Norwegian Jokes

Following is our collection of Norwegian funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Norwegian jokes

Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on its ships?

So when they return to the harbor they can Scandinavian.

Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

TIL: The Norwegian Navy have started to put barcodes on their ships.

So they can Scan da navy in

Foreign Sex

A man decides he wants to have a one night stand with a foreign girl. So he meets a girl they go to the bedroom. After the first round, the man says to her, You finish? The girl shakes her head, no. So they do it again. Now the man is really tired. So he says, You finish? Again, she shakes her head. So they do it again. By now, the man is exhausted. So he says to the girl, You finish? The girl answers, No, I Norwegian .

Every year there is a race from one side of Sweden to the other...

They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line.

What happens when a Norwegian robot scans a bird?

It Scandanavian

What do you call it when a Norwegian falls down a canyon?

A fjordian slip

Three men and a parachute

So, a norwegian, a danish and a swedish person are on a private flight. Suddenly, the pilot turns on the speaker and says:
"The plane is malfunctioning and is going to crash. There's three parachutes, and I'm going to take one. You're going to have to figure out who doesn't get one".
He then proceeds to jump out of the plane.

The three men panic, but the norwegian tells the others to calm down and then says to the swedish person: "Here. You take one, we'll figure out who gets the last one." And the swedish jumps.

The norwegian then turns to the danish person and says: "Let's grab the chutes and get out of this thing."

The danish says, very confused:" But you just gave the second to last parachute to that swedish guy? There's only one left now."

To which the norwegian replies: "Relax man, I gave him my backpack."

TIL that all Norwegian military boats have barcodes on them.

So when they return to port they can Scandinavian.

A Norwegian Love Story

Max and Arlene lived by a lake in Norway. It was early winter and the lake had frozen over.

Max asked Arlene if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to get him some beer. She asked him for some money but he told her, "Nah, just put it on our tab."

So Arlene walked across, got the beer at the general store, and walked back home across the lake. When she got home and gave Max his beer, she asked him, "Max, you always tell me not to run up the tab at the store. Why didn't you just give me some money?"

Max replied, "I wasn't sure how thick the ice was yet."

Three couples are eating breakfast in the hotel restaurant

They're early birds, and the only ones there. It's an American, an English and a Norwegian couple. The American says to his wife

"Can you send me the sugar, sugar?"

The Englishman overhears him, and, thinking he can't be any worse than an American, asks his wife

"Will you pass me the honey, honey?"

The Norwegian guy hears both of them and thinks for himself that he really has something to learn from these guys. So he turns to his wife and says

"Get me the milk, you cow!"

Why are Norwegian women so hot?

The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones!

Two Norwegian scientists were operating on a frog....

They taught it to jump on command. When they said "Jump!" it leaped forwards.

They removed one rear leg and said "Jump!". The frog leaped forwards.

They removed the other rear leg and said "Jump!", but nothing seemed to happen.

After much discussion they could conclude that if you remove both rear legs from a frog, it becomes deaf.

What do you call a Norwegian prostitute?

A fjord escort.

Why does rhe Norwegian navy have barcodes on their ships

So they can scan-da-navy-in...

Hans the Norwegian

Hans was arrested for speeding... driving 66 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone. However, he explained to the officer,

"I saw a big sign vit 66 on it."

"That's Highway 66," the officer said disgustedly.

"Goodness sakes," replied Hans, "you should have seen me yesterday on highway 110!"

Why did the Norwegian navy put barcodes on their ships?

So they could scan da Navy in.

What long and hard thing does a Norwegian wife get on her wedding night?

A last name

what do you call a Norwegian call girl?

A fjord escort!

Indian bar game

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"
"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.
The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian.
So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies.
"Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Sven.
"Ok," the Norwegian said, "my father and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder. It vasn't my sister. Who vas it?"
"Search me," said Sven. "I give up, who vas it?"
The Norwegian burst out, "It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota!"

It must be exhausting to have sex with a Norwegian

They never Finnish

Why do Norwegian battleships have barcodes on them?

So when they dock they can Scandinavian.

What do you call a Norwegian hooker?

A Fjord pickup

Why did the Norwegians put barcodes on all their ships?

To Scandinavian.

Fun fact: Popeye the Sailor Man isn't actually all that strong by Danish or Norwegian standards...

... but he's strong to the Finnish!

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn tried to swim from Norway to America on a dare. Ten miles from the Norwegian coast, the Swede gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. Fifty miles from the Norwegian coast, the Norwegian gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. The Finn had just caught sight of the American coast, when he sighed "I can't make it either..." and promptly swam back to Norway.

How many Norwegians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

7

Why do Norwegians drive Chevys?

They're afraid of drowning in a Fjord.

If being a 23 year old Norwegian swimwear model has taught me anything

It's that catfishing is surprisingly easy online

It turns out I'm Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish

Apparently there's more, but I can't Finnish.

Apparently the norwegian government pays for you to hire convicts

I guess there are some pro's to hirin a con.

Norwegians like to joke about the inferior intellect of our Swedish neighbors. This is my favorite joke:

A Norwegian is sitting at the bar and enjoying a nice drink. He turns to the large muscle man sitting by his side and asks: "Do you wan't to hear a joke about the swedes?"

The man replies: "Well, buddy, before you tell that joke I'd like you to know this: I am the current Swedish heavy weight boxing champion. The guy next to me won the Swedish wrestling championship five times and the guy sitting next to him represented Sweden in the Olympic games as a weight lifter. Are you absolutely sure you wan't to tell that joke?"

The Norwegian thinks for a few seconds and replies: "Meh, Not if I have to explain the joke THREE times."

Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.

The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.

The American, Frenchman, Norwegian and the Black guy

So there is an American, Frenchman, Norwegian and a Black guy
on top of the Empire state building.

The American pulls out some dollars from his pocket and throws them off the building.

"Why did you do that?" said the others. "Because we have so much money.

So the Frenchman pulls out some wine and throw it off the building.
"Why did you do that?" said the others? "Because we have so much wine."

The norwegian looks over at the black guy.

"Dont you even dare!"

TIL: Norwegian women are so hot, because vikings only took the most beautiful women as prisoners.

Gotcha ?

Finnish joke where a competition between a finn, a swede and a norwegian ends in a tie.

So a finn, a swede and a norwegian are drinking and boasting on a shore of a large lake. They decide that the way to decide who is strongest is for them to swim to the opposite shore somewhere behind the horizon and see who is the fastest.

The swede goes first but drowns after 1/3 of the way. The finn and the norwegian don't see the drowning so they decide that the norwegian shoud go next. The norwegian gets to 2/3 of the way but then, all his strenght depleted drowns like the swede. The finn waits on the shore for a while to see a sign of either of them but then decides that even though they have probably already on the opposite shore celebrating their victory he too will try to brave the distance. The finn swims and swims untill he is only 40 meters from the goal but then feeling tired and defeated, he decides that he can't do it and swims back to the start.

Minnesota's worst air disaster occurred earlier today...

...when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a Norwegian cemetery there early this morning.

Ole and Sven, working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

How can you spot a Norwegian extrovert?

They will look at your shoes instead of their own.

How did the poor Norwegian cross the water?

Turns out it was afjordable.

Whaat do you get when you cross a Swede and a Norwegian?

A socialist who wants to be king!

How old is a middle-aged Norwegian?

They're in their fjorties.

How long did the Norwegian Sea cruise take?

About fjordy minutes

Why does the Norwegian Navy put barcodes on all their ships?

So when they get back to port they can scan-de-navy-in.

Say it aloud if you don't get it

Why do Norwegian navy ships have barcodes on the side?

So when they come in to port they can scan da navy in

Why did the Norwegian navy place barcodes on their ships?

Because when they came to port they could ScanDaNavyIn

What happens when the stupidest Norwegian moves to Sweden?

The average IQ of both countries increase.

Wife is looking at the catalogue of tables...

W - I don't like black finish.
M - Do you prefer black Norwegian?

Trump about Sweden

Trump: I'm sorry for your loss. We stand with Sweden at this difficult time.
Norwegian Ambassador: I'm from Oslo.
Trump: Today, we all are.

I went to a Norwegian restaurant the other day...

The only problem was- I couldn't a-fjord it.

Finnish, swedish and norwegian went to bar..

Finnish, swedish and norwegian went to bar, because life sucks and alcohol is their way to escape it.

What do an Australian in disbelief and a Norwegian have in common?

"Norway!"

Did you know there's a word in Norwegian for describing the act of crying while masturbating?

It's really difficult to pronounce so I can't remember the word, but it's a real tear-jerker.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes