Noti Jokes

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.

Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

I've noticed that everyone I hang out with is always on their smart phone completely oblivious to the world around them.

-- Sent from my iPhone

Did you ever notice that black people...

...are the same as white people. - Joe Machi

I noticed a lot of dumb jokes on here recently hitting the top so I made up an actually good one

Just kidding, here's another

Have you ever noticed....

Political promises are usually in one year and out the other?

Have you ever noticed that cigars and scotch taste the same?

They both taste like my dad's approval.

I noticed that the local convent has no security around the building, so I helped myself.

No 'fence.
Nun taken.

I noticed two large woman by the bar yesterday...

... They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey are you two ladies from Australia?"
One of them screamed back at me, "It's Wales you s**... IDIOT!
So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Australia?"

Notice In A Library

Notice In A Library.
Statutory Warning ,
While Reading s**... Knowledge Books,
Please Hold The Book With Both Hands.

Notice: Due to overwhelming political pressure, c**... Barrel will now be known as Caucasian Barrel.

I noticed my waitress had a black eye so I ordered very clearly.

Because obviously she doesn't get things right the first time.

On a noticeboard in a men's room at a sports club: There will be no gambling here.

Someone had scribbled underneath: Wanna bet?

Have you ever noticed the lack of trigger discipline cops have in movies?

It's so realistic.

I got a notice that a s**... offender just moved in nearby and I'm worried for my children...

So I got them all pedometers.

I should have noticed that my son, a railroad worker is stealing from his workplace

But each time he came home I just ignored the signs

Has anybody ever noticed that you can get salmonella from chicken...but not chickenmonella from salmon?

I noticed that my waitress had a black eye...

So I ordered veeerrryyy slooowwwly, because she obviously doesn't listen.

I've Noticed Bernie Sanders is Wearing a Ballcap Now at his Rallies.

If he wants to invigorate his base shouldn't he be wearing a trilby?

Why did no one notice Thor's brother?

Because he was low-key

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet, I thought someone was actually going to be my friend.

Then I saw the next two letters...

Don't let the notion of being bad at something keep you from enjoying it

Ask my wife.

I've just noticed the wife is wearing her s**... underwear.

This can only mean one thing.
She's behind with the laundry.