Norwegian Jokes
80 norwegian jokes and hilarious norwegian puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about norwegian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Norwegian jokes are known for being dry and often dark in nature. But they can also be really funny! Here are some of our favourites.
Funniest Norwegian Short Jokes
Short norwegian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The norwegian humour may include short viking jokes also.
- TIL: The Norwegian Navy have started to put barcodes on their ships. So they can Scan da navy in
- Every year there is a race from one side of Sweden to the other... They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line.
- I met an extroverted Norwegian the other day. The whole conversation he was staring at my shoes and not his own.
- Did you know that Popeye the Sailor Man doesn't seem strong to the Swedes and the Norwegians? He is, however, strong to the Finnish.
- Whaat do you get when you cross a Swede and a Norwegian? A socialist who wants to be king!
- I went to a Norwegian restaurant the other day... The only problem was- I couldn't a-fjord it.
- It turns out I'm Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish Apparently there's more, but I can't Finnish.
- Apparently the norwegian government pays for you to hire convicts I guess there are some pro's to hirin a con.
- If being a 23 year old Norwegian swimwear model has taught me anything It's that catfishing is surprisingly easy online
- Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book. The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
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Norwegian One Liners
Which norwegian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with norwegian? I can suggest the ones about fjord and norwegian navy.
- Who plays Han Solo in the Norwegian version of Star Wars? Harrison Fjord!
- What do you call it when a Norwegian falls down a canyon? A fjordian slip
- How many Norwegians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 7
- A Danish person will not be nostalgic about old Beatles songs. But a Norwegian wood.
- What long and hard thing does a Norwegian wife get on her wedding night? A last name
- Why did the Norwegian sell her boat? She couldn't a-fjord it!
- What kind of car do Norwegians drive? A Fjord Fjocus
- My Norwegian friend sent me a program he created... ...call that Norse code.
- Why does the Norwegians put sugar on their pillow? To have sweet dreams!
- Why do Norwegians drive Chevys? They're afraid of drowning in a Fjord.
- How did the poor Norwegian cross the water? Turns out it was afjordable.
- How old is a middle-aged Norwegian? They're in their fjorties.
- What do you call a Mexican-Norwegian saint who lives in Japan? San Sanchezsen-san
- How long did the Norwegian Sea cruise take? About fjordy minutes
- What do an Australian in disbelief and a Norwegian have in common? "Norway!"
Norwegian Swede Jokes
Here is a list of funny norwegian swede jokes and even better norwegian swede puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Norwegian History The toilet seat was invented by a Swede in Minnesota, but twenty years later a North Dakota Norwegian invented the hole in it.
- A Finn, Swede and Norwegian* guy went on an island Brejvik* shot them all.
Happy Norwegian Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about norwegian you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean danish jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make norwegian pranks.
51 Danes and 50 Norwegians were on a plane...
With no floor, and the passengers were hanging on a strap attached to the roof. The captain yelled: "The plane is too heavy! One of you have to fall to your death!" A Dane raised his hand and said: "I'll do it". Then all the Norwegians clapped their hands.
A Norwegian Love Story
Max and Arlene lived by a lake in Norway. It was early winter and the lake had frozen over.
Max asked Arlene if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to get him some beer. She asked him for some money but he told her, "Nah, just put it on our tab."
So Arlene walked across, got the beer at the general store, and walked back home across the lake. When she got home and gave Max his beer, she asked him, "Max, you always tell me not to run up the tab at the store. Why didn't you just give me some money?"
Max replied, "I wasn't sure how thick the ice was yet."
Thor Heyerdahl
Can Norwegians make a documentary about anything other than the Kon Tiki?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men and a parachute
So, a norwegian, a danish and a swedish person are on a private flight. Suddenly, the pilot turns on the speaker and says:
"The plane is malfunctioning and is going to c**.... There's three parachutes, and I'm going to take one. You're going to have to figure out who doesn't get one".
He then proceeds to jump out of the plane.
The three men panic, but the norwegian tells the others to calm down and then says to the swedish person: "Here. You take one, we'll figure out who gets the last one." And the swedish jumps.
The norwegian then turns to the danish person and says: "Let's grab the chutes and get out of this thing."
The danish says, very confused:" But you just gave the second to last parachute to that swedish guy? There's only one left now."
To which the norwegian replies: "Relax man, I gave him my backpack."
Hans the Norwegian
Hans was arrested for speeding... driving 66 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone. However, he explained to the officer,
"I saw a big sign vit 66 on it."
"That's Highway 66," the officer said disgustedly.
"Goodness sakes," replied Hans, "you should have seen me yesterday on highway 110!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman... (long joke)
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a v**... Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ghanaian, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, 2 Africans and you...
walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Foreign s**...
A man decides he wants to have a one night stand with a foreign girl. So he meets a girl they go to the bedroom. After the first round, the man says to her, You finish? The girl shakes her head, no. So they do it again. Now the man is really tired. So he says, You finish? Again, she shakes her head. So they do it again. By now, the man is exhausted. So he says to the girl, You finish? The girl answers, No, I Norwegian .
What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common?
They both get clubbed by Norwegians...
Where did the Norwegian purchase his brand new Mustang convertible?
At his local Fjord dealer.
Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.
The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are Norwegian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Norwegian p**...?
A fjord e**....
When I get Starbucks in the morning, I always ask for a Norwegian.
It's a tall blonde.
Minnesota's worst air disaster occurred earlier today...
...when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a Norwegian cemetery there early this morning.
Ole and Sven, working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Trump about Sweden
Trump: I'm sorry for your loss. We stand with Sweden at this difficult time.
Norwegian Ambassador: I'm from Oslo.
Trump: Today, we all are.
Three couples are eating breakfast in the hotel restaurant
They're early birds, and the only ones there. It's an American, an English and a Norwegian couple. The American says to his wife
"Can you send me the sugar, sugar?"
The Englishman overhears him, and, thinking he can't be any worse than an American, asks his wife
"Will you pass me the honey, honey?"
The Norwegian guy hears both of them and thinks for himself that he really has something to learn from these guys. So he turns to his wife and says
"Get me the milk, you cow!"
You know what they say about Norwegian snowmobiles?
They're built fjord tough.
Wife is looking at the catalogue of tables...
W - I don't like black finish.
M - Do you prefer black Norwegian?
A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn
A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn tried to swim from Norway to America on a dare. Ten miles from the Norwegian coast, the Swede gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. Fifty miles from the Norwegian coast, the Norwegian gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. The Finn had just caught sight of the American coast, when he sighed "I can't make it either..." and promptly swam back to Norway.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Finnish, swedish and norwegian went to bar..
Finnish, swedish and norwegian went to bar, because life s**... and alcohol is their way to escape it.
Norwegian last names seem so literal...
So why can't we take a leif out of their book?
Afternote: I know I'm wrong about the language or country or something. Can someone tell me how so?
What is Kevin Spacey's favorite Beatles song?
Norwegian Wood
Stormy Daniels looks awfully...Norwegian
Where is Norway on the map?
I can't find it, it seems there's Norwegian.
An Icelander takes a trip to Norway but is worried because he doesn't speak the language.
His friend assures him that this shouldn't be a problem: just speak very slowly and the Norwegians will understand you perfectly fine. Once in Oslo the Icelander goes to a bar and tries to order a beer in very slow Icelandic:
"I... want... a... beer."
The bartender gives him a beer. It worked! After he finishes it, he tries to order another one. Again, very slowly:
"I... want... another... beer."
The bartender gives him another beer. Amazing! After a couple more beers, the Icelander decides to try a conversation:
"I... am... from... Iceland."
The bartender replies:
"Me…… too."
What is a Norwegian Blues favourite fruit?
A Pine-Apple!
How can you spot a Norwegian extrovert?
They will look at your shoes instead of their own.
Do Norwegians have any special birthdays?
I would expect a special fjordieth.
What happens if you paint a barn red in Norway?
A pair of very angry Norwegian speaking parents.
Friend: Did you hear? Two Norwegian ships had a mid sea collision
Me: Norway!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know there's a word in Norwegian for describing the act of crying while m**...?
It's really difficult to pronounce so I can't remember the word, but it's a real tear-jerker.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It must be exhausting to have s**... with a Norwegian
They never Finnish
An couple of Swedish jokes
What does it say at the bottom of a Norwegian swimming pool?
- No smoking allowed.
Why do Norwegian motor bikers wear pyjamas hats instead of helmets?
- Because the helmet broke during the 300 metre free fall test.
Why did the Norwegian bring a car door to the desert?
- so he could roll the window down in case it gets too hot.
What does a Norwegian calculator say you if you enter 1 + 1?
- please wait...
Had a raccoon problem in my crawlspace and nothing worked to get rid of them. My neighbor told me to put lutefisk down there and that the rotting odor would keep them away....
A week later a Norwegian family moved in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Norwegian fisherman came in to a bar...
A Norwegian fisherman came in to a bar, after a couple of beers he walked up to a lady and asked; "whats up?"
The lady, obviously not interested, said; " I'm a lesbian"
"what the h**... is that?" He said.
"Well," she said; "i prefer having s**... with women and drink beer".
The man went quiet, lost in thought with a confused look in his eyes.
After a minute she had to break the silence; "so, whats up with you?"
The man looked at her; "I thought I was a fisherman, but now i wonder if I'm actually a lesbian."
The name and symbol for Bluetooth are based on a Danish-Norwegian king, dubbed 'Harald Bluetooth'
He had three wives, and four children between them. One then became his heir.
In other words, Bluetooth paired successfully
One day Ole's wife Lena died.
When Ole called the coroner he told them in a heavy norwegian accent that they lived on eucalyptus street.
The operator (unable to understand) asked if he could spell it.
Ole replied. "Ill just drag her over to "Oak"
