Not Circumcised Jokes
112 not circumcised jokes and hilarious not circumcised puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about not circumcised that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Not Circumcised Short Jokes
Short not circumcised jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The not circumcised humour may include short jokes also.
- Why do Jews get Circumcised? Because jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn't at least 10% off
- Why are all Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off
- My buddy took a job circumcising elephants at the zoo The money's not great but the tips are huge
- Circumcisions are painful. When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year
- Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's at least 20% off.
- That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
- Do you know why Jewish men are circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's ten percent off.
- My grandfather used to circumcise elephants for a living. The wages were poor, but the tips were enormous.
- I used to work at the circus I was the guy that circumcised the elephants.
The pay wasn't great, but the tips were huge. - Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised?
They know Jewish women can't resist anything with 10% off.
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Not Circumcised One Liners
Which not circumcised one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with not circumcised? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What's the oldest you can be to get a circumcision? I need to know the cutoff date.
- What do you call an overpriced circumcision? A rip off.
- What do you call a cheap circumcision? a rip off.
- My last job was circumcising elephants The pay wasn't great but the tips were huge.
- I just got circumcised Got any tips?
- How do you circumcise a whale? Send down four skin-divers
- I circumcise elephants for the circus, the pay is lousy..... But the tips are enormous.
- I got a cheap circumcision yesterday... It was a rip off.
- Just paid a lot of money for a really unprofessional circumcision It was a rip off
- Why do Jewish men get circumcised? Because Jewish women can't resist anything 25% off
- How do you circumcise a red-neck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
- How much do people who perform circumcisions get paid? $50/h plus tips
- I used to perform circumcisions for a living. I got tons of tips.
- Circumcision. My parents paid the bill, but I left the tip.
- How do circumcision doctors get paid? In tips.
Not Circumcised Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about not circumcised you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make not circumcised pranks.
A Broken Watch
A guy is walking down the street and suddenly notices that his watch has stopped working. As he stands there musing over this discovery, he notices that the display window of a nearby shop has several dozen watches and clocks in it.
The man steps inside the door of the shop and asks the proprietor, "Excuse me, my watch has stopped working. I wonder if you can repair it for me?"
The proprietor looks up from his desk and says, "What are you talking about? I'm not a watchmaker--I'm a mohel. I perform circumcisions."
Confused, the gentleman asks, "Well then why do you have so many watches and clocks in your window?"
The mohel calmly replies, "What would you prefer that I display?"
A guy passes by a shop with three beautiful watches in the window...
He goes inside, and says to the proprietor: "Those are beautiful watches you have on display, how much for one?"
The proprietor says: "Oh, those aren't for sale. We don't make watches here, we do circumcisions."
The man is a bit taken aback: "If you do circumcisions, why do you have watches in your shop window?"
The proprietor says: "Well, what would you put in the window?"
A cut above the rest
Once upon a time a powerful emperor of the rising sun advertised for a new chief samurai. Three men applied, A Japanese samurai, A Chinese swordsman And a Jewish samurai. The three met with the emperor to see who would get the job. "Japanese Samurai Show me your skill", the Japanese samurai stepped forward and released a fly from a box and the Japanese samurai cut the fly in two. "very impressive" said the emperor. "Chinese Swordsman Show me your stuff", the Chinese man stepped forth and released a fly from its box and with two swings of his swords cut the fly neatly into Quarters. "A marvelous feat" the Chinese swordsman was pleased. "How are you going to top that Jewish samurai?" The Jewish Samurai stepped forth and released his fly from a box, and with a mighty blow swepped his sword through the air and the fly continued to fly about. "what kind of skill is that? the fly isn't dead" the emperor laughed. "dead is easy" the Jewish samurai replied "Circumcision... now that takes skill".
I knew a kid in grade school who was born with deformed eyelids...
...So they took the flesh from his circumcision to fix his deformity. For the rest of his life he was c**...-eyed.
Why do jewish women like circumcised p**...?
What jew doesn't like 10% off?
Two boys sitting to pee
Two five year old boys are sitting at the p**... to pee.
When one says, " Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!"
" I've been circumcised." Says the second boy.
" What does that mean?"
"It means they cut the protective skin skin off the end."
" How old were you when it was cut off?"
" My mom said that I was two days old."
" Did it hurt?"
" You bet it hurt, I couldn't walk for a whole year!"
Born without eyelids.
Last week a little boy was born at the hospital without any eyelids. Puzzled the doctors didn't know what to make of it. In a snap of genius, when they circumcised the boy they also replaced his missing eyelids. Only problem is now he's c**...-eyed.
Did you hear about the rabbi who had to circumcise elephants?
The pay was terrible but the tips were huge!
I got a job at the circus.
I had to circumcise the elephants. The wages weren't great but the tips were enormous.
Do Rabbis get paid for performing circumcisions?
Nope, they just keep the tips.
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.
They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."
A 35 year old man goes to the doctor and asks to be castrated...
The doctor looks at him for a minute and asks if he is sure. The man says yes, he's thought about it for some time and thinks its time to get it done. The doctor says alright, it's your body.
After the procedure, the man wakes up and the doctor comes over for a chat. He tells the man that while he was down there, he threw in a free circumcision.
Circumcision! the man exclaims. That's the word I was looking for.
Why does a Mohel(Jewish Circumciser) have to be good at his job?
He only works on tips
A baby boy was born without eyelids. After the circumcision, the doctors used the f**... to make eyelids.
Now he's cockeyed.
Why do Jewish men get circumcised?
Because Jewish women only want things that are 20% off.
Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Cause Jewish women won't take anything unless its 10% off.
I woman had just given birth to a baby boy...
The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the f**... to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him c**...-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"
Did you hear about the incompetent circumciser?
He slipped and got the sack.
How do you circumcise Kanye West?
Kick him in the jaw.
Long ago I got my first job as a circumciser.
The pay was not much but I collected a lot of tips.
Why do jews get their p**... circumcised?
Because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not 10% off
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...
...decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best at their job. To make things interesting, they agree to see who is best at converting the bears in the local woods. A week passes, and they get together to compare notes.
The priest says, "I was walking through the woods and came upon a patch of berries where there was a bear, gathering berries. I walked up to the bear and I gave him the Holy Communion, and thus converted the bear".
The minister goes, "I too was walking through the woods, and came across a stream. There was a bear in the stream, catching fish. So I waded out to him, and baptized the bear right there, and so converting him."
The priest and minster look over to the rabbi, and this guy is in rough shape. He is in total traction, with a full body cast, cuts and scrapes on his face and hands.
"Oy," the rabbi says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have led with the circumcision."
I'm so torn on circumcision.
I mean, you're either f**... or against it.
Why do Jewish girls love circumcised d**...?
They love anything 10% off
Why are all jewish men circumcised?
...because jewish women don't take anything without 10% off.
A baby was born with no eyes lids...
So the doctors decided to circumcise him and use the skin to craft new eyes lids.
They botched it though and he came out looking a bit c**...-eyed.
Did you hear...
about the guy who got a job circumcising elephants?
the pay wasn't great but the tips were huge.
Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Because what Jewish woman could resist anything that's 20% off?
What do you call a budget circumcision?
A rip off.
A man was circumcised in a dodgy alleyway...
He paid close to nothing for it but was not happy as later that day, he was complaining to his friends that it was a complete rip-off.
PSA: Don't get a cheap circumcision.
Usually, it's a rip-off.
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
I got hard during circumcision
It was a rather inappropriate situation for me as a doctor.
I took a job at a zoo performing elephant circumcisions
The benefits aren't great, but the tips are huge.
Why do Jewish guys get circumcised?
Because they know Jewish girls can't resist something that's 30% off
Pain.
Two young boys are waiting for their
surgery…
What operation are you having done?
Getting my tonsils out, what about you?
Circumcision
Oh that's bad, I had that done when I was born
and I couldn't walk for a year
There was a kid that was born with no eyelids.
The doctor was able to use the skin from the circumcision to make him new eyelids.
It went really well other than the fact the kid is a little c**...-eyed
Burn unit
I asked the doctor what they did with all the foreskins after circumcisions, he told me that years ago they would send them to the burn unit for people with f**... burns for eyelid reconstruction. I asked, why did they stop? He says, because ask the patients ended up looking cockeyed
I used to work at the zoo circumcising elephants
the job was awful, but the tips were huge
Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.
Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?
Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.
Mother: Will he be okay?
Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little c**...-eyed.
I was late to my own circumcision.
Some guy cut me off.
My buddy performs circumcisions, and i was curious how much he got paid
"Oh we dont get paid, we just keep the tips"
My doctor apologized for the botched circumcision that left me impotent.
I told him no hard feelings.
The Jewish Boy and the Muslim Boy
David, a Jewish boy, and Ali, a Muslim boy, are having a conversation.
Ali: I'm getting operated on tomorrow.
David: Oh? What are they going to do?
Ali: Circumcise me!
David: I had that done when I was just a few days old.
Ali: Did it hurt?
David: I couldn't walk for a year!
I got a cheap circumcision when I was young.
It was a rip off.
A man was worried about getting a circumcision so he asks his friend for advice
Jimmy, you got a circumcision right? How long did it take you to recover?
Well, I got it when I was three days old and I wasn't able to walk for 11 months after it
I tried circumcision without the proper equipment.
It was a bit of a stretch, but I managed to pull it off.
Circumcised
p**... says to m**....
I'm getting circumcised tomorrow!
m**... says
I had that done when I was a few days old
p**... asks
Does it hurt?
m**... then replies
Well I couldn't walk for about a year after
Why are all jewish boys circumcised?
Because jewish women love things 20% off.
Did you hear about the kid born w/o an eyelid?
When they circumcised him, they used the extra skin to fix his eyelid.
The procedure went fine, he's a little cockeyed now though...
I got a job at the zoo circumcising Elephants.
The pay s**... but the tips are huge.
I really wanted to become a pornstar but I had heard that all the popular ones were circumcised.
I guess I just wasn't cut out for it.
As a summer job I would work for the circus, my job was to circumcise the elephants...
The pay wasn't that good, but the tips were HUGE
A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.
Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.
The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!
The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give him eyelids.
Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed!
Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have!
How much is a circumcision
Nothing, they only accept tips
Did you hear the zoo is hiring someone to perform elephant circumcisions?
The pay's not great, but the tips are pretty big.
What is the oldest age a person can get a circumcision?
I just want to know the cutoff date.
I used to work at the zoo, where my job was to circumcise Elephants.
The pay was rubbish, but the tips were huge!
How do you circumcise a guy from alabama?
By k**... his sister in the jaw
I had an uncle who worked circumcising elephants
The pay wasn't great, but the tips were enormous!