Noses Jokes
81 noses jokes and hilarious noses puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about noses that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Noses Short Jokes
Short noses jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The noses humour may include short nostrils jokes also.
- My daughter just got me good… I said, Did you know you can always see your own nose and your brain just ignores it? She said yeah because it nose it's there
- Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.. But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.
He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high..he just couldn't stop as fast. - Why can't a nose be 30.48 centimeters? Because then it would be .3048 Meters.
Some jokes just don't translate well. - Why don't midgets ever get accepted into nudist colonies? They keep sticking their noses into everyone else's business.
- My wife really wanted a dog, so I bought her a pug. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog really seems to like her.
- My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry So I broke his nose with a coconut.
- I swear to god if my girlfriend calls me immature one more time... She's never getting her nose back.
- My five year old just told me this one... Why did the snowman go to the vegetable garden?
So he could go pick his nose. - What do you get when you pick a pig's nose? Hamboogers
My 8 year old told me this one, i told him it was snot funny. - I bought my wife a pug recently Despite the flat nose, ugly wrinkles and bulging eyes, the pug likes my wife
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Noses One Liners
Which noses one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with noses? I can suggest the ones about nose ears and nose hair.
- What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.
- What do you call someone with no body and just a nose ? Nobody knows
- I store drugs right under my nose Don't believe me? Check my stash
- Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Then it'll be a foot.
I'm so sorry. - Why is your nose in middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.
- What do you call a person with no body and no nose Nobody knows
- Why can't a nose be twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- Yo mama's so fat Her nose can't even run
Came up with this myself and was quite proud - What goes 'boooooo' 'boooooo'? A cow with a stuffy nose...
- My sister said I'm being immature. I guess she isn't getting her nose back
- What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store? Picking his nose
- What do you call a nose without a body? No body nose.
- Told my friend his nose was runny He said it's not
- Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot.
~*Badum tss*~ - What was the snowman doing in the vegetable patch? Picking his nose.
Comedy Noses Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about noses you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nose job jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make noses pranks.
What do whitney houston and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.
A Priest and a Jamaican man are on a plane...
..and as they're taking off, the pilot says over the intercom "folks, I have something to tell you. I cannot fly the plane if someone passes gas; if someone does, I'll pass out and the plane will c**...."
So halfway through the flight, the plane noses forward and goes into a dive. And the Jamaican stands up and screams "Who passed de gas?"
The priest says "how did you know?"
And the Jamaican answers "de scent!"
...I'll show myself out
Why do gorillas have big noses?
Because they have big fingers.
Why do black people have such flat noses?
So they can drink of out puddles.
What do snotty vegetables do when they see something they don't like ?
They 'turnip' their noses.
Jacob's 5th birthday. He wants to be a doctor as his parents.
5th birthday of Jacob who wants to be a doctor as his parents.
His mom is a 'Ear Nose And t**...' doctor. His father is gynecologist. Guests approach Jacob with gifts asking if he want to be a 'Ear Nose And t**...' doctor as his mom or a gynecologist as his dad. Jacob thought about it a little then said: I want to be gynecologist. Why would you, they asked in astonishment. Cause I have no idea about ears and noses. Jacob replied.
Noses and Boyfriends
Boyfriends are like noses...
People get disgusted when you blow them in public.
Especially if you're caught without a tissue
What do you call someone with two noses?
No one nose.
Direct from my 8-year old:
How do nursing babies blow their noses?
With breast tissue.
I once dated a girl with two noses.
She wasn't much to look at but she smelled great.
The secret c**... ring in my school still hasnt been busted by the police
It's slipping right under everyone's noses!
My boss fired an employee unexpectedly today and everyone wants to know why...
I think it's because he was caught with a bag of c**.... But regardless, our boss told us to keep our noses out of it.
I'm sick to death of c**... dealers...
always sticking their business in other people's noses.
Jeffery d**...
Did you know Jeffery d**... used to cut off his victims noses, put them on pizza and eat them?
He called it d**...-nose pizza.
How many nice guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just compliment it for being a strong, independent bulb until a real man comes along and screws it under their noses.
What has two feet, two hands, two eyes, and two noses?
Two pirates.
Where are noses mass produced?
An olfactory.
Where do you hide c**... in orphanage?
Right under the children's noses
Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
All the producers have Hook Noses
#racistdadjoke
Why do Jews have big noses?
Because oxygen is free.
Didja hear about the coke dealer who retired?
He didn't want to put his business in other peoples' noses anymore.
It's annoying being a plastic surgeon...
People keep sticking their noses into my business
How many noses did the guy with the best sense of smell have? Two noses?
No, one nose.
Why do Dutch people have big noses?
Because air is free.
### Bonus joke:
* How was copper wire invented?
Two Dutchmen found a penny at the same time.
I have four eyes, three ears and two noses. What am I?
Ugly.
When they were handing out noses...
I thought they said "roses" so I asked for a big, red one.
Why do Jewish people have big noses?
Air is free.
Why do Jews have large noses?
Because Air Is Free.
Jeffery d**... kept a journal, he wrote how he would take the noses of his victims and make pizzas with them.
Dahmersnose Pizza.
Why do Mexicans have noses?
Gives them something to pick in the winter.
You have three eyes, two noses and two mouths. What are you?
ugly.
What do you call the King of the Noses?
His Royal Sinus
Why didn't the Eskimo rub noses with his non-Eskimo girlfriend?
She just wasn't Inuit.
I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. What am I?
ugly
How come people with mustaches lose them so often?
They're hiding right under their noses.
Is there a correlation between the size of a nose and the sense of smell?
Because I read somewhere that back in World War II people with big noses smelled gas much more often.
What do you call something that has 3 eyes, 5 noses, and 2 mouths?
Ugly
We call rings in ears earrings, in eyebrows eyebrow rings and in noses nose rings. Why don't we apply the same to fingers?
And with this f**... I give you my hand in marriage....
The police just found a pizza topped with human noses in a serial killer's fridge.
It was a d**... nose pizza.
One of my coworkers is always bragging about how much o**... s**... she gets.
She really likes to rub peoples' noses in it.
How can armpits stop smelling?
If their noses are plugged
What do you call a creature with 6 legs, 3 eyes, 2 noses and no ears?
Anything you want, it can't hear you
I hate people who don't cover their noses and mouths when they sneeze.
They make me sick.
You know what they say about guys with big noses?
[spoilers] They smell well. (#s)
What do you call a deaf guy with three legs, two noses, four ears, and a unibrow?
It doesn't matter, he isn't gonna hear you.
What has three eyes, two noses, and a tail?
Antivax baby.
Today I learned where plastic surgeons get new noses for their patients...
At the olfactory.
Did you hear about the c**... dealer who retired?
He was tired of putting his business in other peoples' noses.
Why do kids get b**... noses more often than adults?
Sharpe fingernails!
What do cannibals use to clean their noses?
Nose tissue.
I get why a lot of people don't properly wear masks over their noses
It's because they're mouth breathers
What do you call a man with one eye, two noses, and three ears?
Ugly
George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how s**... the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.
People make fun of my nose sometimes,
But if God gave me my choice of all the noses on earth, I would pick my nose before I picked anyone else's.
Despite CDC guidelines, there's no reason to worry about people not covering their noses with their masks.
They're mouth-breathers anyway.
What do you call a man with multiple noses?
No one nose.
I have 4 legs 3 eyes and 4 noses what am i
ugly
What do dogs and nearsighted gynecologist have in common
They both have wet noses
Mustaches are taking over
And it's happening right under our noses
What do protestors and people with big noses have in common?
They both know how to picket.
I have 4 noses, 10 eyes, 20 legs, and 6 fingers, What am I?
Ugly
My friend tried to start a restaurant called h**.... But he didn't get very good business.
Apparently, the idea of a restaurant where all the waitresses have big noses doesn't appeal to a lot of people.
Where do they manufacture noses?
At the olfactory
Noses are meant to smell and feet are meant to run, but irl…
Noses run and feet smell instead… they switch rolls
Sadly
Why aren't midgets allowed at nudist festivals?
They keep getting their noses in everyones' business.
