Note Jokes

Following is our collection of wrote humor and comment one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Note puns for adults, dirty samsung jokes or clean remark gags for kids.

There is an abundance of dearest jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 57 funniest jokes on note. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any notebook witze you can hear about note.

The Best jokes about Note

Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's"


I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."

I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.

As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye."

I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.

Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?

She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.

Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office

Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office


With a very seductive voice, a wife asked her husband, Have you ever seen $20 all crumpled up?

No said her husband. She gave him a little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons, reached into her bra and pulled out a crumpled $20 note.

She then asked Have you ever seen $50 all crumpled up? No, I haven't he said with an anxious tone in his voice. She seductively unzipped her skirt and pulled out a crumpled $50 note.

Now she said. Have you ever seen $40,000 all crumpled up? No way! he panted, becoming even more excited,

She said Look in the garage.

The craziest thing happened at a bar tonight. A woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me!

On an unrelated note, I suck at darts.

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

Where do naughty rays of light go?

Prism

(Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.)

An Elderly Couple

An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.

About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.

The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

I hate when people don't leave a suicide note.

Would it kill them to write few sentences?


Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?

Do I really have to answer that? Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel?

A mathematician came home and told his wife, sorry honey, but I'm leaving you for my 18 year old assistant. I'll be home in a few hours and I'd like for you to be gone.

He got back home and found a note that read, hi honey, I've left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you'll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.

Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today.

They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.

Don't drink water while studying...

Why?

Because chemistry says that concentration decreases while adding water.

Note: My first attempt. Thanks.

A computer science student...

...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class

The new Call of Duty just got released in Iraq

They call it the Sims

Note: this technically a repost

I have a Muslim friend with a Note 7...

It only gets awkward when he shouts "Allahu Akbar" when plugging it in.

I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night...

The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."

I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"


My dad died in front of me

Before he died, he scribbled me a note. They were his last words. I decided not to open it till I was ready. A year later, I opened it and this is what is said, "You are stepping on my oxygen line".

God is watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples

Trump and his family are traveling in a plane.

Trump decides to drop a 100 dollar note from the plane. His wife asks what he is doing. His reply is I want to make an American happy

His wife replies back Why don't you drop ten 10 dollar notes and make ten Americans happy?

Their daughter gives a suggestion Why don't you drop hundred 1 dollar notes and make hundred Americans happy?

The pilot overhears their conversation and gives his own suggestion on the matter.

Why don't you three drop yourselves from the plane and make all Americans happy?

Sexy Math Time

So a 54 year old man cheats on his wife and leaves her a note saying that he has been sleeping with an 18 year.
The 54 year old wife reads the note, shrugs and writes one of her own.
When her husband gets home he reads the note, it says:
I know that you've been cheating on me with an 18 year old, but I have an 18 year old of my own and we all know 18 goes into 54 far more than 54 goes into 18.

i got complimented on my driving earlier

they left a note on the car saying parking fine

A note to the mods

🎡

About 4,000 years ago:

God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!

Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*

God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!

Sorry, tuba players...

A father decides to put his son in a music class. The teacher assigns him the tuba and the dad goes home, leaving his kid there.

When the child comes home, the dad asks "What did you do today?"

The child said "I learned how to play the C Note!"

The next day, the dad asks "What did you do today?"

The child said "I learned how to play the G Note!"

The next day, the dad asks "What did you do today?"

"I joined the orchestra!"

Britain should have written a break up note

"It's not EU, it's me"

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying, This isn't working. I am leaving, good bye.

I opened up the fridge and it seems to be working just fine...and she says I'm the stupid one?

Someone complimented my parking today!

They left a little note that said "parking fine".

Just a quick note to my American cousins. Voting is like driving a car....

'D' to go forward.

'R' to go reverse.

I got in touch with my inner self today.

Note to self, never get the 1 ply toilet paper again.

A woman dropped a $10 note next to me. I thought, 'What would Jesus do?'

I turned it into wine. I bought wine.

I took some roadkill I hit home to barbeque for dinner,

On a related note... anyone have any use for a child's bicycle and backback?

when i die I want it to be from being hit by a falling piano

That way my life ends on a dramatic note.

I just tried out the Samsung Gear-VR with my Note 7.

It was mind-blowing.

People don't usually compliment me on my driving...

But today I saw a note on my car that said "PARKING FINE". That was nice of them.

...

I'll escort myself out.

What does a mermaid wear to a Maths class ?

An algaebra.

Note: Not my original. I had read this somewhere a few years ago. Kudos to the original creator.

I got a paper cut while writing my suicide note.

It's a start.

I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit"

...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."

Missing South Africa

In Toronto I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
"I miss South Africa."

So I broke the window, took the radio and left a note that read:
"I hope this helps."

My friend got jury duty

So I drove him down to the courthouse. He came out 5 minutes later and said we could go. I said "How did you do that?" He said it was easy, just pretend to be super racist and they let you go. So I tried it myself a couple weeks later.

Apparently it doesn't work if you're the defendant.

Note: This is an original joke. Any suggestions on how I can clean it up a bit, make it a little punchier?

My therapist committed suicide today.

Hi suicide note read.
"Do as I say, not as I do."

An honest politician, a kind lawyer, and Santa were walking down the street...

...and they saw a Β£20 note. Who picked it up?

Santa. The other two don't exist.

What has a ring but no fingers?

The former owner of a Note 7

iPod Shuffle

Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a suicide note.

What face does a Syrian make when he has a bad day?

Assad one.


On a side note, I hope prosperity upon all the Syrians who have been displaced.

Rita found her husband hanging in his bedroom one morning with a note on his bed reading I can't take the critism anymore.

She quickly cut the rope, brought him down and managed to revive him.

As her husband lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she said emotionally my dear…that's NOT how you spell criticism!

My name is Jafar

My name is Jafar

I come from afar

There is Note 7 in my car

Allahu Akbar

Don't forget capital letters...

In the world of high-tech gadgetry, more and more people who send text messages and emails have forgotten the art of capital letters.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:

"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

I think Samsung has messed up with my new phone's shipment.

I had booked a Galaxy Note ''S7'', not C4.

Uber driver came to return woman's lost purse

Woman : Thanks but..it is so weird because I remember it containing only a single 100$ note, but now there are ten 10$ notes inside it. How's that possible?

Man: Yeah because everytime I had gone to return someone's wallet or purse, they said they don't have any change to reward me.

Just been to get a loaf of bread at a cost of Β£1.03 and gave the grumpy looking girl at the till a Β£20 note.

She said "have you got anything smaller as that would take all my change."

I said "no sorry but I can pay on card if that helps?"

She sarcastically said " of course it would help"

So as a presented my card she said "Cash back?"

I said "Yes please!"

"How much?" She asked

I said "Β£18.97"

What has one finger and is very demanding?

A ransom note.

I made a new mixtape, it was trash

Until I played it on my new galaxy note 7, then it was fire

A man parks his car on the street and goes into a shop....

...When he comes out, the car is not where he left it and apparently was stolen. So he calls the police and hopelessly goes back home. Two days later, he finds his car at his front door, with a note left in:

I am very sorry but I had to borrow your car, because my wife was in labor and about to give birth and I had to act quickly. I deeply apologize and send these front-row concert tickets for you and your wife to enjoy this tuesday evening.

So the man and his wife go to the concert tuesday evening. When they return home, they realize someone broke in and the house was burgled. And a note was left on the floor: Soo, did you like the concert?

Sorry for the terrible grammar :D

Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye.

The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: Dear, breakfast is made. I've gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!

He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there's breakfast. Joe, he says to his son, what happened last night?

You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.

So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?

Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes