane takes off at 7:05 and gets into Birmingham at 7:07?" The man asks.
"Uh, yes sir, it does." The attendant responds, due to the hour gained during flight. "Are you ready to board now?"
"Nope", he quickly replies, "I just wanna see the sumbitch take off."
A man boards a plane home after a business trip...
... and he sits next to a gorgeous blonde woman. He notices that she's reading a book called "100 Facts About s**... You Never Knew" and asks her if it's any good. She says, "Yea it's really interesting. Did you know that statistically, Native American men have the thickest p**... of any race?"
"Oh wow that's fascinating I never knew that" he says. She continues with, "Yea and did you know that statistically Polish men have the **longest** p**... of any race?"
"No I didn't know that. What's your name?" He asks.
"I'm Sandy. What's yours?" She responds.
"My name's Tanto Kowalski"
Ticket, Please! [Clean]
Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car. As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called "Tickets, please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it was safe all the Scots came out and took their seats. The Englishmen were tremendously impressed by the Scots' ingenuity.
On the trip back, the five Englishmen decided to try this themselves and purchased only one ticket. They noticed that, oddly, the Scots had not purchased any tickets this time. Anyway, again, just before the conductor came through, the Scots piled into one of the toilet stalls, the Englishmen into the other. Then one of the Scots leaned out, knocked on the Englishmen's stall and called "Ticket, Please!" When the ticket slid out under the door, he picked it up and quickly closed the door.
A diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level when he noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever.
The diver went below another 20 feet, and the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, and minutes later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set and wrote, "How the h**... are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and scrawled, "I'm drowning, you m**...!"
I think my wife is cheating on me
I've never talked about this before, but I really need the boards advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, Just some friends from work, you don't know them.
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?
I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike , that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
the teacher and the vandal
One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word p**...' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word p**...' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."
This couple board this jetliner for a trip to New York.
The jetliner gets full of passengers and they are to go but, they notice that there are no attendants or pilots.
The door closes and the jetliner starts taxing down the taxiway towards the runway and starts to take off as they are airborne the intercom says:
Welcome to flight 1313 non stop to New York as you can see there are no attendants and or pilots this aircraft is totally computerized so sit back and enjoy the flight because there is nothing that can go wrong go wrong go wrong go wrong ...