nostril Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious nostril puns

I wrote this little ditty just seconds after waking up.

An auto worker storms into his union leader's office. "I have a really pesky booger in my nostril, and management won't get us anymore tissue boxes!!" he shouts.

The union manager calmly responds: "Maybe you should picket."


A woman goes to the doctor...

A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says

"Doctor, I don't fell so well."

And the doctor replied

"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."


Astute Diagnosis

A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."


A guy walks into the doctor's office...

He's got a strawberry shoved up each nostril, carrots sticking out of his ears, and a hotdog shoved halfway up his ass.

Hey says, "Doctor, I don't know what it is, but I feel terrible!"

"For starters, you're not eating right."


A man goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose.

He has a stalk of celery in the other nostril and peas in his ears. He says to the doctor, "Doc, I'm not feeling well." The doctor says, "Well, you're not eating right."


So a guy walks into the doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nose nostril...

He mumbles to the doctor "I think there's something wrong." to which the doctor replies "I don't think you're eating right."


A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....

The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.

The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.

The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."


I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. What am I?



Doctor's Visit

A man goes to the doctor and complains he's not feeling well.

The doctor looks at him and notices he has a stick of celery up one nostril a carrot up the other and broccoli sticking out of his ears.

The doctor says " I know what's wrong,your not eating properly"!


TIL that when you say "wow" like Owen Wilson you only use one nostril.



You think it's difficult to plug one nostril and blow out the other?

It's snot rocket science.


Bathing baby

I was quietly bathing my 3 month old son when my wife interrupted "what the hell are you doing?". With a finger up each nostril holding his face out the water and swirling him round, " I'm bathing our son!"

"Not like that you don't, gently support the back of his head in the water and lightly splash water over his front"

To which i replied "not when the water is this hot you don't"


What's the difference between screwing a woman and screwing a cow in the nostril?

You have the option to pick a hole. Well, you could do that with a women too, but they don't lick your balls at the same time.


Why is a Jew's nostrils big?

Because the air is free


"That's my nostril!" she screamed.

Well, she did say "No holes barred."



An exceptionally large nosed man can smell trouble from miles away!


Ever wonder why sometimes you can't breathe off of a nostril?

It snot mucus


The FBI shut down my company.

It was a front for a cocaine smuggling operation.

Then again I should no have called it '' Nostril ''

It - is- a bit on the nose...


What are the most funny Nostril jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Nostril? Well, here are the best Nostril dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Nostril pick up lines to share with friends.


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