Norris Jokes

Following is our collection of roundhouse humor and jurassic one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Norris puns for adults, dirty poachers jokes or clean constellation gags for kids.

There is an abundance of stingray jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 75 funniest jokes on norris. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any chuck norris witze you can hear about norris.

The Best jokes about Norris

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.


Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people

Then the grenade exploded.

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while

Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college?

You're the man of the house now

Chuck Norris was shot today

The bullet is in critical condition

It's a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child

Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki

Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris

Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room

The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him

So he tracked down nothing and killed it

Chuck Norris actually died 6 years ago.

...But the Grim Reaper still hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test

The machine confessed everythingο»Ώ

Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty

And killed someone in Battlefield

Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?

He played the force.

I don't believe Chuck Norris is that great

Cuz if he was, he would show up right now, and slam my head all over my keasdhjaiosdcnhq09w8hjkoldq0i9 wdhj09qw daU9 10Q9WDJ09W3Q21JD QWD

TIL: Chuck Norris died earlier this month

But the Grim Reaper hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

My Favorite,
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19.

The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.

What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?

The Three-Hole Punch...

Chuck Norris diagnosed with Covid-19

Coronavirus now in quarantine for 14 days

Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris got stabbed

The knife bled to death

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number.

You pick up the wrong phone.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris in my hometown....

...but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands.

Now they're just the Islands.

How many Push-Ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them

Chuck Norris went to Mcdonalds

and the ice cream machine was working.

Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens.

The aliens were never seen again.

Chuck Norris has a bear rug

No it's not dead it's just too scared to move

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn

He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.

Chuck Norris got bitten by a King Cobra

And after 5 agonizing days of pain.

The cobra died

Chuck Norris is a wimp...

If he were really as badass as they say he is, he would walk in here right now and start slamming my face into the keybdilfvbasjklkjcbnacnbzcjkbs; fsidfbaa3048fhsdk;ufb fba'aspfj4hn4

Some Chuck Norris Jokes

- Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.

- Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.

- When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.

- Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.

- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it without a single remark.

- Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.

- When Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy, Chuck Norris caught the bullets with his own bare hands. JFK's head exploded simply because he was so overawed.

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby.

We know them today as Nagasaki and Hiroshima.

Chuck Norris jokes

When Chuck Norris' code throws exceptions, it's across the room.

Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.

When Chuck Norris goes into a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Feel free to add more. Shamelessly stolen from the internet.

Chuck Norris has died.

He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.

Why can't Chuck Norris complete forms and applications on the internet?

Because he can't bring himself to click the "submit" button.

I gave Chuck Norris a gun, he killed 54 people.

Then I gave him some ammunition.

How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?

By shaving with them.

Jesus, Chuck Norris, and Moses decided to go fishing...

Out on the water they realized they forgot their food. Jesus says," I'm sure hungry I'm going to go get a sandwich." Stands up, walks across the water and gets a sandwich. Chuck Norris decided he was hungry too. Gets up, walks across the water and gets a sandwich. Moses thinks he hungry too, steps out of the boat, and falls in and is barely staying above water. Jesus looks at Chuck and says, " You think we should tell him about the stepping stones?"

Chuck Norris asks," what stepping stones?"

What do you get when you cross Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris?

Beat up.

How was the first giraffe made?

Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Yet another Chuck Norris joke.

Chuck Norris caught all the Pokemon using a payphone.

So there's this school play...

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.

Stallone goes first.

"I'll be Mozart"

Next up is Chuck Norris.

"I'll be Beethoven".

Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".

Post Your Chuck Norris Jokes Here

Chuck Norris got shot. We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.

Chuck Norris went to a feminist march

Came back with an ironed shirt and a sandwich

If we replace all "Chuck Norris" jokes with Kim Jung Un....

We could write the North Korean Official Website.

Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.

Because all of his genes are dominant.

Chuck Norris jokes

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris walks into a bar...

The bar says "Ow."

Jesus could walk on water




But Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.

Breaking news!

Corona Virus claims a black belt. Chuck Norris, Dead at 80.

Carlos Ray Chuck Norris, famous actor and fighter, died yesterday afternoon at his home in Northwood Hills, TX at the age of 80.

Chuck Starred in dozens of movies and Tv series which have, and continue to entertain millions of people.

He was also a master of martial arts, which was the cause of his initial fame in the movie industry.

However, after his minor inconvenience of death, Chuck has made a full recovery, and is reported to be doing quite well.

It has also been reported that the Corona virus is in self isolation for 14 days due to being exposed to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once flushed a condom

Three weeks later the ninja turtles were born

Three action movie stars are sitting in a bar

So, Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"

"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"

That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"

"And who will you be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

Chuck Norris isn't that tough...

If he was he'd come here and mash my face into my keyboarfnfjdjfhnjdfyxydbdhxhdhd

Chuck Norris wasn't perfect either,

because he was missing his weakness​es.

Chuck Norris is the world's greatest mathematician.

He knows the last digit of Pi

So I wrote some Chuck Norris jokes the other day...

The devil once sold his soul to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't speak, he thinks loudly.

New Orleans didn't flood because of a hurricane. Chuck Norris did a canon ball into the Gulf of Mexico.

Chuck Norris once punched the Tower of Pisa.

Chuck Norris doesn't fart, because nothing can escape Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris goes skydiving, the Earth uses a parachute.

When Chuck Norris takes a shower, the soap doesn't clean him. He cleans the soap.

Netflix marathons Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris stared at the sun too long, he wouldn't go blind. The sun would.

If Chuck Norris bit a vampire, the vampire would turn back into a human.

Someone gave Chuck Norris the finger.

He still has it.

Waldo once insulted chuck norris

And we all know how that's going

Chuck Norris can recite Pi


Chuck Norris came into contact with coronavirus

Coronavirus is now in 2 week quarantine

Chuck Norris jokes, anyone who knows let me hear them.

When Chuck Norris left for college he told his dad, that he is the man in charge now.

Chuck Norris was 6 years old, when his friends went to his house to get him to play around, his mom told: Chuck Norris cant come right now he is busy shaving.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are reading a script at lunch...

It's for Stallone's new movie *The Composers*, about the descendants of famous European composers joining forces to fight terrorism. Stallone says he'll play Beethoven, "My theme will be ode to joy. But get this: Joy is the name of my shotgun."

"Nice," says Norris. "I'll be Mozart, and I'll conduct a symphony of pain!"

"Sweet," says Stallone. "Well, Arnie? What about you? Who're you going to be?"

Schwarzenegger thinks about this for a long moment, nods his head and says:

"I'll be *Bach.*"

The difference between Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee?

Why does Chuck Norris have a lot of jokes but Bruce Lee doesn't?

Because Bruce Lee is no joke...

Action hero fancy dress ball...

Arnold Schwarznegger, Sly Stallone & Chuck Norris are invited to a ball where they must all go in fancy dress.

They decide to go as classical composers, so they head to the store to buy their costumes for the ball.

When in the store, Sly says: 'I'll dress as Mozart'

Chuck Says: 'I'll go as Beethoven'

Arnie says: 'I'll be Bach'

Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house

Cold and wind don't dare to come in

Bruce Willis, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all auditioning for a film about composers...

Bruce Willis says "I'll be Mozart", Chuck Norris says "I'll be Beethoven" and Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach".

Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.

people start gathering around him, asking "what happened? what happened?"

Chuck: idk, I just got here

Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea

Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has a kitten

Every night for a snack

Chuck Norris once entered an eating contest.

His total time was 45 minutes. 5 minutes to finish the contest, and 40 minutes having sex with the waitress.

Chuck Norris and Superman arm wrestled...

Loser had to wear his underwear over his pants till the rest of his life.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity


Some Chuck Norris jokes here.

Chuck Norris does not eat honey.
- He chews on bees.

Chuck Norris cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.

Chuck Norris won an award today

Kanye West sat politely in his seat.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes