North South Jokes
118 north south jokes and hilarious north south puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about north south that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest North South Short Jokes
Short north south jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The north south humour may include short northern southern jokes also.
- How did kim kardashian tell her kid about her upcoming divorce with Kanye? North, things between West and I have gone South.
- You guys know how the toothbrush was invented in the south? Because if it was invented in the north, it would've been called a teethbrush.
- Why can chess Bishops only more diagonally? Because north, south, east and west are Cardinal directions.
- Did you hear about the pole vault champion of North Korea? He's now the pole vault champion of South Korea.
- A South Korean asks a North Korean How's life? The North Korean responds Well, I can't complain.
- A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family. He is the seoul breadwinner
- I once took a holiday to the North Pole It was great while I was there but after that my holiday just went south.
- North Korea has finished nuking the South, and there was one man left alive. He was the Seoul survivor.
- North Korea has declared a 'cultural war' on K-pop coming in from the South. They decided the best way to counter this would be to creat their own genre of music. They have named it K-Boom.
- toothbrush origin I suspect that the toothbrush was invented in the south,if it had been invented in the north, it would have been called a teethbrush
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North South One Liners
Which north south one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with north south? I can suggest the ones about south and north.
- I want to visit north Korea one day... before everything goes south.
- Why did North Korea fight South Korea? Because North Korea has no Seoul
- Why are South Koreans better dancers than North Koreans? They've got Seoul.
- What do North Koreans lack that South Koreans do not? North Koreans have no Seoul.
- Why did the North Korean defect to South Korea? He did some seoul searching.
- On my first trip to the North Pole I realised... ... it's all going south from here.
- In South Korea, you can always find a party. In North Korea, the party always find you.
- Why is North Korea disliked by South Korea? It's because they are a Seoulless nation.
- How do you get from North Korea to South Korea? Run-DMZ
- A North Korean defector got caught at the border. But his plan went south.
- Sometimes, I feel like driving north On parkway south
- North Korea changes its time zone to match South Korea Pyong-GOOOOOOOONNNNGGGG
- Florida The further north you go the more south it gets
- What do you get when you combine north beach and south beach? Sum of beaches.
- What saying is discouraged in both the USA and North Korea? The South Will Rise Again
North South Divide Jokes
Here is a list of funny north south divide jokes and even better north south divide puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call something that divides the North and South hemispheres, is just an imaginary organizational tool, and nobody really knows when it ends? Winter.
North South Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about north south you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean deep south jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make north south pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Yankee boys were driving through the South and was stopped by a State Trooper.
The trooper walked up to the open driver’s window, reached in, and slapped the driver on the side of his head.
"What did you do that for?" the driver asked.
"I don’t know how yall do it up north but here in Alabama, you have your drivers license ready when I walk up to the car."
The trooper took the license when it was offered, walked back to his unit and then returned the license to the driver.
He then walked around to the passenger side of the car and tapped on the window.
When the passenger rolled the window down, the trooper reached in and slapped the passenger on the side of the head.
"What did you do that for?" asked the startled passenger.
"Well," responded the trooper, "I didn’t want you to be disappointed. You’ll get about two miles down the road and then say, 'I wish that r**... woulda tried that with me!'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My therapist told me a joke about two southern bells.
So two southern bells grow up in a small town in the south and when they finish high school, one moves up to the north for school and the other stays in the town and marries her high school sweet heart.
Years later, the first one comes back to town to visit her friend who happens to be quite the big shot now. The two meet at the train station and the rich woman says:
"Deeear, do you see that Cadillac?"
"Oh yes I do, it is a nice car."
"My husband bought me that car after the successful birth of our first male-born-son."
"How nice."
The two then go to the town square where they see a big statue.
"Deeear, do you see that statue?"
"Why yes, it looks an awful lot like yourself."
"Yes, my husband bought me that statue after the successful birth of our second male-born-son."
"How nice."
Finally, they arrive at the rich woman's house and see that it is a giant mansion with gardeners and everything.
"Deeear, do you see that mansion?"
"Why yes, it is very extravagant!"
"My husband bought me this mansion after the successful birth of our third male-born-son."
"How nice."
"Well what has your husband bought for you?"
"He put me through finishing school."
"Oh my, finishing school? Well what did you learn there?"
"I learned to say 'how nice' when I really mean '*f**... you*'."
Kids from around the globe were asked to write an essay...
and the teacher asked, "Please write in your own opinion about the insufficient amount of food in other countries."
But none of the could write it.
The kid from South America didn't know what 'please' was.
The Asian kid didn't know what 'your own opinion' was.
The European kid didn't know what the word 'insufficient' meant.
The Kid from Africa didn't know what 'food' was.
And the kid from North America had absolutely no clue what the heck were 'other countries'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lebron's life is like one big compass...
He went South, His hairline went North, his dad went East and his mom went Delonte West.
Two men were out camping in the mountains...
They had spent four days together and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south. Then tonight we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south.
That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"
The second friend says, "I went south and found a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we made love in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."
"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was much better than mine. Was she pretty?" "I don't know," says the second friend eating his meal, "I couldn't find her head."
That's my plan and I'm sticking to it.
This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
When the Saxons landed in England...
...they decided to split up into five groups to cover as much ground as possible.
One group headed West and Wessex was born.
A particularly lazy bunch decided to stay exactly at the meeting point and incorporate Middlesex.
Another went South to form Sussex, which is still exactly where they made it, while yet another formed Essex to the East.
Oh, nearly forgot about the very conservative pack who went North. Nobody heard from them again
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A North Irish girl lives with her grandmother...
and they find that they are running very low on money. The girl tells her grandma,
"I'm going to head off south to find work, I'll come back with money. I promise."
The girl is gone for many months, and when she returns home she has tons of money! The grandmother is overjoyed and says,
"How did you make all this money, child?"
The girl says in a hushed voice, "Well, I was a p**... grandma."
The grandmother looked enraged, "What did you say?!"
"I was a p**..., grandma! I'm sorry."
The grandmother calms down, "Oh thank God! I thought you said you were a protestant!"
Why you should live in the South
In the North they sue, in the South they shoot and removing a bullet is cheaper than a lawyer
As a Southerner, this is one of my favorite jokes...
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. They struck up a conversation, and it was found out that one man was from the North, and the other was from the South. The Southern man asks the Northern man what his diet usually consists of. The Northerner says, 'Well, the usual things really. Pizza, spaghetti, salads, eggs, etc.'
'Oh, wow that sounds great,' says the Southerner.
'Why, what do you usually eat?' asks the Northerner.
'Everything you eat, just deep-fried.'
The US Navy
Transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."
Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."
Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
Why is the north pole of a magnet red?
Because they don't have seals on the south pole
Takes a while to get, but it's worth it in the end.
North Korea is back online after internet outage. Sources say South Korea changed the wifi password.
Two Leprechauns Knock on the Door of a Convent.
The Mother Superior answers.
"Em, 'scuse me, Mother Superior," the first leprechaun says, "but you aren't after having any midget nuns in this convent?"
"Why, no little man" says she, "we have no midget nuns in this convent."
"Sure there aren't any midget nuns in the south of Ireland?"
"No, little man"
"Sure there aren't any midget nuns in the north of Ireland?"
"No, little man."
"So, yer tellin' us, Mother Superior, that in all of Ireland, there are no midget nuns?"
"Yes, as far as I know in all of Ireland, there are no midget nuns." The line of questioning becoming tiresome, the Mother Superior closes the door and goes away.
One leprechaun turns to the other and says, "Ah, well ye see, Seamus, I told you it was a penguin we fooked."
What's the difference between North Korea amd South Korea?
North Koreans have no Seoul.
Thought of this very early in the morning waiting to board a plane.
North Korea is attacking South Korea. Said no one ever.
Why did North Korea tell South Korea not to crow about the recent agreement?
Because they'd rather see them raven.
Obligatory apology: saw a headline and couldn't resist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said, It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass...
This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.
"Correct."
A third glass...
"It's a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' the drunk said calmly.
The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.
She left the room, and came back in with a glass of u**....
The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don't get the job I'll name the father."
After much discussion, it was decided that Korea would divide its capital city into two, half for North and half for South, the job of splitting the city went to some unusual ministers: Cenobites. In their first public address about their new task, they gave their mission statement:
"We'll tear your Seoul apart"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a white haired mammal from the North pole who immigrates to the South pole in search of s**... enlightenment?
A bi-polar bear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
b**... in the north are called 'Snow', but what are b**... in the south called?
"Your grace"
Why can't North Koreans hack into South Korea ?
Coz they got no internet
People say me and my SO are quite attractive couple
i know she is north pole and i am south
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All South Korea needs to do...
is drop some Samsung batteries on North Korea.
Two seismologists have divided California into North and South to be monitored for earthquakes. A deadly magnitude 9 happens right in the middle
The North seismologist says: "why didn't you see the earthquake coming?!"
The South seismologist says: "It's not my Fault!"
Ok, don't panic…
If we hold the North Pole and South Pole down simultaneously for three seconds, it'll automatically restore to factory settings.
I had an idea for a movie about the hostile takeover of South Korea by North Korea.
But it was too Seoul crushing to finish.
Whats the worst thing to say in South Korea?
The North Remembers
Why don't the north pole talk to the south pole?
Because they are not close to each other.
The difference between North Korea and South Korea isn't so black vs. white
It's more like black & white vs. color.
TIL there are two Slavic nations located on the opposite sides of the globe.
They are North and South Poles.
What's the distance between South Korea and North Korea?
One Supreme meter
The World Map has been revised; The North and South poles are where you'd expect, but...
...all the other Poles are in Britain.
Arya Stark: The North Remembers.
Theon Greyjoy: My south remembers.
Why are Korean Women's belts called the '38th Parallel'?
So that the belts could separate the mountains of the north from the dense forests of the south.
What's the first direction Siri gives Santa after taking off from the north pole?
Head South.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'll be so demoralised if North Korea decides to invade South Korea...
It'd be Seoul destroying
If north and south Korea went to war with each other...
South Korea would become a Seoul-less country
South Korea Plans 'Decaffeination Unit' to Try to Scare North's Leaders.
Only works in the mourning.
What song did Cortez sing as he neared the north western end of South America?
"It's beginning to look a lot like Isth-mus!"
Why does everyone talk about Middle East?
But not middle west, middle north, middle south?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I love the North Pole and hate the South Pole!! No, hold on, I love the South Pole and hate the North Pole!!"
A bi-polar bear...
What did the South Korean flag holder say to the North Korean holder after the ceremony?
Hey, let's grab some lunch! I bet you're starving!
Breaking News: North Korea declares war on South Korea!
Related Story: France surrenders to N. Korea!
Do you know the difference between the North and the South?
Well, in the south, when you say your cousin's coming, that has two different meanings.
Meatloaf was right, with North-South Korea ending their war, ABBA releasing a new single, and Trump reigning as president...
two out of three aint bad!
Looks like the North Korea situation has gone south...
Or not.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Anyone who claims rivers flow south to north...
Is in de-Nile
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
From north and south korea...
... I always saw north Korea as the one to destroy Germany
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge
And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"
And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"
Two people are putting together a compass
One of them says, "Okay, I got the North part here, South here, and East right here". Then the other guy says, "where's the West of it?"
I once met a member of the Catholic faith who could only face North, East, South and West...
His name was Cardinal Directions
If North Korea tries to pull anything, they say the international retaliation will turn it into free space for South Koreans to store their cars
In other words, a Park-Kim lot
Imagine if there was a military alliance consisting of China, Japan, Mongolia, North Korea and South Korea.
That would be NEATO
What do you call that weird sensation when you are suddenly teleported from North Pole to South Pole or vice versa?
Bi-polar disorder.
Which word describes someone that refuses to believe that rivers can flow from south to north?
de-Nile
"What's the difference between South Korean food and North Korean food?"
"Food Vs No Food At all"
I know a guy from North Carolina who spent 200 million on the lotto.
He said that if he doesn't win, his life savings are gonna go south.
Living in the south
when living in south Florida, where there are so many yanks and Canadians, the only way to get to the south is go NORTH.
My life was great before I traveled to the North pole
From there it all went south.
Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?
Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.
My dad is from the North, my mum is from the South.
When it came to marriage, they met in the middle.
Korean joke
The number of South Korea's boys band singers is enough to defeat North Korea's entire army.
I'm going to make 2 companies. Competing with Microsoft will be Megahard. Competing with The North Face will be The South End.
Now to make the logos...
Have you heard about the place way up North where birds stop flying North and start flying south?
It's where they make Arctic Terns.