JokoJokes

Not Jokes

135 not jokes and hilarious not puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about not that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Not Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good not joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

When I was growing up # was pound, not hashtag

Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
This is not a political post, I just want to travel

By legalizing Cannabis and same-s**... marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

**"A man who lays with another man should be s**...."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
Edit1: a typo
Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!

What's the difference between the US Capitol and Mordor?

One does not simply walk into Mordor

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction.

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the world Cup final?
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?
The guy says, "No. They're all at the f**...."

A man in an interrogation room says I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present.

Cop: You are the lawyer.
Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present?

Trump should not have said "s**...-hole countries".

The correct term is "t**...-world countries".

Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I'm not going to spread it!

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show.

I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.

Breaking: donald trump has just won another state.

Denial.

Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...

Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"

Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"

An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

My granddad always used to say, As one door closes another one opens.

Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker.

My Jewish friend says this is a non-offensive Holocaust joke

A Holocaust survivor died recently. Goes to Heaven and upon meeting God, he decided to tell a Holocaust joke. Then God said "That's not funny", to which the Jew replied "Oh, I guess you had to be there".

A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"

Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.
When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"

Wife: I'm pregnant.

Me: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad.
Wife: No you're not.

My b**... community took me to court for not being h**... enough. I got off with just a slap on the wrist.

So I lost the case.

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about not can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of not puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Not My Husband Jokes

Here is a list of funny not my husband jokes and even better not my husband puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Husband: I have cheated once Husband: I have cheated once
    Wife: me too.
    husband: 1st of Apriii....
    Wife: 18th of June
  • An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?" The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
  • What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman? Getting her husband's voice just right
  • I love dad jokes WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
    HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
    WIFE: Second: No you're not
  • Just a Dad Joke Wife:Hey Honey, I'm Pregnant
    Husband:Hey Pregnant, I'm Dad
    Wife:No you're not
  • Wife: You're shirtless? (husband nods)
    Wife: And covered in...oil?
    -Well, you know how you always say I never glisten?
    Wife: Listen. You never listen.
    -Oh
  • What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time? A widow.
  • Wife: Do men wipe after they pee? Aging husband: Yes. Wipe the floor, wipe the rim, wipe the wall…..
  • My husband has left me because I'm insecure Oh no he's back, he just went to get coffee :)
  • My husband said our infant son could microwave... And then shook his arm really fast.
    (True story, please groan with me.)

Not Knock Jokes

Here is a list of funny not knock jokes and even better not knock puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where do little jokes come from? Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
  • Daughter made up a cute knock knock joke: Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Let's eat…
    Let's eat who?
    What are you a cannibal?
  • Batman: *buys catwoman a drink* Catwoman: *slowly knocks it off of the table*
  • I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic. He said: Sure, knock yourself out!
  • My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
  • Cargo Owl Joke Knock, knock...
    Who's there?
    Cargo.
    Cargo who?
    Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.
  • My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands. With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having
  • Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was... ...an ether/oar situation.
  • What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
  • Before my operation, the anaesthesiologists asked if I wanted to be knocked out via gas or boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.

Not Basic Jokes

Here is a list of funny not basic jokes and even better not basic puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Judaism is a lot like the pH scale. On one side of the spectrum there are basic Jews, and on the other side, Hasidic.
  • Girl if I had to rate you, I'd give you a 10 Oh the pH scale, because girl you are basic.
  • I just realized Titanic and the Sixth Sense are basically the same movie. Icy dead People!
  • 85%of people in America don't know basic math. Thanks God I'm from the other 25%
  • I'm 95% vegan now... Basically, I'm vegan all the time. Except when I'm eating
  • I'm a screenwriter and I just signed an amazing 2-year deal with the parent company of Universal Pictures! I'm going to be getting the basic cable plus HBO.
  • Male bees die after mating. That's basically their entire lives. Honey. Nut. Cheerio.
  • Why don't they put advertisements on the Hulk? He's basically a huge banner.
  • Going to mass is basically just like a dog being trained A guy tells you to sit and stand and sit and stand, and at the end they give you a snack
  • Girl, you're a 10? On the pH scale, maybe, cuz you basic.

References Are Not Jokes

Here is a list of funny references are not jokes and even better references are not puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife kicked me out of the house for my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger references, but don't worry... I'll return
  • I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.
  • My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her. Also the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
  • I told a Saudi friend my best joke and he didn't get the reference. It's like he's living under Iraq.
  • My wife kicked me out because she's tired of all of my bad Schwarzenegger references, but... I will return
  • I accidentally referred to my wife as my girlfriend today Their names aren't even that similar
  • I have proof that God is black Everyone refers to him as father , but no one's ever seen him
  • "Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?" I asked. She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.
  • A bar walks into Albert Einstein. Oops, wrong frame of reference.
  • Why are Catholic priests always referred to as "father"? Because "daddy" would make it too obvious...

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these not jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.