Norris Jokes
184 norris jokes and hilarious norris puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about norris that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Read the funniest Norris jokes out there and have a good laugh! Enjoy quips about Norris's famous uppercut, roundhouse kick and the Stoat. Learn more about the Norris Nuts and why Chuck Norris is such a legend.
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Funniest Norris Short Jokes
Short norris jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The norris humour may include short poachers jokes also.
- Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today... And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
- Chuck Norris coronavirus joke Chuck Norris doesn't get Corona Virus.
Coronavirus gets Chuck Norris. - What's the best Chuck Norris joke you've ever heard? My personal favorite is: chuck norris was once bitten by a cobra snake. After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died
- Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 men. It exploded and killed 20 more. Then he threw the pin and killed 10 more men.
- Chuck Norris caught COVID-19 and the prognosis is not good. Anyone wanting to say goodbye to the virus should visit the hospital tonight.
(Cr - Chuck Norris Chuck Norris doesn't wear shoe to protect his feet from the ground...
He wears them to protect the ground from his feet - Chuck Norris actually died four years ago Death just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.
- What's your favourite Chuck Norris joke? Let's start with one of my favs:
"Chuck Norris' password is the last 9 digits of pi." - What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college? You're the man of the house now
- They were going to name a street after Chuck Norris… Then they realized nobody can cross Chuck Norris and live.
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Norris One Liners
Which norris one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with norris? I can suggest the ones about chuck norris beard and constellation.
- What did Chuck Norris do when his parachute failed to open? Brought it back for a refund.
- Once, Chuck Norris reached a point of no return…. …..and returned.
- Chuck Norris killed 50 enemy combatants with a grenade Then the grenade exploded.
- Chuck Norris called 911 And asked if they needed help.
- Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people Then the grenade exploded.
- Chuck Norris was shot today The bullet is in critical condition
- Chuck Norris killed 5 people with a sword Then 20 more without the sheath
- Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars... he played The Force
- If Chuck Norris hadn't existed... Chuck Norris would have invented him.
- Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday The virus is quarantined for two weeks
- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin And giraffes were born
- Chuck Norris had a nightmare The nightmare ran into its moms room crying
- When Chuck Norris updates Windows ...Microsoft accepts his terms and conditions
- Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test The machine confessed everything
- Chuck Norris can recite the entirety of pi. Backwards.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Here is a list of funny chuck norris jokes and even better chuck norris puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki
- Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.
- Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
- Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him So he tracked down nothing and killed it
- Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number You answered the wrong phone
- Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty And killed someone in Battlefield
- Why are there no bridge named after Chuck Norris? Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
- What is your best Chuck Norris joke(I'll start) Chuck Norris doesn't pay attention, attention pays Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris had cancer The cancer died from Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris was born… The doctor said Congratulations! You have two healthy parents.
Chuck Norris Roundhouse Jokes
Here is a list of funny chuck norris roundhouse jokes and even better chuck norris roundhouse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chuck Norris has proven Newton's third law of physics, there is no force equal to a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kick the ocean. That's why we have tides now.
- What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in? A roundhouse.
- Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people.
They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum. - Chuck Norris doesn't run out of patience, patience runs out of him from fear of a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris got a new pair of shoes Roundhouse kicks
- With just two toothpicks, a lightbulb, and his RoundHouse Kick, Chuck Norris can override the Pentagon's computer system.
- Chuck Norris never actually roundhouse kicks anyone, the world just spins underneath him when he lifts his legs.
- The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
- The creation of a perfect sphere became possible after Chuck Norris became enraged with a rubix cube and roundhouse kicked the corners off it.
Chuck Norris Beard Jokes
Here is a list of funny chuck norris beard jokes and even better chuck norris beard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chuck Norris They wanted to add Chuck Norris' face to Mount Rushmore, but the granite is not hard enough for his beard.
- A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
- Each hair on Chuck Norris' beard holds the soul of a victim.
- Chuck Norris' beard can shave a razor.
- Chuck Norris' beard has it's own Social Security number.
- Chuck Norris sends his beard clippings to the police.
They are used as bullet proof vests. - 30 lumberjacks once tried to cut off Chuck Norris's beard...
They were never seen again. - "With great power comes a great beard!"
- Chuck Norris. - Chuck Norris' beard has a tattoo.
- According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.
Chuck Norris Born Jokes
Here is a list of funny chuck norris born jokes and even better chuck norris born puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but. - The Grimm Reaper lost his job the day Chuck Norris was born.
- When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
- Did you know that Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin? That he built.
- Chuck Norris was born feet first.
It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth. - July 4th is Independence day.
And the day Chuck Norris was born.
Coincidence? I think not. - Evolution ended the day Chuck Norris was born.
- Chuck Norris dropped an apple once, and gravity was born.
- Do you know why babys cry when they are born?
Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it. - All men are born equal.
Chuck Norris was just born more equal than everyone else.
Hilarious Fun Norris Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about norris you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean meteor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make norris pranks.
Someone gave Chuck Norris the finger.
He still has it.
What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?
My Favorite,
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris once flushed a c**...
Three weeks later the ninja turtles were born
Chuck Norris jokes
When Chuck Norris' code throws exceptions, it's across the room.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.
When Chuck Norris goes into a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Feel free to add more. Shamelessly stolen from the internet.
So there's this school play...
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.
Stallone goes first.
"I'll be Mozart"
Next up is Chuck Norris.
"I'll be Beethoven".
Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".
What do you get when you cross bruce lee and Chuck Norris?
Beat up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while
Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.
Yet another Chuck Norris joke.
Chuck Norris caught all the Pokemon using a payphone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris got stabbed
The knife bled to death
Why can't Chuck Norris complete forms and applications on the internet?
Because he can't bring himself to click the "submit" button.
If we replace all "Chuck Norris" jokes with Kim Jung Un....
We could write the North Korean Official Website.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity
Twice!
Chuck Norris, the actor, film producer and screenwriter died in his house today at 76 years of age
He is now feeling much better and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance
2016 has done the impossible
It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.
"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris has a kitten
Every night for a snack
Jesus could walk on water
.
.
.
But Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris once entered an eating contest.
His total time was 45 minutes. 5 minutes to finish the contest, and 40 minutes having s**... with the waitress.
Chuck Norris wasn't perfect either,
because he was missing his weaknesses.
Chuck Norris went to Mcdonalds
and the ice cream machine was working.
Chuck Norris got bitten by a King Cobra
And after 5 agonizing days of pain.
The cobra died
How many Push-Ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't believe Chuck Norris is that great
Cuz if he was, he would show up right now, and slam my head all over my keasdhjaiosdcnhq09w8hjkoldq0i9 wdhj09qw daU9 10Q9WDJ09W3Q21JD QWD
Post Your Chuck Norris Jokes Here
Chuck Norris got shot. We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.
Chuck Norris and Superman arm wrestled...
Loser had to wear his underwear over his pants till the rest of his life.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "what happened? what happened?"
Chuck: idk, I just got here
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris visited the v**... Islands.
Now they're just the Islands.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I gave Chuck Norris a gun, he killed 54 people.
Then I gave him some ammunition.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris
And we all know how that's going
Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens.
The aliens were never seen again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris isn't that tough...
If he was he'd come here and mash my face into my keyboarfnfjdjfhnjdfyxydbdhxhdhd
Some Chuck Norris jokes here.
Chuck Norris does not eat honey.
- He chews on bees.
Chuck Norris cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare to come in
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch...
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris is the world's greatest mathematician.
He knows the last digit of Pi
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris Joke
A priest, Jesus and Chuck Norris are on a sinking boat. Jesus starts to walk back to land. Chuck Norris does the same. The priest says "Lord, please let me walk on water", tries to walk but drowns. When Jesus and Chuck Norris got on land Jesus asked him "Shouldn't we have told him where the stones are"? And Chuck answered "Which stones"
Chuck Norris once visited Virginia
Now it's called just "ia"
Why did Chuck Norris cross the Road?
Well, the road wasn't going to cross Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups ...
He does Earth downs.
The last time Chuck Norris surfed the internet...
...he finished it.
Why doesn't Chuck Norris tell jokes?
His punch lines are deadly.
Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.
These are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
What every athlete says after winning: "First of all, I'd like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."
Chuck can eat Chinese food with one chopstick.
Chuck threw a few rocks into the Pacific Ocean. These are now known as Hawaii.
Chuck can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass..................at night.
When Chuck is in Rome, they do what HE does.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one questions why.
What did Chuck Norris say after calling 911?
What's your emergency?
Chuck Norris was signing an autograph for a little boy
Chuck Norris was signing an autograph for a little boy.
"How old are you little boy?"
"I'm 5 years old"
Chuck Norris said, "When I was your age I was 7."
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."
Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"
"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"
That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"
"And who will you be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach."
Chuck Norris doesn't turn the water on for his shower...
He stares at it until it cries.
To this day I still tell Chuck Norris jokes.
He's a good friend of mine and enjoys a good joke.
Most common Last words before death
1. throw me that grenade, i know how to deal with it.
2. it's 100% safe!
3. green is always grounding.
4. turn left, I know it there.
5. I slept with your sister.
6. it's ok, dogs loves me.
7. oh, they changed color of my pills.
8. Somebody forgot his suitcase.
9. let's have one beer
10. Chuck Norris doesn't exis...
Chuck Norris and Superman once had an arm wrestling contest
Loser has to wear his underwear above his pants.
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on Christmas Day.
It wasn't his actual birthday, but he wasn't going to tell Chuck Norris that.
Why doesn't Chuck Norris go on dates?
Nobody can take him out.
Before Chuck Norris goes sleep, he checks under his bed for Volodymyr Zelensky.
Tornadoes don't exist, Volodymyr Zelensky just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris jokes but instead of Chuck Norris it's Volodymyr Zelensky.
Norris: I can defeat any chess champion in three moves or less.
Boris: You know Chess?
Norris: No, Judo
When Chuck Norris tells a dad joke, no one groans
But they die laughing.
(Any other CN dad jokes?)
At what age did Chuck Norris lose his virginity?
Trick question, Chick Norris never loses!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?
**Chuck Norris is so tough he counted to infinity. Twice.**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris walked into a feminist convention
Walked out with a sandwich and his shirt ironed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris has f**... only once in his life.
It was during a vacation to the Sahara forest.
Do you know why there are so many Chuck Norris jokes but not many Bruce Lee ones?
Because Bruce Lee is no joke.
When Chuck Norris went to his first driving lesson
He got in the car and said Ok. This is lesson number 1.
