Norris Jokes

187 norris jokes and hilarious norris puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about norris that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Read the funniest Norris jokes out there and have a good laugh! Enjoy quips about Norris's famous uppercut, roundhouse kick and the Stoat. Learn more about the Norris Nuts and why Chuck Norris is such a legend.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Norris Short Jokes

Short norris jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The norris humour may include short poachers jokes also.

  1. Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today... And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
  2. Chuck Norris coronavirus joke Chuck Norris doesn't get Corona Virus.
    Coronavirus gets Chuck Norris.
  3. What's the best Chuck Norris joke you've ever heard? My personal favorite is: chuck norris was once bitten by a cobra snake. After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died
  4. Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 men. It exploded and killed 20 more. Then he threw the pin and killed 10 more men.
  5. Chuck Norris caught COVID-19 and the prognosis is not good. Anyone wanting to say goodbye to the virus should visit the hospital tonight.
  6. Chuck Norris Chuck Norris doesn't wear shoe to protect his feet from the ground...

    He wears them to protect the ground from his feet
  7. Chuck Norris actually died four years ago Death just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.
  8. What's your favourite Chuck Norris joke? Let's start with one of my favs:
    "Chuck Norris' password is the last 9 digits of pi."
  9. What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college? You're the man of the house now
  10. Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

Share These Norris Jokes With Friends

Norris One Liners

Which norris one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with norris? I can suggest the ones about chuck norris beard and constellation.

  1. What did Chuck Norris do when his parachute failed to open? Brought it back for a refund.
  2. Once, Chuck Norris reached a point of no return…. …..and returned.
  3. Chuck Norris killed 50 enemy combatants with a grenade Then the grenade exploded.
  4. Chuck Norris called 911 And asked if they needed help.
  5. Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people Then the grenade exploded.
  6. Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed twenty people. Then it exploded.
  7. Chuck Norris was shot today The bullet is in critical condition
  8. Chuck Norris killed 5 people with a sword Then 20 more without the sheath
  9. Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars... he played The Force
  10. If Chuck Norris hadn't existed... Chuck Norris would have invented him.
  11. Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday The virus is quarantined for two weeks
  12. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin And giraffes were born
  13. Chuck Norris had a nightmare The nightmare ran into its moms room crying
  14. When Chuck Norris updates Windows ...Microsoft accepts his terms and conditions
  15. Chuck Norris's Daughter Lost her Virginity... He got it back.

Chuck Norris Jokes

Here is a list of funny chuck norris jokes and even better chuck norris puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • They were going to name a street after Chuck Norris… Then they realized nobody can cross Chuck Norris and live.
  • Chuck Norris got ambushed by terrorists with a $5,000,000 ransom If the money wasn't paid within 24 hours, the terrorists would be beheaded
  • It's a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki
  • Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.
  • Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
  • What is the difference between Chuck Norris and John Wick? Chuck Norris gets his revenge before you even think about killing his dog.
  • Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him So he tracked down nothing and killed it
  • Chuck Norris actually died 6 years ago. ...But the Grim Reaper still hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him.
  • Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test The machine confessed everything
  • Chuck Norris can recite the entirety of pi. Backwards.

Chuck Norris Roundhouse Jokes

Here is a list of funny chuck norris roundhouse jokes and even better chuck norris roundhouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Chuck Norris has proven Newton's third law of physics, there is no force equal to a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kick the ocean. That's why we have tides now.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't need a theme song because, you won't hear anything once your roundhouse kicked in the face.
  • What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in? A roundhouse.
  • Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people.
    They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't run out of patience, patience runs out of him from fear of a roundhouse kick to the face.
  • Chuck Norris got a new pair of shoes Roundhouse kicks
  • People say that time heals all wounds.
    They obviously never got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris
  • With just two toothpicks, a lightbulb, and his RoundHouse Kick, Chuck Norris can override the Pentagon's computer system.
  • Chuck Norris never actually roundhouse kicks anyone, the world just spins underneath him when he lifts his legs.
Norris joke

Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick Jokes

Here is a list of funny chuck norris roundhouse kick jokes and even better chuck norris roundhouse kick puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
  • The creation of a perfect sphere became possible after Chuck Norris became enraged with a rubix cube and roundhouse kicked the corners off it.
  • Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.
    Nobody would survive anyway.
  • If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, even Google won't be able to find you.
  • Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary.
    The definition of each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
  • It is better to give than to receive.
    This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
  • My Prediction for the Mayweather Mcgregor fight.
    It becomes a Handicap Match against Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris ends it with a single roundhouse kick before the bell stops ringing.
  • It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.
  • He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword.
    He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
  • When Chuck Norris was a kid he saw a fat chick, he roundhouse kicked her so hard she transformed.
    She is now known as Britney Spears.

Chuck Norris Beard Jokes

Here is a list of funny chuck norris beard jokes and even better chuck norris beard puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Chuck Norris They wanted to add Chuck Norris' face to Mount Rushmore, but the granite is not hard enough for his beard.
  • There were plans to have Chuck Norris's face on Mt. Rushmore Unfortunately, the plans had to be scrapped because the granite was too soft to make his beard.
  • A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
  • Why does Chuck Norris have a beard?
    A better question is what will he do to you if you ask him?
  • Each hair on Chuck Norris' beard holds the soul of a victim.
  • Chuck Norris' beard can shave a razor.
  • Chuck Norris' beard has it's own Social Security number.
  • Chuck Norris sends his beard clippings to the police.
    They are used as bullet proof vests.
  • They wanted to add Chuck Norris's face to Mount Rushmore, but the granite is not hard enough for his beard.
  • Chuck Norris' beard can etch a sketch a picture of chuck killing a man.
    When the last line is drawn, that man dies!

Norris Nuts Jokes

Here is a list of funny norris nuts jokes and even better norris nuts puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Freds voice is high because Chuck Norris kicked him in the nuts.
Norris joke

Hilarious Fun Norris Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about norris you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean meteor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make norris pranks.

Someone gave Chuck Norris the finger.

He still has it.

Chuck Norris is a wimp...

If he were really as badass as they say he is, he would walk in here right now and start slamming my face into the keybdilfvbasjklkjcbnacnbzcjkbs; fsidfbaa3048fhsdk;ufb fba'aspfj4hn4

Chuck Norris walks into a bar...

The bar says "Ow."

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number.

You pick up the wrong phone.

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

My Favorite,
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once flushed a c**...

Three weeks later the ninja turtles were born

Chuck Norris jokes

When Chuck Norris' code throws exceptions, it's across the room.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.
When Chuck Norris goes into a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Feel free to add more. Shamelessly stolen from the internet.

So there's this school play...

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.
Stallone goes first.
"I'll be Mozart"
Next up is Chuck Norris.
"I'll be Beethoven".
Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".

What do you get when you cross bruce lee and Chuck Norris?

Beat up.

Yet another Chuck Norris joke.

Chuck Norris caught all the Pokemon using a payphone.

Chuck Norris got stabbed

The knife bled to death

Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Why can't Chuck Norris complete forms and applications on the internet?

Because he can't bring himself to click the "submit" button.

If we replace all "Chuck Norris" jokes with Kim Jung Un....

We could write the North Korean Official Website.

Chuck Norris jokes

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has died.

He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.

Jesus could walk on water

But Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.

Chuck Norris wasn't perfect either,

because he was missing his weakness​es.

Chuck Norris went to Mcdonalds

and the ice cream machine was working.

Chuck Norris got bitten by a King Cobra

And after 5 agonizing days of pain.
The cobra died

How many Push-Ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them

I don't believe Chuck Norris is that great

Cuz if he was, he would show up right now, and slam my head all over my keasdhjaiosdcnhq09w8hjkoldq0i9 wdhj09qw daU9 10Q9WDJ09W3Q21JD QWD

Post Your Chuck Norris Jokes Here

Chuck Norris got shot. We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.

Chuck Norris can recite Pi


Chuck Norris visited the v**... Islands.

Now they're just the Islands.

I gave Chuck Norris a gun, he killed 54 people.

Then I gave him some ammunition.

TIL: Chuck Norris died earlier this month

But the Grim Reaper hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris in my hometown....

...but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

How was the first giraffe made?

Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn

He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.

Waldo once insulted chuck norris

And we all know how that's going

Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty

And killed someone in Battlefield

Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens.

The aliens were never seen again.

Chuck Norris isn't that tough...

If he was he'd come here and mash my face into my keyboarfnfjdjfhnjdfyxydbdhxhdhd

Chuck Norris went to a feminist march

Came back with an ironed shirt and a sandwich

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby.

We know them today as Nagasaki and Hiroshima.

Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19.

The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.

What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?

The Three-Hole Punch...

Chuck Norris came into contact with coronavirus

Coronavirus is now in 2 week quarantine

Chuck Norris diagnosed with Covid-19

Coronavirus now in quarantine for 14 days

How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?

By shaving with them.

Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.

Because all of his genes are dominant.

Chuck Norris has a bear rug

No it's not dead it's just too scared to move

Chuck Norris is the world's greatest mathematician.

He knows the last digit of Pi

Chuck Norris caught COVID.

But then he felt bad, so he let it go.

Chuck Norris Joke

A priest, Jesus and Chuck Norris are on a sinking boat. Jesus starts to walk back to land. Chuck Norris does the same. The priest says "Lord, please let me walk on water", tries to walk but drowns. When Jesus and Chuck Norris got on land Jesus asked him "Shouldn't we have told him where the stones are"? And Chuck answered "Which stones"

Chuck Norris once visited Virginia

Now it's called just "ia"

Why did Chuck Norris cross the Road?

Well, the road wasn't going to cross Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups ...

He does Earth downs.

Why doesn't Chuck Norris tell jokes?

His punch lines are deadly.

Chuck Norris was signing an autograph for a little boy

Chuck Norris was signing an autograph for a little boy.
"How old are you little boy?"
"I'm 5 years old"
Chuck Norris said, "When I was your age I was 7."

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"
"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"
That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"
"And who will you be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach."

Chuck Norris doesn't turn the water on for his shower...

He stares at it until it cries.

Most common Last words before death

1. throw me that grenade, i know how to deal with it.
2. it's 100% safe!
3. green is always grounding.
4. turn left, I know it there.
5. I slept with your sister.
6. it's ok, dogs loves me.
7. oh, they changed color of my pills.
8. Somebody forgot his suitcase.
9. let's have one beer
10. Chuck Norris doesn't exis...

Chuck Norris and Superman had a fight

The loser had to wear their underpants on the outside

Chuck Norris and Superman once had an arm wrestling contest

Loser has to wear his underwear above his pants.

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on Christmas Day.

It wasn't his actual birthday, but he wasn't going to tell Chuck Norris that.

Did you know Chuck Norris has a Grizzly Bear rug in his home?

The bear is not dead it is just too scared to move

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight

The loser had to wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life

Before Chuck Norris goes sleep, he checks under his bed for Volodymyr Zelensky.

Tornadoes don't exist, Volodymyr Zelensky just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris jokes but instead of Chuck Norris it's Volodymyr Zelensky.

At what age did Chuck Norris lose his virginity?

Trick question, Chick Norris never loses!

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

**Chuck Norris is so tough he counted to infinity. Twice.**

Why are there no bridges named after Chuck Norris?

Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris walked into a feminist convention

Walked out with a sandwich and his shirt ironed.

Chuck Norris has f**... only once in his life.

It was during a vacation to the Sahara forest.

Do you know why there are so many Chuck Norris jokes but not many Bruce Lee ones?

Because Bruce Lee is no joke.

Norris joke, Do you know why there are so many Chuck Norris jokes but not many Bruce Lee ones?

jokes about norris