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Nose Jokes

171 nose jokes and hilarious nose puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about nose that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the funniest jokes about noses! From big noses to red noses to broken noses, we've got it all! Plus, stories and jokes about runny noses, sniffing, and nostrils. Read on for a good chuckle!

Best Short Nose Jokes

Short nose jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The nose humour may include short nostrils jokes also.

  1. My daughter just got me good… I said, Did you know you can always see your own nose and your brain just ignores it? She said yeah because it NOSE it's there
  2. Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.. But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.
    He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high..he just couldn't stop as fast.
  3. Why can't a nose be 30.48 centimeters? Because then it would be .3048 Meters.
    Some jokes just don't translate well.
  4. Why don't midgets ever get accepted into nudist colonies? They keep sticking their noses into everyone else's business.
  5. My wife really wanted a dog, so I bought her a pug. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog really seems to like her.
  6. My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry So I broke his nose with a coconut.
  7. I swear to god if my girlfriend calls me immature one more time... She's never getting her nose back.
  8. My five year old just told me this one... Why did the snowman go to the vegetable garden?
    So he could go pick his nose.
  9. What do you get when you pick a pig's nose? Hamboogers
    My 8 year old told me this one, i told him it was snot funny.
  10. I bought my wife a pug recently Despite the flat nose, ugly wrinkles and bulging eyes, the pug likes my wife

Quick Jump To


Nose joke, I bought my wife a pug recently


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about nose can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of nose puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Nose One Liners

Which nose one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with nose? I can suggest the ones about noose and neck.

  1. What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.
  2. What do you call someone with no body and just a nose ? Nobody knows
  3. I store drugs right under my nose Don't believe me? Check my stash
  4. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Then it'll be a foot.
    I'm so sorry.
  5. Why is your nose in middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.
  6. What do you call a person with no body and no nose Nobody knows
  7. Why can't a nose be twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
  8. Yo mama's so fat Her nose can't even run
    Came up with this myself and was quite proud
  9. What goes 'boooooo' 'boooooo'? A cow with a stuffy nose...
  10. My sister said I'm being immature. I guess she isn't getting her nose back
  11. What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store? Picking his nose
  12. What do you call a nose without a body? No body nose.
  13. Told my friend his nose was runny He said it's not
  14. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot.
    ~*Badum tss*~
  15. What was the snowman doing in the vegetable patch? Picking his nose.

Running Nose Jokes

Here is a list of funny running nose jokes and even better running nose puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Everybody knows Rudolph the Red Nose leads Santa's sled team... ...but few know that Bruno the Brown Nose is the second in line.
    He can run as fast as Rudolph, but he isn't as quick to stop.
  • My grandpa said he was built upside down He said his nose runs and his feet smell.
  • A Jew wakes up with morning wood and runs right into a wall. What does he say? Ouch, my nose!
  • If your nose runs and your feet smell..... You're built upside-down.
  • You know if you smell feet and your nose is running Then you just might be upside down
  • It's allergy season. If my nose keeps running, I'm going to have to buy it new shoes.
  • Noses are meant to smell and feet are meant to run, but irl… Noses run and feet smell instead… they switch rolls
    Sadly
  • Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?
  • What did the snot say to the nose? I gotta run.
  • How can you tell if you're upside down? Your nose is running and you're feet smell

Picking Nose Jokes

Here is a list of funny picking nose jokes and even better picking nose puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I saw a disgusting thing at the grocery today. A snowman rummaging through the carrots?! I mean picking your nose in public? Come on.
  • I can't believe some people pick their nose! I was born with mine..
  • How did Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalogue.
    ba dum tss
  • Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually . . . encourage you to pick your nose.
  • What was the snowman doing with his hand in a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
  • Did you ever hear about the guy who could see the future when he picked his nose? His name was Nostrildamus.
  • You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your nose's friends.
  • People make fun of my nose sometimes, But if God gave me my choice of all the noses on earth, I would pick my nose before I picked anyone else's.
  • One of the first things they want you to do before getting plastic surgery is.... Pick your nose.
  • A joke told to me by a doctor in a hospital elevator What are the three rules of proctology?
    >!1) Don't shake hands!<
    >!2) No finger foods!<
    >!3) Don't pick your nose!<

Picking Your Nose Jokes

Here is a list of funny picking your nose jokes and even better picking your nose puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why was the snowman embarrassed when caught buying a bag of carrots? Because he got caught picking his nose
  • Slightly tweaking a joke my 4 year old told me What do you call it when a pig picks its nose and wipes it on a cow?
    A hambooger
  • What's the one body part you can choose to have? You can pick your nose.
  • "My GF said picking my nose is disgusting", a man told his friend. "So what?" his friend replied. The guy answered "Now I have to do it myself"
  • Why was the snowman rummaging through the bag of carrots? He was picking his nose!
  • If someone asked me to choose my favorite body part... I'd pick my nose.
  • What's red, smells, and is often picked in the garden? I don't know either, but my teacher got very angry when I said nose.
  • There are 2 kinds of people in the world: (1) People that pick their nose. (2) Liars.
  • Your nose or mine You can pick your friends ...and you can pick your nose.....but you can't pick your friends nose
  • My son was picking his nose earlier.. I told him to make up his mind and choose one.

Nose Picking Jokes

Here is a list of funny nose picking jokes and even better nose picking puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Don't pick your nose and eat it, it may look tasty... But it's snot.
  • What do get when a ghost picks his nose? Boooooogers!
  • My 7 year old neice told me this joke today What do you do when your nose goes on strike?
    Pick it!
  • You could say that I've been blessed with green fingers Or you could say I pick my nose far too much.
  • A small part of me really enjoys picking my nose... Can always rely on that trusty pinky finger.
  • Defrosting a freezer is like picking your nose It's so satisfying when you manage to pull out an exceptionally large chunk!
  • What do you call it when a pig picks its nose and eats it? A hambooger
    This joke is courtesy of my four and a half year old.
  • How did Michael Jackson pick his nose? Out of a catalog.
    Heheee!!!
  • Life is like picking your nose... Always try to get the most out of it...
  • My girlfriend said she's disgusted that I pick my nose so much. I just blew it, didn't I?

Big Nose Jokes

Here is a list of funny big nose jokes and even better big nose puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Having a big nose isn't a good enough excuse to not wear a mask. Take me for example. I still wear underwear.
  • Why do gorillas have big noses? Because they have big fingers.
  • Why do Jews have big noses? Because oxygen is free.
  • Having a big nose is not an excuse for not wearing a mask. I still wear an underwear.
  • A big nose isn't an excuse for not wearing a mask I wear pants you know...
  • My girl friend wanted a nose job... So I tried. But her nostrils weren't big enough.
  • Why do Jewish people have big noses? Air is free.
  • What do you call a guy with a big orange nose? Sir. The man has enough on his plate without being treated as a lesser individual by society.
  • A big nose isn't an excuse for not wearing a facemask I mean, I still wear underwear
  • What do protestors and people with big noses have in common? They both know how to picket.
Nose joke, What do protestors and people with big noses have in common?

Great Nose Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about nose you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean big nostrils jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make nose prank.

Astute Diagnosis

A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

So I got a nose job last Tuesday...

It's amazing what h**... will do if you tip them.
(Original joke)

What's the definition of Embarrassing?

Running into a wall with a e**... and your nose touches the wall first.

What do you call a h**... with a runny nose?

Full.

What does a nosey pepper do?

Gets jalapeño buisness.
... I'll let my self out.

A man enters a pet shop...

...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"

A man with a wooden eye is at a dance..

During a slow dance, he can't find a partner to dance with him. He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a large nose. Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.
He approaches her and is frank with her, asking "Would you dance with me?"
Filled with excitement, she yells "Would I?!"
Without missing a beat, the man retorts: "BIG NOSE BIG NOSE BIG NOSE!!!"

An old married couple are driving down the road.

They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.
She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."
"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.
"But what about the smell?" she asks.
The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."

A man goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose.

He has a stalk of celery in the other nostril and peas in his ears. He says to the doctor, "Doc, I'm not feeling well." The doctor says, "Well, you're not eating right."

So a guy walks into the doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nose nostril...

He mumbles to the doctor "I think there's something wrong." to which the doctor replies "I don't think you're eating right."

Noses and Boyfriends

Boyfriends are like noses...
People get disgusted when you blow them in public.
Especially if you're caught without a tissue

There are three moles at the bottom of their mole hole

The first mole, daddy mole, wakes up, climbs to the top, sticks his nose out and says, "Mmmmm...I smell bacon!"
Mommy mole wakes up. She climbs to the top, sticks her nose out and says, "Mmmmm....I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole wakes up. He climbs up, but gets stuck behind his mom and dad. He takes a big whiff and says, "All I can smell is molasses!"

Two kids are watching 2 dogs making love.

The female kid asks:
> How do the dogs know when they want to have s**...?
> The boy: I don't know... Maybe they smell it.
They sit and watch them a little more. And after a while the female kid asks:
>Do you have a runny nose?

For The Watch

Lost my watch at a party once. After a few hours i walked into the bathroom and saw some guy stepping on my watch while s**... harassing a girl. I punched the guy straight in the nose, no one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
-Putindoge
(P.s he probably stole the joke from someone else)

What do you find in an empty nose?

Fingerprints.

What does a Jew with an e**... get when he walks into a wall?

A broken nose, i will sit in the corner now.

A man walked into McDonald's and saw a black woman with 8 children running all around her.

"Mike, stop that!" she shouted at one.
"Mike, stop bothering your brother," she yelled at another.
"Mike, how many times do I have to tell you not to pick your nose," she chided yet another.
"I'm sorry ma'am," the man said, "but... are all your boys named Mike?"
"Yes sir," she replied.
"Isn't that confusing?" he asked.
"No, they all have different last names."

Old one I've never seen on here

This joke was in a book I had as a young child, probably from the 70s or 80s. It's so ridiculous, I remember it to this day.
Q: How do you kill a blue elephant?
A: Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you kill a white elephant?
A: Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

I lost my watch at a party once...

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was s**... harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear and he says,
"I don't know what's the matter with me lately"
The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."

A Russian Couple

A Russian couple is walking in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "It's raining," he says. "No," says his wife, "It's snowing." And they begin to argue. Finally, the man says, " Let's ask comrade Rudolph what the *official* weather is." They approach and they ask him. "It is officially raining." he says. The woman cries, "But it felt just like snow!" To which her husband says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!

TIL it is impossible to look at your nose while sticking out your tongue

without looking ridiculous.

Why did the midget get kicked off a n**... beach?

People got seriously annoyed with him sticking his nose into everybody's business.

A couple finds a wounded skunk on the road. 'Where do I put it?' the lady asks...

A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.
She says, Look, it's shivering … it must be cold. What should I do?
He says, Put it between your legs.
She says, What about the smell?
He says, Hold its nose.

So a man dies and goes to heaven...

When he got there, he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates.
St. Peter asked "What, in your opinion, was your most noble deed?"
"Uh, well, I saw some huge bikers harassing an old lady outside a bar once, so I went up to the biggest, baddest guy and ripped out his nose ring."
Impressed, St. Peter asked, "Well, when was all this?"
"Uh, about 5 minutes ago."

I lost my watch at a party last night....

After about an hour of looking for it I finally found it on the ground. A man was stepping on it while he was harassing some woman. Infuriated, I walked over to him and punched him in the face, breaking his nose. No one mistreats a woman, not on my watch.

A guy walks into a w**......

A guy walks into a w**... with $2 in his pocket. The man in charge says well for two dollars there's a dead h**... upstairs, you can have your way with her for ten minutes.
Ten minutes later, the patron comes back downstairs and the man in charge asks him how it was.
"It was okay, but the only thing is her nose kept running."
"Ahhh," said the man in charge, "she must be full."

I can produce silver just by sniffing.

Smelt it with my own nose.
**I'll show myself out**

Guy walks into a bar and there's a gorilla sitting in the corner.

Guy says to the bartender, "What's with the gorilla?"
Bartender says, "I'll show ya." .
The bartender walks over with a baseball bat and smashes the gorilla right in the nose. The gorilla gets on his knees and gives the bartender a b**....
Bartender says, "What do ya think?"
Guy says, "That's great."
Bartender asks, "You wanna try?"
Guy says, "Sure, but don't hit me so hard."

What does a myopic gynaecologist have in common with a puppy?

A wet nose.

So, Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper...

So Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper when the apostles notice he has closed his eyes, and is rubbing the bridge of his nose. Exasperated, he asks: "Why... WHY would anyone order wine?"

What do you call a nose which has been torn off of somebody's face?

No body nose.

A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"

What's the difference between a woman with a cold and a p**... with a photographic memory?

One blows her nose, one knows her blows

If you think having a runny nose is fun...

Well, it snot

My wife said, "it looks uncomfortable growing all that f**... hair under your nose..."

must ache

A Guy Proposing To His GF...

She interrupted him and said: but I have one flaw you should be aware of: I f**... alot! Like a lot!
He giggled and said it's alright I have a problem with my nose too, I can't smell that well.
After three days of them living together ,
The guy is opening the windows of the apartment,
And the wife is crying and shouting YOU LIED TO ME, YOU CAN SMELL!,
The guy responded: no I didn't but it is getting hard to walk around here! my eyes are burning!

A man goes to the doctor with a carrot in his nose, cabbage in his ears and ham over his eyes. What's wrong with me doc? He asks.

The doctor replies Well it looks like you're not eating right.

What's the worst thing that can happen to a man?

Running into a wall while e**... and breaking your nose.

Why didn't the viper viper nose?

Because the adder adder 'andkerchief.

A man walks into his doctor's office and says: My nose just keeps on running,

But that's not even the worst part about me either, doc. My feet smell an awful lot! Surely you must have a remedy for both.
The doctor replies: Well I'm sorry to tell you there's nothing I can do. It doesn't seem like you need a medical professional, but rather a bio-mechanical engineer!
After a confused look from the man the doctor explains: You've been built upside down.

He was a natural born thief.

He had his mothers looks, his father's nose, and the doctor's watch

After a night out partying, my brother shows up with a huge bandage on his nose. His girlfriend said,"His nose was broken in three places."

Turns out it was exactly the same three places I had warned him not to go when he'd been drinking.

An Aussie phones an ambulance because his mate's been just hit by a car

Aussie: Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I think both his legs are broken.
Operator: What is your location sir?
Aussie:On Eucalyptus Street.
Operator: How do you Spell that sir?
Silence..... (heavy breathing) and after a minute or so...
Operator: Are you there sir?
More heavy breathing and another minute later...
Operator: Sir, can you hear me?
This goes on for another few minutes until...
Operator:Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?
Aussie: Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell
eucalyptus, so I just dragged him around to Oak Street.

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

Cause then it would be a foot silly

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

What does a nearsighted gynaecologist have in common with a puppy?

A wet nose

Although COVID spreads mostly through the mouth & nose..

..scientists now conclude the greatest risk comes from a**....

I spent years searching for the perfect mustache

It was right under my nose the whole time.

Why can't a nose be 12 inches

Coz then it would be a foot
Yea I'm an expert at dad jokes but am not dat funny

I lost my watch at a party

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at the party. Infuriated I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

If you see somebody wearing a mask pulled down below their nose, don't worry...

Those people are all mouth-breathers anyway

What do you call a man with multiple noses?

No one nose.

Why can't a nose be 12 long?

Because then it'd be a foot.
I already regret this one

I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

I met my girlfriend in 2020. She has pretty eyes.

I haven't seen her mouth and nose yet, but her eyes are pretty.

Why can't a nose be 30.48 centimeters?

Because then it would be .3048 Meter!

Some jokes just don't translate well.

A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled at his spiky hair, pierced nose, tattoos and a bad attitude. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Honey," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Of course he is," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"

Nose joke, A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

jokes about nose

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these nose jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.