Norwegian Swede Jokes
14 norwegian swede jokes and hilarious norwegian swede puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about norwegian swede that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Norwegian Swede Short Jokes
Short norwegian swede jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The norwegian swede humour may include short sweden norway jokes also.
- Did you know that Popeye the Sailor Man doesn't seem strong to the Swedes and the Norwegians? He is, however, strong to the Finnish.
- Whaat do you get when you cross a Swede and a Norwegian? A socialist who wants to be king!
- Norwegian History The toilet seat was invented by a Swede in Minnesota, but twenty years later a North Dakota Norwegian invented the hole in it.
- Why do Norwegians and Swedes put bar codes on their military ships? So when they dock, they can Scandinavian.
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Norwegian Swede One Liners
Which norwegian swede one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with norwegian swede? I can suggest the ones about swede and norwegian navy.
- A Finn, Swede and Norwegian* guy went on an island Brejvik* shot them all.
Norwegian Swede Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about norwegian swede you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean danish jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make norwegian swede pranks.
Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.
The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman... (long joke)
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a v**... Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ghanaian, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, 2 Africans and you...
walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."
A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn
A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn tried to swim from Norway to America on a dare. Ten miles from the Norwegian coast, the Swede gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. Fifty miles from the Norwegian coast, the Norwegian gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. The Finn had just caught sight of the American coast, when he sighed "I can't make it either..." and promptly swam back to Norway.
Norwegians like to joke about the inferior intellect of our Swedish neighbors. This is my favorite joke:
A Norwegian is sitting at the bar and enjoying a nice drink. He turns to the large muscle man sitting by his side and asks: "Do you wan't to hear a joke about the swedes?"
The man replies: "Well, buddy, before you tell that joke I'd like you to know this: I am the current Swedish heavy weight boxing champion. The guy next to me won the Swedish wrestling championship five times and the guy sitting next to him represented Sweden in the Olympic games as a weight lifter. Are you absolutely sure you wan't to tell that joke?"
The Norwegian thinks for a few seconds and replies: "Meh, Not if I have to explain the joke THREE times."
Politically Correct Nightclub
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Ghurkha, a Lativan, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an America, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Isreali, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Musliam, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an Ethiopian went to a Nightclub.
The bouncer says "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai.''
Two Swedes and two Norwegians are traveling...
Two Swedes and two Norwegians are traveling by train from Stockholm to Oslo. The Swedes only buys one ticket, but the Norwegians buys two. On the train, the Swedes locks themselves in the toilet. When the conductor goes by, he knocks on the door, asking for the ticket. They slip the ticket under the door, the conductor cuts it and moves on.
The Norwegians sees this, and on the way back, the Norwegians buys one ticket, but the Swedes buys none. On the train, the Norwegians locks themselves in the toilet. The Swedes soon knocks on their door, asks for their ticket. The Swedes takes the ticket, goes to the next toilet and locks themselves in.
Finnish joke where a competition between a finn, a swede and a norwegian ends in a tie.
So a finn, a swede and a norwegian are drinking and boasting on a shore of a large lake. They decide that the way to decide who is strongest is for them to swim to the opposite shore somewhere behind the horizon and see who is the fastest.
The swede goes first but drowns after 1/3 of the way. The finn and the norwegian don't see the drowning so they decide that the norwegian shoud go next. The norwegian gets to 2/3 of the way but then, all his strenght depleted drowns like the swede. The finn waits on the shore for a while to see a sign of either of them but then decides that even though they have probably already on the opposite shore celebrating their victory he too will try to brave the distance. The finn swims and swims untill he is only 40 meters from the goal but then feeling tired and defeated, he decides that he can't do it and swims back to the start.
Some of my favorite Scandinavian UFF DA jokes
Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. "Vat in the vorld are you doing vidout any clothes, voman?" Lars asked. "Vell, I yust don't have any clothes to vear, dat's why," answered Lena. "Vat you talking about," said Lars as he opened the closet door and began counting: "Vun dress, two dress, tree dress, four dress... Oh, hello Ole... Five dress...
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An elderly Norwegian named Lars decided to March to the alter at the ripe old age of 85 with a shapely miss who was only 35. His friends cautioned him about the health hazard involved, saying that the exertion of amour could prove to be fatal. "Vell, dat's the chance I'll have to take," said Lars. "If she dies...she dies."
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The nurse told Ole to s**... to the waist. So he took off his pants.
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Lars and Lena and two other couples were being considered for membership in the Trinity Church. The minister explained that one of the requirements was for the couples to abstain from relations three weeks prior to final approval. "When you demonstrate self control, you will be welcomed to membership in Trinity Church," explained the minister.
Two of the couples indicated compliance, so the minister said, "You are now welcomed to the Church."
However, Lars and Lena admitted that on the last day of the three week period, they had succumbed after Lars became a**... when his wife Lena leaned over to pick up a spool of thread that had dropped to the floor.
"I'm extremely sorry," said the minister, "but I have to say that you now cannot be welcomed into the Trinity Church."
"Vell," said Lars, "Ve are not velcome at Sears anymore eeder.."
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Swede: When is your birthday?
Norwegian: March 21st.
Swede: What year?
Norwegian: Every year.
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Ole made a visit to the church on the corner near his home, found a priest and proceeded to make a confession. "Father, I got some tings to tell you about. I had an affair vith da vidow on Oak street last veek. And this veek I been getting togedder vith a coupla married vomen in my apartment."
"Well," said the priest, "for penance you better go home and say 40 Hail Marys."
"Oh, I ain't Cat'lick," explained Ole.
"You're not Catholic?" Exclaimed the priest. "Then, why are you telling ME?"
"Becoss," said Ole, "I'm telling EVERBODY!"
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A swede was sympathizing with a Norwegian who lost three wives in less that a year. The swede asked how they died.
"Vell, da first vun died from poisoned mushrooms," explained the Norwegian.
"And the second one?" Asked the Swede?
"Same ting...poisoned mushrooms."
"How about the last?"
"Oh her," said the Norwegian, "Fractured skull."
"How?"
"Wouldn't eat her mushrooms."
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Judge: You've been brought here for drinking.
Dane: Swell! Let's get started.