The Best 73 Nose Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Nose jokes. There are some nose nasal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these nose nose hair puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Nose Jokes and Puns

Astute Diagnosis

A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full.

What does a nosey pepper do?

Gets jalapeΓ±o buisness.

... I'll let my self out.

Nose joke, What does a nosey pepper do?

A man enters a pet shop...

...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"

A man with a wooden eye is at a dance..

During a slow dance, he can't find a partner to dance with him. He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a large nose. Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.

He approaches her and is frank with her, asking "Would you dance with me?"

Filled with excitement, she yells "Would I?!"

Without missing a beat, the man retorts: "BIG NOSE BIG NOSE BIG NOSE!!!"


What do you call a nose without a body?

No body nose.

An old married couple are driving down the road.

They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.

She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."

"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.

"But what about the smell?" she asks.

The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."

Nose joke, An old married couple are driving down the road.

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

Then it'll be a foot.

I'm so sorry.

(NSFW) What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

Full.

My sister said I'm being immature.

I guess she isn't getting her nose back

Two kids are watching 2 dogs making love.

The female kid asks:
> How do the dogs know when they want to have sex?

> The boy: I don't know... Maybe they smell it.

They sit and watch them a little more. And after a while the female kid asks:
>Do you have a runny nose?

You can explore nose nostril reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean nose armpit dad jokes. There are also nose puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you find in an empty nose?

Fingerprints.

What does a Jew with an erection get when he walks into a wall?

A broken nose, i will sit in the corner now.

I swear to god if my girlfriend calls me immature one more time...

She's never getting her nose back.

A man walked into McDonald's and saw a black woman with 8 children running all around her.

"Mike, stop that!" she shouted at one.

"Mike, stop bothering your brother," she yelled at another.

"Mike, how many times do I have to tell you not to pick your nose," she chided yet another.

"I'm sorry ma'am," the man said, "but... are all your boys named Mike?"

"Yes sir," she replied.

"Isn't that confusing?" he asked.

"No, they all have different last names."

Old one I've never seen on here

This joke was in a book I had as a young child, probably from the 70s or 80s. It's so ridiculous, I remember it to this day.

Q: How do you kill a blue elephant?

A: Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you kill a white elephant?

A: Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

Nose joke, Old one I've never seen on here

Yo mama's so fat

Her nose can't even run

Came up with this myself and was quite proud

I lost my watch at a party once...

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

I store drugs right under my nose

Don't believe me? Check my stash


A man walks into the psychiatrist's office

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear and he says,

"I don't know what's the matter with me lately"

The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."

What do you call someone with no body and just a nose ?

Nobody knows

A Russian Couple

A Russian couple is walking in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "It's raining," he says. "No," says his wife, "It's snowing." And they begin to argue. Finally, the man says, " Let's ask comrade Rudolph what the *official* weather is." They approach and they ask him. "It is officially raining." he says. The woman cries, "But it felt just like snow!" To which her husband says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!

What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common?

A wet nose.

Why did the midget get kicked off a nude beach?

People got seriously annoyed with him sticking his nose into everybody's business.

A couple finds a wounded skunk on the road. 'Where do I put it?' the lady asks...

A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.

She says, Look, it's shivering … it must be cold. What should I do?

He says, Put it between your legs.

She says, What about the smell?

He says, Hold its nose.

So a man dies and goes to heaven...

When he got there, he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates.
St. Peter asked "What, in your opinion, was your most noble deed?"

"Uh, well, I saw some huge bikers harassing an old lady outside a bar once, so I went up to the biggest, baddest guy and ripped out his nose ring."

Impressed, St. Peter asked, "Well, when was all this?"

"Uh, about 5 minutes ago."

A guy walks into a whorehouse...

A guy walks into a whorehouse with $2 in his pocket. The man in charge says well for two dollars there's a dead hooker upstairs, you can have your way with her for ten minutes.

Ten minutes later, the patron comes back downstairs and the man in charge asks him how it was.

"It was okay, but the only thing is her nose kept running."

"Ahhh," said the man in charge, "she must be full."

I can produce silver just by sniffing.

Smelt it with my own nose.

**I'll show myself out**

My wife really wanted a dog, so I bought her a pug.

Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog really seems to like her.

Why is your nose in middle of your face?

Because it's the scenter.

Guy walks into a bar and there's a gorilla sitting in the corner.

Guy says to the bartender, "What's with the gorilla?"

Bartender says, "I'll show ya." .

The bartender walks over with a baseball bat and smashes the gorilla right in the nose. The gorilla gets on his knees and gives the bartender a blow job.

Bartender says, "What do ya think?"

Guy says, "That's great."

Bartender asks, "You wanna try?"

Guy says, "Sure, but don't hit me so hard."

What goes 'boooooo' 'boooooo'?

A cow with a stuffy nose...

So, Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper...

So Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper when the apostles notice he has closed his eyes, and is rubbing the bridge of his nose. Exasperated, he asks: "Why... WHY would anyone order wine?"

A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"

My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I broke his nose with a coconut.

What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store?

Picking his nose

If you think having a runny nose is fun...

Well, it snot

A Guy Proposing To His GF...

She interrupted him and said: but I have one flaw you should be aware of: I fart alot! Like a lot!
He giggled and said it's alright I have a problem with my nose too, I can't smell that well.

After three days of them living together ,
The guy is opening the windows of the apartment,
And the wife is crying and shouting YOU LIED TO ME, YOU CAN SMELL!,
The guy responded: no I didn't but it is getting hard to walk around here! my eyes are burning!

What's the worst thing that can happen to a man?

Running into a wall while erect and breaking your nose.

Told my friend his nose was runny

He said it's not

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it'd be a foot.

~*Badum tss*~

An Aussie phones an ambulance because his mate's been just hit by a car

Aussie: Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I think both his legs are broken.

Operator: What is your location sir?

Aussie:On Eucalyptus Street.

Operator: How do you Spell that sir?

Silence..... (heavy breathing) and after a minute or so...

Operator: Are you there sir?

More heavy breathing and another minute later...

Operator: Sir, can you hear me?

This goes on for another few minutes until...

Operator:Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?

Aussie: Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell
eucalyptus, so I just dragged him around to Oak Street.

Having a big nose isn't a good enough excuse to not wear a mask.

Take me for example. I still wear underwear.

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

Although COVID spreads mostly through the mouth & nose..

..scientists now conclude the greatest risk comes from assholes.

I bought my wife a pug recently

Despite the flat nose, ugly wrinkles and bulging eyes, the pug likes my wife

Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer..

But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.

He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high..he just couldn't stop as fast.

My five year old just told me this one...

Why did the snowman go to the vegetable garden?

So he could go pick his nose.

What do you call a person with no body and no nose

Nobody knows

Why can't a nose be 12 inches

Coz then it would be a foot


Yea I'm an expert at dad jokes but am not dat funny

I lost my watch at a party

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at the party. Infuriated I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

If you see somebody wearing a mask pulled down below their nose, don't worry...

Those people are all mouth-breathers anyway

Why can't a nose be twelve inches long?

Because then it would be a foot.

Why can't a nose be 12 long?

Because then it'd be a foot.


I already regret this one

I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

I met my girlfriend in 2020. She has pretty eyes.

I haven't seen her mouth and nose yet, but her eyes are pretty.

Why can't a nose be 30.48 centimeters?

Because then it would be .3048 Meter!



Some jokes just don't translate well.

A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled at his spiky hair, pierced nose, tattoos and a bad attitude. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Honey," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Of course he is," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"

What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

Hamboogers

My 8 year old told me this one, i told him it was snot funny.

Lost my watch on the floor of a party

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl... Not on my watch.

True Story: I found a note on my doorstep today.

Opening it, I was excited to see a riddle!

It read:
"What dog has legs
But cannot run.
A tail,
It cannot wag,
A mouth,
But cannot bark,
A nose,
But cannot smell?"

I love riddles. Before reading the answer, I sat down with my wife and we spent a while pondering the possible answers.

Eventually, curiosity overcame us. We turned over the note to see the answer.

It read:
"Your dog.
I'm really sorry.
I ran it over."

I hate riddles.

Never kiss your hunny when her nose is runny

you may think it's funny but it's snot

The blood of virgins

A guy walks into his regular bar and loudly orders a round for the entire bar. "Drink up! For tonight I have bathed in the blood of virgins!" he loudly proclaims. "So, had another nose bleed while you were in the shower today, huh?" the bartender asks.

I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch

My daughter just got me good… I said, Did you know you can always see your own nose and your brain just ignores it?

She said yeah because it NOSE it's there

A big nose is no excuse to not wear a face mask

After all, I wear pants...

A man has serious a Gas Problem.

Then he came to visit a doctor, saying he has a serious problem, but every time he farts there is no noise and Smell.

Then added " i have farted 20 times while talking to you"
Then doctor prescribed some medicine and said to visit him after 2 weeks.

After 2 weeks, he came to visit the doctor, saying that the medicine solved one problem. Everytime he farts, it has a serious bad smell, but still no noise. Your medicine didn't work

Then the doctor said, " medicine did worked it solved your nose problem, now i am prescribing new medicine for your hearing problem"

I was on the verge of winning the "Worlds Most Congested Nose " competition....

And then I blew it.

The pug

A guy tells his buddy, "I got my wife a dog for her birthday."

His buddy asks, "What breed?"

"It's a pug, the guys says. "And, despite the squashed nose, the bulging eyes and the rolls of fat, the dog really seems to like her."

What do you call someone with no nose and no body?

Nobody nose

Pulled out a nose hair today...

Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the train, it seems pretty painful.

I am really disgusted with myself. I was on the verge of winning the "Worlds Most Congested Nose " competition...

And then I blew it.

In honor of a bath time song sung by a fellow dad...

Here is mine:




Wash your body!
Oh yeah.

Clean your body!
Uh huh

Wash your body!

It's bath time tonight!

Let's get clean, alright!

Clean your fingers and your toes...

Wash your face, don't forget your nose

If it's Monday night we wash your hair.

But everytime wash behind your ears!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the nose fat nose jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working nose long nose piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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